Black Dog 22

Doodle I'm glad you had a good day yesterday. What have you been painting? It's good that you've got friends who know just what you're going through.

Wylow3 Thank you. It's much better temperatures today, isn't it? I've done nothing all day but sit and read or watch tv.

EllieAnne How has your day been? Did you see your son and family at the park? It's been cooler here but still warm. Could you do something for yourself on your birthday? (Have you hair done or buy yourself something nice?)

ScaredyCat ChubbyChops isn't walking yet (she's 13 months) but walks around the furniture a lot. She's always happy and is such an easy child to have. Hope you've had a nice time at your GD's BBQ. What did you eat?

Nadateturbe, SweetpeaSue, Candy6, Whiff and ALL others - hope the day has been good for you. x

Hello all.
Doodle- some aspects of loss are almost unbearable to think about but I promise there will come a time when you can think about the good things without so much pain. I,m glad you have friends who understand your feelings- it must help you feel not so alone.
You are right the reality of loss is different - I always imagined I would lose my mind if I lost a child. But I had 2 others to care for. Somehow though he is still here- I just can’t see him .
One day at a time dear Doodle- allow yourself to cry but don’t stop yourself from laughing either- both are healing. Thinking of you today as always.
SweetPeaSue- I haven’t spoken to GD yet about her job but I,m sure she will love it. She is a very”hands on” nurse and very empathetic as she has gone through many difficulties herself.
I,m sorry your DiL has such worries about her Mum- it must upset you to see her so distressed.However old we are our Mums are so important to us. You write touchingly of the loss of your own Mum - I too was broken when our Mum chose to leave us .
Nice gifts for your Auntie- she will think of you both every time she goes into her garden and sees her new plant.
HVDY- Glad you could have your walk in the park. No wonder you are fed up with the pain though it is really limiting what you can do. Just hope you get to see someone soon.
Chubby Chops seems to be the most adaptable little girl who enjoys whatever she does. Is she walking now- I can’t remember.
We are going to eldest GD for a family BBQ this afternoon- it’s warm but quite cloudy so it should be comfortable. Went to Home Bargains the first time this morning- what a treasure trove!! Another bag of stuff we didn’t know we wanted came home with us. I remembered you mentioning it and didn’t realise we had one.
Hope you are not too uncomfortable today.
Nadateturbe- how are you today?
Wishing a good day to all those not mentioned and those who post or just read.

Have had a difficult week. I didnt want to see or speak to anyone but had to Thursday and Friday because of arrangements made a while ago. People don’t understand either of my difficult situations so best to keep quiet. Meeting son 2 and family in a park today. It’s not very warm though. I think it’s because it’s my birthday next week and won’t see any of the family then. I really don’t like birthdays.

I find it difficult to reach out re carers agency, but thee are good reasons it’s done via Health people, that they are involved. They were at the start - a joint visit with the carer boss.

There has to be a reason carers have just left it or dropped it and I dont want to hear it from them like rejection abandonment, but try to make MH have appropriate responsibility.
Will try and get that together next week.

Today cleaner came and drove for bloods so got tired and the usual koko stuff.
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- [ ] It was very hot *Sweetpeasue wasn’t it. A nursery voucher always goes down well. Your DH is struggling poor man.

Sorry to hear of your pain levels, HVDY. Really bad day for you.

I wondered where your friends came from, Doodle. Being in the church class and having their own experiences you have quite a bit in common. Not that it stops that feeling when you close the door in your own flat and the koko has to happen.

Love and warm thoughts to BD's not in today - best nights possible in this heat and a rest for your back HVDY

Doodle I'm glad you are able to talk to someone who has been through the loss of their husbands and suffering the same feelings. It must be reassuring that others going through the same and you can identify with them. No one can understand unless they've been there. That's why it's so difficult for me to know what to say. I hear what you say about you imagining what it must feel like to be bereaved and the reality is so different. I find that so frightening .
Just want you to know I care so much but understand that isn't helpful enough. It took me at least 2 yrs after my mum died to even feel human. I started losing my hair and I never had a monthly period since I heard of her diagnosis of Pancreatic Cancer. I am pleased though that you have so many friends at church and you are gaining more from your art classes. You really are trying so very hard. You can't do more. X

Scaredycat I missed the bit about your DGD new job. Hope she enjoys it.
Sweetpeasue sorry to hear about your DILs mother. Hope she is being taken good care of.
What a lovely time you had with your DGS.
Hope your aunt has nice birthday she will be pleased with the plant and vouchers.
HVDY I am very lucky that I have a few good friends from church tans art class who have been widowed. They know exactly how it feels and are very supportive. The
It is good to talk with people who know. I imagined how I’d feel before DH dies but the reality is totally different.
I’ve had a good day today. Coffee with friend this morning and painting with friend this afternoon.
Hope you get to see that musculoskeletal person soon.
Wyllow good you got out again. Who is supposed to be sorting out a career for you?
Ellie Anne what sort of week have you had since you’ve been back?

SweetpeaSue It's been very warm and is still really muggy & sticky. I've been in a lot of pain again, but pushed the pushchair a bit, then we went to a pub for lunch. Chubby Chops had her own packed lunch . Such a happy little girl. That was a lovely gift for your aunt. Do you ever wear a support bandage on your knee? I wonder what's caused your husband's bruising? Has he banged his back at all?

I'm sick of this constant pain (I don't know how people manage with pain every day like this). I look forward to going to bed, when it's not too bad. I hope ALL BDers have been pk today x

Wyllow Sorry you've not heard about the other carer . It's so difficult for you to find the energy and motivation to chase things up -and anyone mentally ill shouldn't need to ,so unfair, but is it possible for you to call them or email the people in charge to find out what's happening? Really lay it on thick about how vulnerable and afraid you are and are feeling abandoned. Glad you got out in fresh air yesterday and hope today you've managed to carry out self care. You are trying and that's so good ,so well done for keeping going. Wish you could feel some optimism but I know that's the illness. Sending love.
HVDY Been very hot here, and I know it's always warmer in Mansfield so hope you found some shade in the park. It's so nice that you get on so well with your DIL . Do hope you managed with your pain -you are trying your best to keep going but don't push too hard and set the pain off by doing too much.
Yes was so nice to see DGS yesterday and we had a go at badminton in garden- had to be so careful with knee. Feels as if it could 'slip out' at times.

Took plant for aunt's garden and a garden nursery voucher with card. Her birthday's tomorrow and she'll be going out with her DD and Granddaughters .
DH has huge deep bruises on his back but no idea how he got them.zHes wearing splint on wrist as hand is painful to move and difficult to grasp things. At least it's his left hand.

Hope everyone is coping and has had a reasonable day today. Tomorrow is another day and can be better. Hope. X

Wyllow3 So pleased you managed to get out for a walk yesterday. Having a bit of fresh air is good. Could you ring the agency to see what is happening re getting extra help?

It's quite a bit cooler, thankfully (hope it stays that way). DH and I are going to meet DIL and baby later, for a stroll (hobble, in my case) around the park then pub lunch. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

It wasn’t so hot today and HVDY went for a walk with worker but still nothing re carer input and its now another 2 weeks. Feel abandoned trying not to be scared.

Glad your pain has been a little less.

Glad you got in a walk, Scaredycat - and yes those little chats make a difference. Good for you with the medicinal magnums.

I now what you mean about thinking too deeply and the pit Doodle ....do cry xx

How good to hear about time with DGS, Sweetpeasue. I’m so sorry to hear DiL’s news.

Night night to all BDs both in today and all others xx

ScaredyCat I bet your GD will deal with all kinds of health concerns, and it'll be really interesting. I've just done an online Morrisons shop (fed up with Asda) and included Magnums in it

Doodle I am pinning my hopes on the Musculoskeletal clinic. They might be able to give me a steroid injection at some point. It's tough to accept never seeing a loved one again. I remember feeling like that when my mum died (which I know is different to a spouse). If you can talk to others who have been through the same grief, it might help. Have you heard anything more about Cruse?

SweetpeaSue I went to the day centre and had a nice day, thanks. The pain has been bad but not as terrible as the other days this week - clambering out of the balloon ride basket certainly made it so much worse. Lovely that you spent time with your grandson and then with your son and his wife. I hope her mum gets better news/treatment.

DH is at the cinema with Son1 this evening (Deadpool). It's just poured with rain here but it's still too muggy. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Wyllow Don't beat yourself up when you can't manage things you want to. Be kind to yourself and think ,I'll try another day. Hope you saw your worker today and managed a walk out.
Scaredycat I hope your DGD likes her job in the GP practice and has had a good day today. She sounds very experienced and yes, I'm sure I would love her. I'm not confident at all walking alone. Just feel self conscious I guess. Also feels awful to leave DH home. Can't walk far at present because of knee but I should have kept up walking before I think. Hope you enjoyed your magnum.
HVDY Ah I see that you've finished with physio. Just hope it won't be long for appt with musculoskeletal clinic. Sometimes I don't feel like going out anywhere too. Did you get to day centre today? Hope the pain hasn't been so bad.
EllieAnne I do feel for you and you try so hard with your family and help them. I think your DD will come round and see you have been trying to help . It's a good idea to think of yourself sometimes -you ARE a good mum.
Doodle I do hope today has been better for you. Those waves of grief are crushing and it must leave you so exhausted. Scaredycat has such kind words for you. Just wish I could take the pain away for you. I'm glad you have found that company and conversations with others have helped .
My day has been quiet this morning but a nice few hrs with my DGS .Took him to park in our village. Mostly for younger ones but he met a friend there so he enjoyed that. Ho.me for tea with strawberries which he loves. He's so funny.
Son and new wife came and sat for an hr then took him back.
I'm so sad though. DIL has had bad news about her mum's health. Can't say .ore but prayers would be most welcome.

Hope everyone has had a decent day and love to all not personally mentioned. Wishing you all a peaceful and pain-free night.x

HVDY my neighbour recently saw a musculoskeletal practitioner and she said he was brilliant. Made a big difference to he neck and shoulder pain. Hope you get seen soon and it helps.
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
Wyllow you’re doing what you can. Just take each day as a new one and maybe tomorrow will be better.
Scaredycat yes I do have bright moments. Times when I get involved in other things or meet friends. It is getting easier being with other people now. I am trying not to think to deeply. There is an aspect to grief about not accepting seeing loved one again. I have to keep those feelings at arms length a bit. I’m too afraid to think to deeply because it’s a pit I might never get out of so at the moment I feel sad and lost and tears come easy. I have good days but never ones that are pain free.
You are right, going out and meeting people is the only way. Just a small conversation can make all the difference.
Ooh I love Magnums. Wish I could join you 🤣
Sweetpeasue how has your day been?

HVDY- oh they sound delicious.
My DH is always hot too and does sweat a lot but not unpleasantly. He is always tired too and could sleep for England.
My DGD has been a nurse for a long time now but always in a Hospital or Clinic. But she has never worked in a GP practice before so there is quite a bit to learn although she has a lot of experience. Thank you for your kind wishes.
It’s too hot to sit outside this afternoon so sitting inside like an old lady- Oh I am an old lady😀😀
Just ordered some Magnums on Tescos delivery - purely for medicinal purposes!!!!

ScaredyCat I had lemon meringue blondie, the girls had cookie dough and ice cream. My husband is always hot, all year round (not sweaty but very warm), not sure if it's to do with his parathyroid or not as he's always been like it. He's always tired too, and sleeps 10 hours a night! I hope your granddaughter's first day in her nursing job has gone well.

The 1 hour of rain we had here this morning cooled things off, but it's very warm again now. 26 degrees. Hope everyone is ok x

Morning all.
HVDY- Nice Birthday outing for your Son1. Pudding Pantry sounds right up my street- what puds did you have?
What a waste of an appointment for yourDH. We have 4 parathyroid glands and our bodies can function with just one of those.My DH lost all of his when he had his thyroid Cancer Op. so takes lots of meds . He,s fit as a flea just always hot though🥵His yearly Cancer checks have been phone ones for several years - clever how the Consultant can feel his neck through the phone eh!!! Hope your DH gets seen again soon.
Hope you have a nice day whatever you chose to do.
Doodle- what you wrote to,Wyllow is so true. You chose the hopeful path and are walking it so bravely.
Thank you for those kind words. I always felt it was up to me to live the best life I could not just for me but for my children. My DH and DS couldn’t so I lived it for them. Of course I was much younger but you are young in Spirit and a great example for us all.
Been on another early walk this morning.Met a lovely younger lady with a sweet dog and had a nice chat- those random meetings can make your day can’t they.DH was at the Gym.
You are never a misery- you need to let the tears flow till they subside- it is natural and healing.
Hope you have some bright moments in your dayxx
SweetPeaSue- walking alone is sometimes good- you can go at your own pace and take time to smell the flowers!! There are lots of single walkers out there.
Glad the Dr put your mind at rest somewhat re DH arm/ hand aching. Can’t believe that nurse made such a basic mistake- you made a very generous acceptance of it. Today my second eldest GD starts a new job as a Practice Nurse- wish she was at your surgery - you would love her.
EllieAnne- Oh you have done your best to build bridges with your DD. I think she must be sad too- she will come to realise how lucky she is to have you but right now I don’t think she is aware of anyone’s feelings.
For now I think you should start to,care for yourself - treat yourself with kindness and try and do some things that you enjoy. You are a kind thoughtful person and deserve better.
When you feel up to it you might enjoy U3A if there is one nearby.
Wyllow- hope your tummy is more comfortable. I find walking is good for those sort of problems too.
Don’t beat yourself up about not going to the Park- it’s just one day.
Today I hope you saw the MH worker and got out in the sunshine.
I think it’s a great idea to get someone in to,sort out your garden. They won’t take long and it will do your spirits good to look out onto your own special place- we,ll be there in spirit too.
You are a fighter and will get there in the end.xxxxx
Nadateturbe, Candy, Whiff, Nanny, Allsorts , Athenia, Jaffacake, and those I,ve not mentioned plus anyone else just reading have the bes5 day you canxxxxx

Wyllow3 It was too hot to go out or do much at all yesterday. I'm already thinking I might stay in and not do anything instead of going to the day centre place. I hope the day goes well for you with your MH worker visit.

Very tired. I’ve read today and caught up with you all.
Sorry cant comment much, but Doodle never ever feel you have to apologise

I had intended to go to park but just sat there in dressing gown and couldn’t force it then beat myself up about it of course.

MH worker tomorrow.

Night night dear BD’s

SweetpeaSue the nice Physio isn't going to see me again - he said I'll be looked after by the Musculoskeletal people (Aug 16) but he will prescribe Naproxen if I want that (I'm only on 2x4 Paracetamol at the moment) Like you and your DH, it's all waiting for appointments and tests, isn't it? I hate this heat as well Yes, we're very lucky to do things with family.

Doodle It's natural - although sad and horrible - for you to miss your husband so much. It is early days. Let the tears flow, if you need to cry. You are doing so very well. I'm glad you had company today.

I hope ALL BDers are managing with this heat. x

Had a good day today. Church this morning and lunch out with friends. Lots of chat and laughter then home this evening and longing with all my heart to have my beloved back. Tears just won’t stop. I do have better times and days but when this loss hits it’s like waves ogling over you again and again. Sorry I’m a right misery tonight.
Sweetpeasue what a lovely post to Ellie Anne you’re so thoughtful.
Wyllow hope you’re feeling more comfortable now and have a peaceful night.
HVDY well how silly the doctor hadn’t already talked to the radiographer. What a waste of time. Sounds like you had a full on day. I love the sound of the Pudding Pantry. Dare I ask what they serve there.😊
Scaredycat hope you’ve had a good day
This heat is oppressive though.
Sorry all not up to much tonight. Sleep well xx

HVDY That hospital appt for your DH was ridiculous. I just hope you won't have to wait ages for another appt with this Dr.
It must be great to be able to go out with son so much. Never heard of Pudding Pantry but I like the sound of it.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. I've not done anything interesting really. Had some pain and DH but think we're both just fed up of everything really. Will have to pull my socks up and not get so down.
Love to all and thinking of so many of you.

HVDY Your pain is so debilitating-is the nice physio seeing you again?
My DH has had 2 carpal tunnel surgeries so not sure why that's come back. He has the dull head at left side and can't think straight all the time now and think that's something to do with artery problem from neck according to radiographer.

DH had a hospital appointment, re the nodules on his parathyroid. We waited an hour before he was called in . The doctor said he wanted to speak with Radiographer about the last scan (April/May), so until then, nothing is happening (what was the point of today?). Picked up Son1 and girls, went to a pub he likes (craft/real ales), had lunch there then to Pudding Pantry and another pub. Took them home, got in at 6. Knackered . x

Doodle In your situation, people either give up and wait for the end, or continue your life as best as you can. I'm glad you're choosing the latter. You're a friendly, lovely lady and your family all need you to koko. I wish my brother would do something with his life.

SweetpeaSue It must be a relief to know that the sensation your husband gets in his arm is nothing sinister. Hope he won't be waiting long for the referral. I had to wear splints throughout my pregnancy with Son2 because of carpal tunnel syndrome.

EllieAnne You made a real effort to travel to your daughter's and did your best. You need to think about yourself now and make a better life by joining something, perhaps.

Wyllow3 I can't lie down. Sitting is painful, and so is getting up from a sitting or bent position. I hope your tum is better today. Lactulose is meant to be good and gentle.

Aw Wyllow So sorry about your poorly tummy. I hope its all eased for a while now. The pain and cramps can be excruciating -you can do without any more to contend with. Do you think you might need some professional advice on it ? Hope you can cope without needing it but do take care of physical side though it's so hard when you are on your own and don't want to face any more appts.
Understand about garden. Yes a little relieved that DHs hand may be cause of tingling/aching and not blocked artery.

Hope everyone is managing to koko and your day goes as well as possible.