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Health

The right to choose to die

(96 Posts)
Franbern Mon 27-Nov-23 18:53:01

I just feel so very angry, it is very, very silly that someone who can never make any sort of improvement in their condition, who is stuck in a bed unable even to get a drink for themselves, of move any part of their body, who wants, in their own repeated words, ‘to bring this to an end’ can only be ‘made comfortable’.
Yes, Hospice staff are lovely, sympathetic and caring, but it is still a hospital. Most of the time he is asleep, when he does open his eyes, just for few minutes, he can hardly talk, may take a few sips of some water and then falls asleep again. How long can this go on, days? Weeks??? Who knows????
How very stupid and wrong is the law in UK that doesn’t allow anyone to choose to ask medics to bring about that final sleep. Suicide is not a crime, and if someone is able they can take their own life, but when someone is, completely disabled and totally reliant on others, they do not have that choice.
Horrible way to end ones life, horrible for them horrible for their families, frightening for those of us who are old and know it is going to be our turn fairly soon.

HelterSkelter1 Sun 10-Dec-23 04:56:08

Diana Rigg's daughter has issued a recording her mother made shortly before she died where she talks about her cancer and the right to die.

I think The Observer is the paper printing it today.

Iam64 Sat 09-Dec-23 08:09:11

Adrisco, sincere condolences. I understand you feel in shock, even though your husband’s death was expected. Be gentle with yourself x

Whiff Sat 09-Dec-23 07:24:18

adrisco go to the beavrement forum . And read some of the threads . You are not alone . It's been nearly 20 years since my husband died time helps you cope. But for me the grief has gotten worse as the years go by.
I would say talk out loud to your husband everyday it helps I promise. Don't hold your grief in I did that and hurt myself move but I was 45 and thought I had to be brave for everyone else. I was a fool.

Cry ,scream ,shout hit a pillow whatever makes you feel better do it. When the rage and anger hits use it . It's still gets me through each day without my husband.

I had to tell me husband to stop fighting as he couldn't breath on full oxygen and in agony I said we would be ok. He died few minutes later. But there is never an ok . Just take it a day at a time. First few weeks lots of things to sort out. Then a wait until the funeral . Then another wait with legal things.

Make sure you eat and drink. You may find you loss weight even though you are eating I call this grief weight loss. I put the 2 st I lost on but my mom never put back on the 3 st she lost after my dad died.

Sorry for your loss and yours Franbern .

Bonnybanko I hope you have put your tree up as you would have done with your husband. I know it's hard. Christmas was my husband's favourite time of the year. His last Christmas in 2003 we talked about his funeral and it was the last full meal he eat. He died 4 days after his 47th birthday 2004 as at Christmas he said he wanted to make it to then. So I promised I would get him there. We always knew he wouldn't live 5 years when he had his diagnosis of grade 4 malignant melanoma in January 2001.

Grief like love never dies this is my experience. But over time you learn to cope. But we are lucky to have loved and loved in return some people live their whole lives and never find the other half of themselves. The only person in whole who knows the real you and us them. Loving someone comes at a cost. But I gladly paid it we had 29 years together married 22. I was 16 he was 18 when we started courting.

Bonnybanko Sat 09-Dec-23 02:40:31

Mind you I prayed to God to take my husband when he was suffering dreadfully from cancer which was throughout his body and I’m pleased he’s no longer in pain. I’m trying to live without him after 53 years of being married I can only thank God for the wonderful life we had together.. Please think kindly of me this first Christmas without him.

Bonnybanko Sat 09-Dec-23 02:34:37

Franbern it’s so difficult to understand your situation and unless you’re going through it how can you understand? I so feel for some people’s situation. When I first had the stroke I was asked on the same day by the consultant did I want a DNR and of course I said yes but a year later I wanted to live so I rescinded the DNR and I believe it might be against the law to ask such a question now when one is so debilitated, All to their own, huge sympathies and love to people suffering dreadfully ❤️ sorry I don’t have the answer.

LauraNorderr Sat 09-Dec-23 02:18:03

Franbern flowers
Adrisco flowers

SueDonim Sat 09-Dec-23 00:23:40

I am so sorry, Adrisco. Such sadness. flowers

dustyangel Fri 08-Dec-23 23:50:46

Franbern and Adrisco. I’m so sorry but also relieved for you both. flowers

cornergran Fri 08-Dec-23 23:38:51

I’m so sorry franbern and adrisco. Go gently both of you.

silverlining48 Fri 08-Dec-23 15:56:43

Franbern and Adrisco flowers

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 08-Dec-23 15:34:56

I’m so very sorry, and the only consolation is that his suffering is over. You will be in shock even though you knew this would happen. One day at a time. I hope you have support from family and friends. I will continue to remember you in my prayers.

adrisco Fri 08-Dec-23 15:26:26

After 3 weeks in hospital and 3 days in a nursing home, my husband passed away in the early hours of this morning. His death was expected and I'm glad he's no longer suffering, but I'm in shock. Can't think about how to carry on without him.

Margiknot Thu 07-Dec-23 15:08:10

Thinking of you too Franbern,

SueDonim Thu 07-Dec-23 12:38:46

Thinking of you in your loss, Franbern. flowers

Iam64 Wed 06-Dec-23 08:04:33

Thank you for telling us about his death Franbern. Do take care of yourself x

nanna8 Wed 06-Dec-23 06:25:19

Some doctors here do do it but for obvious reason’s don’t draw attention to it. I have come across this personally. It is a very difficult thing and so,so sad but the patients do die with some dignity.

Doodledog Wed 06-Dec-23 06:17:17

My thoughts are with you. Franbern. Please look after yourself now? You have been through the mill, too. flowers

maddyone Wed 06-Dec-23 00:12:47

He is at peace now Franbern. flowers

V3ra Wed 06-Dec-23 00:04:37

Gentle thoughts to all the family Franbern xx

Luckygirl3 Tue 05-Dec-23 22:17:47

I am so relieved that he is now at peace and all the family have been freed from this dreadful burden of watching him suffer. I am sorry that he had to die in that way.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 05-Dec-23 22:05:39

I’m so sorry Fran, but at the same time glad that the suffering is over. Thank you for telling us.

Franbern Tue 05-Dec-23 21:34:39

And to bring this to a close. FInally, today, my ex hubbie, died.

He went into the Hospice 15 days ago. His expectation then was that he wuold die within two to three days. Last Saturday family was alerted that it could happen that day, but he hung on for four more days.

There is only relief, that is finally over for him, and the famiy. It is just horrible and cruel and it really is time for this law to be change

Many thanks for all the kind messages on here.

Deedaa Sat 02-Dec-23 22:10:45

We were really very lucky with DH. He had been in hospital for a week. waiting for an operation that was going to make him more comfortable, but he had almost stopped eating and was asleep most of the time. When his consultant told me that the latest blood tests had shown a mutation that was not only fatal, but fatal very quickly, my main worry was what would happen. The consultant told me that he had already signed off the DNR because he wanted him left in peace, He said "I can't cure him but I can look after him" and that is what he did. DH was asleep all the time now but everyone who came in the room spoke to him and they all took the greatest care of him for his last week.

Huia Sat 02-Dec-23 21:47:35

yggdrasil

Get a tattoo that says DNR

Paramedics will disregard a tattoo. They will not take on that responsibility and possible legal ramifications. They do not know how long ago you wanted not to be resuscitated-you might have changed your mind and your family could cause trouble. Much safer for them to ignore it.

Witzend Sat 02-Dec-23 18:32:44

Doodledog

Franbern

I wuld NEVER impose voluntary euthanasia on anyone who felt it was against any religious, etc faith they may hold., Just do not understand why they can impose their ideas on me and mine.

That's exactly my view, Franbern.

Me too.