Black Dog 24

Wyllow3 Your ex certainly did a job on you. He must be very troubled himself. My Son1 had a similar kind of mental anguish (he haad a breakdown) when he split from the mum of his girls. She was like you describe your ex - manipulative, gaslighting, etc., but violent too. Your confidence was shattered, but you could get the best revenge by being happy. You just need to try to make a start on that.

nadateturbe Glad you popped in. It's good that you're managing to keep up with your art class. Take care.

LucyD You've had a challenging time. I'm glad you had a good friend to help you. I hope you and your family are all okay now and that none of you had much mopping up, etc., to do.

ScaredyCat Glad your hands are feeling a bit better. Oh your poor GD. Those things are so easily done, aren't they. Luckily, younger people heal quickly. DH said he didn't feel like eating, then at 2pm cooked himself rump steak, chips and peas! He's hilarious.

How's everyone else been today? I missed the day centre - it was afternoon tea and skittles at a local club (I'd paid but never mind). My eyes are improving but still watering and discharging a lot, My eyelids are sore, itchy, and crusty (glamorous). Son1's GF is Assistant Manager and is going to get me something they keep, which is better than using baby shampoo. Hope ALL BDers have a cosy evening x

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- still a bit sore but much better than yesterday thank you.
New game eh? Hide the salt cellar. I,m with your DH re the cheese- why does it have to be so delicious though.
Good you have the Book Club another chance and hope it’s a good book this time. Lucky Fluff ball she has the best of all worlds - everyone loves her.
I,m sorry you have to continually battle the pain but you do right to move as much as you can. Hope DH can get something done about his breathlessness next week.
Doodle- I,m getting about better thank you and was able to reschedule the Cat Cafe . They sound lovely ladies who run it.
What a yummy lunch you had- I love Ice Cream especially Rum and Raisin which seems very hard to get. That must have been a nice satisfied ,full little sleep for you- like a contented cat. Hope you had a good Art session this morning.
HVDY- glad you are feeling better but your poor eyes must be getting you down.
Yes my hands are bruised but the knee isn’t so sore today. It’s a brilliant place for minor injuries and you just turn up. No where near as busy as the big A&E. Door to door it was just an hour.
Ha ha good job your DH wasn’t hungry!! Him and Jaffa are a good pair aren’t they.
Wyllow- I,m glad you had a walk and enjoyed the sun. Hope you had a nice chat too.
So sorry all those old negative feelings surfaced afterwards- such conflicting emotions. It seems you can’t allow yourself to enjoy anything in case it lets you down and vanishes. I can’t explain properly but letting people in a little more might give you more confidence that not everyone will be unkind or hurt you. Perhaps next time there’s some sunshine you could sit in the garden for a while and just enjoy the moment and feel the sun on your face.
Looked online earlier and M &S have some jersey wide leg trousers some elastic waist and some really nice linen stripey ones that look very comfortable.
Nadateturbe- so lovely to see you here again. You are right to prioritise meeting up with your Art group - so important you keep that up. So glad you are able to. It’s just so good to hear from you.
Lucyd- goodness me you have had a difficult time and your little family too. So glad your friend was there for you.
It must have been a bit scary. Hope you are keeping warm and dry now. Take care out there.

I didn’t say but the afternoon before I flew through the air off the stairs we had been to see our eldest GD to take ourGGS his birthday presents. So about 2 hours later I fell. The very next morning she did exactly the same on the same step of her stairs. My Daughter had to take her to A and E where she was found to have fractured her foot. So now has a big boot and crutches and off work for 4 weeks!!! Not a happy bunny. What a weird coincidence but feel so sorry for her. Never a dull minute with families is there!!

Sending love to all those mentioned and those not- wishing peaceful sleep to,all.

Morning everyone. Haven't posted recently due to the storm - no power, Internet or water which I stuck out till Sunday but as caravan was only sitting at 3 degrees by then. I stayed with a friend till power went back on Monday. Water back on Tues night and Internet today. Son and his wee family only got power back last night so had to move out and travelling back home today. Haven't had time to catch up on all your posts but will try to do that over next few days after work ( just heading off there now).
Thinking of you all and hoping that you are experiencing the sunny ( but chilly!) weather as just to see the sun definitely cheers me up. Take care xx

Good morning everyone. Just popping on briefly to say I manage to catch up a little at a time with posts. I can't answer as energy is extremely low and hardly allows for essentials. I try to manage one art class each week to enjoy the company which is really important.
I do think about all you lovely people coping so well with your problems and enjoy reading your family updates.
Sending hugs love and prayers where needed.

Carer today and a walk. sun was nice: I really struggled with a v bad period of whats the point after. Grief, confusion, Ex stuff and will this depression never end.
(Clothes wise will wait for M n s to get tracky bottoms. Tum swells quite grossly at times IBS/tum stuff so I want elastic waist and adjustable ties and some big tops.

I was glad to hear that you got out for a walk yesterday *Scaredycat despite the rain. Poor wet snail! But fate has been very tough for you! You poor soul! Thank goodness you didnt need to wait long.

*Sweetpeasue I’m sorry about your MiL in hospital. I hope you felt OK at book group and glad you have Fluffball cuddles. Sorry for those aches and pains. I’m glad you are getting DH’s breathlessness investigated too.

That was a real treat traditional lunch, Doodle. xx for the burden of grief you bear.

I’m glad that the Blepharitis is really bad, HVDY, you’ve been cursed with lots of difficulties recently - glad you feel lot better in yourself. You’ve got your hands full with DH and weight!

Thinking of our regulars who come into BD’s and old friends and readers.

Night night all.

SweetpeaSue I hope your husband's blood tests yesterday will properly indicate what might be wrong. The date for an ultrasound might be soon (fingers crossed). You could, indeed, ask the GP about a chest x-ray. My eyes are marginally better, thanks, but the Blepharitis is really bad. I feel a lot better in myself, anyway. Good of you to have Fluffball at a moment's notice. I take it your DIL's mum now home then?

ScaredyCat Oh no, that must have shaken you up a bit. You were lucky not to have broken anything, but your hand must be very sore. I expect the bruising will show up in a day or two. Arnica gel is good for bruising. You were lucky to get seen so quickly.

Doodle The drops are helping, thanks. Just my eyelids that are very sore. Your lunch sounds delicious. It's sometimes good to have a nap.

Wyllow3 I wish there was something I could do to help you. Please koko.

How has everyone else been? DH reckons he's felt "off his food" but polished off a large bag of Doritos, a bowl of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, and 2 sausage and egg cobs (rolls/baps). He kills me . He's now the weight he first started at. Hope ALL BDers have a cosy evening x

Oh Scaredycat I’m so sorry. What a shock that must have been for you. I’m glad you’ve been checked over. Your knee sounds very painful. I hope you are getting round ok. Do you have painkillers. Hope you manage to sleep ok and it all heals up well. Shame about the cat cafe but hope you get to go soon.
Sit fit is very good. I certainly know from my aching muscles that I’ve been. I enjoy it.
Sweetpeasue glad you got to book club. You sound as though you’re in a lot of pain too. I had a friend with fibromyalgia so I have seen with her how hard it is to cope.
Hope you get that appointment for your DH. You’ve been worried about his breathing for a long time.
Wyllow good to hear from you even if you can’t write much. Hope the visit from the carer helps. Maybe getting out.
HVDY wondering how your eyes are today. Hope the drops have helped.
Ellie Anne are you feeling any better?
I went with friend for lunch today. We had a long slow lunch. Fish and chips and ice cream and a large glass of wine, I was so tired after I came home and went to sleep. Art class tomorrow
Sleep well all.

Oh no Scaredycat You must feel really sore. Glad you've no broken bones but I'm guessing you'll be extremely achy and stiff. Thank goodness you didn't have to wait too long to be seen at the hospital. You're going to miss your walks for sure- even the rainy ones.
Fluffball is my DIL's but her mum looks after her 2dys a week while my son and DIL work. DHs appt was yesterday.
Do look after yourself, the cats cafe will wait.
HVDY Hope your eyes aren't so bad today. They must be so sore and get you down. Aw your DH hasn't got the hang of this diet thing yet has he. I'm trying to restrict DHs salt intake and have hidden the salt cellar. He's not liking restrictions on cheese either. His cholesterol was a bit high.
Wyllow Hope you've had a better day and been able to get out with your carer. You must be relieved to have a bit of company after being alone.
Doodle I'm so glad too that your DH got the hospice place. I know that has meant a lot to you both and has been so helpful to yourself afterwards. It's caring of you to help raise funding.
My husband's appt was yesterday with Rheumatologist. I want him to see GP next week when he's back to send him gor a scan or something on his chest. The breathlessness is nothing to do with COPD or Asthma, we're sure of that.
Hope you enjoyed the talk at church. You'd have been ready for bed after such a busy day.
EllieAnne Hope you're OK. Such a shame that wall fell on all your nice plants.

Went to book group today. We took Fluffball back later this afternoon. Had lots of cuddles. My body is so achy, stiff and painful- guess it's Fibromyalgia but I'll just have to get on with it.
Take care everyone and thinking of those not mentioned and those not in.
Peaceful night to all. x

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Hi all
EllieAnne- everything seems to be put on your shoulders even when you don’t feel well. Just see after yourself for the moment and see if DH makes an effort to sort the wall out.
Doodle- It would be a good project to have a Hospice Fund Raiser- something to think about for the better weather.
How is the sit fit going- it should help your stamina and flexibility if you keep it up. Hope the talk at church was interesting.
I went walking in the rain yesterday morning while DH was at the Gym. It poured but wasn’t cold so I splodged along like an old wet snail and enjoyed it.
SweetPeaSue- glad you were able to do a bit of cleaning together. Your DH really does try so hard doesn’t he. As do you.
How can these medics make so many errors it’s scary. You are so knowledgeable and articulate about your husbands symptoms but it’s like they don’t listen. Hope today’s appointment was a help.
So sorry your sons MiL has been taken into hospital again- at least she has peace of mind that Fluffball is in good hands.
Wyllow- it’s not always easy to find tum friendly clothes is it. I,m quite slim but my tum is not. Tracky bottoms from M&S are my go to for indoors and thank goodness for stretch jeans!!!
Do you try different ready meals ? There is quite a good choice in Sainsbury’s I remember.
Was the weather ok for a walk with your carer today. It was nice and dry here today.
Sorry your oooooomph deserted you and hope it is back today.
I guess some days you just feel exhausted.
HVDY- love the title of the diet book- it made me laugh.
Yes thank goodness your corneas are undamaged and you did nt have to wait too long .Hope the drops start to work quickly so you can see Little Girl on Saturday.

Well today was the day we should have gone to the Cat Cafe but fate conspired against it. Last evening I missed the bottom stair and went flying onto a tiled floor!! My hands took some of the impact but my right knee hurt a lot. So this morning as it was still so painful we went to the minor injuries clinic at another hospital instead of our big one. Got there at 10 and were out before 11! Nothing is broken but it is very badly bruised internally. So I came out with ice packs and a list of instructions. The service was brilliant . It hurts to walk but I have a stick from my Alpine walking days so fished that out and it helps. I had allowed myself to look forward to the Cats - that,ll teach me. 😩 no walking in the rain for a while. Moan over .
Thinking of all BDs and missing some of our regulars . Also those who just read . Love to all

Caught up with you all and news but haven't any oooompf to write. Carer tomorrow

Take care all

xx

Sweetpeasue if DH hadn’t got to the hospice I would have been so upset as I promised I would get him out of hospital but I didn’t know how. It was one of the senior nurses who helped me beet through to the Palliative care team and start the ball rolling. DH was only there 2 ½ days but it made such a difference to us both
Sweetpeasue when the hospital made a mistake on a letter they wrote about DH I phoned up and made them change it. Might be worth a try as they keep getting it wrong.
Hope tomorrow’s appointment goes well.
Wyllow wish we could do something to lift your spirits but I know that will only happen when you find your own way. Sending hugs
HVDY so glad you got your eyes checked and all is ok. Yes class went well thanks though I’m tired now.
Scaredycat have you been out today? I’m going out to church in a minute. There is a talk on tonight.
Take care all x

Forgive me for shorter posts today - tiring day.
HVDY So glad you saw an Opthamologist who understood your problem. You'll feel better knowing a specialist has looked at them. The severity of it must be so hard to bear. Hope the drops work.
That letter said Vasular didn't think it Subclavian Steal but there was definitely poorer blood flow in that arm ,prob due to plaque in Subclavian artery. She got the arm mixed up though.
Wyllow Hoping you've had a better day and that you can talk to your carer tomorrow. Thankyou for being 'with me' today.
Doodle Hope you enjoyed your sit fit class and there up with your son.

Huge waiting today. Rheumatologist was same as he saw last time( dpt lead and director). Didn't have all DHs notes( DHs appt originally end March) He examined DHs hand and arm ,did reflexes on body .He didn't want to discount Vascular surgeon's opinion about it not being Subclavian Steal but took blood to test for inflammation and sent DH for Xrays to rule out Arthritis in arm( pain isn't that , we know) He'll send forDH ( after his holiday) and do an ultrasound himself on DHs hand/arm.
I don't know what else we can do really. He's def got poor blood flow in that arm and hand and had pain for mths. Rheumatologist isn't Vascular.
At least he'll be seen again soon and we'll have ultrasound done.

While in hospital got text from son to pick up Fluffball as his MIL taken into hospital.
Busy day and sorry can't address everyone.

Hope you all have a peaceful night and love to all ,especially with worries and sadness. Xx

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SweetpeaSue You've been very busy around the house! I wish my husband wanted to do home improvement things at home. He thinks if he loads the dishwasher up and puts washing on a clothes horse, that's all that needs doing! (true). I admire your DH for trying to get on with things. So the letter had got wrong things in it - typical and not good enough. Complain. Really hope today's appointment will be productive and helpful.

ScaredyCat My DH could write a diet book - "Eat beige food, lose a stone in 2 years" . He does make me laugh.
How's your day going?

Doodle Hope your exercise class went well. Nice to be able to call in to see your son. You are coping so well.

EllieAnne Is your neighbour a man? Perhaps some men (like mine) don't see any urgency in getting things done. Your AC might help yet - I expect they work all day, then it's too dark at night, to help.

Wyllow3 Wide-leg trousers are often cut to make the belly area roomier. The easiest option is probably to look online.

Went to Eye Department of hospital (it has it's own casualty dept,. The actual A&E dept has waiting times often up to 25 hours). There just after 9am, saw an Ophthalmologist not long after. Going early meant I got out by 11am. My corneas are fine, thankfully. She said it's a severe case of Conjunctivitis, made worse by the flu. Got drops, 4 x daily, for a week.

Hope ALL BDers are ok x

A really exhausting night there, HVDY Oh my, 5 hours was just not possible today after that night, all the very best tomorrow.

Sorry to hear about the sneezing too EllieAnne and that you are going to a funeral. Aw..the damage must be so distressing and having to sort it out with only one neighbour really involved.

It would be nice to walk with you *Scardeycat. I couldn’t find trousers I liked that fitted swollen tum - its bad atm - but got ready meals. Mood very poor apart from that, but I koko.

Lovely post as Ever, Scaredycat.

You are right about how amazing hospices, unfunded, are, Doodle. Good for you to decide to help raise money. I’m glad you had a little time of coping better x

I’m very impressed by the domestic blitz Sweetpeasue

Will be with you heart and mind tomorrow for the appointment, I know how very much you need information and a path ahead.

Night night BD’s and take care all xx

Doodle Crossed posts. Looks like we've both had a bit of a clean today. Hugs for your tears today.x You've a busy day again tomorrow. Sit fit sounds good and it will be lovely to meet your son over coffee. Hope you have a nice day .Thankyou for all encouragement.

Wyllow Sorry about your nothing day yesterday. Did you manage to get out to do shopping today? Think HVDY has a point that you could treat yourself to a magazine or paper ,perhaps something light. You are worth any treats that you can think of.
Doodle Oh I'm sorry about yesterday and your tears and sadness. Hope you enjoyed the quiet in the hospice today and the lovely garden. I'm so glad that your DH got to be in such a lovely place at the end- that really was a blessing. Hugs for your sadness.
Scaredycat Thankyou today has been better than yesterday. Lovely words to all.

DH and I had a bit of a tiny blitz on house today. He's been (helping) cleaning carpets with my son's new carpet cleaner that we borrowed. I did some washing,ironing and changed bed. DH wants to paint the hallway/stairs ( his bad arm is the left one) so I'll be keeping an eye on him when he starts. Tomorrow see Rheumatologist. My heart starts palpitating when we go to hospital appts now. Got letter from Vascular surgeon after last Tuesdays appt and she mentioned we were 'comfortable' with the revised scan excluding Subclavian Steal ( we're not) and that DH is now under hand surgeon (he's not- as it's not to do with carpal tunnel- he's been discharged) and she got it wrong about his painful arm being the right one( it's his left).

Wishing everyone mentioned and not a peaceful night and those poorly a better day tomorrow.

Wyllow absolutely dreadful rain here today and wind blowing a gale. Hope it’s better for your shopping trip tomorrow. I’ve got my sit fit class in the morning then going to see DS1 for a quick coffee then home. In the evening I’m going to church for a talk
HvDY Hope your cough has improved as the days gone on. I always find nighttime the worst. What a dreadful day you’ve had. I hope your eyes are ok. The wait in A& E is really bad. No fun being there if you have to use the loo all the time. I hope it’s eased a bit know and your are feeling a bit better. How are your eyes tonight,?
My friend and I are keen on raising money for the hospice. Like all of them the one we support is having money troubles. The fact they are available to all free of charge is amazing. Such a worthwhile charity.
Ellie Anne I’m so sorry you’re not well either. You sound quite poorly. Will your DH make you hot drinks etc. Or are you left to fend for yourself?
Sorry about the funeral, will you be able to go feeling as your do?
Sweetpeasue I’m hoping you’ve had a better day. All this worry about your DH is having such an impact on you. I know how hard it is to keep going and how much the strain exhausts you.
Scaredycat you’re right it is the finality of it all that hurts the most. I’ve had a busy day today. Been fine and doing lots of tidying and cleaning. Got on well till mid afternoon when I picked up something DH had bought me to dust under it. I just sat on the bed and cried. Then I washed my face and got on with the cleaning. I am gradually coping a bit better.
Thursday I am using coloured pencils in art. Wonder if that will be less Kessy than chalk and charcoal. 🤣

Thank you for those kind words. The service was very long, they had a private burial first. It was very moving .
I didn’t go to the hotel. I knew it would be very busy and I’d have been late home to make his meal.
I don’t mind taking responsibility for things I can do but this is outwith my capabilities and it’s complicated because 2 neighbours are involved and one of them is a bit odd and hasn’t even been out to look at the damage.
I think it all got too much for me today.
Seeing my plants covered in bricks. !
I sent my children pictures of the damage and no one has offered any support.

Hi all
Doodle- sorry the tears overwhelmed you- it’s the finality of your loss that is so hard to bear. Sending a Caring hug.
Glad your Son is home safe and hope you have a nice day together tomorrow.
Those last peaceful days at the hospice are a comforting memory to have.I expect you look out at the beautiful garden and imagine your DH feeling peaceful and seeing the same
view.
No regrets over your friend - it’s not always possible to spin all the plates!
Wyllow- that was a good post . There are some days when your’voice’ sounds more animated. Yes it’s hard fighting those negative thoughts but I have a feeling that you are getting a bit stronger.
Hope you had a good shopping trip- always think of you on a Monday and wish we could come with you.
EllieAnne - Your DH needs to realise how hard you work. You must have felt awful as you were sickening for this bug you have. That’s not a moan it’s a cry for help. Please see after yourself when you get home from the funeral.
HVDY- you sound so poorly. The diorrhea must have been the last straw. Sounds like you could do with a spa day! I understand the saying nothing thing.
Your DH should write a diet book- it would be a best seller!!!
I too do a lot of the things like you- I quite like it as well.
SweetPeaSue- hope today is a better one for you. Lovely kind post.

Love to all - regular and occasional visitors.

EllieAnne Sorry you're finding it all a strain right now. I hate Funerals and it sounds like you're not well for it. Hope it's over with quickly and you can get back home straight away. You don't want to be lifting bricks so yes, get someone in to help with all that. I think when you're not well problems are so much worse too.
HVDY Oh you poor soul you are going through it. You can't very well wait all that time at Eye Casualty when you need the loo so much. You must have been so glad to get home. Your poor eyes must be so sore. Nothing worse than not being able to see properly - now you've trouble both ends. You'll be tired too with no sleep. Do look after yourself . Those eyes will need to be looked at so hopefully tomorrow it won't be as long a wait. You always look after others so well - just like EllieAnne. 💐💐
for both of you.x

EllieAnne I hope you manage to get through the funeral ok. It will be over with quickly, unless you're going to the wake too. I've always done things - every holiday, day trip, evening out, meet-up with family, always chosen furniture, wallpaper, curtains, etc. Every home and holiday insurance, airport parking. Every Christmas, birthday, Easter card and present for everyone (including all his family. I used to find it stressful but I now see it that he gives me free rein to do and spend what I like and I do it all online. What are you in tears about? The worry of the wall or something else? I feel quite unwell today. Contacted the GP online about this Conjunctivitis, attached the photos. She rang, told me to go to the Eye Casualty at the hospital as my sight is blurry. 30 minutes to get there. 5 hour wait to be seen, which I would've put up with, but only stayed 2 hours as I had very bad diarrhoea 4 times so have come home. Utterly fed-up today (and I'll still need to go tomorrow)

Hvdy I sympathise. I’ve been coughing and sneezing and now voice is going. I’ve a funeral today so will dope myself up and take cough sweets with me.
I wasn’t clearing the bricks. That’s too big a job. Just clearing general rubbish that the storm blew in.
Yes I am better at organising stuff but he has never bothered . and I’m tired of doing everything . Am in tears this morning with the worry of it all but he’s gone for the paper and will come back and sit about all day in front of paper tv or computer . Sorry I sound a moan but am sad stressed and unwell.

Wyllow3 But yourself some foodie treats when you go shopping. Perhaps a quiz book or magazine too?

I've been up since 6. I was awake every hour from 11pm (bed at 10) - coughing, nose running, eyes stinging (kept bathing them). DH sleeps through it all . Back later x

EllieAnne Thanks. Perhaps your husband thinks there's no rush to pick up the bricks whilst it's still windy? When he saw you doing it, he could have helped you.

ScaredyCat I wondered, too, if I'd caught this from LittleGirl. We're having her for the day on Saturday. Son2 is taking DIL for a spa day as "she's run-down". I say nothing. DH has salads, but puts Scotch egg/crisps/Pork pie on it .

Doodle I'm feeling a bit better but not right yet. The hospice sounds a wonderful place. I worked at the one in Nottingham, years ago. That was very scenic, too.

Good to see you in Allsorts and Whiff. Scaredycat eas very wise about self pity I agree.

Goodness me, what a story,so glad that you are in recovery Whiff

I wondered why you hadnt been in, HVDY thought something must be up! A horribe flu time. Its not really on to see LittleGirl tmorrow,and your eyes need sorting. I hope things pick up soon.

What a mess to sort out, EllieAnne. I’m glad you get on with the neighbour well enough to sort it out.

I really will try and look at the clothes tomorrow Scaredycat, bless. Your post long and thoughtful as ever, I hope you are OK.

Hugs for your crying tonight, Doodle.
I’m glad your son is home and you will see him soon. The hospice is a very special place for you and so glad you had that time there and it’s a comfort now.

Tomorrow is shopping, carer is Wednesday. Just have to hope the torrential rain has stopped by then, it’s grim, isn’t it.

Pretty grim day fighting whats the point, just how things are sometimes.

Missing our regulars, and thinking of you all xx