Menopause, the new big subject.

Sarnia

My Mum just gone on with it and I followed suit. I daresay some women suffer more than others but it is a natural process of being female. Perhaps it's my age (76) but I feel the stoicism of generations past isn't present in many of today's young people.

Oh, I was stoic about it, believe me. I never took a single day off work, not a single person knew what I was going through. But it was in those long sleepless nights, in the wee small hours, that things looked so dark and the anxiety and depression took over. As I said, had it not been for eventually going to the doctor and admitting how I felt, I may well not have been here now. Just because someone is stoic on the outside, you don't know how they are feeling inside.

I am not sure I had, or needed a single day off during the menopause. However, throughout my working life I probably had at least a week a year off (in individual days) with migraine.

Yes, peri menopause can and often does go on for ten years, but during that time I had very little time off due to the migraines I suffered, and quite frankly, if suffering a migraine that’s making you vomit and unable to even walk properly, then that is illness and time off is justified. However that doesn’t mean I think women should have time off for every hot flush.

Perimenopause can go on for ten years, small businesses are not going to employ women knowing they can have unlimited time off during this time.

I occasionally took time off for menopausal migraines, I was sent home from work a couple of times and I think I may have taken the next day as I was still unfit. Normally the migraine came on during the day and got worse through the day. I could sometimes ward it off by using the medication my doctor gave me for migraines, but sometimes the medication wouldn’t work and it would get worse through the day and by evening I’d be really ill with it.
That’s as far as I can remember.
A colleague once said to me after she witnessed me vomiting in the loos that she didn’t know migraine could make you so ill. She was very sympathetic. I was sent home that time.

I had a hysterectomy at 38 for large fibroids. The heavy bleeding and pain was totally incapacitating.i found that far more difficult to manage than the menopause.I retained my ovaries and had HRT from the age of around 45 for ten years It was very helpful for the flushes and sweats and they came back with avengeance once I stopped the HRT due to high blood pressure. I was working full time and in a mainly female NHS environment, we were able to have conversations and little jokes about how we managed . I think the peer support is so important. My friend’s DD is a teacher and she has set up a menopause support group at lunch time which has proved very successful. I think the more openness and transparency is a good thing and if it needs “celebrities” to do it all well and good. Not sure about having time off though,as I was a manager and I can see issues with that. A good working environment , sympathy and making allowances goes a long way.As with everything there are extreme cases and sadly many GP’s are not trained or have the time . Many women’s health services have shut down where you were able to self refer.

Oh I never took time off, or made a fuss.
My mum used to make me do star jumps if I had period pains, so I was a stoic, too.

My Mum just gone on with it and I followed suit. I daresay some women suffer more than others but it is a natural process of being female. Perhaps it's my age (76) but I feel the stoicism of generations past isn't present in many of today's young people.

I used to get short tempered with the flushes.
Every time I need to make a phone call, it sort something out, I'd get one.
Horrible! I hate being hot, and it was like a greasy sweat.

I really wouldn't have noticed my menopause at all if my migraines hadn't stopped. I'd never even noticed that mine were hormonal, although they did stop when I was pregnant. Finding that they had magically stopped was such a bonus that I didn't really notice anything else, I might have had a couple of hoy flushes but I wasn't sure.

Looking back my mother didn't seem to have any problems either, She might have been a bit short tempered but that was about all.

I used to worry about every little trivial thing at work which wasn’t ‘me’ because I am normally calm and happy. It passed, thankfully. I was young, only in my early forties but at least I didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant anymore !

I used to get terrible, terrible headaches as I came up to the menopause.

I can remember seeing my mum, for the first time ever, lying on the sofa, with her face ashen because of a headache as she went through her "change".

I suffered with terrible clinical depression the year before my periods finally stopped. Prior to that, my periods became extremely heavy and whenever I had a period I had horrendous migraines, that made me vomit, very dizzy, and unable to tolerate any smells or loud sounds. The migraines stopped immediately when my periods stopped and I’ve only had two or three migraines in the twenty years since. I still take the antidepressants though as if I try to go off them, the depression returns. Maybe if I had taken HRT it would have been different, but I didn’t want to put the hormones in my body. I had a few hot flushes but nothing to get excited about.

I agree with you Monica. My periods were hell my menopause so far seems much easier but who knows x

Yes, I agree with you there, M0nica - any discussion around the subject of menopause should make it clear that not every woman is affected badly by it. Some will have few, if any, unwanted symptoms, while others may suffer very badly indeed - just as is the case with periods. I just feel that the more the subject is discussed, the better for those generations of women to come.

My daughter who is 43 recently quizzed me on the menopause
and I had to admit I hadn't noticed it. I don't count myself
lucky, each to his own. I did have the occasional hot flush
but I divorced at 55 , started my own business and took on
the care of my Mother so I think I just didn't pay any attention
when my periods stopped.

It's just a natural phase of getting older. Nobody likes it. Neither do we like having to wear glasses or hearing aids or false teeth. Nobody likes having to take tablets for their ailments or not being able to walk very quickly.

MissInterpreted It is those who suffer like you (and GSM) that are the reason so much is being talked aabout now. Unfortunately the subject as reported in the media seems to suggest that all women go through hell with it, which must be frightening for younger women.

Those of us who got through with ease, just feel there is anothe story to be told, which is just as valid.

As in everything the menopause is a long line that goes from those who barely notice it to those who suffer severely, and talk about the meno pause should reflect the great diversity of experiences.

What are everyone's thoughts on erectile dysfunction adverts being on TV? Am I just being a prude as I don't like it! There's not much that is not out there anymore, but I suppose that's a good thing?

I just got on with it because I had no choice. There’s nothing anyone can tell me about hot flushes, which I still get 20 years later.

I can only say that I envy all of you who sailed through the menopause, but please don't think that is the case for everyone. Some of us - probably many more than you might think - have suffered horrendously with it. We're certainly not all chancers or skivers.

When my husband accidentally touched my arm when we were in bed and my arm was wet, he said it was like sleeping with a slug!

Another here who had a smooth passage through the menopause.

Another one who had little or no problem, fibroids, that disappear anyway once through the menopause, and that was it.

I read somewhere that 40% of women have little or no menopausal problems.

Some time in my 30s I heard an item on, I think, Women's Hour, where they visited an area, specific group in India where women are in purdah from starting menstruating until ending it. Once they had ceased having periods/endless children they could be seen in public, function in public life and make their own decisions. Menopause problems were almost unknown. The advantages of the meno pause so outweighed its disadvantages .

I had a total hysterectomy in 1996 aged 38 they even took my cervix which was great no more smear teats. Put on HRT for 16 years then I was taken off it. Still have hot flushes night and day sweats but only my face drips with sweat. But I put up with it to be honest it's easier to deal with than period cramps,back ache and sore boobs.

My nan was still having flushes and sweats until she died at 89.

A friend of mine tries all herbal things that are supposed to help even tried the magnet that attaches to your knickers until the magnet slipped and ended up on the gusset of her knickers. Nothing helps . I said just to put up with it or see about HRT but she only likes natural things. Did point out she didn't put live yogurt on her bits when she had thrush but had over the counter cream and pessary . She said well that's different 🤔.

Yes we don't have to put up with symptoms if you don't want and today's HRT is different from when I was on it. But menopause is just part of being a woman I am nearly 66 and don't expect the symptoms to leason yet but I have health problems which cause me more problems then menopause .

I hate these celebs who think they are the only who go through it but they are only after money that's why they talk about it and write books .