When should you tell someone they are overweight and their DC are too?

Dickens

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Sad though that her child will be fat too, soon. Poor lad.

I seldom agree with you, but on this... I too think it's an unhappy situation for the child.

Is he being set up for a lifetime of emotional and physical misery?

We might be wary of 'fat-shaming' - unfortunately, children aren't so inclined. Will the lad eventually be bullied?

School-doctors and nurses are now a thing of the past I think? So who is going to be looking out for this child's welfare and well-being?

If obesity is the problem we are told it is - and government statistics would seem to indicate it is - then why do we have to pussy-foot around the matter?

- especially where a child is concerned?

Children don't control their family's budget or shopping lists, they eat what they are given. How much leeway do we give parents over the control of their children? At what point does either emaciation or obesity become neglect?

Exactly, this. Where I live currently, a teacher could report a child to the GP and ask for both parent and child to be seen and given advice and support. As it is considered 'neglect/abuse'. Clearly, something is wrong and support is required, to avoid massive issues in future, for the child, first.

I wouldn't say anything at all too her.

I'm lucky that while I've never actually been slim, I've never been obese either, I'm just well built but I know and have known people with obesity problems and it's no fun for them.

Some people are obese by choice such as Dawn French who feels more comfortable being +size but a lot of others really seriously struggle to control their weight no matter how healthily they might eat.

To your friend: DON'T fat shame her or her or her kids, they could be being dragged through hell already!

I heard that report today too FriedGreenTomatoes.
It's a depressing statistic.

I've just been through a 5 hour session with Biobank, having brain, neck, heart, body fat, bone density, blood scans and dementia tests all for medical research.
I was given a printout of the only
thing they share with the patient aka
guinea pig which was that my BMI is higher than it should be and that I am 2 inches shorter than I was 20 years ago.
I guess it has given me an impetus to go to the gym again.....maybe.

I worry about the DC and what the future holds for them.

In my day you ate what you were given and scraped your plate clean. No pudding if you didn't eat your first course.

Now there is too much choice and it's all child-led parenting.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Sad though that her child will be fat too, soon. Poor lad.

I seldom agree with you, but on this... I too think it's an unhappy situation for the child.

Is he being set up for a lifetime of emotional and physical misery?

We might be wary of 'fat-shaming' - unfortunately, children aren't so inclined. Will the lad eventually be bullied?

School-doctors and nurses are now a thing of the past I think? So who is going to be looking out for this child's welfare and well-being?

If obesity is the problem we are told it is - and government statistics would seem to indicate it is - then why do we have to pussy-foot around the matter?

- especially where a child is concerned?

Children don't control their family's budget or shopping lists, they eat what they are given. How much leeway do we give parents over the control of their children? At what point does either emaciation or obesity become neglect?

Marydoll

^Are doctors really advising people to lose weight? I thought they were quoted as saying they didn’t want to upset patients.^
A crazy situation.

In my case, I think my consultant was thinking about the pressure on my damaged joints. I wasn't overweight, but heavier than when I was first diagnosed.
Unfortunately chronic pain and mobility issues make it more difficult to exercise. In addition to that, some medications cause weight gain.

Unfortunately chronic pain and mobility issues make it more difficult to exercise. In addition to that, some medications cause weight gain.

Yes, this is very true and rarely taken into consideration.

Are doctors really advising people to lose weight? I thought they were quoted as saying they didn’t want to upset patients.
A crazy situation.

In my case, I think my consultant was thinking about the pressure on my damaged joints. I wasn't overweight, but heavier than when I was first diagnosed.
Unfortunately chronic pain and mobility issues make it more difficult to exercise. In addition to that, some medications cause weight gain.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Wes Streeting (Minister for Health) says the NHS is to offer fat jabs to the unemployed to get them back into work.

Big Pharma cash cow?
What happens when the jabs stop?
Side effects … long term, unknown?

There’ll be side effects of any medication, and of course we can never be sure what the long term implications of a new treatment will be. But I see this move as positive - we know that many serious, even life threatening, health problems are caused by obesity.

I’m not so concerned about it making money for Big Pharma when I consider how much it will save the NHS over time.

My daughter is on medication that has piled weight on her,she has poor mobility due to her condition which the medication has made much worse.She used to get abuse from strangers when she took her girls out and parked in a disabled space with her blue badge .Itgot so bad she stopped taking them to the nearby town.People…..even granny,s on here need to understand that lots of things affect weight .

Two months ago she asked for the pills to be reduced as she has had 3 dislocated knees in 3 months ….just from turning in bed.Thedose is very slowly being reduced and so far she has lost a stone and a half.We hope this will help her mobility but sadly she has just been diagnosed with a gynae cancer ,I wishfolk would keep their own council when they don’t know or understand what’s happening in other people’s lives.

Wes Streeting (Minister for Health) says the NHS is to offer fat jabs to the unemployed to get them back into work.

Big Pharma cash cow?
What happens when the jabs stop?
Side effects … long term, unknown?

It is nobody else's business. Do you think she doesn't know? Our daughter was very overweight in her 30s. My husband used to say to me 'Have a word with her.' No way was I going to do that. He wouldn't but expected me to.
Eventually she lost four and a half stone. This was by herself without a gastric this that or the other or help from slimming aids/clubs. It was sheer willpower and she has kept it off apart from a couple of pounds here and there.

Are doctors really advising people to lose weight? I thought they were quoted as saying they didn’t want to upset patients.
A crazy situation.

Meanwhile I read today that obesity related illnesses are costing the NHS 11 billion a year.
11 billion 😮. Isn’t that shocking?

Nevertheless,in answer to the question, I could never tell anyone they needed to lose weight.

RosiesMaw2

Only if you are the persons doctor.

My rheumatologist once said to me, Keep an eye on that weight, it's creeping up!

I thought I was doing alright. 😱 If only he could see me now!

It’s not ok to tell someone they are looking thin either!

Agreed. My DMIL used to tell me all the time that I was too thin and it really annoyed me.

I don’t think she’d feel the need to do it now!

And then there is almost every medical professional who thinks it’s their job to tell you off for being overweight and yes, treat you as stupid.

And in answer to the OP question: never.

If someone asks you directly for tips about losing weight, that's a different matter.

Bellasnana

Grammaretto

I agree with you who say don't interfere - it won't go well.
However seeing the young boy over eating too and not being stopped, pains her.

Why is it ok to tell someone that they are looking a bit thin but never ok to mention that they are a bit fat?

My DGS is very thin and looks as though he's not eating enough. Teachers at his school give him
biscuits. I asked DS if his son was eating enough but he said he has huge meals. He's 17 and still growing.

It’s not ok to tell someone they are looking thin either!

And it's not okay for teachers to give pupils biscuits.

If someone is clearly overweight and can’t see it for themselves don't comment about it as it won’t be appreciated. Remarks about weight are best left to medical professionals.

It is a hard one. That's why I am asking you all!!
I know the young mother in question although not very well. She was always on the large side but decided to get fit in her 20s and lost a lot of weight . She was running and all sorts as well as eating healthily. She met her partner, they married and had 2 DC. Then her weight started going back on again and now her eldest seems to be eating without control too.

We read and hear so much about the obesity epidemic and type 2 diabetes. It is literally the elephant in the room.

If someone is starving themselves and we suspect anorexia, it isn't quite such a taboo subject is it?

Thanks for all your thoughts. I will talk to my friend and see what she has decided to do about approaching the young woman.

My son and DIL are overweight.

Didn’t used to be, combination of enjoying their food and drink, and hardly any exercise. Both busy with jobs, life, family.

Am sure they are very aware of this, especially DIL, who is tall and was quite statuesque, and obv knows how her clothes don’t fit like they used to, and is now wearing bigger sizes in everything.

DS has a stressful job, drives all over the country, grabbed meals…..

I worry about his health, but what can I do?

I have a friend who gradually piled on weight. When she finally realised how she was, and started dieting etc, she asked her DH why he never said how fat she had got. He said “But I didn’t want to upset you!”

She wished he had said something, it would have brought it home to her.

If your loved ones can’t be honest with you, who can though? Easy saying, ‘see your GP’.

Don’t expect they want to upset you either.

Unless the person wants to lose weight for themselves they won't. I should know I was over 19st for decades size 32. Tried several times when my husband was alive to lose weight went to clubs but hated being treated like a naughty child if I put on . But my husband love me for me my weight was never an issue . I was 13st stone when we meet when I was 16 he was 10.5 st at 18.

Life has a way of taking over bringing up the children,my husband's cancer and dieing in 2004 aged 47, looking after both parents and mother in law until they died . I always put everyone's needs first . And had no time to go too the effort of losing weight. Getting jaundice in 2017 after my mom died was my wake up call. It was caused by 2 tablets I had been taking since 1992 to help with symptoms of my disability. Seriously ill for 5 months .

Anyone who has had jaundice knows the awful things it does to your body .As I had no one dependant on me anymore gave me time to think what I wanted out of life. Only 3 things move house ,lose weight get fitter. Realised to lose weight it's a marathon not a sprint and a change of eating . And not buying foods I had no control over . But once I started on the journey even if I had a bad day I viewed and still view every morning as a fresh start. Took 5 years to lose 7st now a size 16 but still battling on to lose the last stone I want . I was happy if I only lost quarter of a pound a week.

Moved in 2019 and go to sit fit classes here. But started to go to exercise class in 2018 before my move .

I had an enough abuse shouted at me when I was obese plus I am disabled since birth. Where I used to live .

Never tell anyone they are fat it's none of your business and it's hurtful . No one is prefect no such thing . You wouldn't like it if people pointed out faults in your appearance . So please keep your opinions to yourself.

Unless you’re their gp never. It’s never okay to tell someone they’re overweight - good grief.

Grammaretto

I agree with you who say don't interfere - it won't go well.
However seeing the young boy over eating too and not being stopped, pains her.

Why is it ok to tell someone that they are looking a bit thin but never ok to mention that they are a bit fat?

My DGS is very thin and looks as though he's not eating enough. Teachers at his school give him
biscuits. I asked DS if his son was eating enough but he said he has huge meals. He's 17 and still growing.

It’s not ok to tell someone they are looking thin either!

I am a comfort eater and have always have been. As a result my weight yoyo's dramatically; i can gain weight very quickly.

My OH and closest friends know 'something is up' if my weight creeps up. Those that don't know me as well often point out that i have 'put a bit of weight on' Geddaway!! I hadn't noticed! Talk about kicking me when i'm down.

To ask if she is ok as she doesn't seem to be herself opens communication.

Sudden weight gain/loss is often a symptom of something deeper. I would advise your friend to tread carefully, delicately and supportively and most definitely not start by giving dietary tips!.

No. It is up to their GP. Fat shaming can be harmful though if it is someone very close ,with a great deal of tact, perhaps. You’d have to know what their reactions and personality were though. For a friend- absolutely never!

Very difficult isn't it. I went to meet an adult son of mine at the airport. I hadn't seen him for a year and got a shock seeing this fat man arrive. I think it was a combination of changing his job to working from home and coming to terms with a problem. He looked a lot older, jowly and had a big belly (not a beer belly but that's what it looked like).
Before he returned home I decided to say I was worried about his health because of his weight. I was worried because I had no idea how he'd take it and half expected to be told off for mentioning it.
Fortunately and to my astonishment he took it on board and lost 44lbs and now has a healthy BMI and loads more energy.
I wouldn't dare say the same to a friend though.