Husband about to begin cancer treatment

The team at the hospital might be better informed than people here , ask for information, there is probably a dedicated nurse to answer your queries
I am so sorry to read that you are going through this uninformed

So sorry to hear that you are going through troubled times. As Aggie said the Macmillon team at the hospital will advise and support you. Good luck with the treatment and hope that there will be a successful outcome

So sorry to hear this. My husband has just finished a year of chemo then radiotherapy. It was a roller-coaster of emotions for both of us and physical challenges for him. He was frequently exhausted and we adapted our routines to fit. He was often in bed by 7pm and needed a long siesta. We ate the things that he fancied and included plenty of protein. We talked about everything and got all our affairs in order. It does look as if he has come through now, but we have learnt to live with uncertainty. We found no comfort in talk of fighting cancer and being brave. My husband did as he was told by the hospital, we ate the things we enjoyed and got out when we could. Distractions are important as are good friends to talk to. Visits are lovely, but can be exhausting. If you need help for anxiety or distress then don't be afraid to ask your doctor, there are different ways of coping.
I hope this helps, you will find people who understand and people who don't. I send you both our warmest good wishes.

Mamie - a lovely, personally informing post. Well done!
Good luck nana5852. Hope things go well for you both 🤞

When my niece was initially diagnosed with cancer the McMillan nurses gave lots of practical advice, and are also able to fast-track applications for any allowances you may be eligible for, including a blue badge.

Please remember to be kind to yourself too. Sending you hugs x

From my experience of caring for my daughter, while she was on a 3 week chemo regime, day 1 chemo she was ok. Day 2 rapidly downhill sleep when she could eat what she fancied if it was quick. If she had to wait she no longer could eat the food, days 3, 4, 5 gradually getting better. Walks when she could relax, sleep when not. Then week 2 and 3 feeling almost normal. She couldn't be bothered with normal things in the first week. But every cancer, every chemo is different. My only advice would be be led by your husband but take care on that second day as the effects came on suddenly and fiercely. My best wishes for you both and no euphemisms from me, they don't help. Treatment can be hard.

Thank you for your replies and good wishes. I have been respectful of my husbands need for autonomy and not accompanied him on most of his appointments- this may change as he may not be able to drive himself when the treatment kicks in. I will contact Macmillan and Marie Curie people locally for advice and get myself a G.P. appointment.
Your post, Mamie, I found particularly supportive.

I'm sorry you are both going through this. I have no experience of chemotherapy but my husband has prostate cancer and had hormone treatment, various scans and 37 consecutive days of radiotherapy. He had no side effects from the radiotherapy. The only difficulty he found was having to give himself an enema each day as he had to have an empty bowel and a full bladder before each radiotherapy but he soon got the hang of it.

He was very well looked after as I'm sure your DH will be. He is ten years in remission now. I am wishing you all the luck in the world.

Sorry to hear this nan5852 - I have no advice except to say be brave and we are all thinking of your husband and yourself

Sending kindest thoughts nana5852

As others have said it’s an emotional and physical roller coaster.
DH’s first course of chemo, when he was 65 was tough, but he didn’t react too badly - good days and bad, but it put him in remission for 18 months.
Subsequent courses of chemo after the cancer returned were brutal and his whole life was changed drastically.
He was advised to be extra careful with his feet and pay party attention to mouth hygiene, so gentle walks and meals re-planned.

There’s are separate threads about Macmillan nurses and Blue Badges - both are worth reading.

Good advice from others here. Sadly, many of us have first hand experience of these things.

I send my kindest thought too nana. My husband had a dedicated nurse and she was very good, ringing him at home and coming in to see him when he was in hospital and we hadn’t told her he was there. I can only echo what has been said by previous posters.

Honestly you need to speak to his team ....there are so many treatment variations .....I had breadt cancer and there are so many different types and at least 25 types of chemo for BC that I know of ...so likely many more....each one will have a different protocol ( ie how often you have it and for what duration)....each one will have different side effects .....some require steroids alongside, some don't....some chemos you lose you hair, get neuropathy, lose your nails etc...some don't....some you have to self inject to boost your white blood count every night...some don't...and thats just the chemo....ask 100 people who have had cancer treatment...you will get 100 answers....hope all goes well

Sorry to you are going through this, my husband had both radio and chemo and has been said be led by what he wants. I drove him to his appointments and for chemo we were given a pass to the the staff car park as it was a London hospital with little parking. On chemo days we took lunch and ipads or cards to keep occupied. Family wanted to visit but it exhausted him i had to risk upsetting his brothers by saying no hes too tired. Dont be afraid to fight his corner if he runs out of steam chemo appointments were all day jobs and exhausting for bothof us. I wish you both well.

I am so sorry for what you are going through and have been through. My husband of 50 years was ill for eight years before he died. I cared for him 24/7 on my own during the last three years of his life. I made him a promise that I would never put him in a care home so our home became a type of hospital.

The one thing I wished is that he would have talked to me about his plans, what he wanted etc. etc but he refused. He would not accept that he was going to die so I never was able to sit with him and talk about our lives together, he was 18 when we met so we grew up together. Luckily I knew him inside out so knew what he would have wanted.

All you can do is take one day at a time, there will be ambulance call outs, hospital admissions but that comes with the illness. I would not wish what you are going through on my worst enemy. After all these years on my own I still cry for him, still miss and love him and I still have his ashes at home, they are waiting for me and then they will be scattered together in a place we both loved.

My thoughts are with you.

He should be allocated a specialist nurse who will be your GO to person with any queries, honestly cancer care and treatment has come on in leaps and bounds in the last 15/20 years and people are living much longer and treatments although hard are not so harsh. Treatment are more targeted to the type of cancer these days, not the one size fits all it used to be. As far as resources Macmillan have fantastic library of booklets that cover all aspects of the illness and it's treatment and are easy to understand. If your treatment hospital has anything like a Maggie's Centre, take advantage of their wealth of knowledge too.

I would echo the Maggie's Centre. Also I joined a Facebook site (not public) for Kidney Cancer and the Kidney Cancer society. We went to 2 conferences organised by them which were informative and reassuring.
He was on a drugs trial at first but unfortunately he had to come off that as his poor body couldn't cope. He had 3 further chemotherapy and immunotherapy treatments.
He lived for 4 years after his diagnosis of stage 4 cancer.
This was during lockdown at the end

I wish you all the best on this difficult journey.

Nanna5852, I’m sorry to read you’re joining many of us living with the reality of aggressive cancer. It’s true that treatments are often more successful but that isn’t the case for everyone. The Maggie centres are peaceful places where you will find support.
Knowing that your husband’s cancer is aggressive can help you make the very best of the life you have together
Sending best to you

Nanna5852 I'm sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis, you sound as though you have a lovely thoughtful, practical approach to supporting him through his treatment. Much good advice here and I agree, there should be a nurse specialist attached to the unit where your husband is receiving care who is your go to person to guide you through this. And I so agree with the poster upthread

We found no comfort in talk of fighting cancer and being brave

My daughter found the suggestion of 'fighting cancer' particularly galling during her recent treatment. I know it's well intentioned but what happens if you lose the fight? Does it mean you didn't try hard enough?

I hope your husband gets the best outcome possible from his treatment

I dislike the references to fighting/battling cancer. The treatments attack the disease aggressively of necessity. The patient does their best to tolerate treatments and continue to cherish their loved ones, to live as well as possible

My husband lives with Stage 4 prostate cancer. He was diagnosed just before the first COVID lockdown, which meant treatment became difficult ie chemo and radiotherapy, because of his reduced immune system during a pandemic. He didn’t have the full course of chemo. This is his 5th year of cancer, so doing well. He is on strong meds, which make him tired, so we just live one day at a time. A walk every day, working in the garden, watching sport on TV. We try and stay strong and positive, but occasionally have a wobble. We have a big family and see kids and grandchildren all the time, which lifts our spirits. Thinking of you, Nanna5852.

Just popped in to wish you all the best My precious Dad died from stomach cancer he only lived a horrible three weeks after diagnosis so no experience of chemo or radio but I can only echo others and say Macmillan were brilliant got me all sorts of help and were there when I needed any information or help

I have no experience to offer you nana, but send my best wishes for whatever the future might hold for you

Just wanted to wish you both the very best