Palliative Chemotherapy - your thoughts?

Gundy

I apologize to anyone/everyone who claims I am insensitive and gave inaccurate information. That, of course, was not my intent.

My statement was based on some fact and yes, attitude while facing an adverse situation. I worked with many cancer families (not the patients) and conversed with the Doctors in my hospital career.

It is different for each and every one who is afflicted with this disease. No two cases are alike.

I am a cancer survivor myself. Right in the middle of my work tenure. I had staff working with me who survived much more serious cancers - pancreatic, brain cancers. I learned how much awareness, vigilance and attitude played into treatment, recovery.

God bless all those who are currently living through this.

Gundy thankyou for your response. You are right that it is different for each and everyone and no two cases are alike. And that is why it is so important to support people in the way that is right for them with THEIR case and with THEIR preferences and ways of coping. Generalised "be positive" and what comes over as a negativity about someone "weeping and wailing* does not feel a helpful way forward.

I am so glad that you survived your cancer, as did I. It has made me very aware of the need to individualise support for other sufferers and their families and not box them into my own approach or my own preferences or generalised observations. Volunteering in a hospice has enabled me to observe just how many and different ways people cope, all valid for them

I am confused i was a palliative care some thirty years ag now called end of life care which is a way of helping the person have the most comfortable end of life journey of palliative chemo doesnt seem to fit i wouldnt recommend it personally after my own family experiences with chemo although there are some medications that are called chemo which arent actually chemo which are infused regularly my dad has these and has done so for a couple of years and manages well with bowel cancer

Iam64 thank you for the flowers and the response to Gundy. I lost count of the times people said, with reference to my daughter, a positive attitude helps and be strong. My reply was always no amount of positive thinking will destroy a brain tumour. She was determined to try everything but nothing worked.

Gundy I am glad you have survived cancer. But for many cancer is a death sentence it depends on the type of cancer you have and the grade . So not all cancers are survivalable. Also it depends how quickly the cancer is found . I know several people who died within a few weeks of their cancer diagnosis. My own husband was given 5 years to live he lived 3. He had palliative chemo but it didn't help he died in agony unable to breath on full oxygen at home with me and our children. I had to tell him to stop fighting we would be ok. He died few minutes later.
My own mom just had end of life care she lived with me her last 18 months and she also had dementia. I looked after her myself giving her what treatment she needed. I am not medically trained but was shown what to do.
This is my own personal experience of cancer.

I apologize to anyone/everyone who claims I am insensitive and gave inaccurate information. That, of course, was not my intent.

My statement was based on some fact and yes, attitude while facing an adverse situation. I worked with many cancer families (not the patients) and conversed with the Doctors in my hospital career.

It is different for each and every one who is afflicted with this disease. No two cases are alike.

I am a cancer survivor myself. Right in the middle of my work tenure. I had staff working with me who survived much more serious cancers - pancreatic, brain cancers. I learned how much awareness, vigilance and attitude played into treatment, recovery.

God bless all those who are currently living through this.

Iam64

SusieAcres palliative care does not mean the disease can be controlled. I don’t mean to be combative in saying this. I know from painful experience that it means the disease is not curable but attempts will be made to stop the growths increasing, or in some cases shrink them.
The consultants are up to date with research and committed to doing the best they can for their patients. This doesn’t mean they can be sure what happens nexr

Exactly what my BinLaw was told back in June, he has had 3 months of Chemo, during which time he was so ill that he wanted to stop but he continued.
He had a Pet scan last week, looks and feels well, hopefully the disease has been slowed down if not halted altogether. They are thinking of offering him Immunotherapy depending on the results of his scan.
We have all our fingers crossed.

My late husband had it - because he wanted to die in hospital. At the time, no treatment meant going home. Any few extra days he lived because of it - weren't worth having - just more days of suffering.

Gundy

karmalady Having cancer today is no longer a death sentence. Please try and tell your weeping/wailing neighbor to be strong going in for treatment. Besides - having a good attitude about it is half the battle won. Of course, the way you have described the situation, I’m wondering what kind of prognosis they’ve been given. It’s a sad story, how people putting themselves under undue stress may hasten the inevitable.

Unfortunately, men (older men!) don’t like to go to see a Dr if something ails them. He may have waited too long. Cautionary tale for anyone who suspects something is not right.
Go to the Doctor!
USA Gundy

Gundy I believe you mean well but as Iam64 says your comments feel insensitive; generalised and inaccurate

As someone who has survived cancer I feel lucky but I assure you it was not about a "battle" or an attitude/being strong/not weeping &wailing that got we through!!

Weeping: Oh yes I did that. Entirely human; a way to cope with a frightening diagnosis; a natural response to such a shock!! NOT a failure!!!!

A battle: well not really as every cancer is different; stages; types; locations in body. Some have no symptoms; suddenly start; very advanced; nothing available to bring about remission! No battle to fight except to gain acceptance of reality for yourself and your loved ones.
Other cancers may have a better chance of remission with treatment...but that's not half a battle won! It's about the nature of the cancer; the body of the patient and much more. Keeping a calm and possibly optimistic mindset might be helpful but its NOT half a battle; it's just a way of coping!

People (not just "older men"!) cope differently to fear. They can be encouraged to face their fear but it is their fear and it is human. It's not a failing. It's just a huge and sometimes overwhelming fear!

It is not right to criticise how people cope with such news and face such challenges; we are all different

And then those close to someone who has cancer. They face fear too; trying to get it right; trying to support; listening not lecturing; accepting the persons decisions which can be hugely scary. What they usually know WON'T help is telling the person to "be strong!" That's just one more expectation for that person; alongside their likely desire to please the person telling them; to reduce their loved ones stress

I hope that I have explained the above clearly enough. Please think on before making such statements as you did

Gundy, your statement that ‘having cancer today is no longer a death sentence’ is both inaccurate and insensitive.

A number of posters have been bereaved when a loved one died soon after diagnosis. You are also putting blame on ‘older men’ who you say delay seeing a doctor. Insensitive, unkind and inaccurate as many of us know from painful, personal experience.

I think the question in this thread is about whether palliative cancer treatment in the case of pancreatic cancer, which has a very short prognosis currently in most cases, will help or hinder the OPs friend.
If it is being offered then she is probably in contact with her oncologist. All cases are so different as seen in the replies. Some treatments will extend life but at what cost if the final weeks or months are distressing and the end result is the same.
It is a horrible situation to be in and I hope OP's friend makes the right decision for her.

karmalady Having cancer today is no longer a death sentence. Please try and tell your weeping/wailing neighbor to be strong going in for treatment. Besides - having a good attitude about it is half the battle won. Of course, the way you have described the situation, I’m wondering what kind of prognosis they’ve been given. It’s a sad story, how people putting themselves under undue stress may hasten the inevitable.

Unfortunately, men (older men!) don’t like to go to see a Dr if something ails them. He may have waited too long. Cautionary tale for anyone who suspects something is not right.
Go to the Doctor!
USA Gundy

Thank yu Ali, I am glad my private apology was kindly accepted.

We all make mistakes, FP. And your was kindly made.

my neighbour is so scared, scared to die and scared of the palliative chemo. I wish that his nearest and dearest could find the strength to be his rock, to talk quietly to him, to calm him and bring him peace, instead there is weeping and wailing and stress and fear and there will be no slipping away, quietly

Apology to RM sent privately.

Gymstagran 💖

Thank you Madgran77. She was 48 and had already undergone more than 3 years of treatment chemotherapies, radiotherapies and operations.

My DH was diagnosed with aggressive metastatic cancer in his early 60’s. He had always been very fit and well so it was both heartbreaking & shocking to hear he had incurable cancer.
He was offered palliative chemo and coped well without too many side effects, mainly fatigue for a few days and an awful metallic taste but everyone reacts differently. The objective was to shrink the tumour and ease pain and it was very successful in doing this, particularly the first round. In between treatments we just carried on and tried to enjoy life. Chemo shrunk the tumour and kept the cancer at bay for nearly three years but eventually it began to grow & spread further so all treatments other than pain relief were withdrawn, DH was keen to throw everything at the cancer and the treatment meant he got to spend precious time with me and our lovely family & friends. We got to celebrate our Ruby wedding together and he got to meet & know our youngest GD which without the palliative chemo he may not have been able to do. I know the side effects can be harsh but treatments have improved and anti sickness drugs and steroids help. From the start the consultant made it clear that the chemo would not cure the cancer but would help improve quality of life and could buy extra time which it did. One of the hardest things is the anticipatory grief you feel, I realise I was suffering badly with this now but at the time you carry on and try not to think too much about the inevitable because you just hope you will have much longer together.
Every person and their cancer story is different and with the advice of their Oncologist they have to make their own choices regarding surgery, chemo, radiotherapy etc. Wishing all those in a similar situation the best.

Gymstagran that was so hard for all of you. I'm so sorry. 🌺

My daughter had palliative care for breast cancer that had metatisised to her brain and spine. However, due to her decision that she wanted extra time with her young daughters rather than quality of life she was treated aggressively with one new drug after another and more radiotherapy. None of which helped or worked but resulted in increasing her suffering in the last 3 weeks of her life. As others have said it was her decision but it was heartbreaking to see.

Iam64

SusieAcres palliative care does not mean the disease can be controlled. I don’t mean to be combative in saying this. I know from painful experience that it means the disease is not curable but attempts will be made to stop the growths increasing, or in some cases shrink them.
The consultants are up to date with research and committed to doing the best they can for their patients. This doesn’t mean they can be sure what happens nexr

Good clear explanation Iam64

Not IF I made a mistake @ FleurPepper, - that I got it completely wrong.
Read think, then post in future please.

SusieAcres palliative care does not mean the disease can be controlled. I don’t mean to be combative in saying this. I know from painful experience that it means the disease is not curable but attempts will be made to stop the growths increasing, or in some cases shrink them.
The consultants are up to date with research and committed to doing the best they can for their patients. This doesn’t mean they can be sure what happens nexr

Thank you FP - I had written of my HoD - which you as a retired teacher must know as Head of Department.

I do apologise sincerely if I made a mistake in his cause of death. You did mention pancreatic cancer, right after I mentionned that my very best friend died of the condition only months after diagnosis.

I am very sorry you had to lose him after many years illness, I just can't imagine.

GSM - as you may be aware, my experience in this field is also linked to being a member of several organisations fighting for the right to die with dignity, where the refusal of more and more unpleasant treatment in end of life is very common.