How to keep track of elderly parent who lives alone

Just thought of t when my Dad had an alarm on a cord. The alarm came through to me. Several times it went off in the night and I would dash to his house ( luckily only just up the road) and find him blissfully asleep. He had forgotten to take the alarm from around his neck and had rolled on it in his sleep.

There's a wealth of information being offered for which I'm (and probably others) thankful. If an OP doesn't comment it doesn't mean they haven't taken note. Commenting that an OP hasn't commented is far more irritating than an OP not commenting 🤣

OldFrill

Google "dementia trackers"

I think "I want to be a 'helicopter daughter" was a clue Vito, but it is of interest to many.

Sorry - no idea why thecqote cam up.

Vito

Another one who hasnt come back on a thread she started 🙄

Only put it up last night ??

ixion

Has your mother actually agreed to this surveillance?

Not yet - it's not really surveillance I want - more reassurance - I've seen something connected to a kettle plus - so I am aware when she is up in the morning - I've been in touch with gateway to care for advice also

Tenko

Hi, my mum is 88 and also frail with poor mobility . She has an alarm button on a chain around her neck. She lives in a retirement apartment and they organise it. Also in her flat she presses a button every morning to let the manager know she’s ok.
In her previous house , she had an alarm which was from age uk .
As for something attached to a plug , I’ve not heard of anything like that. Is it a tracker device like you’d use on a dog ?

yes I have - they can only offer the cord around the neck gadget - which she would no be keen on

OldFrill

There's a wealth of information being offered for which I'm (and probably others) thankful. If an OP doesn't comment it doesn't mean they haven't taken note. Commenting that an OP hasn't commented is far more irritating than an OP not commenting 🤣

again - I only posted this last night - 10th Jan - I have been at work it's now 11th Jan .... this is the first chance I have had to come back to this tread

Notsoold27

There are watches which detect movement including a fall. No need to press anything

thank you - I will look into this

biglouis

*If you choose to be her key holder or someone else is nominated they must be available 24 hours a day and to be able to get to your mother quickly*

I refused to do this for a neighbour a couple of months ago. Its too much responsibility.

Your poor MIL - this is what I want to avoid happening to her - hope she's ok

DaisyAnneReturns

You are probably best with a standard care system. The button around her neck that Tenko mentions would be connected to the operator, usually through the phone system. The phone has a speaker.

If your mother presses it, they will speak to her through the system to find out what the problem is. If she is not able to answer, they will call the emergency services and let you know. They would want an up-to-date copy of your mother's medical conditions and medication. If she lives in a building with a code entry, they will need that too for any of the emergency services should they be needed.

They will also need a key to her accessible door. If you choose to be her key holder or someone else is nominated they must be available 24 hours a day and to be able to get to your mother quickly. All in all, I would recommend a key safe rather than a nominated key holder. If this is chosen, the service provider will also need the code for the key safe.

To keep in touch with you, your mother could have an Echo Show. I believe you could set it up so she can say, "Alexa, send a message to bobble to say I am up and having my breakfast". There is also a drop-in facility between devices (you would also need one for this). If your mother gives permission, you can do just that. Your mother may not want that at the moment, but you can send a phone message asking if you could "drop in on Alexa for a chat". Then, if things deteriorate, she may be happy for you to look in and see if she is okay.

I think a Care Line system is more of a priority, but it all needs her agreement.

thank you - the echo show looks like a good possibility for me - I really appreciate your thoughtful response

Jaxjacky

You could get a home monitoring camera, it seems rather intrusive to me and should be with your mothers agreement.

No - but thanks - that really is too intrusive

thanks for all your your comments - well the constructive ones anyway....

ginny

My MIL calls us each morning when she is up and each evening when she is in bed. Just 3 rings , we don’t answer. We do speak to her at other times😀.

If she hasn’t rung by the allotted times, we call her. Luckily she is in the routine of doing this and has only forgotten a couple of times.

My 99 year old mother-in-law does similar - she has suddenly discovered how to text so has started texting at about 10am to say she is up and done in the bathroom. She texts "All OK" which is good as we were concerned about her and previously had called her in the morning. Now this is easy once she is finished showering and dressing etc - activities where she could easily tumble.

She does it again in the evening when she's finished with the oven and is undressed etc - so that's usually between 9 and 10pm. She may not actually be in bed.

The messages come to my husband's mobile and he texts back "good" or similar so she knows we have it.

At least on the days we don't see her we have two points of contact.
It works for us but has been initiated by her.

She would not wear a buzzer/call button. She has said so in no uncertain terms!

biglouis

Does she have broadband/wifi? You can get a rechargeable camera for about £40. You can put in a part of her home she has to pass - say the hall - in order to get to other rooms or the front door. Then you can see that she is up and about without infringing her pricvacy. Most people go to the door at least once a day to see if there is any mail. It will open an app on your mobile device or send a signal when she passes it. I have a similar arrangement with a relative who had a stroke and lay on the floor for 2 days before anyone found them.

thank you - yes she has wi-fi - this is a possibility

We're elderly with one daughter who is a worrier. She emails early and late (I think it's a setting on her laptop) we respond upon waking and going to bed. Her sisters find her daft - no, just different to them.

You can usually get a watch style alarm instead of wearing it round your neck.

It is night-time that is the problem.

My Dad has the red button alarm. I bought him a smart watch strap for it so he can wear it on his wrist.
He wears it in bed at night.
I've put a little sticker on it that says, "Press for Help."

vegansrock

The alarm button is all very well but the elderly person has got to be wearing it. My MiL lay on her bathroom floor for 12 hours as she’d got up to go to the loo without bothering to take the alarm.

My mum took her alarm off in bed it alerted the emergencies when she rolled over. Ask your mum's Social worker if she has one, they can or could refer you to people who can set up the tracker system. Also, we had a special phone for the hard of hearing.

biglouis

*If you choose to be her key holder or someone else is nominated they must be available 24 hours a day and to be able to get to your mother quickly*

I refused to do this for a neighbour a couple of months ago. Its too much responsibility.

It is a responsibility for sure.
Where my mum lives ((90 years old, on her own in private flat) the alarm company gave the option of having a key in a keysafe. They have the code and so can get in if necessary.

I just put a search on the web…..this is one of a couple that came up

The thought of someone keeping track of me or watching me in my home makes me shudder.

Just ensure she keeps her mobile phone near her and you could make a friendly phone call each morning if you're worried about her.
Eg
"Morning Mum, are you up yet?"
"No love, I'm having a lie in, you woke me up!"

Yes, Callistemon21 I think lots of us wouldn't like a camera wherever it was located.

I'm and 'elderly parent' 83, but not the mother of any of the posters here - I assure you. Thanks for the reminder: I've left my alarm pendant on my dressing table! I would take it very badly if there was a camera recording my activities, but I've now examined every corner of the flat and there appears to be no form of monitoring. I have an Echo Show but haven't used it for the suggested purpose - I'll bear that in mind. I'm a late owl and apt to sleep late in the morning so wouldn't be happy to be woken up early. As it is, DS1 arrives most days on his way home from work. I'm a lucky 'elderly parent'.

How are people going to cope when landlines are gone? I have just agreed a new contract with plusnet, without landline, I had to say I understood that a personal alarm would not work

My mother had both a button round her neck and the wrist alarm that alerts after a fall. With both the firm responds by trying to talk to the person. . The receivers were in the hall and the lounge. She could never hear them as she was usually on the floor in the kitchen or bedroom and so we were called out at any time of day and night. I’m not saying they weren’t useful because they were but I just want to point out how the system works. In the last weeks of her life we were called out 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night every week.