When should you tell someone they are overweight and their DC are too?

That’s where we need to get real. Separating the medical from the emotional.

I would be devastated if someone told me I was overweight. I know that I am but I would feel they didn’t value me for who I am but were being critical even if they had my best interests at heart.

This is so difficult indeed. Andyes, school doctor and nurse could intervene back in the day.

At what stage does it become child neglect or even abuse- as it will impact the child's mental and physical health.

It's a tricky situation. When in doubt, don't!

Offer to take the kid swimming or cycling then. Try increasing his activity with enjoyable exercise. The more he does, the more calories he uses up and the fitter he gets. There's more than one way to skin a cat.

Only if you are the persons doctor.

Years ago, there’d have been a school nurse weighing and measuring all the kids once a year.
They didn’t hold back.
Perhaps that’s what is needed again? Straight talking from a professional.

No, not ever …….

shamed

I suppose it's a bit like it being OK to have a go at someone for being house proud but it not being OK to tell someone their house could do with a clean Grammaretto.

It is a shame about her son but people who are over weight know they are, they don't have to be --shamed= told.

It’s a minefield (one way) isn’t it Grammaretto?
Fat shaming is a thing.

I agree with you who say don't interfere - it won't go well.
However seeing the young boy over eating too and not being stopped, pains her.

Why is it ok to tell someone that they are looking a bit thin but never ok to mention that they are a bit fat?

My DGS is very thin and looks as though he's not eating enough. Teachers at his school give him
biscuits. I asked DS if his son was eating enough but he said he has huge meals. He's 17 and still growing.

Sad though that her child will be fat too, soon. Poor lad.

Never.

sounds as though the friend is heavily pregnant and all will be solved in a month or two! ha ha

When should you tell someone they are overweight? Never. She knows she is gaining weight.

Quite simply, never.

There is never the right time, or the right words, to tell someone that they're overweight. No one, in the history of the world, who was ever told "you're fat", responded by saying "gee thanks, I didn't know that I'll lose weight right away!". They already know they're fat; being overweight doesn't equal being stupid. They know that their clothes don't fit them too well any more and they feel short of breath when they go upstairs. They don't need it pointing out to them; it's their body; they know it better than anyone and they'll already be having self esteem issues. Please don't add to that. The only thing you can do is, if you usually take a treat for them when you meet up, don't take cakes, biscuits or chocolate. Other than, leave them be.

I’m sure the big girl knows she’s fat. Maybe she has issues.
I’d not say anything.
It could open a can of worms even though well intentioned.

It's nothing to do with anyone. Rather than speaking about her weight why don't you find out if she is struggling with depression or is she too busy to cook? If so offer to make meals. Don't be so judgemental