Black Dog 20

Morning all early visit today. Just getting GS sorted for school before I start my day properly. House is a mess so I’m going for it this morning then visiting family this afternoon before MiL comes for tea, school run in between! Thank you for all your positive comments on my pending retirement. I’m up and down and seem to be worse when I’m actually there for some reason. I do like the social contact with others but I think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. There are lots of things I want to do and don’t have time for so hopefully that will fill the gap.
Sweetpeasue I’m sorry you are feeling low at the moment and that, together with all the pain you experience plus worrying about your husband, must be hard to cope with. You do well under the circumstances. I do think that feeling of emptiness is down to the depression. I had it myself and absolutely hated it. I think an increase in meds may help. I increased mine when it started to creep back. I don’t know which one you are on, I’m on Sertraline and increased from 50 mg to 75 and still take that. I wouldn’t have any qualms about increasing again if I felt I needed to but I do it slowly. I hope you get a decision from psychiatrist soon so you can move on. I hope you’re pain has eased too and DH is doing ok.
HVDY yes, I think alcohol does affect our emotions. I’m the same, not always but sometimes get overwhelmed. I still drink it though as it’s my treat. I too have a much older brother (14 years) and another 8 years older than me. They both have their struggles at the moment and I’m supporting them as much as I can. Hope everything else is ok with you.
Nadaterturbe so nice you had a good day, it must have done you the world of good. Hope you have been ok afterwards.
Doodle so sorry but I think I missed you out the other day. I’m sorry you are unwell. You too have so much to cope with at the moment and we’re all thinking about you. Don’t worry about not posting, pop in when you can. Sending you much ❤️.
Nanny2507 a difficult time for you. I hope you get your car back soon. Is there a scooter you can hire in the meantime? We have a local charity that does it, you have to pay but much cheaper. Hope it all gets sorted very soon.
Scaredycat hope everything ok with you.
Love to everyone else, sorry if I’ve missed anyone. Hope everyone has a good day. About to bundle my little munchkin in the car for school. Love him so much. Special love to Wyllow xx

And good night from me xx

Goodnight to everyone xx

Doodle As Nadateturbe- don't worry about posting. Save all your strength for yourself and DH. You could have picked this infection up in hospital. Drink plenty of fluids and anti-inflammatories may help. Do reach out to son or a neighbour if you need to. You've been so strong throughout all of this. Wish there was something I could say. Big hug and rest as much as possible. X
Nanny2507 Of all the rotten luck. You don't sound well at all and I hope you can take sick leave if necessary. I didn't know you had mobility scooter. That's dreadful you having to pay so much for taxis but the walking must be so painful for you. Really hope your car is ready tomorrow. The taxi firm is so expensive- hope they're not taking advantage of your situation.
Nadateturbe Thankyou and you are a help. The wedding is my son's, end of May. Its good of you to pray for me. I appreciate it. Take care of yourself.

Night to all.x

Nanny2507 is there no way yo get your mobility scooter? Or is the garage too far away. The taxis seem very expensive for such a short journey. I don't know what causes your pain, I've missed that, but it must be difficult. I hope you get your car soon. I'm sure they will fix it ASAP, they won't want to keep it longer than necessary.
Sweetpeasue what wedding? sorry have forgotten.

Sweetpeasue sorry you're having such a bad time too. Do call the MH team if you need help. I think even if you have friends it's hard to talk to them. I only talk to my husband or a counsellor. Can you do something to distract you from thinking? Sorry, I'm not much help, but I do sympathise. Giving you a big hug and sending love and prayers. xx.

Doodle don't worry about posting. You're having such a dreadful time. And your poor husband too. Rest and look after yourself. Have you someone near to help? I take ginger tea for nausea. But you can get pills too if its severe. Sending love and prayers.xx

Hello all. Not sure what to say really. Very tired at the moment. Had a nightmare few days. Car broke down and got transporter to the garage. They have had it 3 days so far. Meant to fix it today but didn't. They have my mobility scooter in the boot and a bouncer I bought for the baby. I'm paying £10 for each 1.5 mile taxi to work. And as I'm having to walk my pain is epic. I walked from staff car park to building on Monday. A "normal " person can do the walk in 2-3 minutes it took me 20 minutes!! Rant over

Sorry all. I do want to be with you but feeling nauseous and typing doesn’t help. Chest infection and fatigue just what I need. DH is coping but not well either.
I will try and be back soon promise. Love to you all 💕

Sorry for short post tonight. Been in bed most of day . Spent whole of night completely awake worrying about wedding and other stuff. Took double dose of oramorph to settle me to absolutely no result. Whole body was itching and couldn't settle mind at all. Just wanted to shut the world out today and not think. Feeling slightly better at present but if I continue can call someone at MH centre.
HVDY I'd have no one to talk to if didn't have MH workers as am so isolated (mostly own doing though especially last few yrs) My ADs are sorted by Psychiatrist. The ageing process doesn't seem a steady thing but seems to happen in spurts ,I think due to various stressful times. We do worry about our DHs health too don't we.
Nadateturbe Glad you've enjoyed such a rewarding experience with other like minded friends. It was most likely worth it to miss the afternoon art class. Makes a difference when our GC contact doesn't it-how special. Thankyou for caring. Yes I probably need higher dose ADs.
Doodle Thinking of you and hoping you and DH are OK.
Wyllow Hope you have some brighter moments in the darker times. Special hug.x

Love to all BDs and hope you've all had a reasonable day. X

Ho

I've had a lovely morning and lunch at an exhibition of a famous Irish artist. Then lunch. With four art friends. Best day I've had in ages. The others have gone to art class, but I didn't want to risk overdoing it.

Hope everyone is OK.x

Night night - thinking of you all, BD's.

I'm sorry you're feeling like that Sweetpeasue. Mental and physical health are most definitely linked. And getting older doesn't help. As Luckygirl said on another thread, it stinks!
It's understandable too with all you are having to cope with, and maybe feeling like you have no control. I hope the psychiatrist can help you with that, and perhaps more ADs might help. You're bound to be depressed by your health problems and worrying about your husband's. At least his BP seems OK which is good to know. I hope he gets help soon with his head pain.
And your husband too HVDY. Such a long wait.
You've had a lovely time Candy. Nice to visit your son too. I think people are all different. Only one of my children would say I love you. But we know they do. I think some people go OTT on Facebook.
I'm hoping to get a good sleep. I've arranged to go to an exhibition in the Ulster Museum tomorrow, starts at 10am. Five of us. Honestly, arranging who's collecting who,where, when. You'd think we were organising an expedition. Fingers crossed I make it.
Grandson did a videocall to thank me for birthday present and money. I think he managed very well to do that, as we don't see each other much. Only once a year. Sad. I can't travel much.
Just finished watching Ancient Egypt. Fascinating series, if anyone needs something to watch.

Doodle thinking of you both.
EllieAnne Wyllow3 Whiff Nanny2507 Allsorts Scaredycat and anyone else reading, thinking of you all.
Hope tonight is peaceful for everyone xx

It sounds as though you perhaps need a stronger dose of ADs. Surely your GP would be the one to prescribe it? I found/find that talking about my mental health seems to make it much worse. I don't want to go over everything or analyse it all (with a stranger). At least your husband's BP readings are good at the moment. Yes, the aging process certainly has come all at once, somehow. I had a couple of vodkas earlier, then came over all maudlin when I looked at photos of when I was fit and less fat, only 5 years ago. Mental health definitely plays a big part in it all. I console myself when I think I've got a 76 year old brother (12 yrs older than me).

HVDY Thankyou for replying. It's an emptiness. An aloneness. Yes I suppose a nothingness. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this. I did tell the psychologist to ask Psychiatrist about upping the ADs. He said I would get a call about it. I've talked to him about my feeling of being alienated from others as I'm scared of not being able to set boundaries and feel I can't be myself.
I'm sure I'm not talking any sense . I just find people seem to 'take me over' .
I am worried about DH. He's on lots of med for BP and he's taking readings for surgery which so far are quite good.
Your DH has waited so long to be seen about his thyroid-isnt it dreadful . I hope he gets good treatment next week and something can be done.
This getting older seems to come so fast. I really think mental health plays havoc with our physical health doesn't it.

SweetpeaSue The "emptiness" you say you feel - is it a numbness, a feeling of nothing? Depression causes that flat, numb, nothingness. What does your Psychologist say about it? I'm not surprised you're worried about your husband. Nothing seems to be happening for him, about his bad heads. I worry about my husband, too - still waiting to be seen by someone about his thyroid (it's next week but he first went to the GP 14 months ago! How is your husband's BP now?

I had Psychology appt this morning which is going well but I'm finding it difficult to shake off my inner emptiness.
I think I need to up the ADs which he is going to mention to Dr.
I really feel like everything is pointless and I know I shouldn't feel like that. Had pain this afternoon so took pain killers. Also worried about DH. I know so many people have much worse stuff and I'm actually better than I was. Just don't understand why I feel so empty.
Hope no one minds me saying this.

How is everyone? I hope you're OK Doodle We are all thinking of you and willing you both strength to keep going.
EllieAnne Been thinking of you too today and hope you are coping and have some friends to talk with at times.

Candy I'm sure that was a hard decision to make but I'm sure you will be relieved not to have to face days of going into work if the management has made it so stressful. As others have said you'll have more time to do the things you really want to do and you deserve that. I'm really glad for you and aswell as the natural cautious feelings you have I think you must be quite excited too. Good for you. You'll be OK.

Candy I'm sure you'll enjoy retirement and as Scaredycat said you will eventually wonder how you found time for work. I do wonder how folk are bored when they retire unless of course you are ill
I wish you lots of happy years of doing what you choose.

Candy- Well done making that decision. I think you will be fine and will probably wonder how you ever managed to fit your job in!!! The good weather will soon be here and you can make more use of your Caravan and maybe do some of the things you have always wanted to and not had the time for. Wishing you joy in this next phase of your life.
Doodle- hope you and DH are safely home again and that soon DH will be strong enough for his Op. Thinking of youxx
Wyllow- hope you have some moments of light todayxx

Candy6 Well done on your decision to finish work. You seem to lead a busy life, with your family, caravan, swimming, etc., so I think you'll be fine.

Thank you Candy and all, and loving wishes back xx

Wow! News indeed Candy. Well done on making the decision. Talk tomorrow.
Goodnight everyone I hope it is a peaceful one for you. xx

Evening all
Nadaterturbe I’m back home now. Went away for a week then went to see my son. It was lovely. I hope you’ve got your photos all sorted.
Doodle I hope your husband is feeling better. It must have been so disappointing for you. It’s not something you want to go through but you gear yourself up for these things and just want to get them over and done with. Fingers crossed he gets his op soon.
HVDY sounds like you had a nice day yesterday. It’s nice to feel loved and appreciated.hope you enjoyed your dinner when you finally got it. I like to eat a bit later anyway but I don’t think it’s that good for you digestion wise.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry you felt low yesterday. My children aren’t that demonstrative either. I see all these loving messages for others on Facebook etc. but mine arejust not like that. I know they love me but I must admit I do get envious of others who get them. I sometimes think I’m too sensitive but I can’t help it. I hope you feel better today.
Sweetpeasue no need to feel silly. You’re not. It’s only natural and I’d have been exactly the same. You got there in the end that’s the main thing.
Scaredycat glad you had a nice day with your daughter. Special times.

I have an announcement to make! I’ve resigned from my job! I’d been thinking about it for a while and then I had my birthday (63) and thought “what am I doing?”. I initially took it to help with my MH but it’s not a nice job, the management isn’t nice and I’m exhausted. I am having mixed feelings though as I’m worried I will cope ok. I don’t want to go back to those horrible empty feelings I used to get. To try and be positive though, I am coping better since I’ve been on the ADs so I hope they will help me as I enter this next chapter 🤞. Wishing everyone a restful night, apologies if I’ve missed anyone and special ❤️ To Wyllow xx

Oh sorry I see his head pain didn't last too long. That's good.x