Overweight granddaughter

sankev

Thanks qwerty. I’m hoping it’s just the puppy fat stage, but lack of exercise and moms morbid obesity are very worrying. I am also aware that if I make too much of a thing of it it might cause anxiety and then knock on affect mental health issues. It’s a really difficult situation and I’m very grateful to all the replies from all grans (and grandads) out there.

She may have fallen into comfort eating, and has to eat whatever her Mom provides, not always the best from what you say.
Don’t buy her sweets and when she’s with you, just lead by example.
Sadly not much else you can do.

Maybe she should get a check up with her doctor first just to know for sure there’s nothing else wrong or bothering her.

silverlining48

. Might be a bit fast fir me now but 🤩 fun. .

I think that's how you get someone to exercise- it has to be fun.

Could op's son speak confidentially with her GP about this. Could GP call gd in for a 'routine' wellness check. Discuss then her eating habits, with mum present, the risk of diabetes etc, and have gd back in regularly to monitor progress.
Just a thought.

Suggest to you son that he speaks to her school. They may have a counselling service to help with this. The child will probably jump at the chance of some independent help, but I don't think you can directly intervene until there is a proper professional weight loss programme in place with her mother's cooperation . You can encourage exercise when she is with you if you can get her interested in sport or dance or swimming.

You are right to be concerned . You also need to take care not to inadvertently show your concerns to the girl to avoid risk around eating disorder

Oh I feel your pain as there isn’t much you can do. I feel sorry for the mam if she is going through a bad time with depression but they need to revise their eating habits themselves. One thing I did think of was maybe getting your grand daughter to help you prepare meals when she is with you. Get her to chop some salad stuff and maybe make some healthy quiche. Do you have an area to grow stuff? Maybe get some pot and plants salad stuff, carrots in pots or bags, potatoes etc. Hope that helps. Hugs to you.

silverlining48

I certainly don’t eat the wrong food, I am very careful what I eat, yet am still in the obese category. I exercise too and it’s not bl..dy fair.

I’m absolutely convinced some of us have a propensity for weight gain ☹️☹️☹️☹️

. Might be a bit fast fir me now but 🤩 fun. .

This is a great example of a dance she could do with her granny. You just want to get up and dance with them.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9JbEbsKJ5E

I was a skinny child, legs like sticks ☹

Hope you can get some exercise in soon Callistemon it is good for us all but you have to do a lot to work off even an apple. 🍎

This morning on the today prog they were interviewing someone involved in obesity research in children and said bmi not a good gauge to use. Instead measure height and waist and the waist should be half. I am 62” tall ( maybe 61) so waist shoukd be 31 but I know it’s a fair bit more than that.
My puppy fat has also decided to hang around with me in my older age.

Glorianny

Callistemon21

silverlining48

Hi there think you are in the US.
Puppy fat has been used over many years though not so much these days, it’s not as a truly offensive and disgusting
term, it was a kindly meant way of saying that any plumpness will go once the teenage growth spurt begins.

I agree. It's a kinder term and this often, not always, does resolve itself at puberty with growth spurts.

The other consideration is this:
The other bad news is that there is also now considered to be a genetic link to obesity.
It's not always over-eating or eating the wrong foods which is the problem. However, being overweight could be caused by lack of exercise but exercising might be difficult if someone is overweight. Catch 22.

Exercising can be difficult, but one of the main obstacles is the perception that exercise or dance can only be done by thin girls. Dance is a great way to lose weight and there are lots of videos and classes for overweight people. If the GD is shown some of these she might join in and if she doesn't lose weight she will be more active and fitter

Perhaps do some dance video classes with Granny?

silverlining48

I certainly don’t eat the wrong food, I am very careful what I eat, yet am still in the obese category. I exercise too and it’s not bl..dy fair.

I still have puppy fat. 🤔
Can't do much exercise at the moment either.

Callistemon21

silverlining48

Hi there think you are in the US.
Puppy fat has been used over many years though not so much these days, it’s not as a truly offensive and disgusting
term, it was a kindly meant way of saying that any plumpness will go once the teenage growth spurt begins.

I agree. It's a kinder term and this often, not always, does resolve itself at puberty with growth spurts.

The other consideration is this:
The other bad news is that there is also now considered to be a genetic link to obesity.
It's not always over-eating or eating the wrong foods which is the problem. However, being overweight could be caused by lack of exercise but exercising might be difficult if someone is overweight. Catch 22.

Exercising can be difficult, but one of the main obstacles is the perception that exercise or dance can only be done by thin girls. Dance is a great way to lose weight and there are lots of videos and classes for overweight people. If the GD is shown some of these she might join in and if she doesn't lose weight she will be more active and fitter

Oh and I don’t overeat either.

I certainly don’t eat the wrong food, I am very careful what I eat, yet am still in the obese category. I exercise too and it’s not bl..dy fair.

silverlining48

Hi there think you are in the US.
Puppy fat has been used over many years though not so much these days, it’s not as a truly offensive and disgusting
term, it was a kindly meant way of saying that any plumpness will go once the teenage growth spurt begins.

I agree. It's a kinder term and this often, not always, does resolve itself at puberty with growth spurts.

The other consideration is this:
The other bad news is that there is also now considered to be a genetic link to obesity.
It's not always over-eating or eating the wrong foods which is the problem. However, being overweight could be caused by lack of exercise but exercising might be difficult if someone is overweight. Catch 22.

Hi there think you are in the US.
Puppy fat has been used over many years though not so much these days, it’s not as a truly offensive and disgusting
term, it was a kindly meant way of saying that any plumpness will go once the teenage growth spurt begins.

sankev

Thanks qwerty. I’m hoping it’s just the puppy fat stage, but lack of exercise and moms morbid obesity are very worrying. I am also aware that if I make too much of a thing of it it might cause anxiety and then knock on affect mental health issues. It’s a really difficult situation and I’m very grateful to all the replies from all grans (and grandads) out there.

Firstly morbid obesity is no longer a term used by medical experts who now prefer to call it Class 111 obesity. This is a different matter to her mum being simply obese. If she is in fact at this stage of obesity she should be receiving medical help. The other bad news is that there is also now considered to be a genetic link to obesity. So it may very well be that your GD will be overweight and the best you can do is to ensure that she doesn't regard that as a problem to taking part in activities. Check out singer and rap artist "Lizzo" who is overweight and uses overweight dancers (But some of her stuff isn't appropriate for your GD's age)

Puppy fat stage is a truly offensive and disgusting term.

Any attention given to her weight is contraproductive towards her mental health.
Is that how you show love to your gd?

Appreciate her good qualities, praise those and stop worrying about something you cannot control and do anything about.

This poor child has enough issues to deal with- she needs support, not to be judged

Thanks qwerty. I’m hoping it’s just the puppy fat stage, but lack of exercise and moms morbid obesity are very worrying. I am also aware that if I make too much of a thing of it it might cause anxiety and then knock on affect mental health issues. It’s a really difficult situation and I’m very grateful to all the replies from all grans (and grandads) out there.

Our son had "puppy fat" for a few years, from about eleven to thirteen. I didn't really register it as a concern he's tall and a broad build. He always did plenty of exercise and in his teens his weight stabilised. A PE teacher at high school once said, "He's very sporty for a child with a weight problem!". I was gobsmacked! If I hadn't been I would have had a strong word with that teacher! He's always been much taller and a more solid physique than his sisters but is still a healthy weight, though as his job is sedentary he occasionally and temporarily puts a little weight on until he gets time to increase his activity levels. I think subconsciously I registered that it was a temporary, growing phase with him as he ate healthily and was physically active. I think the PE teacher's comment could have exacerbated the issue.

I would be very wary indeed of suggesting that your exDIL and DGD go to any form of 'Weightwatchers' as I have direct experience of a situation like this which lead to the girl I knew of developing very entrenched Anorexia Nervosa and she died. I would not get involved in this situation as I'm sure both her parents are very aware and given time your DGD may become leaner as she matures. It is distressing for you but keep a special relationship with your family and let them work it through themselves. Certainly never comment to her on her 'size'. Good luck it's all very difficult for you.

Perhaps you could cook a healthy meal for the pair of you and say that YOU are eating this because you have been reading how good for you it is. You could imply that you yourself have a problem of some kind - for example you could say you are trying to look after your skin (rather than your weight). You could say that x, y and z are good for skin and bones or you could say that this veg/fruit is beneficial to your hair maybe... something that is actually true and doesn't mention weight. You could talk about how we need this and that vitamin and mineral to ward of colds ...Depending on what reaction you get, you could elaborate and say that YOU are going to try to eat more salads / cut back on this or that ... something that might make her think about it and want to do the same thing.

Please don't send your DD to a slimming club. In fact stop focussing on her diet and her weight. She has other problems.
She has learning difficulties- no idea what sort, but it makes her different. Try to find things that she is good at and encourage her to do those things, praise her and build up her self confidence.

Her mum is overweight and suffers from depression. She will be so worried about this. Assure her that you know her mum is a good mum but she is sometimes ill and it isn't her fault. Make sure she knows that you are not being critical about her mum.

Her parents are not together. This may bother her. Make sure she understands the split was nothing to do with her and that she knows both parents love her. Don't take sides and try to help the parents work with each other.
She may be comfort eating because of her problems. If you can help her deal with things and she knows she is precious and loved it could help far more than attempting to regulate her food intake.