My daughter is lying about me and editing me out of her life.

I was visiting my daughter abroad, with my husband, when her partner who we had only met once before, a much older man who has three children of his own, suddenly challenged me about my having kept my daughter on reins / a leash all through her childhood.

My daughter, who is high functioning ASD (unknown to him) had a very liberal upbringing and a lot of freedom, more than most. I was horrified and denied it, as obviously it’s abuse, but he came back at me. I could only say that she must have false memory syndrome. I didn’t like to rock the boat and make a massive scene (but now wish I had); my daughter stayed silent and my husband merely said that he remembered her being on reins when she was one year of age on holiday. However, he did NOT deny that she was on reins her whole childhood. My daughter shuts me down when I mention this spat and says she made a mistake. However, she is now ensuring that I never meet the boyfriend when he is in the UK and arranges separate meetings between him and my husband, who willingly goes along. I think she is more worried about what he will say to me than the other way round, as I am always discreet about her many, many issues, so I am guessing this lie is the tip of the iceberg.

This is the culmination of many things that she has done to edit me out of her life. For instance, I was edited out of her birthday photos online. She pulled a similar number with an ex boyfriend who wrote to me about our poor relationship, even though I had no idea we had problems.

I make minimal demands on her as I know she likes her space and needs to be independent. She has had everything in terms of opportunity, funding, general support and cultural input. There were massive issues with her schooling as she was a maverick to say the least and she needed a lot of care, but for the last 12 years since she left school I have refrained from interventions despite various crises.

She is my only child and I am devastated that my reputation is being trashed to everyone she becomes involved with, and fear that if she ever has children they will be turned against me too. I gave up a promising career to care for her as she was very fragile, so the allegation of this kind of abusive treatment is beyond hurtful. The boyfriend clearly dislikes me and was rude to me when we bumped into each other on the street, even though I was ill and just out of hospital, following a terrible episode that defies description here. I am shocked by the callousness of it all, and because I thought he was a decent man, and he doesn’t even know me. I don’t know what to do. I can see where this is going and I am devastated. I feel badly let down by my husband who says I am fully capable of defending my own reputation.