Husband not following physiotherapy advice

Anna, he is lucky to have you to care for him and ,as a dog trainer and long- time -ago mother of small children, I am sure your positive encouragements will make him healthier.

Fleurpepper. Yes it is so selfish. But if they refuse there's so little one can do. Your younger friend could get some support from AlAnon. The family as well. Support to take care of herself. Drinking/alcoholism is the pits and affects the whole family and that is definitely not something she can improve. Her H is the only who can.

Perhaps the OP should look into help in the house and garden. Maybe the cost of that will spur the H into taking reponsibility for his muscular health.
Sympathies

Thanks again for all the comments. My husband has always been very fit and active. He used to walk for miles with the dog most days. He is finding the limitations he is now experiencing very difficult to deal with. I haven't said anything all weekend and am just trying to cheer him up and keep him positive and focused on the things he can do.

Fleurpepper, that is selfish behaviour. Could your friend take out an insurance policy on the man's life so that when he does predecease her she gets a benefit?

But exercises that keep the muscles strong and hold your joints do help. And this is what the physio will help with.

If someone refuses to help themselves, be it with physio, or lifestyle changes- then they make a choice that puts massive strain on their partner and families, children even. Turning them into carers often, physically and emotionally.

I have a younger friend going through this- her partner will not do physio or any exercise, and refuses to make any lifestyle changes re smoking or drinking- despite all 3 being essential for him getting better. She and the children have to bear the burden of that, in 100s of ways. It is so selfish and cruel.

David49

If you have a problem with muscles, ligaments or sprains you might get benefits from physio, if the problem is arthritis - worn out joints, bone rubbing against bone, exercises are painful and don’t bring relief.

Agree with you David as someone who has had quite a few years of physio, when the consultant looks at the MRI and other scans and tells you you have severe OA , bone on bone, no amount of physio can correct that.

I am wondering why there is such universal trust in physiotherapy. I also wonder if people with small medical knowledge are fit to prescribe physiotherapy.

Maybe the poor old patient's instincts should be considered.

David. I beg to differ. Both my hips quite quickly started to give trouble. X-ray indicated severe OA When I saw the surgeon I grumbled that up to a couple of months previously I had been walking 4 to 5 miles with only slight discomfort I also did pilates x2 a week and much gardening
The surgeon told me I was not unusual fit women who do lots of exercise often experience similar rapid decline when strong muscles no longer can support the joints
Hip surgery was delayed due to vasculitis and open heart surgery for dissected On high dose prednisolone aorta. I continued to do what exercises I was capable of
When I did have surgery the surgeon commented my muscles were in better condition than he had expected
So I would argue exercise helps muscles support arthritic joints

If you have a problem with muscles, ligaments or sprains you might get benefits from physio, if the problem is arthritis - worn out joints, bone rubbing against bone, exercises are painful and don’t bring relief.

As suggested a male physio might be more persuasive so might the job title sports physio Sounds more macho ‼️‼️

My late husband didn't want to do his physio either as he said it was painful and still painful a week later when he was due to do another session. He also didn't think it was helping. It wasn't for arthritis but for another issue. He just refused to go anymore. He was going to go again as he had deteriorated a bit but COVID-19 got him first,

HelterSkelter1

I am in the same dilemma. But a different set of circumstances. The only way I am not going to go round the bend is to step back and accept that I cannot force another adult to do anything they don't want to do. Full stop. It was so easy to tell the young children what to do and make sure they do it...or you do it with them. But another adult. It's just not possible. Their health while they are still of sound mind is their responsibility. As yours is yours. A deep breath and back away.

Yes, can't make him, or anyone. And yet- if someone refuses todo physio, they refuse to get better. And then what-expect their partner to do everything around the house and garden, and slowly become their carer? Because they refuse to put the effort in, help themselves, to help them as a couple? And play the victim?

What happens next?

I'm very sorry to write this , but if he doesn't want to do the physio then he won't.
Have you got children?
Can they reason with him?
Maybe suggest a nice holiday once his mobility improves .
Wishing you luck with this .

Maybe a male physio might be better? They all have different approaches and your husband may relate. My similar age DH had a TKR in July. He has never seen the point in any 'exercise'. However, he chose a male physio who motivated him somehow to make an excellent recovery to enable him to get out on his bike again. Just an idea ....

It’s not just men from talking to a physio so many people are not prepared to put the effort in. They think the physio should just wave a magic wand

Whoops I know from experience and from talking to a couple of friends. Unless they get instant results they can’t see the point

I was going to say the same as Monica

I am in the same dilemma. But a different set of circumstances. The only way I am not going to go round the bend is to step back and accept that I cannot force another adult to do anything they don't want to do. Full stop. It was so easy to tell the young children what to do and make sure they do it...or you do it with them. But another adult. It's just not possible. Their health while they are still of sound mind is their responsibility. As yours is yours. A deep breath and back away.

Mine had Private Physio for his back.. I have never seen him do the exercises. When his back plays up, I just tell him to stop moaning and do his exercises. Sorry no sympathy with him.
I have had both hips and a knee replaced I know what pain is.

I would be sorely tempted to tell the Physio that he isn't coping well with those particular exercises - I know this sounds like tale telling and snitching on him but you are paying for this treatment. If he doesn't put the work in nothing will improve.

I can't balance and could never balance well despite going to yoga for years.

I have tried doing the balance exercises along side dh but it puts him off because it's so easy for me and it worries him more because he finds it so difficult if that makes sense. I think a chart he could tick off might help and I will definitely mention it to the physio.

Physios can see the difference between people who do the exercises and those who don’t.
Balance exercises can actually be quite simple and you could if he would do them alongside him making a daily event of this.

I am hesitant to make another suggestion, it is so difficult to know the exact situation. I definitely think you need to ask the physio these questions - some exercises are designed to be done for specific numbers of times in a day, and too many won't work well. Ask for it all to be written down, and if need be, make a chart, then you can back off a bit.
Some people (me included) find exercising in water much better than on land - of course pool time is limited, but it can be helpful. After one of my hip replacements I struggled a lot with one exercise, but could do it in the pool, and gradually the 'muscle memory' kicked in and I could do it on land.

M0nica

You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

That applies to husbands as well.

Tell me about it!!

I can't even get mine to the water, ie the audiologist.