Black Dog 24

Wyllow how have you been today? Is it a carers day tomorrow? The weather here is dreadful no point going out in torrential rain. Hope you have better days to come when the weather improves.

Allsorrs I’ve have a good day but suddenly started crying tonight. There’s a feeling that only those who’ve lost their beloved understand. It’s a feeling I never had when DH was with me. Such loneliness and longing I just want him back.
Saga are good we cruised with them a lot. We loved it.
Whiff what a story. You’ve been through a lot. Good you’ve written it down as it will help later if you want to refer back to it. I find now that the order in which things happened with DH evades me. I can’t remember now what I did two days ago. I’ve been like this for a while. My memory is completely shot.
Glad you are back home. Hope you make a good recovery now. Glad you had good care.
HVDY thank you yes our son is home and we had a long chat last night. I’m going to see him Tuesday. I love my art class but I think it’s the company more than the art. I am talentless but I want to improve my aim is to do a watercolour tree that actually looks like a tree 🤣
Sorry you’ve been so poorly. Sounds like the sort of thing our son and grandson had a week or so ago. Hope you’re feeling better now.
Ellie Anne a fence will certainly be cheaper than rebuilding the wall. It sounds to me that you are the methodical organiser of the family and your DH is happy to let you get in with it.
Scaredycat the only art I have ever done was in school up till I was 11. I have never been any good at it. My brother was the talented one. I am enjoying it though.
Our granddaughter will be 19. Can’t believe it really. She’s our baby.
O can’t tell you the peace I feel at the hospice. The fact they gave DH 48 hours of looking out over a lovely garden and lake after 4 weeks of a no window hospital prison cubicle helps me so much. They were so kind. It is a beautiful tranquil spot and my friend and I often just sit there for hours on end looking out of the window.
I’m not looking forward to doing life models but mainly because I’d much rather do landscapes than anything with arms or legs. I have no sense of proportion and anything living I draw looks really weird.
Sweetpeasue I hope you’ve had a better day and not been in so much pain. It is sad about my friend in a way but her life was very difficult. She could hardly see at all and her hearing wasn’t good. Walking was difficult and she lived on her own without many visitors. To me it seemed a lonely life. Just wish I’d been to see her more often. I feel bad about that.

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- sorry you had such a painful upsetting day yesterday. It sounded worse than you normally describe it.
I think you must be very tense with all your worries and that your body is tense too.
No way have you let your DH down- you do your absolute best to fight his corner and look out for him.
Hope you feel more comfortable today.
Doodle- good advice for Wyllow.
You certainly enjoy good variety at your Art Class and it’s lovely that the other people are all helpful and friendly. That makes such a difference. Have you done Art classes at all in the past?
How old will your GD be- it’s fun buying presents for GDs isn’t it.
I hope you enjoyed your lunch today after Church. What a lovely place the Hospice sounds- I,m so glad you have somewhere like that to go.
Wyllow- I wish you could be kinder to yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of either. The old Wyllow loved to exercise,cycle,walk and spend time in the garden. She is still there and as we all hope when Springtime comes and the Sun shines it will coax her out. I think a small daily goal as Doodle suggested is a good idea.
Shopping tomorrow isn’t it- don’t forget to treat yourself. Have you had a look at the TU stuff in Sainsbury’s for comfy indoor clothes?
Allsorts- it must have taken some courage to go on a solo cruise but now some are so expensive.
I don’t think of you as self pitying but as a brave realistic lady who is doing your best to deal with what life has thrown at
you.
Whiff- what a time you have had but it does sound like you had very thorough and comprehensive treatments and examinations.
I love the way your mind works as in the midst of something very scary you suddenly see some humour in it- your coping mechanism is awe inspiring.
Your long posts are lovely- don’t change!!!
HVDY- sounds a bit like you may have had flu- so sorry you,ve felt so poorly. Sensible to keep away from Little Girl - wonder though if you caught what she had.
Wow you have lost a lot of weight - you must have been very strict with yourself. Your DH diet plan makes me smile- it’s all that beige food!!
I ve done Life drawing for a long time and yes the models are completely naked. I remember my first class well but after the initial few minutes you don’t notice the bits and bobs as it’s really absorbing . I preferred to draw women as they have much more variety of shape.
Hope,you get some help for your eyes tomorrow.

Love to all

Look after yourself Hvdy. It sounds like flu.
No the wall will need to be completely removed and replaced. Neighbour and I are thinking about A fence instead. Garden is full of bricks and a total mess. I ve spoken to insurance but not made a claim till we decide what to do. Dh has done nothing. I’ve liaised with neighbour phoned insurance and tidied up what I can.

On the plus side, I've lost 12lbs in 2 weeks. DH is annoyed that he's put 1lb on (pie, mash, crisps, etc, who'd have thought it .He's lost 2lbs

EllieAnne The weather is very bad where you are, then. No point in attempting to go out if it's so severe. Will your husband be able to fix the wall, or will you need to get someone to do it?

Doodle Bath is very nice. An interesting place to go. Sorry about your friend. Do you live near her? Your art class sounds really enjoyable, even if you lack a lot of talent. I keep thinking I might join something like that. Hope your son got home safely.

SweetpeaSue It sounds as though the Fibromyalgia has flared up(So1 has flares, mainly in hands, feet and shoulders). Great news about your husband getting an appointment on Tuesday. Hope he'll get some proper answers now. You've supported him well, as he does you.

Wyllow3 As Sweetpea says, we know the old Wyllow3 is there. I hope we'll get to see her again soon. Koko, as much as you can. Have you had your meds review yet?

ScaredyCat When you did life drawing classes, were the subjects naked? I'd be too distracted by their bit and pieces on show.

Candy6 My friend's son plays rugby and their match was cancelled because of the frost (he's 11). Nice that your dog enjoyed the walk along by the river.

I've been so unwell since Thursday evening - uncontrollable shivering (heating on at 21 plus 3 blankets), then all night hot/cold. aching, sore throat. I never go to bed when I'm not well but whatever it's been, it knocked me off my feet. Didn't get up til 4pm on Friday, 2pm yesterday. A bit better today, but we're not going to have LittleGirl tomorrow, I wouldn't want her to get it. My eyes are worse, so I'm going to do an e-consult to the GP tomorrow.

Love to ALL BDers x

Sorry not been back for a while . I know Allsorts my darling friend let you know I wasn't well. And I can't remember if I told you what happened . I have been reading and glad to see new people finding and getting help and comfort from you all even though you are all going through so much yourselves. But that's what you are all like no matter how bad you feel you have kind words and think about others .

Now this will be a ramble so please ignore if you want as you do know me I do carry on .

Well I am slowly getting back to my usual self. And managed 150 rotations on my static pedals today. Pre the 6th did 300 a day after my exercises. Been managing to do my exercises without holding on to my bed bar which last few days.

I can't fault the care I had in both the hospitals I was in . I just had a headache and I don't get headaches. Then a pain in the left side of my neck . I had a UTI and my speech went so just thought it was due to that as my HPX kicked in. Phoned my daughter but could only say help. We got to A&E at 5am within hour had brain CT scan,ECG and bloods done. We where on the A&E corridor ward. Which was by the majors . Stroke nurse did assessment but didn't think I had a stroke .Hours past and had another ECG which showed an anomaly so had to have cardiac enzyme blood test. They had already given me the antibiotics I needed . Told my daughter to go . As we didn't know when we would get the results . Think it was evening had results heart muscle damage so given soluble cardiac aspirin as that indicate I had a heart attack. Cardiologist came and I would go to acute cardiac ward when a bed available. Spent the night on the corridor ward but it was quiet and warm . I moved down the corridor and was at the end.

The day went can't fault the care I had . My daughter was there at 4 on the Tuesday she had been on the morning to bring me porridge as that's my normal breakfast. I remember feeling very hot in the loo and wanting to lie down . Open the door and shouted my daughter's name . The rest she told me I fought her and nurse trying to sit me down and I collapsed. I remember someone telling me to open my eyes which I did then black. My daughter said it was a run to get me to the ward . Next thing I remember is being undressed and electrodes attached to me . My daughter was explaining about HPX and I could say the odd word then but mimed some answers. In a ward with 4 beds. I know I had lots of tablets and injection into my tummy. I had a portable recorder so when I needed the loo had to unplug myself and into the recorder. The beds went low so with my stick could walk the few steps to the loo by myself.
Over the days saw the cardiologist and had ultrasound on my heart. Thursday the injection the nurse gave me hurt the others hadn't. And found it painful to move.

Cardiologist said I was finally out of Afib and would go to the heart and lung hospital on Saturday and had angiography on Sunday . Well Friday evening the nurse said they are coming for you. My daughter quickly packed my bags and I was just ready as the ambulance men came .

Put into a single room only problem the bed was more modern and didn't go as low as the older beds so I could get in and out myself. I hated having to call the nurse . Had my own loo.

Saturday I was second on the list went to theatre in my pjs and slippers. I had asked for sedation as never had local anaesthetic before and didn't know how I would cope. Because I am in constant pain have a high tolerance for pain . Unfortunately the sedation and the local didn't work so I felt the pain of them doing it as well as the pushing which I had been told I would feel but no pain ,but I didn't want them to stop so just lay with my eyes shut crying silently and my ears filling with tears.
There was a comedy moment well that's how I thought of it I heard a blue a blue pinks no good her veins collapsed. Anyway I stayed still and there where no obstacles in my heart . They found little furring in my right artery but didn't need a stent. Over the dressing they put what I called a circular balloon and they pumped air into to put pressure on the dressing so I didn't bleed out.

Made me wonder did someone try those balloons clowns used to make balloon animals. First ,but how clever to think of it in the first place.

I was wrapped in a hot blanket and given the syringe. The consultant said I didn't have a heart attack but was pleased to tell me the hole in the side hadn't gotten any bigger from the MRI I had in 2021.

After hour some air was taken out of the balloon as my fingers where turning blue. Hours later it was removed .

Sunday quiet day but cardiologist told me pharmacist,physios would come to see me on Monday and have ultrasound on my tum because of the pain and if all well I would go home.

Pharmacist came and I was back on my usual heart meds and sorted out tablets to take home. Physios came and happy with my exercise routine and my sit fit class so they sign off on me . Had the ultrasound the Dr doing it fetched his consultant for second opinion. The verdict the injection had gone into my subterranean fat layer and caused an inflammation that's why I was in pain. Jules Vernes journey to the centre of the earth popped into my head. So at 7pm my daughter fetched me.

Spent a pj week never done that before . My tummy was dark purple finally it's a yukky yellow and last night could finally sleep on my usual pillows on my side.

Saw cardiologist on Wednesday at outpatients. The verdict I didn't have a heart attack but thing I had a TIA mini stroke . But he was going to prescribe low dose statin to prevent further furring. And referring me to a stroke neurologist and hoped I got an appointment soon . And then have a brain MRI. Last on I had was in 2017. But they will show the smallest detail of my brain. So he discharged me back to my GPs care.

Seeing my GP Wednesday to get help with my water retention and breathlessness the cardiologist said they could help me.

Monday went to sit fit but couldn't do couple of exercises but managed the others.

Had a wobble yesterday as it dawned on me what could have happened. Also it's coming up to the 21st anniversary of my husband's death and I needed him more than ever . But I am very lucky to have such a caring daughter and her family. And I am to stubborn to give into anything without a fight.

I wish I had other people's gift of getting to the point but then it wouldn't be me.

Take care everyone . 💐😊

Doodle, you really are doing well and time in Bathwith a friend sounds just what need. I did a cruise on my own and throughly enjoyed it. Looking again but it's the travelling to ports that puts me off. Saga are to me expensive but they do pick you up from home and all is included.
Read all your posts everyone you're all doing so well, down myself but I know it will pass just fed up not able to get out at the moment it reminds me I've no back up but that self pity, not an attractive quality so trying harder.

Nice long post there, Candy. I read it too late to get myself out! I hope it was a lovely walk by the river, clearly, your dog did.

Scaredycat I’d like to send you some magical oomph for your art classes, if you have the energy. Glad you enjoyed the quiz, and the snowdrops

Thank you for all you say, Sweetpeasue too. No, dont shut up, it’s no bad thing to remind me of the other Wyllow even tho it was another “grey lost day” today.
I wish I could just feel otherwise. Ashamed. Often self punishing. Not wanting to bother to gt washed.

I’m sorry to hear it was such a struggle today at the supermarket Sweetpeasue and you had to just rest, and of course you want to be able to support DH x

Well done on the cleaning front, Doodle. I dont feel you are lecturing. Your art class is great, so varied. good shopping there. glad to hear about lunch at the hospice tomorrow too.

Thinking of regulars here and all of you not posting too often too - all recalled - are your eyes really bad, HVDY?

Night night all.

*Wyllow *I’ve been cleaning my lounge for the last two days. I don’t want to but I’ve made myself and I’ve felt better from doing something. If I sit around I get very down. Doing things help. I’m not lecturing or criticising I know you have little energy but I wonder if trying to tackle one small thing every day might help
Candy nice to hear from you. I bet it was a cold walk but better than standing round watching football. It’s a bit cold for that. Yes I try and keep busy I find it helps getting out too.
Scaredycat yes they do help me at art class but we tackle a different thing every week. Not oils as that’s too long to dry but we do charcoal, pastels, ink, watercolour, Lino cut, coloured painting pencils. Everyone helps me but with limited talent (no talent) it’s going to take some time 🤣*
Sweetpeasue I’ve had a good day today thank you. Went for lunch at John Lewis with friend and bought a bracelet for our granddaughters birthday. Then we wandered round looking at all the things in the sale. We didn’t get home till 4.30.
Tomorrow after church we are going to the hospice for lunch which I love doing.
Sorry your day hasn’t been so good. I wonder what that pain is now. Hope you are feeling better tonight. You are doing everything you can to support your DH so don’t think otherwise,
HVDY a really cold day here but sunny. Have you been out anywhere?

Doodle I'm really sorry aboutthe loss of your friend and it must have been such a shock,especially as you had an arrangement to meet up too. Life is so unpredictable. Good idea about what to say to GP.
Yes, Scaredycat is an artist and Nadateturbe and I think Wyllow mentioned she had a degree in art.
Hope today hasn't been too sad for you.
Scaredycat We had first blue sky here today too. I wasn't able to walk today but perhaps tomorrow. I've not seen a Snowdrop yet ,I'll have to look out for them. My youngest son lives in the same village not much further than a mile away. I'm lucky though I never just drop in without pre-arranging.
Candy We used to watch my sons in a football team. I bet you watch through your fingers at times! It must be lovely to have a caravan somewhere different from home to escape to. Although we don't walk to the sea my son and his wife do at times with Fluffball and my DGS and step-grandaughter. Theres a woodland walk to the sea.
Wyllow Oh you are having such a bad bout of your mental illness and it's been a long drawn out time for you. It must seem like you'll never come out the other side but the old Wyllow is still there and you keep going - you're stronger than you think. We can only just keep encouraging you that you'll get there and you never know how close that time will be. I hope the coming Spring and extra carer will be just the thing to give you that extra lift. X
HVDY Hope you've been OK today and your eyes are a little better.

This morning forced myself out to supermarket with DH and every step felt agony. Just felt like whole body ached and couldn't get home fast enough. Took painkillers and done nothing , so feeling quite low about it and frightened I let down DH with med appts ect. We're lucky, I know, to have each other to prop up the other.

Hope everyone has had a decent day but if not hope tomorrow is better for you all . Love to all BDs and those not mentioned.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- such good news for you both with the Rheumatology Appt being brought forward. So pleased for you.
Your seaside sounds nice- would love to see Fluffball whizzing about on the sands. I think however small your walks are at the moment they are still beneficial for you both. As you increase the distance even a little your legs will get stronger. We walked this morning - it’s a lovely day and the first proper blue sky for
ages. Glad you saw your Son- does he live close by?
Doodle- sorry to hear the sad news about your friend - it’s always a shock isn’t it. But I,m sure you felt glad you had seen her not too long ago.
Glad your Son is home safe .
You’re right it’s me who paints and draws although I haven’t done any work for about 2 years. I can’t seem to motivate myself. The last class I went to was a Life Drawing class which I loved . Of course Covid put a stop to that . I love to draw people. Also did watercolour and acrylics mainly from my own photographs.Would you be able to get help with your watercolour tuition at your current class?
We enjoyed the Quiz thank you but won’t be going on Mastermind any time soon!!!!!!
Wyllow- Hope your day is not so grey today. The sun has been out here and maybe you have it too. Just a little walk might help you feel brighter. We saw our first snowdrops this morning while walking and I thought of Annie and how she used to love them. Little things but each day try to find something that reminds you life can be good again.
Oh shut me up if I go on but you are our Wyllow and want you to enjoy the simple pleasures again.. Thanks for the hugsxx
Candy- I,m sorry your MiL is struggling. It must be about 18 months since her husband died? I hope she can stay in her home for a while longer. Ah your Dad had a sad time too with your Mum. That must have been heartbreaking .
You,re right it seems to be a mother’s lot to blame everything on herself. But as you say we did our best
You,ve had a nice morning and so has your dog. Different sights and smells for him to explore. Hope you get to the sea soon.

Love to everyone- those mentioned and those not.may you all have some bright moments today

Morning all

Allsorts A lovely, supportive post. You have done so well. It must have been hard for you to move on but you pushed yourself so well done.
HVDY hope the new drops work and help you. Conjunctivitis isn’t nice. Well done on the salad and no pudding. It’s harder to resist when food is put in front of you.
Wyllow happy belated birthday 🌸 hope you enjoyed your favourite meal. I think seeing your favourite carer more often would be a good investment. It’s a pity we have to pay for these things but you can’t put a price on good health. Shame about your nothing day yesterday and I hope today is a better one for you. It’s bright and sunny here so if it’s the same where you are maybe a short walk would do you good?
Sweetpeasue good news about your DH appointment. I hope it’s a successful one and you finally get some answers. So nice you can walk to the sea! I’m missing the sea and can’t wait to get back there once my caravan re-opens (mid February).
Scaredycat I’m sorry about your friend. It must be hard to see her deteriorate. My MiL is much the same. Living on her own at the moment but for how much longer I don’t know. Difficult decisions. I was lucky (for want of a better word) as when my own Mum suffered my dad was around and was her full time carer. He did so well bless him.
Ellie Anne you shouldn’t blame yourself for your children’s problems. You did your best and that’s all anyone can do. I think as Mother’s we blame ourselves when things go wrong for our children but in reality it’s rarely our fault. . I used to blame myself for DS condition - was it something I’d done? Not fed him properly etc. but in reality it probably wasn’t. We did our best. Shame about your wall, I hope it’s not stressed you out too much and you have managed to stay safe.
NannyG4 I’m sorry you are so sad. There’s lots of support on here for those in the same position and I hope it helps you to post. Have you had any bereavement counselling? I know Doodle has mentioned it and it may just help you. hope today is a better day for you ❤️.
Doodle I’m sorry about your friend. It must have been a shock for you. Very sad. It’s good you get out most days. I like to do that too. I’ve never been to Bath but I imagine it’s nice and historic with plenty to see and do. A short break would do you the world of good I’m sure.

We’ve been out for a walk by the river in our nearest city this morning. We have to drive there (about 15 minutes) but we got up early to watch DGS play football then it was cancelled due to frozen pitch so we had lots of time on our hands! Different territory for our dog which he loves. Love to all and those not personally mentioned. Hope you all have the best day possible xx

Hello all. Had a grey do-nothing day again. At this time of night I think, I'll do X and Y tomorrow but on waking so low it's just often "distract mood wise whats the point".

Read your days ( big hugs all round) - Sweetpeasue so glad about the appointment)

Night night for regulars and "now and then" BD's.

HVDY hope you have a good weekend. Are you seeing little girl?

Evening all. Had a phone call this morning telling me that my neighbour from about 20 years ago had died. I met her just before Christmas and spoke to her again after, I was going to visit her next week. I was actually going on the day she died but had a dentist appointment. She was an elderly lady but still a shock.
*Wyllow DH and I loved cruising. I miss it but I think it would be to emotional for me for a while. I hope you had a good rest last night. I’m wondering if you used to paint, I can’t remember who but I’m sure one of those on BD did.
I’m going to have a go at watercolours again on a more regular basis. I have no talent but would like to do it and I think it might help me.
Scaredycat thank you I had a message from our son earlier to say he’s home. Such a relief. I was drawing a jug. Not very difficult but for me it was. Thinking about it I wonder if it was you that was the artist.
Hope you have a good time at the quiz. Do you normally do well? I don’t. My general knowledge is awful.
*Sweetpeasue no I don’t spend my days wandering round naked 🤣🤣 certainly not in this weather. I do something most days except Monday. I find keeping busy helps me. Th more time I spend alone the worse I am so I try to get out most days.
With regard to what you want included on your husbands medical record you could say to the GP it’s not necessarily for the consultant to read it but you want your concerns recorded in case anything happens to your husband. You know only to well how things can be covered up. If you make your concerns known and have a copy of his notes it might make someone think and certainly can’t cause any harm.
Wonderful news about the appointment. So pleased for you that’s great. 😊
Ellie Anne is it this weekend your DH is supposed to be looking after the dog?

Doodle What a great idea ,a visit to Bath with your friend for a couple of days. You will have that to look forward to. Good your enjoying the art classes -you must hardly have a day with nothing on(should re- phrase that but you understand!) I hope your son got home OK today- weather being so dreadful . Thanks for the medical suggestions. The last time I wrote a summary of DHs conditions and concerns and asked for it to be copied in notes he didn't look very keen and said consultants would most likely not read it. I still insisted though. Good news! Prayers have been answered- rang secretary today and at first she said Rheumatologist was on holiday for a few weeks then she came up with a cancellation slot for next Tuesday! Lot further forward than end of March. Do hope everything goes well.
HVDY Hope your eyes are responding to new drops. Has it been very windy where you are? Awful here but no damage done thank goodness. Hope you've been OK.
Scaredycat There are seats at intervals all along the stretch of concrete that is next to the sea. Then further on a wall between the sea and sea front in the town. We like the bit away from the road and shops but there are steps down onto the beach too. Not been out today though. Yes we have taken Fluffball to the beach. She goes manic galloping around!
Wyllow How have you been today? Hope you've felt a little better. Also you've not had any wind damage in your garden. Can't remember if you have any particular thing you do on a weekend- it must feel very quiet for you with no carers or workers to call in. Hope the tum has been good lately. A mile doesn't seem much for me but my knee starts to play up and then other aches. We do try but I know if I didn't walk my DH wouldn't either.
EllieAnne I was thinking of you up there in Scotland today. Just as well you stayed in, though I know how much you will have hated it. Wind must have been so strong to bring down your garden wall.Hope it's not going to be too much work.
NannyG4 Thinking of you and hoping today you've felt a little better. x

Extreme tiredness this morning so feel ashamed to say I had to go back to bed.
Wish this fatigue wasn't so bad as I want to be at my best for DHs appts and stuff.
Quick visit to son today .Hardly seen him since he came back. He goes back to work Monday. Lovely to have catch up though.
Highlight of my day was the news from Rheumatologist's secretary that she could get DH in next Tuesday. Seems a miracle but I've prayed so hard. So scared about how it will go.

Sorry if your name's not mentioned but think of many here. Whiff Hope your getting stronger. Candy Allsorts LucyD and Elveral- hope you're all coping.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- yes dementia is so very cruel. I hope your Aunt doesn’t deteriorate so quickly. Watching friends of 50 years disappearing is horrible- so many memories of holidays and countless nights out when we were young and fit.
What a good idea for your sea front walk- you can always sit on the wall then do a bit more after a rest. I think I can remember a place near Scarborough where the sea front had markers.
Do you take Fluffball to the sea?
EllieAnne- result about the dog sitting- your DH was playing hard to get - enjoy every minute of your free time.
You are so hard on yourself. You are a good and caring Mum and do your best for your family. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are like the rest of us- we did the best we could . Being a Mum isn’t always easy.
Stay safe on that nasty storm- sorry about your wall - what a nuisance.
NannyG4- I,m so sorry you feel so,wretched. I hope there is someone you are able to talk to about your feelings- if not we are all here for you. It’s so hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel but life will seem worth living again. No apologies for being sad- your world has turned upside down.
HVDY- hope SiLs move goes smoothly. It’s reassuring that she is content so hopefully she will settle in well.
Lasagne and salad is a favourite for me too- that was a very strong willed sacrifice with your pud.
Snap- my DH is always in T shirts too and sometimes shorts!!
I,m wearing a big fuzzy top over my clothes!!
Hope the new drops suit your eyes better.
Doodle- today is the day! Hope the weather hasn’t affected your Sons flight home.
I understand your not being ready for cruising but City Breaks are a great idea. Bath is lovely that would be a good choice.
Ah there’s no rhyme or reason with anxiety is there. I,m glad you had lovely parents so many happy memories. Mine were dear souls too but both had mental problems in later years. I like you had anxiety my Sis didn’t.
What did you do at Art yesterday.
Wyllow3- didn’t walk today - was so tired after yesterday. Had a trip to M& S for coffee and a few foodie goodies.
Do try and ring the carer people. If you had more to look forward to it would help I,m sure. You need some small targets like the seafront ones!
We are going to a quiz tonight - hope I don’t drop off!!

Love to all

Just looked outside. The garden wall is down.

Storm Eowyn has arrived and supposed to get worse..
all trains and buses cancelled,schools closed and hospital appointments cancelled. Been told not to drive unless absolutely necessary. Tesco has closed all supermarkets in the area. Doesn’t look like I will get out today.😢

HVDY I just saw in my post to you a 😂 slipped in. dont know how it got in! Not directed at you are myself! time for bed.

Its a very sad situation with your friend and her DH, *Scaredycat - for yes, there is little you can do x Well done in getting out for that walk - ups we are short of sunshine at the moment.
Thank you for “standing with me”. - as ever, your posts. X

Yes, need to ring the carer people. Sweetpeasue. Good idea to set those small targets along the sea front. Well done for that mile. It’s about what I do.

How frustrating to lose that post, EllieAnne. Please try to go to the groups….
No, it’s not your fault!!. But I do understand about the guilt on the anger even tho it’s entirely reasonable.

NannyG4 ❤️❤️back to you and understood it seems some days "whats the point" x

I saw carer yesterday 😂*HVDY*. That was a lovely meal at the day centre! But really sorry the eye problems have come back, and I so hope the drops work for you.

I remmeber the cruising, Doodle, not right for you atm - its very brave and good you are considering Bath with a friend. Glad you had art class.

I festered rather today but it has been full on for the last few days.

Night night dear BD's.

sweetpeasue i think raising your concerns about your husband and getting those concernes recorded on his notes and then getting a copy is a good way of making the doctor think a bit. Sometimes they need to realise your concerns are valid.
Good you managed a walk even if only a short one. Sorry your car was costly. These unexpected costs keep cropping up.
Wyllow i take it the carer is the one you pay for. If you can afford it them more care would be a good way of moving forward if it’s someone you get on with. If you have more contact with people it may well help and would be a good idea.
I certainly find that the time I spend on my own is more difficult that when I’m with others,
Scaredycat I got it completely wrong. When I said our son was home tomorrow I thought it (the day I was writing) was Thursday when in fact it was Wednesday. Brain fog again. It’s Friday my son’s home. Yes I can imagine face time is a big help with your son being so far away.
Counsellor was nice and I’m hoping it will help. Certainly the weather doesn’t at the moment. My friend and I have discussed going to Bath for a couple of days. I would like that. At the moment cruising which I did with DH would be too upsetting.
I’m so sorry about your friend. How frightened she must be trying to cope and not knowing what’s going on. Must be so upsetting for you to see her too.
It’s been pouring here too. Fortunately I’ve been in most of the time. Art class and then knitting in church.
Ellie Anne if your DH is autistic as you suspect then he can’t help himself and probably you couldn’t have helped him either. As for your DD , mental illness can hit anyone at any time irrespective of how they are brought up or anything else. I am fortunate that my mum and dad were really lovely but that hasn’t stopped me suffering from anxiety most of my life,
Oh dear NannyG4 so sorry I will PM you.
HVDY so sorry about your eyes that must be so painful. I got the day wrong and Ds is home tomorrow. I might not see him at the weekend but he will phone me. Is little girl feeling better?
I love lasagne it was one of DH’s favorite dishes too.

Doodle Not forgetting you and hope you've not been too bad today and had some company. Looks like a batten down the hatches day tomorrow. Sending love.x

NannyG4 I'm so sorry you're feeling so very bad right now. I have no experience of such a loss of my OH but imagining it is scary enough . Hope someone comes along soon that can empathise. Just sending a hug and wanted you to know we care. I hope the walking bereavement group at the hospice went OK. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and thankyou for your love too. It's a very hard life at times and just hope you will feel a lessening of your heartbreak and pain soon.x
EllieAnne Everything that HVDY says is true. You have done your very best and that's really all any one of us can do- our best at the time through whatever circumstances. You do so much for your family and I wish I could raise your self- esteem- you beat yourself up so much.
I'm so glad it sounds like your DH is preparing himself to go and look after the dog. Hope during his time away you can get to do those things for yourself that you were intending and have a relaxing time and watch what you want on TV. Sending you love and a hug.
HVDY Thankyou ,yes DH is clearly not right with the BP difference and the arm pain. I can't believe he's had this arm pain since last March and getting worse.
I'm sorry about the eyes - there seems no let up for you either. Hope the new drops work.
Oh dear, your brother. It must be sooo frustrating!! You'd think he'd want to keep closer to his brother's family in the circumstances of losing him.
Lovely words to EllieAnne- I know I feel the same about being a mum and I know there were times that I feel I let one of my son's down. It s always there .
Oh my- you gave your pudding away, tremendous willpower. The man you gave it too must have thought it was his lucky day and I hope you enjoyed his enjoyment of your pudding - or would that be pushing it? 😅