Black Dog 24

Really tired tonight as a longish walk in the Botanical Gardens with carer, we did discuss the Quakers a bit and shared what I needed to on the Ex troubled past.

Read your days you lovely people and I'll be back in tomorrow

xx to all BD's.

I don’t have this neighbours phone no. This is the nice one but they both work and have small children so probably just forgot.
Lucy I am not too far from you. But I don’t know your area well.
Thank you all for the kind comments.

Evening all. Short post from me tonight. I’ve been spending hours making a small red heart to go on my DHs memorial leaf on Valentine’s Day. Ho would think cutting out a tiny heart would be so difficult. Just had dinner and I’m tired.
Sweetpeasue I’m sorry you’re in such pain. That’s not good. Have you been to se the Gp?
Lucyd what a lovely journey you have to work. Must be nice to travel that way.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry you’ve lost one friend and another is so ill. What a lot you have to worry about, if your neighbour offered the phone number they must want you to have it. Could you text and ask for it instead of phoning?
HVDY I like the sound of your colour scheme, sounds nice and calming for a bedroom. So pleased you have a new inhaler and your eyes feel better.
NannyG4 glad you’re meeting up with people. It does help a lot especially if they understand how it feels. Like you I lost all confidence when Dh died. He was my rock.
Wyllow you had me puzzled when you asked if I was a cyclist. I had to read back through my posts until I found the one about our son pumping up my tyres. 🤣. It was my car tyres. I have never been able to ride a bike. I just fall off,
Wyllow you haven’t let anyone down. You are suffering from something like PTSD and no one would expect someone with that to just be ok. I wonder if you reached out to them whether they would respond well. I don’t know enough about the Quakers to know what sort of people they are but had always thought of the, as being kind. Could you not try and contact just one or two people and letting them know why you haven’t been around. You have nothing to be ashamed about.
Scaredycat I never know what to say to people who have attended a funeral. Saying I hope it went well seems inappropriate.
Your 2 night break seemed to cram a lot in. Glad you had such a nice time with family.
Had lunch at home today but then had a scone and coffee at the garden centre,

Hi all
HVDY- I only walked down that hill this time but it hurt my knee quite a bit. It would deffo kill me if I walked up it now!
Glad your eyes are already showing improvement. Now the dust has settled that,ll probably help too.
Doodle- we only went for 2 nights but it was so nice to see family we don’t often meet up with.
The sit fit classes sound really good - something to think about if walking gets too difficult.
We,ve just got back from DHs friends funeral- it was very well attended which was lovely for his wife and family. Glad it’s over though.
Did you have lunch after Church?
SweetPeaSue- So sorry you are having such a bad time at the moment. Hope today was easier.
Lucyd- it sounds an idyllic area you live in- combining Sea and countryside.
Goats are really sweet but ponies are even nicer. It,ll be lovely to be able to see them from your new home.
NannyG4 - I,m glad you,ve met a nice friend at the hospice- when one door shuts!!
You are right to accept all invites even if it’s not always something you fancy. I remember doing that too as I felt if people were kind enough to ask me I,d go. Although sometimes I,d find myself somewhere thinking’what on earth am I doing here’!!! You will get your confidence back the more you get to trust your judgement.
The Cat Cafe is in MerceryLanewhich is the one off the High st that goes straight to the Cathedral Gateway.
Wyllow- Hope today you were able to talk to your nice carer about your Quaker dilemna and maybe get out in the air.
I,m sure your Quaker friends would not even consider you let them down. They look for the good in everyone and will understand how poorly you have been
Sometimes a risk is worth taking- yes letting people in comes with risk but also rewards.
Wise words about understanding but not overcoming- it will happen though you have great hidden strength.

Wishing all who have not been in so much lately and all those old and new friends not mentioned a peaceful night.

NannyG4. I don't blame you for accepting any invitation on offer. It's nice that you've made a new friend. I hope you get someone to look at your heating and get it working again. We've got underfloor heating in the kitchen but never use it because it uses a lot of electricity, apparently (got a radiator in there anyway). It's been cold so you'll need to get some heat.

Wyllow3 I hope you get out with the carer today. How long is she with you? It's not exactly good weather, but a bit of fresh air can be good.

LucyD Lovely. You must have a lot of beautiful scenic places around. Free parking etc?? That is good. Even our local park (we've got lots of very nice parks) has parking charges. I've got a blue badge, so am ok for 3 hours.

Saw a Nurse Practitioner, got a new inhaler. My eyes are very much better already. DH helped me to clean up all the dust and plaster - he did the floorboards in the bedroom and the stair carpet, I did the bathroom and all through downstairs rooms. Hope ALL BDers are ok today x

HVDY2 - I am in the SW of Scotland. It is lovely and even at the height of summer not busy (though us locals do sometimes have a grump about it being busy!) Visitors from elsewhere always comment on how quiet it is and marvel at the fact that parking and museums and galleries are free.
Wyllow- I hope you feel better today with your carer around.
NannyG4 - that is lovely you met someone at the hospice talk and have arranged to meet up. Not feeling confident about getting jobs done is totally understandable - I just wish someone would do all those tasks for me. Sorting out insurance policies, getting tradesmen in, etc all fill me with dread. Do you have friends who could recommend tradesmen? I avoid looking at all the Valentine cards, balloons, etc in the shops but for the first couple of years I couldn't bring myself to go anywhere near the shops around Valentine's Day. Same on Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day but it has become easier.
Ellie Anne - could you pop a note through your neighbour's door gently reminding her that you need the phone number?

You are right that Quakers are as you say EllieAnne but I haven’t managed to do something today. Ashamed, afraid, complicated. I did care for her a lot tho it wasn’t easy, but I’d “let her in” my barrier. And - oh yes, when you write, “I want to disappear and forget about it all” understood.

Well done for getting that phone call made to insurance! Fingers and toes crossed it will go well.

I hope that you find the funeral OKScaredycat , like you say, its for those left behind.

Good to hear that you’ve met up with a friend, a nice break. I did like the cat cafe description too. I know I have to make quaker contact. It’s my nice carer tomorrow.

Glad you got yourself off to the eye hospital, HVDY, and found a reason for the troubles. Hoping the eye drops work. Oh, it’s so dusty after plasterers, you’re right it will take a lot of wiping and dusting. Now the nice bit choosing stuff.

Sit fit sounds just right, Doodle. Are you a cyclist? I didnt realise. Everywhere here is hills, I used to cycle. Yes..you got through another day, understand what you mean by that. I hope church will bring a little peace.

Oh *Swetpeasue, I’m so sad you had to live with the pain you have atm. Of course it makes you low.

Lucyd I bet you cant wait until you move. And it’s great to have a hand with your car and garden. That path sounded beautiful.

Warmest waves NannyG4. Glad you got to the hospice and that you’ve met a lovely lady.

Carer tomorrow, today was an “trying to avoid thinking or feeling” it hurts so much f I do I get frightened ..dressing gown day which gets me no where. I look so awful and feel I’ve let Quakers down by suddenly disappearing it's a huge barrier. alas, understanding what my MH issues are doesn't always mean I can overcome them.

Best wishes all for nights, Sweetpeasue for less pain overnight, love to all BD's.

I’ve been to my hospice walk and talk this morning, I do enjoy it and have met a lovely lady, we’ve arranged to have lunch soon. We’re both of the same mind and at the moment accept any invitation going!! I’ve some phone calls to make tomorrow …our underfloor heating isn’t working and also our central heating is not working properly. Also have to sort my damaged car out. Since losing my DH I’ve really lost my confidence calling tradesmen etc, feel vulnerable, but has to be done, can’t put it off any longer.
Scardeycat…..I often go into Canterbury so must find the cat cafe, I love cats and would like a pet, but they are a commitment and not sure if I’m quite ready…
Doodle…Pleased you enjoy your sit fit classes. I thought of you today, I popped into Waitrose…too much Valentines ‘stuff’ about.
Nanny2507…you’re a mere youngster…….
HVDY…..hope the eye drops help 🤞
Sweetpeasue 💐🙏💐

Love, prayers and strength to you all. Sorry I don’t mention you all by name…..brain fog. Much love 💐

Doodle Thanks. I've been thinking of a soft green for 1 wall and a cream or pale pink for 2 others. Thinking of getting fitted wardrobes on 1 wall (have to get a quote first). Nice that your son could help with your tyres.

SweetpeaSue Thanks. Hope you have a better night tonight.

LucyD That all sounds idyllic. What part of the country are you in? It sounds beautiful.

The dust from all the plastering has been making me cough and wheeze a lot. I've damp-dusted and swept as much as I can for today. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Doodle it was a different friend who died. My friend with the grandson is very unwell. Can hardly eat anything and weighs 51/2 stone. She is waiting for yet another endoscopy to get biopsy.
Not coping at all. Neighbour said she’d hand in the phone no of the person doing their repairs because it makes sense to have it all fixed together but she has nt and I don’t like to ask again.
I want to disappear and forget about it all.

Evening everyone.
Doodle - I am 6 miles from my work, about half the journey is along the coast which is lovely and the rest is countryside. When I move to my house I will be about 12 miles but it will only take me an extra 5 mins as it is on the main road. Like you I go to my son if anything needs done with my car . He does explain it all to me but it means absolutely nothing to me!
HVDY - yes, I will have a garden at my new build. The extension part will look out over a wilderness ( has never been a garden but will hopefully be planted with trees) and beyond that are fields where the farmers keeps cows. The other side of the build is grass with a low wall with lots of shrubs. So a fair bit to keep on top of but a lot less that I had before as that is now part of my son's domain. He has been muttering about getting goats but I am hoping that won't happen. The field is subdivided so he can use half of it for the dog and children to run about in and the other half is rented out so we have the joy of having a pony ot two next door in the summer and autumn months.
Sweetpeasue - not sleeping really does take its toll. Have you tried Nytol. I take it very occasionally and it does help me.
Scaredycat - cat cafe sounds fun. I have never had a cat but love animals. Pets are such a comfort. I do love my son's wee dog and am looking forward to having him for a sleepover once the evenings are lighter (no lights here and right out in the sticks). Went for a wee walk this afternoon ( wrapped up in many layers) and followed signs for woodland/coastal path. It was a lovely, sheltered path. Daffodils almost in bloom (ridiculously earlier for this area) and rhododendrons also in bud). It will be a beautiful walk once the weather improves and not too far.
Wyllow- I don't know much about Quakers but would imagine they would welcome hearing from you.
Nanny2507 - you do have quite a few years until you retire ( if you choose to work till then). Is it a job you enjoy? I would be lost without my job even though it was just a part time post I took on after I retired (nothing like the role I had for 35+ years).
Hope everyone is doing as well as you can. X

Not up to much tonight.Hope your new drops work HVDY
Bad day and night again. It's like I've pain running through every part of body and then if I move it's worse. Wish I could be more positive but so low today. No energy at all.
Tomorrow is another day.
Hope you all sleep well and live to all and those not in
X

HVDY glad you’ve had your eyes checked now, hope the new eye drops work and sort out the problem. The work at home seems to be going well. What colour will you go with for your bedroom?
Scaredycat are you still away? I hope you’re having a good time. So nice to visit new places and catch up with family too.
I’ve been to sit fit today. It really is a good workout. Not too much that I’m in pain but just enough to know that you’ve been doing something different. I’m enjoying it, went to see our son after as he has a gadget to pump up tyres and mine were low. Back home and hair wash and paperwork. End of another day. Church tomorrow.
Ellie Anne was that your friends funeral, the one with the grandson? That must have been hard for you. Glad the bladder is a bit better today but if it doesn’t continue please see the GP or perhaps the pharmacist.
Wyllow is there anyone at Quakers that you were particularly close to or had contact with? It would be good to talk to someone.
I don’t really want to go to this funeral at the end of the month but I feel I owe it to the lady concerned. I should have been there for her more.
Wow Nanny you’re a youngster. I’m so sorry your Dh must have been Young when he died. That’s a long time to continue without him. Do you like the people you work with?
Sweetpeasue it is possible to have restless leg syndrome in your body. That’s a bit like nerves firing all the time. How unpleasant for you. Hope you have a better night tonight.
Glad the decorating going well. We have mostly magnolia here. It’s easy on the eye.

SweetpeaSue You don't moan, you share, as we all do - that's what this thread is for. You've had a lot to deal with, and your pain sounds horrible. Would an antihistamine at night help you to sleep?

Nanny2507 11 years until you retire! You're a youngster then . I get PIP (lower rate), my husband gets a state pension. That's all we're living on. I get my state pension in April (I'll be 66). I hope you work with some nice people.

Wyllow3 I bet if you bite the bullet and contact one of your Quakers friends, they'd be pleased to hear from you.

EllieAnne I hope your bladder is less troublesome today. Glad you're going to get the wall sorted out.

ScaredyCat That hill almost killed me! I wouldn't be able to do it now. I'll try to post some photos of our steampunk things.

I saw someone at the eye department of the hospital. She says I've got a blocked tear duct, caused by having an infection and a stye. More eye drops to use. The plasterers have finished, they worked very hard and have made a good job. Thin film of dust everywhere upstairs now, so I'll be cleaning up for a while. I've been looking online at colours, lighting and curtains. Hope ALL BDers are ok x

Hi all.
Doodle- I,m sorry you have lost a friend and can understand the feelings about returning to that same crematorium and its sad memories. I,m sure you,ll cope on the day as you have such a compassionate and caring nature you will be there for your friend and her family. However if you really can’t face it everyone would understand .
Don’t feel guilty - you have been trying to rebuild your shattered life . Your friend would nderstand. We have a funeral of an old friend tomorrow. I struggle with them but it’s not about me it’s for his wife and family .But will be glad when it’s over.
No wonder your DGD loved her Cat Cafe job . Being with the cats made me realise how much I miss having a furry companion. DH too - he’s a bit of a cat whisperer!
HVDY- oh that must have been Steep Hill in Lincoln. It’s sooo steep isn’t it. There was a cat shop up there but I didn’t see it Saturday.
Had to google Steampunk. What were your outfits like?
Hope you,ve been able to see someone about your eyes today.
I,ve had coffee with my old Art friends today then went to Grape Tree for nuts and raisins.
SweetPeaSue- hope today is a better one for you and you had a more restful night. You,re really going for it with the decorating- but I ,m sure it helps to occupy your minds with an added bonus of a fresh look.
You don’t complain all the time- you just say it as it is with no self pity at all.
Nanny2507- thats a lot of years of work left for you. I hope you enjoy what you do and have nice people to work with
Wyllow- I don’t think any of your Quaker friends would be anything other than pleased to hear from you. You are a naturally kind person and will chose the right words. In a way it’s a good thing as it could enable you to rebuild your Quaker friendships which meant a lot to you.
Is it your nice carer today?
EllieAnne- well done sorting out the Insurance. It’s not easy when everything falls on your shoulders.
Sorry about your friend but some kind words for Wyllow.
Don’t hesitate to contact the Doc if you don’t keep improving.

Hope all BDs old and new are having as good a day as possible.
Love to all

Wyllow I don’t know much about Quakers but I’m sure that they are kind and gentle folk and any approach you make will be received with understanding and compassion.
I was at a funeral last month for a lady I d known for years and cared for very much but we had had a few differences when we did things together as she liked everything done in a certain way. It didn’t stop me being sad and missing her.
haven’t phoned dr as bladder seems a wee bit better but did speak to the insurance company on hold for ages and they are sending someone out next week.
Hv dy hope you get on ok at hospital.

Read your days xxx to all.

It was good to read. words of comfort here as I haven't spoken/emailed to anyone yet about Quaker friend, it has been very difficult as it means confronting my cutting off from everyone there atm so its how to best do it. I didn't know her family but I will find a way of best sharing how much her friendship mattered not bearing it alone.

See you all tomorrow, Best Nights BD's xx

Thanks all. I get PIP but that's all. I earn too much to get any other benefits. I only work a couple of days a week. I've got 11 years before I officially retire. Have a restful night
all xx

HVDY We are going into the bathroom painting now and we're thinking of Magnolia shade.
I think your bedroom will be beautiful by the time it's finished. We put up with faded decor for long enough as I'm not that interested but then I realise something has to be done.
I feel bad complaining all the time, but insomnia was caused by constant pain throughout body. Can't explain. Feels like nerves throughout body are firing off.
Do hope you get some help tomorrow with your eye. X

ScaredyCat I'm glad you enjoyed the Kitty Cafe. The one in Nottingham is great. DH and I once had a day in Lincoln with Son1, and he insisted there was a shop selling cat-related things, at the top of a very steep road - there wasn't, he just wanted me to walk (stagger) up there! There was a Steampunk event on, with all kinds of people in some fantastic costumes. DH and I loved that and bought outfits, joined a local Steampunk group, for a few months.

Doodle The bedroom is the largest one. I'm in the 2nd room, DH is in the smallest one. Once everything has been done in the main bedroom, I'll be moving back in there (not sure about DH joining me . I'm hoping to see someone about my eyes tomorrow. Hope you had a good day today. Enjoy your exercises tomorrow.

LittleGirl was here 8-4. We went to a playgroup for 2 hours, then had lunch and played with Playdough and also water. The plasterers have done well - plasterboarded whole ceiling plus one wall, and plastered 2 other walls. They'll be here for a couple more days. Love to all x

Wyllow3 What a shock for you to find out like that about the lady's death. Are you able to contact any other Quakers? It's good that you share on here, anyway.

SweetpeaSue Our stair carpet needs replacing, too. Cream on the walls is nice and bright. We've got cream/Magnolia on the stairs (they are fairly steep). What caused your insomnia, do you think? Hope you have a better rest tonight.

Sweetpeasue I had to look that up and you are quite right there was a dinosaur outside the M&S in Bracknell but I don’t think it’s been there for a while. I only went for the first time last year and it wasn’t there then……..even I wouldn’t have missed something that size. It’s a good place for shopping and I can catch the bus at the end of our road which goes right into the centre of town so very convenient.
Hope the decorating is going well and you’re not overdoing it.
Scaredycat so pleased you got to the cat cafe at last and enjoyed it. Our granddaughter volunteered at one for a while and loved it. She was especially form of a ginger cat called Pumpkin and another black cat who used to sit on her shoulder as she went round feeding the others. Hope your trip is going well.
Early night for me tonight. Back at sit fit tomorrow. Sleep well all.

Ellie Anne it’s good your neighbour will contribute to the wall repair. I’m glad he got in touch. Good idea to leave your phone number. I expect if he’s in hospital he will probably be happy for you to sort it
*I hope you managed to get a Gp appointment. Are you feeling any better?
HvDY my goodness that bedroom is having a complete re vamp. Is it your bedroom? How lovely to start from scratch and do with it what you like. What colour scheme are you going with?
Sorry to hear your eyes are still so bad. Have you been seen by anyone yet?
Wyllow I’m so sorry about your friend. An old friend of mine died recently and the funeral is at the end of the month. I will have to steel myself to go as it’s in the same crematorium as DH. Can’t you talk to your son about it? You can always talk to us. I feel guilty about my friend as I hadn’t been in touch for a while. So easy to think you’ve got time when sometimes you haven’t

Hi all
Nanny2507- you have a hard journey to travel. Lots of decisions and financial restrictions. As Doodle mentioned hope you are receiving any benefits you are entitled to at the moment. I can see why your job is important to you.
I think you are wonderful to work and care for your pets as you do.
HVDY- your bedroom will be lovely when it’s done- fun picking colours etc.
Hope you have had a good day with Little Girl and that tomorrow you get help with your eye at Hospital.
We had our Cat Cafe day today- it was cat Heaven. Cats of all colours and breeds . A dear little white,deaf cat went to sleep on me for ages. You would have loved it.
Doodle- Ah so sorry about Waitrose- Valentines Day must hold very special memories. I,m glad though that you are coping with the tears knowing they will cease eventually.
Yes Lincoln Cathedral is beautiful- we are so in awe of our wonderful Cathedrals. Today the Cat Cafe is almost in the shadow of Canterbury Cathedral.
EllieAnne- hope you,ve had a better result from the Insce Co and have managed to get a Docs appt for your bladder problem.
Wyllow- oh those horrible triggers that drop on you unexpectedly. Reminders of the things your Ex put you through and how it impacted on your friendships and confidence.
It’s horrible to feel scared as you do because you have been so hurt and damaged. Please don’t withdraw into your thoughts . Share with us and believe each and everyone of us here wants to help you.
SweetPeaSue- sorry you had such a bad night but once again you rallied and got on with things.
I think your DH benefits from keeping busy and feels that it’s worth the resulting discomfort.. Yes the carpet job will be quite heavy stuff- DS2 will be a willing helper I,m sure.

Wishing all Bds a peaceful night - those mentioned and those not. Xx

Scaredycat Hope you maged a good night's sleep last night after all the activity. Thankyou for your kind words. You have such lovely posts to us all. I've never been to Lincoln (I believe my dad was stationed there in the war). I'd love to see the cathedral there, they are such beautiful places. Hope you've been OK today.