Anyone with stoma surgery aftermath? Would appreciate some solidarity.

Yes, anyone having work done on bathroom, installing new shower unit, comfort height loos, etc. etc. should ask the company doing the installing to complete the VATe xemption form.,

That sounds pretty much the way I was after my operations, I have a permanent stoma.
It is eight years since the first operation and almost six years since I had parastomal and incisional hernia repairs but to be honest I have never been completely fit and well since. I assume that it takes longer to recover when you are older.
I did not know that ostomists were exempt from VAT on equipment.

I was 49 years of age when I had my operation, taking away my very deceased (Ulcerative Colitus) colon and having a permanent ileostomy.
Due to carelesness in opeation theatre, I actually had four ops in three days, and a week in Intensive Care, with my teenage children being told to 'say goobye' each time they left my bedside.
I was six weeks in hospital and still slowly recovering when I did return home.
Probably took me most of year to recover completely. Tiredness was common , as is to be expected this is a major operation and that takes a long time for the body to really recover from. ALso, very unwell prior to the operation.

However, I was determined that having bag would not effect me (except in good ways), I tried to take up my social life as quickly as possible, Must say, however tired I felt , it was so much better than how I felt prior to the ops.

One of the hardest things I did was to officiate at an diving competition at my local pools. Sitting on poolside the opposite side of the pool to where all the spectators sat and wearing my totally white ASA officials outfit, a difficult for me.

However, this is now nearly 34 years ago, and I know that without that operation and bag (for life), I would not still be alive and being able to see my chidlren all grow up, develop their careers and personal lives and see my g.chidren.

The ileostomy Association (Ia), is an excellent support group and these days with the correct equipment (thankfully all all under NHS and can be delivered direct to my home), my life is quite normal. Few of my friends and aquaintences even know that my toilet requirements as slightly different to theirs!!!
Do be aware, that alterations to bathrooms, having walk in shower, etc installed and an ostomist is exempt from having to pay VAT on that equip,ment.

And just to add, he can't get in the shower over the bath so strip washes only if he can be bothered. Normally a fastidious person. I bought nilaqua, waterless cleanser to help him out but no he hasn't used it. Getting a big walk in shower but workmen can't do it for 6 weeks.

My Mum was a similar age when she had her first surgery for bowel cancer. Every single day for the rest of her life (she lived to 97) she took herself to bed and had a couple of hours sleep. She said it was like a curtain coming down after lunch and she just couldn’t stay awake. She had a permanent stoma and managed it very well. 5 years later a different strain of bowel cancer was discovered and she had further surgery and was left with hardly any colon at all but again she coped well.

She loved her food and knew exactly what suited her and her altered digestive system. She also had a big hernia where her stoma was which they decided to leave alone.

I am sure your husband was in touch with the Stoma Nurses at the hospital so remember they are there to help you both so do make use of them!

It’s early days for your husband yet and the weather has been terrible but once we get a bit of sunshine and warmth I am sure he will enjoy sitting outside now and then. Hope he picks up soon.

On a positive note you can apply for Water Sure, which means lower bills. Hope your husband is soon on the up.

Sent you a pm

Obviously he is still under the care of his medical team who should be the primary source of advice particularly if you are worried. Just to say when I was only 59 I had major bowel surgery 2 weeks in hospital and had temporary stoma for 6 months only then reconnected. However I was exhausted after my return from hospital and full nights sleep and as well two hour nap daily for MONTHs. Surgery massively takes it out of you , hits you like a sledge hammer. Also there is the psychological effect of having your intestines protruding through your stomach. All the bag changing is upsetting and exhausting. You have to get used to it . I think your mind slows down as it struggles to accept your new reality. I used to consider it a successful morning if I could get up , have a wash, get dressed and get myself downstairs by lunchtime.
Small meal , two hour nap with dog. Bit of TV. Early night.
I could eat only small amounts having lost one stone in hospital.
For the first five weeks after the operation I was completely unable to impose my will on my recovery i.e. I could only do what my body would let me do. Remember I was 15 years younger than your husband. After 5 weeks I started to take small walks around my own garden as that was all I could manage.
Rest has a purpose. These big operations are a huge shock to the system.
8 weeks after my operation , I was back at my desk in work.
With rest and patience and your care he will get better.