How to keep track of elderly parent who lives alone

You need an alarm system with a button that hangs around her neck or install a special application in her phone, which after some time of inactivity dials the numbers you enter - your number, number of friends, ambulance. And a video camera can only be installed with her consent, and I think would constrain her freedom.

Disabled family member has a Samsung watch with a fall detector, and 3 emergency numbers who are contacted if they have a fall. Apple watches I believe have similar attributes.

I would hate cameras watching me. I have only just read this thread. And would the OP like someone watching her every move. Or having some sort of tracker on her. If you are so worried about your mom then you have 2 options she lives with you or you put her into a home.

I had my mom live with the last 18 months of her life . She didn't want to but I pointed out I wasn't well enough to keep being called out by her all hours of the day and night as I had been since my dad died in 2007 along with looking after my mother in law.

I digress here the button round your neck is a good idea if used correctly. My mother in law wanted one so sorted that out for her at the time it cost £12 a month. The problem was she remembered to wear it but didn't like to wear her hearing aids in the house and if she leant against some thing and set it off even though the box was full volume she couldn't hear the person asking if she needed help . Hence I got call out day and night but she refused to wear her hearing aids because of wearing the batteries out. She had private hearing aids and had to buy the batteries herself. But she was rich and could afford them but didn't want to.
My mother in law died in 2015 aged 91.

My mom had cancer and dementia it wasn't easy looking after her on my own but it was what I wanted . I couldn't put my mom in a home because I knew I could look after her better than any home even when she became violent I couldn't do . I am proud of the fact my mom didn't have a sore on her body. I made sure of that. Mom died 2017 aged 90.

When I moved to a bungalow I had it altered to make it safe for me as I was born disabled . Made the gardens safe as well. And have had my mobile phone with me always on 24/7 and have since my husband died in 2004.

My daughter lives 10 mins away but I am very independent and intend to stay that way for long time yet.

There are all kind of devices available that can help. I went to look around the showroom of an organisation that sells mobility aids/ home adaptions etc. it was a real eye opener to what's on the market. See if you can find one nearby and pay it a visit.

I am the same age as the OP's Mum. Have one daughter who lives less than a quarter of a mile away and also works very nearby.
I live alone, independently, go to a lot of groups, but if I did not attend these it would be a couple of weeks before any alarm bells would ring. Have always been concerned about being taken ill, or unconscious (or worse) and nobody finding me for several days.

Do not want cameras in my home, but each morning justr before I eat my brekkie I send that daughter a message just saying - if she does not get this by 9 am (occasionally I do forget), then she will telephone me and if I did not answer would come straight round (she has keys).

As I have got older and more infirm, then we considered the different options in the event of a fall, etc at home. I have a key safe outside my front door, do not like those bracelet or necklet alarm calls. However have Alexa and it can hear me from anywhere in my flat, including the balcony and that can be told either to telephone my daughter or son-on-law and to call an ambulance. Once purchased has no monthly payment, etc involved and no third party to go through.

Noooo

DaisyAnneReturns

A lot of people hate the pendant type button Oreo I wish they were more like a lanyard. Quite a few areas of "care" need updating.

Callistemon21 I think you must be on the younger side. I have found that, as I have watched friends and relations grow older with more issues and challenges, you begin to be prepared trade one bit of independence for another. Many people would do anything possible to stay at home. The most important thing is that it must be their choice.

Can I just add that getting older can be fun

No, I'm on the old side, DaisyAnneReturns
Well, depending on where the line between younger and older is of course.

Can I just add that getting older can be fun
Do I want anyone watching me having fun? 😃

Oreo

Callistemon21

The thought of someone keeping track of me or watching me in my home makes me shudder.

Just ensure she keeps her mobile phone near her and you could make a friendly phone call each morning if you're worried about her.
Eg
"Morning Mum, are you up yet?"
"No love, I'm having a lie in, you woke me up!"

‘Every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be watching you’ got that song in my head now.

By The Stalkers

A lot of people hate the pendant type button Oreo I wish they were more like a lanyard. Quite a few areas of "care" need updating.

Callistemon21 I think you must be on the younger side. I have found that, as I have watched friends and relations grow older with more issues and challenges, you begin to be prepared trade one bit of independence for another. Many people would do anything possible to stay at home. The most important thing is that it must be their choice.

Can I just add that getting older can be fun

My Mum lives on her own but so far is healthy and fit but am aware that she won’t always be.There are good ideas on the thread like watches and lanyards with gadgets that would give relatives and parent alike peace of mind. Older people have fallen in the garden and died it has to be remembered.

Callistemon21

The thought of someone keeping track of me or watching me in my home makes me shudder.

Just ensure she keeps her mobile phone near her and you could make a friendly phone call each morning if you're worried about her.
Eg
"Morning Mum, are you up yet?"
"No love, I'm having a lie in, you woke me up!"

‘Every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be watching you’ got that song in my head now.

My mother had both a button round her neck and the wrist alarm that alerts after a fall. With both the firm responds by trying to talk to the person. . The receivers were in the hall and the lounge. She could never hear them as she was usually on the floor in the kitchen or bedroom and so we were called out at any time of day and night. I’m not saying they weren’t useful because they were but I just want to point out how the system works. In the last weeks of her life we were called out 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night every week.

How are people going to cope when landlines are gone? I have just agreed a new contract with plusnet, without landline, I had to say I understood that a personal alarm would not work

I'm and 'elderly parent' 83, but not the mother of any of the posters here - I assure you. Thanks for the reminder: I've left my alarm pendant on my dressing table! I would take it very badly if there was a camera recording my activities, but I've now examined every corner of the flat and there appears to be no form of monitoring. I have an Echo Show but haven't used it for the suggested purpose - I'll bear that in mind. I'm a late owl and apt to sleep late in the morning so wouldn't be happy to be woken up early. As it is, DS1 arrives most days on his way home from work. I'm a lucky 'elderly parent'.

Yes, Callistemon21 I think lots of us wouldn't like a camera wherever it was located.

The thought of someone keeping track of me or watching me in my home makes me shudder.

Just ensure she keeps her mobile phone near her and you could make a friendly phone call each morning if you're worried about her.
Eg
"Morning Mum, are you up yet?"
"No love, I'm having a lie in, you woke me up!"

I just put a search on the web…..this is one of a couple that came up

biglouis

*If you choose to be her key holder or someone else is nominated they must be available 24 hours a day and to be able to get to your mother quickly*

I refused to do this for a neighbour a couple of months ago. Its too much responsibility.

It is a responsibility for sure.
Where my mum lives ((90 years old, on her own in private flat) the alarm company gave the option of having a key in a keysafe. They have the code and so can get in if necessary.

vegansrock

The alarm button is all very well but the elderly person has got to be wearing it. My MiL lay on her bathroom floor for 12 hours as she’d got up to go to the loo without bothering to take the alarm.

My mum took her alarm off in bed it alerted the emergencies when she rolled over. Ask your mum's Social worker if she has one, they can or could refer you to people who can set up the tracker system. Also, we had a special phone for the hard of hearing.

You can usually get a watch style alarm instead of wearing it round your neck.

It is night-time that is the problem.

My Dad has the red button alarm. I bought him a smart watch strap for it so he can wear it on his wrist.
He wears it in bed at night.
I've put a little sticker on it that says, "Press for Help."

We're elderly with one daughter who is a worrier. She emails early and late (I think it's a setting on her laptop) we respond upon waking and going to bed. Her sisters find her daft - no, just different to them.

biglouis

Does she have broadband/wifi? You can get a rechargeable camera for about £40. You can put in a part of her home she has to pass - say the hall - in order to get to other rooms or the front door. Then you can see that she is up and about without infringing her pricvacy. Most people go to the door at least once a day to see if there is any mail. It will open an app on your mobile device or send a signal when she passes it. I have a similar arrangement with a relative who had a stroke and lay on the floor for 2 days before anyone found them.

thank you - yes she has wi-fi - this is a possibility

ginny

My MIL calls us each morning when she is up and each evening when she is in bed. Just 3 rings , we don’t answer. We do speak to her at other times😀.

If she hasn’t rung by the allotted times, we call her. Luckily she is in the routine of doing this and has only forgotten a couple of times.

My 99 year old mother-in-law does similar - she has suddenly discovered how to text so has started texting at about 10am to say she is up and done in the bathroom. She texts "All OK" which is good as we were concerned about her and previously had called her in the morning. Now this is easy once she is finished showering and dressing etc - activities where she could easily tumble.

She does it again in the evening when she's finished with the oven and is undressed etc - so that's usually between 9 and 10pm. She may not actually be in bed.

The messages come to my husband's mobile and he texts back "good" or similar so she knows we have it.

At least on the days we don't see her we have two points of contact.
It works for us but has been initiated by her.

She would not wear a buzzer/call button. She has said so in no uncertain terms!

thanks for all your your comments - well the constructive ones anyway....

Jaxjacky

You could get a home monitoring camera, it seems rather intrusive to me and should be with your mothers agreement.

No - but thanks - that really is too intrusive