Picking mum up

Please don't carry on lifting her yourself. A friend helped to care for a very selfish elderly male relative. He had plenty of money but refused to pay for professional care, giving said friend the occasional £20 now and again. Anyway to cut a long story short she injured her back lifting him and had to have an operation and months of physio to recover. The other relatives then refused to carry on helping elderly gent and he ended up in an astronomically expensive care home. Never apologised to my friend either!

My father had dementia and a live in carer plus us visiting two days a week. He would slide off the chair and bed and only my husband was strong enough to get him back up.
One day when we were unavailable due to our own hospital appointments (both having had cancer), he slipped again. The excellent carer called the ambulance but he waited for several hours. He got very frustrated and scraped his feet on the carpet trying to get up. This sadly eventually led to gangrene and his death in hospital,,,,,

We had the same for 9 years, I wouldn't put my children through what we had to put up with

Maybe being the talk of the town (re fire brigade) will make your mum cooperate and follow the advice to help herself

It sounds like you have tried (and failed) to help your mum, but due to her stubbornness you're getting nowhere.
Her stubbornness sounds like embarrassment to me. She'd rather berate you than let anyone else see her struggle.
I'd do as others have suggested.
Leave her there, pillow and duvet and ring 999. Let her wait for help, let her wet & soil herself while she waits.
A few times of doing that, she'll realise that family help is no longer possible and could mean her moving to a care home.

You don’t say how your mother fell, but if it’s out of bed what about a bed guardwhich will prevent mum from rolling out

www.therange.co.uk/health-and-beauty/mobility-aids-and-independent-living/homcom-safety-bed-rail-for-elderly-folding-bed-assist-rail-with-storage-pocket?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADFuktyY3_kssSNWYnXvriVbo-YLK&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInMOAkczOhwMVuJRQBh3IaBMZEAQYASABEgL8BfD_BwE#2729075

Phone 111 and ask for paramedics to attend. It is not safe to try and lift her yourself. When my OH falls I put a solid dining chair in front of him. When he has recovered his equilibrium he reaches up and gradually pulls himself up. Then I help him to sit. If he can’t do it I call the paramedics. They bring an inflating cushion and raise him after checking that he is not injured.

You can get an inflatable cushion which you roll a person on and that helps get them up. Paramedics used to use these when we called for a fallen resident.

She sounds really bloody minded. You can't afford to damage your back lifting her and really must call an ambulance or 111 every time this happens. They take as long as they take.
And stress that she needs to carry the pebble, if she fell over without it she would have to wait until you come in.
It's not clear to me from your posts whether you live with her? If you don't then I think that she should be in a care home. Probably if you do too.

Interested in inflatable mattress idea for my DH who’s getting doddery, but can’t work how the person gets up off the mattress.

Would she be able to roll onto her hands and knees? You could then bring a chair over and she might be able to haul herself up.

Thank you, ixion, for the useful Age UK link, which I've found informative for myself and also I've sent it to a friend who's had falls.
I agree 100% with GNs here - do not try to lift a fallen adult who can't get up. SheepIzzy, IMO your mother has to accept the consequences of her (chosen) domestic circumstances. Lots of hepful advice here, so hopefully it is useful for you.

Annsixty this sounds a brilliant idea.

Even I as a qualified carer was not allowed to lift a fallen person. Always had to be call an ambulance. You never know what damage has been done. As people age their brain shrinks and a fall can tear some of the blood vessels and cause a bleed. A fall is often the start of a persons decline. I would also say that you could dislocate shoulders etc if a lift has been done wrong. I would contact age concern and se if they can help. -

You should not try lifting your mother yourselves. You can call an ambulance, they will come and get her up but it may be some time before they get to you as emergencies come first. Adult Social Care may provide equipment if she keeps falling and they offer advice.

When the mattress is fully inflated the person is able to sit up with minimal help.
After a minute or two they can ,with help swing their legs over the side,it is quite high when full inflated .
They can then be helped to stand.
I can assure you it is far simpler and safe than it sounds.
It is similar to what the ambulance and care all use.

Care call !!

When our Mum became frail, and had a series of falls, my brother and I were told that under no circumstances should we try to lift her. We were to dial 999 and get the professionals to do this. This way we would not be responsible for a) injuring her, or b) injuring ourselves.

Before she passed away at home, we had carers in several times a day to care for her. They also told us not to life her ourselves.

This really does make sense, as if her family carers are injured, who would care for Mum?

I hope this helps.

Thanks Annsixty for the tip about the inflatable mattress. I have an electric single Active Era inflatable bed. It inflates in 2 minutes to chair height and is very firm and comfortable. My husband has dementia and poor balance and I like to think ahead so if a problem arises we have a solution and the inflatable bed idea is brilliant! One more foreseen problem to tick off the list. Next on list …how do I get him to wear his hearing aids!!! 😂

There are tips&tricks to get a fallen person of the floor but none of them are safe for a single person to perform alone. I agree it's much safer to call for help, and waiting for that making your mom comfortable and if she's not hurt help her sit up a bit. YANBU and yes your mom is taking it as "funny"!

Yes I live with her.

She fell as her legs had probably had done too much.........She has a stairlift, uses it! But she also doesn't like drinking too much as it makes her pee too much, no, not always a UTI, she says it's her prolapse. Before the fall, she decided to have one of her gaga moments, AFTER going up stairs to bed via stairlift, I hear a noise, she's coming down the stairs on foot, I ask her what she's doing, "it's easier!" Then she proceeds to look for her other slippers, then went back up the stairs, very carefully, got onto chair to come back downstairs as she had dropped her stick! .......10 minutes later, I hear thud, she sitting between both bedrooms.

I like the idea of the inflatable chair, I have looked at a few, not sure if they would lift as high as she needs though.

My 75 year old husband has had one leg amputated above the knee, we (my daughter and I) have been told that if he falls to call 999 and not attempt to try and help.

Our council has a service dedicated to picking up people who have fallen. The staff are fully trained and have all the eqipment at a very reasonable monthly cost. Try asking adult social care or community occupational therapy. They are very quick to attend.

When this happened with husband the ambulance service told me to contact them. When I apologised for calling them out they said …that is what we are here for.

More often than not there is a reason for people falling; most often it can be an infection or imbalance of a chemical in the body. My mother always went off her feet with one of those two things until eventually her mobility left her altogether. As she had dementia she couldn't remember that she was a falls risk, would do the stairs just like OP's Mum and was a real danger to herself. Any attempt at intervention was met with derision. That is why she ended up in a care home.