Overweight granddaughter

silverlining48

Grow stuff not sure I understand your point. Ultra processed food certainly does provide plenty of calories far too many in fact, with precisely little else that can be considered in any way healthy.
Cheap, full of sugar and preservatives is not the best way to provide a varied diet.
Once in a while is ok but not on a regular basis.

silverlining As I mentioned, UPFs aren't the best choices, but of course they provide nutrition. The human body needs carbs, fats, protein, vitamins and minerals - UPFs provide all those. If people are obese, it's more likely they're eating too much. Too many calories put weight on. In a nutshell, it really is as simple as that. Ask the people of Gaza if they'd refuse UPFs - at the moment they could be the difference between life and death!

As far as the OP's GD is concerned, none of us knows what she eats/drinks now. Age 11 is an ideal time to lose weight because nature/puberty can be used as an ally. Encourage the girl to care about her appearance (as her peers will). I'd be amazed if she hasn't been told over and over again at school about healthy eating. Encourage her to look after her hair and she'll look in a mirror and want to look nice. I know that sounds very shallow, but is she wants to look good in clothes like her peers wear, she's going to have to lose weight. Don't overdo and encourage anorexia or other eating disorders, but compliment her if she looks nice (maybe because she's taken a bit of extra time about her hair). She'll make the link that if she wants to lose weight, she's going to have to drink fewer sugary drinks or have fewer sweets or small portions (or whatever). Small changes will make a big difference, if sustained. If she loves pizza, don't ban it, but give her half a pizza and a tasty salad. Skip any other carb food (eg bread) with pizza. If she wants a dessert, only ever have fruit or yoghurt.

I was a bit chubby as an 11 year old. I was taken to the GP and told to stop eating bread and potatoes, which I did. By the time I was in my early teens and well into puberty, I was 6ft and 11 stone, which is a healthy weight. I've hardly ever eaten bread, potatoes or any starchy carbs throughout my life. Most of my carbs from vegetables, fruit and dairy and I don't restrict unsaturated fats. I'm still 11 stone, although I'm now a fraction less that 6 foot. Unfortunately, being a healthy weight didn't stop me developing T2 diabetes, but it could have been worse.

The OP's GD needs to enjoy food and want to lose weight for herself. She needs to know she's loved whatever her weight and be encouraged to feel good about herself.

Just a thought ... it's Easter soon. OP Are you going to give her an Easter gift? If so, I hope it's not a chocolate egg.

Does your DGD drink a lot of fizzy drinks and other drinks high in sugar? Empty calories.

However, switching to sugar-free drinks is not a good option either, but that is a matter of opinion. Many people think artificial sweeteners are bad, if not worse and build up health problems in the future.

Exercise is probably the key, does she have friends who do sport that she could join in with?

Children can be cruel and if she's starting senior school in September now is a good time to encourage her to eat healthy food; summer is a good time for salads. Can you do some food shopping and cooking with her when she does visit you?

Perhaps she will have a sudden growth spurt too and lose the weight 🤞
Positive encouragement

I would stop spoiling your short time together with focusing on her weight

Just enjoy her company

Any change has to be wanted by her and until she is ready, any focus on her weight risks compromising her mental health

There is no doubt that the school is aware of the situation and will have already flagged up concerns

Health and happiness often come hand in hand. Focus on the happy and the health will come

I don’t think you can do much really. I agree with VioletSky. Just give her healthy stuff yourself and ,if you can, talk to your son about it. He is the one who could say something to her Mum and express worry that it will lead to problems later when she gets older.

I agree with VioletSky about being happiness being important.

One of my DGS is a chubby 12 yr old who doesn't do much sport and who loves pizza and icecream. The family eat healthy food and I hope it is puppy fat and he will grow tall with a healthy appetite.
His cousin is 6ft and very thin. He is always on the move and hardly stops long enough to eat. He's 16.
They are both healthy and happy and I know that's what is important.

I am by no way a nutritionist but I do have an interest in what makes us fat IMO Ultra Processed Foods do just that. At least they make us want to eat more.
They do as growstuff says contain some nutrients and calories. The manufacturers certainly go to a lot of trouble to make sure we like the taste and texture. However I believe, (others may not😂 ) the body can’t get enough nutrients from them so wants to eat more. In other words it makes it harder to resist just having a bit extra.
There are quite a few books and research has been extensively carried out. Just Google it.

Tread very carefully with this .
I would buy her a chocolate Easter egg !
If your granddaughter can't stop eating and becoming obese - I wonder if there isn't an underlying emotional problem .

I steer clear of any criticism of my grandchildren .
Well meant comments cause fury with their parents .
It's also very difficult to get someone motivated .
It has to be their idea .

I would stop spoiling your short time together with focusing on her weight
Yes, don't make it an issue but cooking together could be fun, then eating the food.

PamelaJ I have Googled UPFs many times. Of course they have nutrients in them and the body can get enough from them. I'm not denying they're not ideal. They're made to taste good, so people want more. It's not to do with whether or not we're getting enough nutrients. There are also question marks over some of the additives. However, as far as losing weight is concerned, people can gain weight just as easily from home-made food, especially if it's tasty and people want a second helping.

Esmay

Tread very carefully with this .
I would buy her a chocolate Easter egg !
If your granddaughter can't stop eating and becoming obese - I wonder if there isn't an underlying emotional problem .

I steer clear of any criticism of my grandchildren .
Well meant comments cause fury with their parents .
It's also very difficult to get someone motivated .
It has to be their idea .

If buying her sweets and chocolate is thought of as the norm, it's no wonder she's obese.

Personally, I've never bought children sweets or chocolate. My partner's 12 year old granddaughter is getting some socks with cute chickens on them, which I know she'll appreciate more than an Easter egg.

VioletSky

I would stop spoiling your short time together with focusing on her weight

Just enjoy her company

Any change has to be wanted by her and until she is ready, any focus on her weight risks compromising her mental health

There is no doubt that the school is aware of the situation and will have already flagged up concerns

Health and happiness often come hand in hand. Focus on the happy and the health will come

Schools don't take much notice of weight issues these days.

Never take a child to a Slimming club .... the child needs to start a Dance class , a Netball club , anything that will make her happy and content ... also teach the child how to cook simple stuff like soup, and stews ... bulk up her energy food and she wont be so inclined to eat cakes and chocolate .... it will be hard as her mother is overweight and she has no guidelines to follow ...

I would be more concerned about diabetes than your GDs weight. A visit to the doctor’s for a blood test can start first and then advice from a dietitian.

Very difficult I would be concerned too but not much you can do all the talking in the world won’t change much. She lives with her mum so it’s going to be her mum that has to be the main person to help, does she like walking any sports, you sound a lovely grandparent I wish you luck in helping I think it’s your son that needs to speak to his ex you say he gets on with her, and try to help better choices of food good luck

At her age, I’d suspect hormones might be having some effect on her weight. I developed very large (and painful) breasts at the onset of puberty. I was terribly self-conscious and uncomfortable. My sister, 4 years younger, developed quite differently and never carried any fat, even though we had the same diet!

I’d be really careful about suggesting that your DGD restricts her food intake, and particularly about suggesting that you disapprove of her body shape. I’m sure she must know all about healthy eating and exercise, as this lifestyle is stressed in schools nowadays. But she is a growing girl, and needs enough nutrition to help her grow and develop.

My weight came down when I was doing my A levels. I had a summer job which I walked to, and all the daily brisk walking toned up my muscles!

I'm not sure how you and DS stand financially but could you ask if you could sign her up for some sort of class once a week (martial arts is amazing for weight loss or maybe a dance class?)

Ultimately if she's 11, it's her mum that's the issue as she's buying and preparing the food.

I read recently that ultra processed food manufacturers know that we easily get hooked on food which has the same ratio of carbs to fat as human milk and they produce foods like this precisely to hook us and keep us eating. I do feel for the OP and for the child and her whole family. I wish I had good advice to offer - this is tough. I hope the mother realises what is happening and gets support to make changes for herself and her daughter. I agree it is probably unwise to raise the question of weight with the child, though of course it would be good to listen to her if she raises the question herself. If that happened, you could ask her helpful questions to help her find a way ahead.

Leave the little girl alone. The mum too already knows what she "should" do. But she is depressed. She's a single mum trying to cope. She needs more support, not criticism of her dietary choices. Neuro divergent children can be very fussy eaters and might get stuck on beige food as can neurodivergent adults. My son would have asked for MacDonalds every day and was a big fan of fish fingers and oven chips. Your grandchild isn't stupid. She will definitely pick up on your disapproval of her weight and may become obsessed. It's a delicate age with hormonal changes redistributing weight and emotions. She may very well settle down at a little less rounded as she matures. But unless anyone is asking for advice, don't give it.

growstuff

VioletSky

I would stop spoiling your short time together with focusing on her weight

Just enjoy her company

Any change has to be wanted by her and until she is ready, any focus on her weight risks compromising her mental health

There is no doubt that the school is aware of the situation and will have already flagged up concerns

Health and happiness often come hand in hand. Focus on the happy and the health will come

Schools don't take much notice of weight issues these days.

My DC and DGC have always had chocolate Easter eggs.
They're all active and slim.

Wrong quote, sorry.

growstuff

Esmay

Tread very carefully with this .
I would buy her a chocolate Easter egg !
If your granddaughter can't stop eating and becoming obese - I wonder if there isn't an underlying emotional problem .

I steer clear of any criticism of my grandchildren .
Well meant comments cause fury with their parents .
It's also very difficult to get someone motivated .
It has to be their idea .

If buying her sweets and chocolate is thought of as the norm, it's no wonder she's obese.

Personally, I've never bought children sweets or chocolate. My partner's 12 year old granddaughter is getting some socks with cute chickens on them, which I know she'll appreciate more than an Easter egg.

I meant to quote this one.

Mine had Easter eggs each year and all are active and slim.
If it's seen as an occasional treat I think it's fine.

We went to one of those huge bargain shops today and DH remarked on the huge amount of fizzy drinks for sale. 😯
Pallets full!

Tread very carefully here. Pointing out weight gain, at any age, is a tricky topic. Sadly, the Western diet is full of processed foods which are not healthy for us and with so many fast food outlets in our towns and shopping centres, high fat and high sugar foods are all too readily available. More children than ever are driven to and from school etc and sports within school has been drastically cut, in my area at least. If you comes to you for meals, get her involved with making up a healthy recipe and no snacks. That may be a start.

Please don't send your DD to a slimming club. In fact stop focussing on her diet and her weight. She has other problems.
She has learning difficulties- no idea what sort, but it makes her different. Try to find things that she is good at and encourage her to do those things, praise her and build up her self confidence.

Her mum is overweight and suffers from depression. She will be so worried about this. Assure her that you know her mum is a good mum but she is sometimes ill and it isn't her fault. Make sure she knows that you are not being critical about her mum.

Her parents are not together. This may bother her. Make sure she understands the split was nothing to do with her and that she knows both parents love her. Don't take sides and try to help the parents work with each other.
She may be comfort eating because of her problems. If you can help her deal with things and she knows she is precious and loved it could help far more than attempting to regulate her food intake.

Perhaps you could cook a healthy meal for the pair of you and say that YOU are eating this because you have been reading how good for you it is. You could imply that you yourself have a problem of some kind - for example you could say you are trying to look after your skin (rather than your weight). You could say that x, y and z are good for skin and bones or you could say that this veg/fruit is beneficial to your hair maybe... something that is actually true and doesn't mention weight. You could talk about how we need this and that vitamin and mineral to ward of colds ...Depending on what reaction you get, you could elaborate and say that YOU are going to try to eat more salads / cut back on this or that ... something that might make her think about it and want to do the same thing.

I would be very wary indeed of suggesting that your exDIL and DGD go to any form of 'Weightwatchers' as I have direct experience of a situation like this which lead to the girl I knew of developing very entrenched Anorexia Nervosa and she died. I would not get involved in this situation as I'm sure both her parents are very aware and given time your DGD may become leaner as she matures. It is distressing for you but keep a special relationship with your family and let them work it through themselves. Certainly never comment to her on her 'size'. Good luck it's all very difficult for you.