Very poorly friend

My husband lay in excruciating pain for days after a hip replacement (he had secondary sarcoma). I was told he was not a priority for the pain team. He died before becoming a priority. He was in his 50s.
If your friend does decide and manages to get an operation I'd make very sure what provision is for pain control post-op. He had been in constant pain pre-op but the post-op pain was off any definable scale. It was truly horrific.

I forgot to say that she does take paracetamol with the morphine, and ibuprofen but nothing helps the pain. The main worry about the possible surgery is the fact that she has virtually no immune system and had sepsis a while ago from an undiagnosed water infection.

She’s on a waiting list 🙄 for the pain clinic.

She has been somewhat unwilling to risk the surgery up until now, but given how much worse she is I think she will change her mind, and her daughter, who is just lovely by the way, will support her decision.

Thanks again for all your posts.

It’s very useful her daughter knows the system, (if there is one), but in a way that’s pretty discouraging that her mum, your friend, seems to have been parked in an expensive care home, possibly with nothing further planned.
As for friends who drift away. … it happened to us, something I just was not expecting at all.

Interesting that two medics are unable to help. It's possible that there aspects of her medical condition that you are unaware of. I certainly know of people of much greater age who have had joint replacements.

I wonder if the surgeon would be willing to operate if she completely understood and accepted the risk that she might not survive?

What does she think about this and what does her daughter think?
If it was me (or, indeed, my mum) I would maybe consider this.
Can the daughter ask the consultant to speak to them?

I wish I had an answer. I suppose that if she's currently well looked after that's good. If she doesn't feel like socialising that's fair enough and understandable poor soul. What will happen when the money runs out though? That's when SS will really have to sharpen their pencils.

I think you’re right Loopyloo. It’s a sad state of affairs when people are left to suffer. Taking paracetamol alongside morphine does make a difference. I had to take it after shoulder surgery and it worked.
What a good friend you are Bazza. 💐

Many thanks to all of you for taking the time to reply. I should have said that her daughter works for Social Services, so all avenues there have been thoroughly assessed, but to no avail. I absolutely agree with GSM, if it was me I’d take the risk of not surviving the surgery as her quality of life now is zero.

I think she certainly needs TKR. I wonder if there’s less risk if it could be done with an epidural rather than GA.

I suppose intravenous morphine would help, but I think that’s only used in palliative care.

The hospital couldn’t get rid of her quickly enough, I do understand that she needs the sort of care that a general hospital doesn’t offer, and beds are precious. She is currently being cared for well but I worry that she’ll just stay in her room as it’s just too painful to leave, and she unsurprisingly doesn’t feel very sociable!

A small point but taking paracetamol regularly helps with the morphine.
Surely this lady would qualify for continuing care.??
What about a referral to pain management specialist?
And definitely SS.
I think now she's in a private care home they think they can now quietly ignore her.

GSM I agree. I know someone in a similar but not quite so bad position. He can hardly move and is in great pain most of the time which morphine does not fully relieve but the consultant won’t do a hip operation as he may not survive. They are having meetings at the moment to discuss taking the risk. He doesn’t want to take more morphine as it zonks you out. This is a dilemma for so many.

I'm really sorry to hear this. Could she not have morphine IV? I know they can give it to people in palliative care

lots of love it is such an awful thing to witness

She is blessed to have a friend like you. As Jaxjacky has suggested, her daughter needs to contact the SS asap . Good luck to your friend ..

I am so sorry to hear of your friend’s situation. I wonder if the surgeon would be willing to operate if she completely understood and accepted the risk that she might not survive? I assume the operation would be a TKR? Being in so much pain, maybe she would take that risk as living with so much pain is not an acceptable alternative?

Her daughter needs to contact Adult Social Services asap, as that’s not mentioned I’m assuming it hasn’t been done. A social worker should help.

What a sad situation. I wish I had some helpful ideas, but I can only send my fervent wishes that she finds the help she needs.

I have no suggestions but didn’t want to read and run

She is lucky to have a good friend like you along with a supportive daughter I think you all need a (((hug)))