Son’s girlfriend diagnosed with BPD

SuperTinny

I know its trendy to constantly use acronyms but boy how this can confuse everyone. This whole thread is littered with them and I for one am thoroughly confused.

Surely it's not too difficult to type out the whole thing once with the acronym in brackets, then use the acronym thereafter.

So which is it: Bi-Polar Disorder (BPD)
or: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Confused.com

I agree, I assumed it was BiPolar Disorder.

Grandmabatty

Then don't assume. Phone him and discuss it. Just listen to what he says and tell him that it's given you food for thought and you'll consider his views. If it was him.

This.

Nannan2

And yes in answer to PP's original question, that is what they do.They alienate them from the family& friends.

No, it certainly isn’t what ALL of those with BPD do!

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't try to control or manipulate people. If anything, it's my worst enemy because it leaves me open to being used. You can't just look up the description of a label and assume that's how the person is affected.

DH has been hospitalised several times and I never contact his family (on his instructions). Don't assume the DIL is deliberately trying to damage the mother/son relationship. Also, after surgery, your son may be on strong pain killers. These can alter the taker's perceptions and behaviour. DD2 was once given morphine after surgery and it changed her completely. She was rude and totally egocentric. I was constantly apologising to the staff who laughed it off saying she wasn't the worst they'd ever had. Once she came off the morphine she returned to her old self.

I don't know SuperTinny - I assumed one thing (but think I'mwrong), other people the other.

I know its trendy to constantly use acronyms but boy how this can confuse everyone. This whole thread is littered with them and I for one am thoroughly confused.

Surely it's not too difficult to type out the whole thing once with the acronym in brackets, then use the acronym thereafter.

So which is it: Bi-Polar Disorder (BPD)
or: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Confused.com

Reply to Greciangirl:

Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that severely impacts a person's ability to manage their emotions. This loss of emotional control can increase impulsivity, affect how a person feels about themselves, and negatively impact their relationships with others.

www.nimh.nih.gov › topics
Borderline Personality Disorder - National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

NIMH is a reputable website and should be up to date

*OP's (typo sorry)

And yes in answer to PP's original question, that is what they do.They alienate them from the family& friends.

What is BPD please?

Grannybiz

My daughter has bpd and isn’t how you say your sons gf is, I would ring him and find out what’s going on

Bizarre she didn’t let you know he’s in hospital,tread very carefully just in case she stays in his life.

My daughter has bpd and isn’t how you say your sons gf is, I would ring him and find out what’s going on

If my son had been admitted to hospital with appendicitis and I wasn’t informed about it for a week I would be livid. Why? I would be asking the girlfriend why she didn’t inform you - surely your his next of kin? Red flags all round here as it also doesn’t sound like he sent the text. You need to speak to him one to one. Good luck!

RakshaMK

Cossy

My daughter has BPD, she’s 23. It’s an awful mental health condition and she’s had “issues” with it since she was 14, finally getting a diagnosis, medication and referral for DBT.

“ Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a disorder of mood and how a person interacts with others. It's the most commonly recognised personality disorder.

In general, someone with a personality disorder will differ significantly from an average person in terms of how he or she thinks, perceives, feels or relates to others.

Symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD)

The symptoms of BPD can be grouped into 4 main areas:

emotional instability – the psychological term for this is affective dysregulation
disturbed patterns of thinking or perception – cognitive distortions or perceptual distortions
impulsive behaviour
intense but unstable relationships with others”

It doesn’t make people “horrible” or “controlling” nor has my daughter ever tried to come between her partner of 3 years and her family.

It is a very difficult and serious mental health issue.

I think you may be confusing Borderline Personality Disorder (or Emotionally Unstable Disorder, which is its modern label) with Bipolar Personality disorder.
They're very different but difficult conditions.

Rasha.. you wouldn't have DBT therapy for Bi Polar

Rasha

I can assure you I haven’t confused the two disorders, I was with my daughter when she received her BPD diagnosis and have driven to The Priory to start her DBT therapy. My MiL had Bi-polar disorder, as well as being diagnosed with Schizophrenia. We have quite a lot of experience with various mental health conditions (and sadly suicide) on both sides of our family.

It may be that they are both feeling overwhelmed following his surgery. I'm so sorry you are upset . I hope things get back on track and you all find a way of coping.

Pippa22

I find this message strange and quite worrying.
I cannot understand the writers son being in hospital for an operation but not letting his mum know for a week. She says she can understand this but if my son had have not let me know I would be really upset. Also how can she not have contacted hi now she does know, a phone call at least but surely the situation warrants a visit.
Whether the girlfriend sent the text or her son surely she wants to make contact and find out. Blis1234 has quite a distant relationship with her son by the sound of it but relating this situation to my son and my relationship I would be behaving very differently. Add in an unpleasant phone message I would be doing much more than contacting Gransnet.

I wouldn't be upset but then, I don't tell people my private medical health details until I'm ready

Many replies have queried the son belatedly informing his mother - just a thought but until recently (when I got a new mobile) my battery would have died overnight. If the son had been rushed into hospital he may well not have taken a charger or cable. Doesn’t explain the girlfriend not letting her know, nonetheless.

VioletSky

My best advice is talk to your son, direct. Arrange to meet up, just the two of you.

Be ready to listen to whatever he has to say to you... The girlfriend has BPD but there is no way of knowing yet if this text is related to that or not.

I would strongly advise not blaming the girlfriend or her diagnosis in any way speaking to your son, as this may damage your relationship. Find out where he stands and work from that

Exactly!! If you live too far away to meet up, talk to him directly on the phone... not by text.

Listen to what he says. If he indeed wrote those texts try not to defend yourself right then. Just say that you'll think about what he has said and will try to do better. Good luck~~~

People with BPD or EUPD as it is also frequently known as need help and understanding not always derision. Although if she did send that text and not your son that's unacceptable and he might need to talk to her about boundaries. However she could be a good girlfriend with a little patience and understanding. Yes they are hard work and you can't always know how to handle their moods but please at least try.

Agree that if it is borderline personality it could be difficult going forward ,for u and your son. However, you may mean BiPolar disorder ? Still difficult but different...

Cossy

My daughter has BPD, she’s 23. It’s an awful mental health condition and she’s had “issues” with it since she was 14, finally getting a diagnosis, medication and referral for DBT.

“ Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a disorder of mood and how a person interacts with others. It's the most commonly recognised personality disorder.

In general, someone with a personality disorder will differ significantly from an average person in terms of how he or she thinks, perceives, feels or relates to others.

Symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD)

The symptoms of BPD can be grouped into 4 main areas:

emotional instability – the psychological term for this is affective dysregulation
disturbed patterns of thinking or perception – cognitive distortions or perceptual distortions
impulsive behaviour
intense but unstable relationships with others”

It doesn’t make people “horrible” or “controlling” nor has my daughter ever tried to come between her partner of 3 years and her family.

It is a very difficult and serious mental health issue.

I think you may be confusing Borderline Personality Disorder (or Emotionally Unstable Disorder, which is its modern label) with Bipolar Personality disorder.
They're very different but difficult conditions.

I find this message strange and quite worrying.
I cannot understand the writers son being in hospital for an operation but not letting his mum know for a week. She says she can understand this but if my son had have not let me know I would be really upset. Also how can she not have contacted hi now she does know, a phone call at least but surely the situation warrants a visit.
Whether the girlfriend sent the text or her son surely she wants to make contact and find out. Blis1234 has quite a distant relationship with her son by the sound of it but relating this situation to my son and my relationship I would be behaving very differently. Add in an unpleasant phone message I would be doing much more than contacting Gransnet.

it is best to do some research on bpd, it is seen as one of the most difficult mental health conditions to have, a lot end their own lives. Newer therapies can help the condition.The main symptom is splitting between good and bad.Ive known people who suffered with it, going along with them can be a rocky ride.