Black Dog 22

HVDY well done on the walk. I must really get out and do more. Glad you had a nice lunch.

Evening all. I was offered bereavement counselling today. I turned it down. I’m too afraid that in depth thinking might shake this fragile hold I’ve got on my life at the moment. Have no idea if I’ve made the right decision or not.
HVDY I sleep better in the dark too however now I’m not looking forward to darker days. I like the light.
Candy when we had a caravan I used to spend half my time there cleaning 🤣. Glad you’re getting to spend time there. I used to love ours.
Yes we all cope with grief differently. I got rid of all the things associated with my husbands disability straight away. It wasn’t how I wanted to remember him. But as for everything else I can’t part with things. I keep every scrap of paper he’s written on. Even kept the printed labels he stuck on things because he printed them out. His clothes will stay where they always have and his possessions in the chest of drawers. I might get rid of a coat or two and some of his shoes. It does hurt to see them but would hurt more to get rid of them.
Wyllow have you got your meds sorted out now? Hope so.
Ellie Anne I am so lucky with our church it just suits me. Have you visited any other local churches to see if there’s a quieter one. Some people I know go to more than one church so you could try out others,
I know about envy too. What I feel when I see couples together. Trouble is you never know what’s happened in other peoples lives. All May look peaceful on the outside but you don’t know what tragedies they’ve been through.
I think we all wish we were different in many ways. I do feel for you and all you’re going through. Can’t be easy for you carrying on day by day. We all need things to look forward to and when there isn’t, it’s hard.
Sweetpeasue glad you made it. My right knee is playing me up too. Did it cause you problems with your driving?
My DS2 has a hot tub. They love it. It might help your aches and pains. Lovely to spend special time with your family.
Safe journey home tomorrow.
Scaredycat how’s your day been? It’s been funny weather here windy, sunny, overcast, hot and cold. No idea what to wear.

Candy6 You're always busy . You're a great mum. Your family must love staying with you. I wonder where it was in Croatia you didn't like. If you like hordes of tourists, cobbled streets, Game of Thrones, you'll like Dubrovnik. Son2 has been to lots of countries, all before he met DIL. So you've got a son who knows about technology (hi-fi etc). Our Son1 is good with all that.

Wyllow3 Did you get the ADs ok? My pain is less than it was, thanks. Taking Ibuprofen is helping.
EllieAnne You're a good mum, you needn't wish you were different. There's nothing wrong with you. We all have envy of something or someone, at times. Do you and your daughter text each other? It's been very windy here (Nottingham), and rained a bit at teatime.

SweetpeaSue Your break away sounds very relaxing, just what you need. I hope you had some wine or something else to drink. Looking up at the moon whilst in warm water sounds lovely.

How's everyone else been? DH and I had lunch at a favourite bar, then walked to a couple of shops (not something I like doing), so I walked a mile and a half, which is nothing to most people, but was a small achievement for me at the moment. I drove to Son2's, and fed the cats, and was ok. I'm going to set myself small targets, build things up slowly. Hope ALL BDers are ok x

Wyllow Hope you have the ADs sorted
now. You shouldn't have to chase up things like that- can't understand why the system of getting prescriptions has become such a nightmare for us all.

Hello everyone. We made it. Drive was tough as traffic jams but we're here. Supposed to be Internet but has only just come on ( been down because if storm' they' said). Just read your posts .
Sorry EllieAnne rainy weather- pouring down all day today here. I went to an evangelical church many trs ago. It suited my need for a short while but couldn't stay there. Much to be said for quieter churches I feel. Each to their own and think people need to feel they belong.
Doodle I'm glad you have so many friends at church and it's comforting there. Hope you manage an hrs walk if you join - phew. I' m annoyed my knee won't let me do what I could but think stopping our walks may have worsened things.
We went to sons lodge(not far from ours) last night and DGS and his little stepsister enjoyed hot tub while we sat outside and chatted- it was nice to be able to get to know DIL's mum a little better. Then we came back to our own lodge and ......... gingerly lowered ourselves into our own hot tub! Something never thought I'd ever do. It's set privately next to lodge. So strange looking up at the clouds in the darkening sky.
Just been for lunch with son and family and back at lodge,it's tipping down. DH looks so v tired and needed rest. Seeing son at lodge later, then driving home tomorrow. Definitely worth the effort just to have that time with son 2 and family. Hoping easier drive back tomorrow.
Love to all and good to belong to BD. Felt quite out of it not knowing how you all were yesterday with no Internet.xxx

Doodle your church sounds very peaceful. Ours is evangelical and has lots of young people and children so it is quite loud and busy. I often don’t feel I fit in but couldn’t cope with moving.
But when I visit old churches or cathedrals I feel there is a peaceful atmosphere. I would like somewhere to just sit and be peaceful.
It’s pouring here again. Our summers been awful.
Not heard from dd. I was going to phone yesterday but couldn’t face it. If she doesn’t want to speak it’s long sllences and I start talking rubbish.
Really struggling with envy just now and know it’s wrong and pointless.
Wish I was different.

I can understand why you’d need a birthday diary, Scaredycat . And yes, you did start young, I didn’t have DS until I was 30. Thank you for your kind words. xx for your son.

HVDY I hope your day out has helped with the pain. You were another young mum. I expect that you’re looking forward to seeing them all again.

Yes Doodle again you put it well. I’m so thankful you have church.

Never mind them saying you are fussy ….You have to do whats best for you Candy. I’m just glad you have the caravan its seems to mean a lot to you.
.so it’s not surprising home is so busy. I’ll take up your idea with the chemist of a small amount but if a script didn’t come…

Re AD’s…..I dont know if it’s the fault of the chemist last week or a failure of the GP’s putting the order through that my AD’s weren’t in my meds package.
Preoccupied with Just hoping can sort it - hoping its a chemist error otherwise..sick of meds hassles.

Wondering how you got on today Sweetpeasue hope to see you in soon to find out.

Sending all BD’s best wishes reading and posting.

Night night all.

Evening all
Late in again and seems ages since I’ve been here. I was so busy last week. We have come to our caravan and I’m hoping to stay the week but because my son was coming home, with his GF and her friend, there was lots to do at home to prepare, food, cleaning etc. plus my normal childcare duties. I love my caravan but I’m finding I spend all my time when I’m home “catching up” then getting ready to come here. I’m not complaining, it’s just the way it is. Family say I’m too fussy but I like things to be right.
Doodle you seem to be doing well although I know you’re still obviously very sad. It’s good that you’re comforted from your photos and videos. It’s nice that you’ve got them. I remember when my mum died many years ago, my Dad had the house cleared of everything of hers within days. My sister in laws did it, I couldn’t. He said he didn’t want to open the drawer and see something like a lipstick and be reminded of her. It was difficult for us but it was his way of coping and we had to respect that. He loved her dearly and spent many years caring for her and it was a big loss. You have to do what you feel is right. I hope today has been a good one for you.
Sweetpeasue I hope you haven’t been in pain today and your DH has been well. It’s hard not to worry isn’t it? I’m such a worrier and would really like to find a way of coping with it. I hope you have a lovely time away.
HVDY nice to have one half of your family home safely and I expect you are looking forward to seeing chubby chops at the end of the week too. I’ve only been to Croatia once and we didn’t like it but I really think we chose badly (a recommendation by friends but really not our cup of tea). It hasn’t put us off though. I would really like to go to Dubrovnik but we just haven’t got round to it. Spain seems to be our first choice but there’s a big wide world out there I know. Hope your potential adopted cat stays - it would certainly land on its paws if it did and be treated so well! I hope your day has been ok and you’ve managed to do something, pain free.
Scaredycat yes, we are at our caravan. We’ve had a new wi-fi system installed (by my son who knows about these things) it just means we can watch more things here as we plan on spending more time here now, family commitments permitting. Our DGS doesn’t come with us very often mainly due to his football commitments (which ALWAYS come first!). This weekend he was playing another academy not for from our caravan so it was nice to travel from here. He sometimes plays quite a distance though so we don’t go to every game - that’s down to his parents! Your poor niece, she must be so uncomfortable bless her. I hope it’s all sorted very soon. Hope you’ve had a good day today.
Wyllow I’m glad your appointment with the MH worker was ok. I hope you manage to build a bond that you are comfortable with. It’s a shame there’s a break though but hopefully it can be built upon when she returns. I know you’re still having bad days but you’re getting through them and hopefully soon you will have more good days than bad. I hope you get your meds. I know chemists can provide you with a small supp,y without prescription to tide you over. Take care and koko.
Ellie Anne nice to hear from you. Hope you are getting through the weekend ok. I know they are difficult for you. Take care.
Nadaterturbe hope you are well and managing ok. Thinking about you and sending ❤️.

Love to everyone else not personally mentioned. Night all xx

Doodle perhaps you'll join the walking group in a week or two? It's nice that you find comfort and company by going to church. I was up at about 6.30 this morning. I'll be glad when the mornings are darker later. I wake up as soon as it's light (despite having blackout curtains).

Sweetpeasue hope your DH didn’t injure himself. Oh how I wish you could get to see that vascular surgeon sooner. Hopefully not long to wait now. Has the IBS settled now? Have a lovely time in Ribblesdale it sounds lovely is it in Yorkshire?
Wyllow it’s sad really that we’re just wishing our lives away but that’s how I find my days passing. Get through the morning somehow and hope the rest of the day passes quickly.
So sorry you’ve run out of your Ads. That’s not good. Are you ok? Can you get some tomorrow?
Church has been a God send to me….literally. It has helped so much in having company and friendships. Also somewhere quiet to go for a while and light a candle.
HVDY don’t think I’ll make the walking group tomorrow I’ve still so much paperwork to sort I’d rather get that finished then I can relax. Not sure where the church lady lives but she goes regularly on a Sunday so expect I’ll see her again.
Crumbs just realised when you posted. You were up early. How were the cats?
Scaredycat I can’t imagine how it must feel to lose a child. Nothing I can think of would help someone come to terms with that. It’s lovely you have a large family that get on but is can understand the sadness at your son not being there too.
Hope you’ve had a nice weekend.

ScaredyCat It's ChubbyChops (Son2) who is in Zadar, their cats we're seeing to. They're back Thursday night. The other son and family are back. Not seen them but have had texts. My late Mr Cooper had been feral/stray and loved his food. I fed him 4 times a day and he soon got into a good routine.

SweetpeaSue Hope you got to Ribblesdale ok. Yorkshire in general has such beautiful scenery.

Not been out today (couldn't be bothered but did shower and dress). Watched the recent episode of "Sherwood". Recognised the various places featured. Hope everyone has been ok x

Hi,all.
SweetPeaSue- I just googled Ribblesdale it looks lovely. Do hope you managed to get there.
It’s disgraceful how your DH has been messed about so much- thet better not change his appt for the 17th.
We,ve not had everyone together since they have been adults with families of their own and live all over the place. Just have to meet up when we can.
Doodle- I,m pleased that you met another nice potential friend- especially one who understands how you are feeling.
I feel that you are somebody who people gravitate towards - with your kind,unselfish good nature.
Ha ha we remember the Birthdays in a big desk diary that is permanently out and open all the time. I feel very fortunate to have such lovely step children as well as my own.Just wish there wasn’t that big empty space where my dear Son should be.
Hope you,ve seen your family today and enjoyed the sunshine.
Wyllow- what a pain to not receive all your meds especially the ADs. I think years ago I forgot to renew my BP meds and it was a weekend. I was able to pick some up from the local hospital.
So sorry the’whats the points’ got the better of you especially as you,d got stuff done. But maybe that’s why as you felt you,d done it for nothing. Today is another day so hope you have some brighter moments and maybe get out.
Our family is a blended one hence all the children!!
HVDY- hope the cats were pleased to see you- they sound lovely. My DGD had to feed my DD 2/cats before coming yesterday. They are rescues and one was a street cat and very greedy. He yowls so loudly for food as I guess he still remembers how hit and miss his meals used to be.
Have you seen Chubby Chops since she came home from her travels?
Yes we did start young didn’t we. I had 3 children by my 24th birthday .
Hope you are comfortable today.
Hoping all BDs and those who visit or just read are having a pleasant Bank Holidayxxxx

EllieAnne Glad you popped in. I've been watching "Forensics" and "Cause of Death", both on C5 catch-up. I find things like that fascinating. I don't watch police programmes, though.
ScaredyCat You've got a lot of grandchildren! Expensive at Christmas, but lovely to have them all. You must have started your family young. I was 22 when Son1 was born (now 43). Your niece has had a lot to contend with. Hope she gets her op soon.
SweetpeaSue I didn't see the post you removed, but gather you won't see your son. Sorry to hear that, hope you see him very soon. Hope all goes well with your trip. How's your husband now?
Doodle Glad you found people to chat with at church. Does that lady live near to you? Perhaps you'll see her again. Hope you get to the walking group tomorrow. Are there some parks nearby to walk to?
Wyllow3 You have quite a few problems with getting your meds. Would 111 be able to advise? Hope your day goes well.

I'm just going to see to the cats. DH had said he'd go, but he doesn't get up until about 9. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

I hope that you will be able to drive as soon as you can, HVDY, without too much pain.
I prefer not real life crime!

I was so glad you came in Ellie Anne Its hard to find that motivation with the struggles.. ..all the best with a bit more walking.

Your niece certainly has had a lot to cope with Scaredycat. Good to hear of the early morning walk, hope you got some treats at M n S. Thank you for “being beside me”. Your family is huge! You just have been a young mum.

I’m so glad you have church, Doodle and the chat. Recognise the “half the day gone which I like”!

Sweetpeasue I read your earlier post and glad I did - to send you hugs. Hope you can get away, but will understand.

I also took extra meds today as my “whats the point” got out of control. Had done a wash and had a shower.

I had also discovered on opening this months meds packet that there were no anti-d’s - missed out - Have run out - and of course as its bank holiday have to wait till Tuesday and what hassles then?.

Hugs clearly needed sent out to all, reading and posting.

Doodle Bless you , you have so much yourself with your heart breaking. Thankyou. DH told Rheumatologist when last saw him about his hand and arm- it's the left where this 'bruit' thing in and plaque in subclavian artery. He said the Vascular Surgeon knows much more and that's why he wrote a letter to Vascular team ,initially( about 5weeks ago) Since then 2 appts with Vascular cancelled. Next is 17th Sept.
We are set to go away tomorrow to Ribblesdale , about 1hr 45 min drive. DH slipped in bath tonight as couldn't grip side of bath with left hand.
Hoping GP is there on Thursday.
Must have IBS as sent me to bathroom last couple of hrs. Easing now.
So kind of you to reply thankyou so much.
I'll be OK. Sending a hug back and much love. Hope you sleep tonight.x

Wyllow thank you for your thoughts. I understand some of what you’re going through too.
So pleased you got out for a walk. I’m sure it will all help in some way.
HvDY church has been so helpful to me. The people are so nice. Today after the service I spent half an hour talking to another lady who lost her husband 5 years ago. Spent so long chatting that by the time I finished my Waitrose shopping it was gone 1 pm. More than half the day gone which I like,
The cats sound lovely. I bet you enjoy being with them.
Ellie Anne I’m so pleased to hear from you. I have been wondering if you were ok. I’m going to try walking more too. I have found an hour walk taking place on Tuesdays if I gear myself up for I might go this Tuesday.
Scaredycat your poor niece. I do hope she gets treated soon.
Yes being busy this week has helped. I had a good day today too after early morning sadness. Church was lovely and so nice to chat with others after. Glad you had a walk and a visit from your DGD.
How lovely to have such a large family. I wonder how you remember everyone’s birthdays 🤣
Oh Sweetpeasue how disappointing you didn’t get to see your son. I would be upset too,
You’re not weak you’re just a mum missing your son. You’re also worried about your DH. Are you phoning the surgery Tuesday to see about your husbands arm and hand? Is it expected to hurt so much?
Sending you a hug tonight too. You sound like you need it. X

Sorry, I'm OK.Im pretty sure I won't be understood because backstory not disclosed. I' m OK, I've asked for Ist post to be taken down.
Hope everyone has a peaceful night.

Doodle Thinking about you and hope you got to church this morning and saw some friends. Love and a hug.x

Scaredycat My cousin didn't need a Hysterectomy as they managed to remove it without thank goodness.
You have such a wide family and it must be lovely to all get together , though very difficult to get the right time for everybody. Shows what a nice person you are that all your DGC and GGC love to come and see you.
Wyllow Well done for that walk in the park , I'm so pleased for you. Hope today hasn't been too bad for you.
HVDY Sorry it was one of those days where it's hard to get motivation. It's good idea to keep driving up if possible. I'm not confident on unfamiliar roads so have to push myself but I dread my knee being too bad to drive at all. I can do short distances.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hi all.
HVDY- My niece has 2 pre ops in September as she also had a pacemaker fitted this year. She is very uncomfortable now and very fed up too.
I love both those tv programmes you watched - some of those dogs are nightmares.
Ah your generous DH - He,s a lovely Dad as you are Mum.
Glad your little fur friend popped in to see you- he,ll be back.
Doodle- glad you had a good day yesterday- hopefully you slept well after such a busy week.
Had a nice early morning walk while DH at Golf. Then a bit of shopping at Tescos and Marks. DGD coming later as she has to feed the cats before she comes. We love to see her and hear all about what she’s been up to.
Wyllow- well done,with the walk- I realise the effort you make to go but it really helps even though sometimes you don’t always feel like it. Dont forget I,m right beside you. I had to make way for a little man on a mobility scooter on my walk this morning- he was like Lewis Hamilton!! I thought to myself I,d rather have one of those than not get out if walking became problematic.
I,m glad you read and watch TV. I agree it’s not always easy to find a good film but there are some good series .what do you like to watch?
SweetPeaSue- sorry about your pain again- glad the hot packs provide some,relief.
Yes,looking forward to DGD visit later. Our eldest GD is 38!!
We have 11 altogether including 2 step GC the youngest being 15. Plus 4 GGC 10,8,7 2. They have helped keep us young in Spirit and we are very fortunate they enjoy being with us when they can- some live a long way away.
You told me about your Aunts DD- poor girl - did she have a hysterectomy when they took it out? My nieces was 21 cm At last measurement but my Sister said on Sat that it was bigger now.
Hope you,ll be able to get away tomorrow- is it possible you can wait til the morning to decide?
EllieAnne- so good to see you back. Hopefully the weather will improve so you can get out again. I,m sorry you feel so low mentally but your home situation is continual stress for you to deal with isn’t it. Take care - we all want things to get better for you.
Candy- I expect you’re at the caravan- hope you are enjoying the rest. Does your DGS ever stay there with you?
Nadateturbe- thinking of you and hope you have some improvement in your health this week.
Take care allxx

Hvdy I’m with you. Crome and medical. 24 hours in an and e.gps behind closed doors etc.and rescue programmes.
Sorry I haven’t been in but I do read your comments and think about everyone. I’m fortunate that I am quite good physically but mentally have been struggling.
Have not been managing many walks no motivation and terrible weather but am going to make a real effort this week.

Doodle It's good that you've got a distraction in the church. Helping others is always good. The cats are lovely and very nice-natured. A huge boy and a fluffy girl. Both are pretty cats. I went in my dressing gown at 7am (Good job it's only 2 miles away). I drove - I intend getting back to driving asap. Hope your day goes well and that you chat with others at church.

Wyllow3 We haven't got Netflix any more but have got Plex (an app). I like real-life crimes and anything medical. Glad you got out for a walk in the park. I ought to make an effort to do something today (but don't feel like it).

Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

I hope your dressing gown day was OK, HVDY.
It’s very easy to get stiff when you’re not as active as you usually are! I’m glad your visiting cat came in. Good idea to have a shower and change. Good for DH!

Scaredycat Good to hear you are seeing GD3 tomorrow, and your chat with sister, and I just hope so much her DD can have her operation soon, waiting so hard.

Sweetpeasue, I’m so sorry to hear it was a horrible day pain wise, both of you are having a really tough time. DH does need to potter, doesnt he? About going away, I hope you can, but it will be understandable go you can’t.

Doodle no need ever to say you’re sorry. What you describe about the way you look and feel is so understandable, although my situation is so very different from yours some of your descriptions say a lot for me too.

But you’ve just lost part of your very soul and I wish I could find the words to offer comfort x

I read in the day and each TV in the evening HVDY. Am glad if I can find a decent film, I have Netflix and so on.

Today I did get dressed and go for a walk in the park. Mood as ever, just about koko. Yes Scaredycat a good cut might help. Hair wise its not thyroid.

Waves to EllieAnne, Nadateturbe, Candy Hairspray, Allsorts and Nanny.

Sweetpeasue caring about those we love is what. We all do,
I hope your DH gets his appointments soon.
Wonder why he get the sweats. Does his temperature go up?
I’ve had a good day today thanks. Been busy all day. I find it helps to be busy and not let my mind wander too much. I have found being in church so much this week has helped too.
Last day of helping out today. I’m really tired but got to get up early for church tomorrow, Sunday service.
Wyllow I had my photo taken today. I look awful, I’ve stopped wearing mascara as it runs down my face when I cry. I have huge bags under my eyes and my eyes are always red and watery. I look a right mess. Right now I don’t care much.
Sorry you’ve had two days of not being so good. You’re in a catch 22 situation. If you went out more you’d feel better but you don’t feel well enough to go out. Keeping busy certainly helps me even though I don’t know what I’m doing half the time.
HVdY it’s a problem isn’t it. If you don’t exercise you stiffen up but if you do exercise you exacerbate your hip problem.
I am likely to see son 1 on Monday. Son 2 busy taking DGS to airport for holiday.
Good your son can call in you for help with the cats. Have they got nice cats?
So lovely how you look after your sons and family.
Scaredycat as I’ve said to Sweetpeasue before, you can’t say the wrong thing because I know what all of you write is from a place of caring and always well meant. Thank you for your kindness to me.
Sorry about your niece it must be so uncomfortable for her.
Have a lovely time with your GD.
Sorry I’ve not written much tonight, I am just so very tired and my eyes are itchy and tired, Sleep well all