Black dog 21

I'm afraid I've been a bit preoccupied recently, so much happening last week. But getting my head round it now thankfully.
Doodle thinking of you both and praying for strength and healing.
Talk tomorrow.
Hope everyone has a peaceful night xx

Sorry I'm being selfish tonight.
I'm feeling really crap.
In my head I know I'm better off than some. But I'm having pain that I don't feel any Dr will get to the bottom of.

I'll probably regret doing this tomorrow.
I should just keep this for psychologist tomorrow. I've only 3 more sessions with him and I'm scared. I don't have anyone else to share with. I feel so alone and I'm sorry , I know I shouldn't feel like this.

No need to apologise ......and understood...and it's not surprising to hear how hard it is and the fears..listening but cant share again....so hard and thinking of

xx BD's

SweetpeaSue Your husband's headaches need investigating, don't they. The Rheumatologist appointment is a while away.

SweetpeaSue You're not selfish, you're understandably tired of all the pain and scared that nobody will understand you. Could you ask to keep seeing the Psychologist for a bit longer?

Doodle Hope today will be better for you and your husband.

Hope ALL BDers have a decent day. x

So kind of you both thankyou so much especially for understanding.
I' m feeling not so black this morning
Will ask if I can see him a bit longer though I've had a good share of attention.
Hope everyone is OK today.X

I had my chest x-ray at 9.15, told 7-10 days for results to go to GP. Three hours later, had a text to say my x-ray was normal. That's a very quick service! Hope everyone's ok today x

HVDY That's brilliant service. Glad the x-ray is normal. Have you still got your cough though? Yes, I'm worried about my DH. A couple of weeks ago the GP took his BP sitting down then standing up and said he didn't think it was Postural hypotension as his BP didn't drop when standing but its not right for the diastolic to be so low. I measured it again today when he was sat feeling ill and it was only 51. Going to take reg readings this week to show GP if it's still v low.

Sweetpeasue just reading your last post. My diastolic goes to 58. I have a mitral valve problem and I'm wondering is it to do with that. Going to ask at review. I wonder goes your husband need an echocardiogram.

HVDY great news. Doesn't relieve the cough, but at least you know there's nothing serious wrong.

HVDY...and great service!

Sweetpeasue just read how bad you were feeling. No one would blame you at all. Feel free to complain. Worrying about your DH and dealing with continual pain. You probably want to scream out loud, if you'd the energy. You must ask for more sessions, I hope you get them.
I understand too about looking in the mirror. I just told my DH I look like a haggard old witch. He said he would try to take a better photo (for driving licence renewal). But I didn't even care. I didn't know about pupils, must look.
I wish we could have some sun. I think we'd feel brighter.
Sending big hugs.xx

Wyllow3 it's lovely to hear you've been out. It's good to know you're getting some help. Great news.
My garden isn't what it was either. But there's no point in worrying about it. It's not a priority.

Nadateturbe Thankyou for your understanding. I had to look up mitral valve disease as I hadn't heard of it. My DH has been given more medication for a rise in general BP as a result of having to take steroids for Polymyalgia. I think they might be the cause of the bottom figure being too low but I'm not sure. GP wants an ECG and he has that this week.

I felt a bit better seeing the psychologist today as he told me after our sessions I will still be able to call them if needed. I didn't realise that. He's also suggested (only if I want-no pressure) that I could join a very small group of others to talk. I'm really unsure about that, though he said it's about 6 weeks and run by another MH worker.

I really hate my reflection. Avoid mirrors as much as possible, which is why I don't go to hairdressers. Upsets me too much. Last few yrs has put a good decade on me. I've noticed the pupils go very tiny when I take my painkillers and I look drugged which is why I don't like going out like that. DH , bless him, thinks I look fine.haha.
So right about sun. Its actually been quite warm here today but extremely windy.

Hope you're OK Doodle . I know we all send love and are thinking about you.

Take care all BDs.

Scaredycat I'm glad you're recovering from your covid booster. My DH always reacts strongly.
Thanks for kind words. I'm recovering from last week, too much to cope with at once.
Feather dusters are brilliant, I buy them online, very hard to get. I must try shaking it out the window, sounds fun 😁.
I agree about motivation. I am very lacking sometimes, and I do things, just going through the motions until my mood lifts. Getting out for a walk helps, but its either do that or give in and just do nothing, which is scary. Not sure if that makes sense.
I laughed at your story about grandparents house, sitting in the dark.

Candy your room sounds lovely. It's nice to get everything freshened up and new furniture.
You're giving me a nudge to do the jobs we need doing.
You probably still feel strange on Sunday because your body is used to feeling like that. It will wear off I'm sure after a while.

HVDY that was really awkward- your son teaming up with girl next door. You couldn't write it. I'm not sure I could have coped.
My sons ex sent my DH birthday card and a little gift. It was a lovely surprise, but of course started me crying.
I'm getting over it all now thankfully.

Doodle I'm sorry things are still bad for you both. Still praying and sending love and hugs.xx

I hate looking in the mirror too and look awful in photos.
When I go to the hairdresser I take my glasses off till she is finished.
Was there last week and not happy with it but I don’t feel up to looking for someone else.

Sorry all I’m not reading or posting at the moment. All the time at hospital seems to be taken up doing things for DH and then when I get back to the hotel it’s sleep and worry.
I know you will all be looking after each other which is a big comfort. Hope to be a bit more functioning soon.
Love to all xx

HVDY- how nice to have a friend who lives close by to go to Aqua Aerobics with. Pancakes and maple syrup - heaven.
So glad your X Ray was clear, such good service too. Nice to not have that niggling worry at the back of your mind as well.
How is Chubby Chops?
SweetPeaSue- you are not being selfish at all it’s just the old fears and feelings have resurfaced a bit now you’re home.
This place is for you to share .We all understand the fear ,uncertainty and feeling of being alone.
It’s reassuring for you to know that you can call the psychology unit if you feel the need. I think a small talking group might be good for you- not too daunting.You could give it a try .
Your DH is right - you look fine - he loves you. Getting older is not easy and confidence in everything lessens unfortunately- but we are alive, have families we love, the world is beautiful. Think how you felt amongst all that beauty and life.
Good your DH is having an ECG it will help see if anything is amiss.
Nadateturbe- motivation is sometimes hard to come by isn’t it but like you say if we go through the motions it gets you through the more difficult days. The doing nothing thing is definitely scary. I have an absolute horror of giving in and just sitting. Been out with old Art friends today - I,m still tired but gave myself a Pep talk and went. It was lovely to see them and we chatted for ages. I was so pleased I,d made the effort.
Doodle- I,m so sorry that you are both suffering so much. Thinking of you and sending much love.
Wyllow- life is hard for you right now but the better days will come . One day at a time. You have much courage and we care for you xx

SweetpeaSue I'm still coughing, but very much less than I was. I hope your husband's ecg will shed some light on things. It seems that one tablet causes some side effects, so the doctor treats it with yet another tablet (thus more side effects). Madness.

nadateturbe It was kind of your son's ex to have bothered with your husband's birthday. I can understand it making you emotional.

EllieAnne I hate having to sit looking at myself at the hairdresser's - I preferred it when we had to wear a mask, so that it covered up some of my face. Even though you're not happy with your hair at the moment, it will soon grow again. How are you feeling though?

Doodle Wishing you and your husband all the best for getting home soon.

Wyllow3 How have you been today?

Son1 was at A&E today, on the advice of 111. He's had chest pains, palpitations and a headache for a few days (he didn't tell us until this morning). After an ecg, chest x-ray and blood tests, they said everything was normal and that he's probably got a virus. Son2 called in on his way home from work, for a quick cuppa. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Oh I'm glad your son was ok HVDY.
Weren't those masks useful?
I agree about side effects. I hate taking pills.

Sweetpeasue that's good news about the psychologist. And a group could be beneficial, I'm on an M E. forum and I find it helpful talking to people with similar problems.
You might feel better if you have your hair done. I told my hairdresser I hate my thin grey hair and she said you would be thankful if you met the customer I have who wears a wig. I think hairdressers are used to doing older ladies hair and hearing about all sorts of health issues (I know mine is!) So maybe pluck up the courage? .

You have the same approach as I do to motivation Scaredycat. Although I know it won't work for everyone. Glad you enjoyed your meetup.