When should you tell someone they are overweight and their DC are too?

It's nothing to do with anyone. Rather than speaking about her weight why don't you find out if she is struggling with depression or is she too busy to cook? If so offer to make meals. Don't be so judgemental

I’m sure the big girl knows she’s fat. Maybe she has issues.
I’d not say anything.
It could open a can of worms even though well intentioned.

There is never the right time, or the right words, to tell someone that they're overweight. No one, in the history of the world, who was ever told "you're fat", responded by saying "gee thanks, I didn't know that I'll lose weight right away!". They already know they're fat; being overweight doesn't equal being stupid. They know that their clothes don't fit them too well any more and they feel short of breath when they go upstairs. They don't need it pointing out to them; it's their body; they know it better than anyone and they'll already be having self esteem issues. Please don't add to that. The only thing you can do is, if you usually take a treat for them when you meet up, don't take cakes, biscuits or chocolate. Other than, leave them be.

Quite simply, never.

When should you tell someone they are overweight? Never. She knows she is gaining weight.

sounds as though the friend is heavily pregnant and all will be solved in a month or two! ha ha

Never.

Sad though that her child will be fat too, soon. Poor lad.

I agree with you who say don't interfere - it won't go well.
However seeing the young boy over eating too and not being stopped, pains her.

Why is it ok to tell someone that they are looking a bit thin but never ok to mention that they are a bit fat?

My DGS is very thin and looks as though he's not eating enough. Teachers at his school give him
biscuits. I asked DS if his son was eating enough but he said he has huge meals. He's 17 and still growing.

It’s a minefield (one way) isn’t it Grammaretto?
Fat shaming is a thing.

I suppose it's a bit like it being OK to have a go at someone for being house proud but it not being OK to tell someone their house could do with a clean Grammaretto.

It is a shame about her son but people who are over weight know they are, they don't have to be --shamed= told.

shamed

No, not ever …….

Years ago, there’d have been a school nurse weighing and measuring all the kids once a year.
They didn’t hold back.
Perhaps that’s what is needed again? Straight talking from a professional.

Only if you are the persons doctor.

Offer to take the kid swimming or cycling then. Try increasing his activity with enjoyable exercise. The more he does, the more calories he uses up and the fitter he gets. There's more than one way to skin a cat.

It's a tricky situation. When in doubt, don't!

This is so difficult indeed. Andyes, school doctor and nurse could intervene back in the day.

At what stage does it become child neglect or even abuse- as it will impact the child's mental and physical health.

I would be devastated if someone told me I was overweight. I know that I am but I would feel they didn’t value me for who I am but were being critical even if they had my best interests at heart.

That’s where we need to get real. Separating the medical from the emotional.

Very difficult isn't it. I went to meet an adult son of mine at the airport. I hadn't seen him for a year and got a shock seeing this fat man arrive. I think it was a combination of changing his job to working from home and coming to terms with a problem. He looked a lot older, jowly and had a big belly (not a beer belly but that's what it looked like).
Before he returned home I decided to say I was worried about his health because of his weight. I was worried because I had no idea how he'd take it and half expected to be told off for mentioning it.
Fortunately and to my astonishment he took it on board and lost 44lbs and now has a healthy BMI and loads more energy.
I wouldn't dare say the same to a friend though.

No. It is up to their GP. Fat shaming can be harmful though if it is someone very close ,with a great deal of tact, perhaps. You’d have to know what their reactions and personality were though. For a friend- absolutely never!

I am a comfort eater and have always have been. As a result my weight yoyo's dramatically; i can gain weight very quickly.

My OH and closest friends know 'something is up' if my weight creeps up. Those that don't know me as well often point out that i have 'put a bit of weight on' Geddaway!! I hadn't noticed! Talk about kicking me when i'm down.

To ask if she is ok as she doesn't seem to be herself opens communication.

Sudden weight gain/loss is often a symptom of something deeper. I would advise your friend to tread carefully, delicately and supportively and most definitely not start by giving dietary tips!.

Grammaretto

I agree with you who say don't interfere - it won't go well.
However seeing the young boy over eating too and not being stopped, pains her.

Why is it ok to tell someone that they are looking a bit thin but never ok to mention that they are a bit fat?

My DGS is very thin and looks as though he's not eating enough. Teachers at his school give him
biscuits. I asked DS if his son was eating enough but he said he has huge meals. He's 17 and still growing.

It’s not ok to tell someone they are looking thin either!