Hypoactive Delerium

Thank you ladies for all your good wishes. It feels very strange today.
When I went to bed last night I realised for the first time in 39 years the phone wouldn’t be ringing with some horrible emergency. Think it’s going to take some getting used to.

My heart goes out to you in your loss Katyj I'm so glad you could be with her

Very best wishes.

sending my condolences and kindest thoughts

Sending ((( hugs ))) and thinking of you. Your Mum is at rest now , you have been amazing. Take care of your self now please. 💐💐

Sending you best wishes and much love, now your mum is at peace.

Sad news, but a peaceful passing with you by her side.
You've done your mum proud Katyj 💐

Thanks for letting us know Katyj.

Sad, but now at peace, for all of you.

katyj shedding a tear for you but so happy you were with her and it was a quiet peaceful slip away.
You couldn’t ask for more Take care and look after yourself which is what your mum would have wanted x

Thank you for all your kind wishes. Mum passed away yesterday afternoon ❤️ sooner than I expected, but I was there and it was so peaceful. Rest in peace mum you deserve a long rest.

Thinking of you, Katyj, it is such a painful and difficult time. As so many have said, DH chose to die after I had been with him, and his last days were calm and untroubled, something we would all wish for. Hope it is the same for your DM.

Macadia That’s a lovely message thank you. Mum is a very spiritual lady, me not so much, but I have felt and seen things, but not for a long while now.
I’m going to see mum this morning. The carer said she has had a peaceful night. I don’t feel the end is just yet, like you say, but I will tell her today that me and everyone else are okay.
I’m so sorry for your loss and that you had no one to share your grief with that is very hard indeed.
I am so lucky in that respect I have a loving family and friends. I need to look after myself though and will try harder to get enough rest and good food inside me.

Yes, Katyj I have experienced this. First, my mum in the hospital with cancer. I was not there but my sister was. She told me that our mum was struggling to breathe and on oxygen and finally my sister said, "It's okay to go" and our mum reached her hands and arms up towards the ceiling of the room as if someone was reaching down to take her and then her arms went limp and she had left her body. It is really unexplainable but at my home, in my bedroom, I felt her leave us. I got out of bed and walked outside, in the rain, by myself, at night for four hours crying. I won't explain anymore - no point in that.

With my father, I received a phone call that I should visit immediately and so I drove about an hour to his room. I stopped on the way and bought a dozen white roses. When I arrived, he was incoherent although I did visit every week and enjoy his conversation and company. When I arrived, he was on a noisy supplemental breathing machine but he was peacefully sleeping. Like everyone, I didn't really know what I was supposed to do. So, I picked up a book and read the whole book to him. It was a book about the life of Queen Mary. When I was done reading the book to my sleeping father, I opened the window because I felt that his soul needed a way to get out. I said to him, "Dad, it's okay to go now" and I left. After I left, while I was driving home, the care home called to say that he had died. He was my best friend and I never shed a tear when he left. He is not here now and that was twenty years ago, but I feel him every day in my heart and I miss him so much.

Another experience was with my BIL. My DH and I took care of him and after 12 years of fighting cancer, my DH left his brothers bedroom to lay down for 30 minutes in the adjacent bedroom. That is when he left us. My DH still asks me why did he do that??!!?? I agree with others here that no one moves out until we leave the room and/or give the person permission. It is such a strange phenomenon. I won't understand why, until I do it, too.

I am sorry that you are transitioning to a time when your mother is moving on but I am SO happy that she has you to make sure that every detail is as perfect as can be in this situation. Sometimes this can take months. Sometimes it takes days. It happens when it is supposed to happen and I would be so lucky to have a daughter as concerned and helpful as you. Your mother is blessed with your presence, care and concern. My beliefs are most likely far from many others because I am very spiritual and I believe in the afterlife or next life so with that, my thoughts are that your mother is in between our existence and another existence, maybe with relatives calling her to join them but she is unsure whether to leave at this time. I hope that I don't offend you by sharing my thoughts in this matter. They are my own opinions and everyone has their own beliefs and rituals. I think your mum will leave when she is sure you will be okay. Do you have family who will be in contact with you when times get tough? I had no one. It might be a good plan to reach out to a friend who is nearby and let them know that you might need extra visits or wellness checks during this time. When I lost my dad, I got violently ill for no other reason except grief. Keep up on your nutrition, hydration, exercise and peace. Hugs to you.

And more hugs to you.

Shelflife my Nan died 30 something years ago and I still beat myself up that I left her at the very monent she died
I was with my dad but I was in such shock watching his every breathe waiting for that last one that afterwards I realised I never held him or even his hand I was frozen I beat myself up about that too and with mum I had to make the decision to let her go with just pain relief she lasted 24 hours I m an only child of an only child, so all on me.

Katyj with the morphine driver in she should feel no pain but will not last very long as she is so weak please be prepared my heart goes out to you ❤️

My mother, sister and I were encouraged to return home for a rest after being with Dad all night in hospital. We'd just got home when we got the phone call. He'd gone.

Thankyou Monica , Bluebelle and everyone who had the experience of leaving a loved one and then learned they had died in their absence. I did feel guilty for a long time ! wanted so much to be with her at the end.
KatyJ I hope you are as ok as possible,
thinking of you. 💐

Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this.
When my late husband was taken to hospital, he couldn’t wake up either and the Doctors said he was in a coma which would be virtually impossible to recover from, (it transpired he had a brain tumour). Obviously, he couldn’t eat or drink. Initially, he was being kept alive by intravenous means but after a couple of days, I queried what the likely outcome would be and was told nothing could be done to bring him out of the coma. I said that it was cruel to prolong things when there was absolutely no chance of recovery. The nurse told me that I could agree to them stopping the nourishment. They would keep him comfortable until he passed naturally. I was assured there would be no pain. My family and I knew this was the kindest thing to do, but it was so, so hard. We adored him and he really was the best person you could wish to meet. He died peacefully, still in the coma, a couple of days later.
It was hell on earth making that decision, but we knew that was what we had to do because we loved him so much.Today is the fourth anniversary of that dreadful day.

Thinking of you Katyj. It’s a difficult time for you all as you wait, but I hope you have comfort knowing your Mum is being well cared for and that she knows you are near. 💐

My mum died 20 years ago this month. 92 years old.

Had become increasingly frail the last few months, but remained at home with lots of support from my sister and me.

Had a fall on the Friday, taken into hospital on Saturday. She said she would have to go into a care home on discharge, I hated that idea.

By the Monday she was constantly asleep, but when Sister and I visited on the Tuesday night, was lucid, chatted, even signed her pension book! We waved her goodbye, promising to visit the next night after work.

Sister was phoned by the hospital the next afternoon, Mum had died. Was ok when checked at 3pm, but had died by next check at 3.15.

I wished I had been with her at the end, but she died quietly and peacefully with no pain or fuss.

A life well lived, and a good death.

What more can you ask? I am feeling quite sad as the 20th anniversary is coming up, but could not have wished for a better end for a beloved mum, and dare I say it, for her family as well.

I believe my aunt/godmother had something similar after a stroke. She will be 90 later this year, my sister, who is an Anglican Priest, sees her from time to time says she is a bit more with when she last saw her. Whilst I was typing this, my sister phoned to say she had been to the hospital to visit her and she was out of it again. If she is released from the hospital she will need to go into a nursing home.

Thank you. Mum seems mostly peaceful, but then occasionally winces, and tries to talk which worries me, is she trying to tell me ? I can’t tell what she’s mouthing she has no voice, then I think it seems cruel.
I’ve just had a call from the district nurse, they’re putting morphine in a syringe driver this afternoon for her so hopefully she’ll be more settled.

Katyj Mum had Alzheimer's for several years. Part of the progress of this is that the brain stops telling you to eat, and she'd lost a lot of weight.
Then she'd stopped drinking and was very frail. Even with two carers assisting she'd fallen while being taken to the toilet so they were nursing her in bed.
The GP said she could be taken to hospital and put on a drip to rehydrate, but at best that would give her another three weeks.
Dad wanted to keep her at home, which he was warned meant she would die within a week.
The GP was happy to agree and the support systems were increased.
We were all happy with the decision.
Dad sat with Mum, she kept putting her arms round his neck and kissing him.
She died on the third day while he'd popped downstairs to make a cup of tea.
Dad was full of remorse that she'd been alone at that point, but I reassured him that it's often the case.
For her last few days Mum was clean, warm, in her own bed at home with someone she knew and loved by her side.
Who could ask for more?

Shelflife V3ra this exactly happened when I was looking after my Nan she was very peaceful I had fed her a little soup and she went back to sleep I sat with her , then one of my children asked me for something I went downstairs for a short time and when I came back she was no longer breathing, I blamed myself for years.

Does she seem agitated or peaceful KatyJ from your first post she sounded to be peacefully slipping away then in your last post you said it seems cruel ?

V3ra Thsnk you for replying so pleased your dad was able to keep your mum at home. Hope you don’t mind me asking but how long did it take her to pass away. Was she able to communicate?
It’s been a week now for us. I’ve just got back from the care home and she’s the same as yesterday, trying to talk but nothing coming out. It seems very cruel to me. I just want her at peace

Katyj my Mum was in the same situation in her own bed at home. Dad sat with her and said he didn't want her taken to hospital, the GP agreed.
They had carers, district nurses and the GP called daily.
Mum died when Dad had popped downstairs to make himself a cup of tea 🤷