Black dog 21

HVDY good morning. I slept well last night. Woke at 4.30 but got back to sleep in an hour. That was good! I spent 2 hours with my sisters yesterday, in my sisters house, we had a great time. I've been very active this week, I'm expecting a major crash soon, but who knows.
Making a beef casserole, will freeze half. Always add red wine, adds to the flavour.

Poor chubby chops, a cough is annoying, a lot of them about. I think Calpol makes babies sleepy from what I remember from a very long time ago. I'm sure you're tired. Isn't your GD sweet coming to help out?

Good morning Ladysusiei. I hope you got some sleep.
I'm sorry you're feeling so low and anxious. It was an awful shock to lose your husband so suddenly and it was only a year ago, which is a very short time. Your son is probably grieving too.
I know nothing of BPD, but I assume it made it even harder for you to cope.
I don't feel able to offer advice other than you really need counselling to help you with your grief and the relationship with your son. You are worried about the future too, and I think if you don't want to become isolated you need to think carefully about where to live. And what your priorities are.
But one step at a time. You will get through this. Sending love.

Doodle No wonder you feel so unwell. A chest infection, then the side-effects of the antibiotics (is it Erythromycin? I get nauseous with that, I'm allergic to Penicillin), and the constant worry about your husband. I hope you both managed to sleep a bit better last night.

ScaredyCat You're not a wimp, you cope well with your condition. Hope you and your husband have a wonderful holiday. Sunshine, something we all need.

Whiff You write from the heart. Despite all your own troubles, you care about others, and your kindness really shows.

SweetpeaSue You had a very productive day yesterday. I bet your aunt was pleased to see you. It's not always easy to find the positives each day, but a good idea to try. I do that sometimes.

nadateturbe Hope you had a good rest last night. What's the weather doing where you are?

EllieAnne Hope you manage to get to church today. Might you see your new friend?

Ladysuisei Hello and welcome. Having the sudden loss of your partner like that, then all the subsequent problems must have been awful. Now, moving home and the altered relationship with your son is adding to your anxiety, naturally. If you move into the social housing place, you'll be more isolated and alone, won't you? Would it be better to stay in the area you know?

Chubby Chops is feeling better (she's got a cough, but I'm just giving drinks and Calpol) but her sleep pattern is all over the place - she slept 6-11pm then had a bottle and sat up playing until 2am! She slept again until 7, had breakfast and has been asleep again for an hour now. Our GD1 (12yrs) will be here later, she said she "wants to help out" . Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

Wyllow always glad to see you checking in.

Ladysusiei glad you found this thread they will give you the help , understanding ,advice you badly need. And no nasty posters here . You will not be attacked as you have been on another thread.

Write about how you feel free from judgement and know you are safe from harm . There is so much kindness here but also strength and courage as people battle daily with mental and physical health and worries about their loved ones. But there is also hope ,joy and laughter . It's not a doom and gloom thread but a beacon that helped me when compared to others my problem was trivial but I was welcomed .

Read some of the last thread you will see what I mean about why this thread is so special.

Night night BD's, old and new xx

@Ladysuisei, I'm so sorry you have lost your husband. I know the loss of a parent isn't the same, but I lost my dad in a car accident 52 years today. The sudden loss has never left me and I still feel the raw emotion that I felt as a 14 year old when I think about when I found out he'd gone. I'm also so sorry to hear you have BPD. It is such a difficult thing to suffer with. I have a close relative that experiences panic, anxiety, bi polar and 'false memory' OCD. This has caused extreme distress to them and the family. The psychotic episodes have come around several times and it's utterly devastating. There are some interesting YouTube videos if you type in BMD (choose the one's made by doctors) with technique's that might help. I'm thinking about you and send much love.

Welcome ladysusie. You will find support and understanding here. I have appreciated everyone s help . Knowing people care means a lot.

Ladysuiseu. I'm sorry about your dear partner dying so suddenly last year. Such an awful shock. And the terrible time you've had since. I will read through your post properly in the morning. I just wanted to say hello to you..
Sweetpeasue I always thought that about a diary but it becomes a habit. And no way could Mr M follow all his advice!

Hello to Candy Wyllow3 Nanny2507 and anyone else I haven't talked to.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.x

Ladysuisei- just to say welcome and I,m sorry you lost your partner last year. Losing someone suddenly is such a terrible shock and you have been suffering very much. So much changes all at once. Please post whenever you feel able and you will get nothing but kindness and willingness to listen and understand.
SweetPeaSue- you did a lot today- do you have jam nd cream with your scones? Maybe we could post our small achievements or positives like Nadateturbes Diary?
Doodle- hope you,re feeling more comfortable and wishing you a peaceful GoodNight.

Ladisuisei sorry I might not have spelt that right, my eyes are very bleary tonight and I’m off to bed but didn’t want to go without welcoming you to the thread. So sorry for the loss of your partner. Such a shock for you.
I hope you can find some support here. We don’t have a magic wand unfortunately and can’t make things better but we will listen and give help where we can.
With regard to your move, is it wise to move somewhere a bit isolated. Do you have your own transport? Are there more options you could considr!

EllieAnne great that you got the car back and were able to get out for a nice walk, and to visit your friend.
Hope tomorrow is OK for you too.

Whiff such lovely words to everyone as usual, but you too are so strong and have been all your life. Your dear husband sounds like a wonderful caring person, who gave you so much love and encouraged you to be strong. I'm sure he is proud of you.x

Scaredycat thank you. My phone will be in a bedside drawer. And I will resist the temptation to keep using it late at night. I think the idea is not to have bright screens and to have a break from using them, to aid sleep.
You must be anxious going on holiday with AF. You're not a wimp at all! I really admire how you deal with AF. I wouldn't be able to function if I lived with that all the time. Honestly, you don't realise how strong you are. I hope you and your husband have a wonderful time. Warm sunshine, beach walks sounds wonderful. I will be thinking about you.

Dear Doodle I think of you constantly. No wonder you don't feel good. So much illness and not getting proper sleep, and no respite. I'm glad you have people to help and aren't alone. Maybe the dull headache is a side effect of the antibiotics too. I hope you don't have to take them much longer.
Such trials one after another, it's understandable to wonder why it has to be so. The sermon I mentioned was about Joseph and how God hadn't forgotten him. I must look at the book you mentioned.
So good of you to take time and effort to talk to everyone and to start a new thread. I hope your night is peaceful and you both manage to get more sleep than last night.x

Hi @Whiff - I’ve finally plucked up the courage to start posting on this thread .
Hello everyone- I’m a new poster on here . I will go through and read everyone’s story on here but it will take me a while .
I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, extreme ( st times) anxiety and Psnic attacks . My partner of 20 years died suddenly and unexpectedly in January 2023 and I can’t cope . Within a week of his death , I was sectioned to a psychiatric unit because I had an extreme grief reaction and I was very unstable. I was in for 6 weeks , my family arranged all the practical bits like the funeral arrangements and dealt with the coroner and the post mortem etc . I was discharged a couple of weeks before his funeral but my mental health has been poor ever since . Making matters worse is some issues I currently got with my son who I relied on a lot . We’re not estranged but we are not as close as we were, possibly because of the extra support I’ve needed since my bereavement. It’s strained our relationship and I am constantly stressed about this now as well as grieving . This is adding to my anxiety particularly . The symptoms of BPD tend to lesson as you get older ( I’m 59) except the anxiety which often gets worse . So I’m experiencing the borderline symptoms of fear of being alone because of my loss and also the loss of my closeness with my son . My anxiety and panic are currently stopping me doing loads of things and if I’m not careful, I will end up a recluse . I’m in the middle of changing my housing situation- one option is a housing association exchange to a much nicer flat but it’s in an isolated spot with no transport links . The other option is to rent privately again with a known landlord ( my previous property!) but this is having work done , comes with an uncertain timescale and obviously doesn’t offer the guarantee that social housing does . This dilemma us not helping my anxiety and sleep issues . There - I think that’s enough about me ! I’m going to read the thread and get to know who is in here . Thank you for reading this if you have

NadateturbeMichael Moseley does have a lot of advice for people it seems. I wonder if he follows it all the time! Oh the bedside drawer-sounds good- I missed that from Scaredycat. Yes,I feel the same in that love and beauty must be from something/one higher than us poor mortals. Oh, the diary is a good idea to help think positively though I'm not sure I could be so organised. It must help to give the daily positive things in our mind though. I've got hot water bottle on tum -don't know what I'd do without it.
My husband never wants to make a fuss about things and I end up cajoling him into GP visits.
Hope you don't wake early tonight(tomorrow?)

Back soon....

Sweetpeasue I'm sure you're glad you got to take your aunt out for a while today. I'm sure she enjoyed it. How are you both? I hope husbands vision is OK.
I think I'll just put my phone in a bedside drawer, as Scaredycat does. I don't know what the difference is. I woke at 2. 30 as usual and had to go downstairs and get it to do puzzles to pass the time. That was a great idea Michael Moseley 😁.
You can have Do not disturb on your phone and choose the time, and it does it every day.
Sometimes I feel disappointed that prayers aren't answered, but I find it impossible not to believe in God. The fact that love and beauty exist is enough to convince me.
Just read your last post. Gosh, you've achieved a lot today, and made scones. I'm impressed. I hope the pain doesn't get too bad.
July is a long way away for your husband to wait. Perhaps you should think about private, although I would try to get it red flagged first.
I agree about thinking of small achievements and being positive. I've started keeping a diary of each day and giving it 1-3 stars for how I feel and its encouraging to see how many good spells I have.

HVDY little GD seems to be OK, thankfully. I did wonder was she coming down with something.
You got home just in time! I hope you aren't too tired and your cough isn't bothering you too much.

Not been on much this week.
My car was off the road for a few days. Brakes were very bad. It’s fixed now but has to go back for mot on Monday.
Had a walk on the beach this morning then visited a friend.
Watched a film this afternoon Mrs caldicotts cabbage war. I’ve seen it before but still enjoyed it.
Hvdy glad the wee one is ok.
Scaredy-cat enjoy your break. I hope the weather improves for you.
Doodle and mr d I hope you feel better soon.
Sweet pea sue I hope you get some relief from the pain.
It’s pouring down here now.

Scaredycat It must be a quite scary having the AF day to day, let alone going away and being out of the usual routine. Only natural for it to feel daunting. You don't let it stop you though- you're no wimp. Glad you will be by the sea. It was on the phone when I had to move my appt for second time (because of tongue appt) that I got the threat! I'm not keen on this physio girl but don't think I'll need her much longer. Enjoy holiday.
Whiff You speak of your husband with so much warmth and love and it always brings a lump to my throat. Your love for him shines through your every word and post.
Your words about making the best of life and the way you get around ways of doing practical things show how you have an inner strength.

Wyllow Hope you are OK and managing to keep on going. Sending love. X

HVDY You've had a lovely day with baby. She sleeps so well. I used to feel edgy when I first put DGS on those swings with bar across but he was always OK, though for some reason he never liked the next ones when he was old enough. Yes aunt is always glad to get out. DH not too bad today but he gets the pain every day now though it subsides quite quickly into what he calls a 'wooly' head.
Doodle You sound quite poorly and I hope your inhaler helps with the breathlessness. Antibiotics should be starting to work soon. I hope you both get a better night tonight after his foot/leg has settled after the dressing change. Just googled your book and have ordered it. I feel torn about DH and what to do. GP sent expedite letter to Rheumatologist a week ago to try and forward the July appt. We've been 4 times to GP with this headache thing but get no further. Think private might have to be the way. My own private appt with Urologist next week.

Did washing, changed bed, ironing, 10 mins on exercise bike and made scones this afternoon while DH at work on model of Carousel. Bladder pain threatening now. No idea still the cause, and fed up of it but glad for small things done . Think answer must be to look on small things as achievements and not think about past. Still difficult but enough in the present without looking back.
Hoping all are OK today. X

Doodle glad you have continued this thread especially with all you are coping with.

Thank you all for your comments. But please don't compare me to what you are going through. I have lived with this all my life and will be 66 next month. I was brought up in a large extended family where I was loved and never treated as different. I was lucky enough to met a man when young who wanted me for me . He saw past my health problems. And when I got worse it never phased him he just said we alter our life to suit what you can do. He was my other half and I was his . It's because of my family especially my husband I have done and do what I do . But I am just an ordinary person who is a chatterbox but I am loyal to the people I love and people I like.

This thread feels like home . An extended family who help eachother other in any way possible and we all feel happy to see Wyllow post good night so we know she is still with us.
❤️ To you all .

Doodle - thank you for starting the new thread especially as you feel so rotten. Nausea is so debilitating on top of everything else. Hoping you soon start to feel better . I hope tonight will be a more restful one for you both. Take care.x
HVDY- hope your cough is being less troublesome today.
I,m glad your dear little one had a good night and hopefully feeling better today. It’s the cold wind that gets to you isn’t it- bet she loved the swing.
SweetPeaSue- can’t believe you got a bit of a ticking off at physio- that’s not reasonable if you’re not well.
Glad you could see your Aunt this morning- She must have been too. Nice to have some sun as well-

Nadateturbe- the p j day must have done you good and you were able to get out yesterday and do some enjoyable things.
I put my phone in my bedside drawer at night so it’s still near but there’s no light coming from it.
Whiff- yes the 1000 posts seem to mount up very quickly. I,m glad it helps people and lovely as always to see you here.
EllieAnne- hope the weekend isnt too difficult for you and you can find some pleasant company for a while.
Nanny- you must be exhausted after a week without your car- hope you get it back soon.
Wyllow- always in our thoughts.

Thank you all for your kind holiday wishes. I wish I wasn’t such a wimp about being away but constant AF has taken my confidence as well as my strength. BUT I am very lucky to be able to go and DH is so looking forward to it. It will be warm and right by the sea so we can walk on the beach. Wish you could all come too.
Take care all

Just posted on the last thread and found we’d come to the end.
Hope everyone finds us ok,