Black Dog 24

Just been sitting here crying. I’ve had an email from a restaurant DH and I used to go to regularly inviting us to book a table for Valentine’s Day. I’ve not had a good day today and that just set me off again.
Sweetpeasue so glad that lady got in touch with you. Maybe she needs someone to talk to as well. *
Wyllow I so understand the what’s the point feeling. I’m so sorry you feel like this. I really wish I could help. Don’t answer if you don’t want to but I was wondering if you feel any better at all than you did months ago?
HVDY oh poor little girl. It’s hard not feeling well when you’re so young. Good job she’s a loving granny to care for her.
Scaredycatdid you have “so is that it” feelings too. I thought perhaps it was just me. Thanks for the promise of things getting better. I hang onto that Hope. I know they are and I’m doing better than I was it’s just when I get down now I seem to be struggling to lift myself up again.
I love that you take the time to write to us with encouragement. Knowing that you have been through such loss and keep going does help.
I’m glad I have Sundays at church it does help. For some reason Mondays have always been my worst day of the week.
Oh there’s me whinging on as usual and your DS has gone home. I’m so sorry. You must miss him so much. Lovely to have a visit but it must seem lonely when he goes again.
I hope he manages to make the trip again soon.
Our DS1 is in Canada, he’s only been gone 1 day and I miss him. He’ll be back Friday,
Lucyd it’s amazing how many things happen that link to our loss and upset us isn’t it. Hope you’re feeling a bit better now,
Yes I still talk to DH most of the day. Still tell him I love him loads of times a day. Now it’s coupled with I miss you a lot too.
Have a good night all xx

Evening. Haven't posted for a few days as have been working. Did a first aid course today but wish I hadn't as it went over scenario which brought back how DH died. Thought I would be okay but did feel upset.
Scaredycat - I am so glad you had a lovely time with your son. I know you will miss him.
Sweetpeasue- that is great to hear that lady got back in touch with you. Something to look forward to.
Doodle - I think I thought I was becoming a lady who lunched after DH died even though I am not a very sociable person! I joined a ladies meetup group as all my friends were still working and I wasn't. Everyone at the group was very friendly and I went to lots of different events ( I could have been out every day if I had had the inclination) but my hip put paid to that and after about 9 months I stopped going. To be honest it wasn't for me. I if I had relocated to a new area it would have been ideal but I was grieving and not in need of a new social life. Going for a çoffee with a friend is different as they know what you are going through. It does feel strange going back to an empty house - I still tell DH what I have been up to when I get home ( though I speak a bit quieter in the caravan just in case there happens to be anyone passing!) Anniversaries are so very hard, I know.
HVDY - my wee grand daughter seems to have the cold most of the time. Nursery is like a germ factory! Vicks do a baby vaporub which is good. Well done on your diet - I am most impressed.
Wyllow -very difficult to get through some days especially when the weather itself is dreich and cold. In another couple of weeks it will be light till after 5pm and before we know it spring will be here ( I just keep telling myself that!)
NannyG4 - lovely to be on the coast. I am on the sw coast of Scotland. Sometimes I park the car just to watch the waves on stormy days. I hope your visit to the hospice brings you some comfort.
Whiff- hope you are on the mend.
Take care, everyone. X

Hi all
Elveral- this time of year is not easy to deal with - cold ,dark and generally flat. It’s best not to think too much of the future - I remember the ‘ is that it’ feeling though.
You have your lovely girls who I,m sure will always be there for you. Yes it would be good to have something you could all enjoy together- is there any sports that you all like or might like to learn? A walking group would be good for you or maybe U3A as they have lots of interest groups. I went roller skating with my children for a time !!
I,m sorry you feel so lost but you have a lot of life ahead of you and it will get better- I promise.
Never say sorry this is somewhere you can say just what you feel with no worries.
Crocus- I,m sorry I don’t know anything about that drug.
HVDY- I love having a clear out- sounds as if DH is doing a grand job clearing your room for a makeover.
You’re both doing well on the diet. Your DH is a bit unconventional but it’s coming off!!!
Poor little girl - I expect she’s finding it hard to breathe. So many bugs are out there waiting to get us at the moment.
A little while ago the most beautiful cat came into our little garden - wished I,d had a packet of Dreamies!!
Doodle- you are never going to be just’a lady who lunches’
You are a lovely friend to many and it shows by how many people enjoy your company.
Ah Sunday must have been full of emotion. You did so well though and got through it as pleasantly as you could.
Please don’t apologise for anything- we love your posts whether long or short . You also need to take a rest when you can- just look after yourself for us.xxx
SweetPeaSue- glad the extra sleep was beneficial- it must have been such an unpleasant feeling that total exhaustion.
Nice to get out for coffee and a mooch in B and M. So many things in there you didn’t know you needed!! As for the Sweetie aisle - temptation unlimited.
So fantastic you were able to approach that nice lady - it took a lot of courage from you. She was obviously pleased and I really hope it’s the start of something nice for you.
Hope your eyebrows thawed out after your sea side walk!!
Allsorts- hope you managed a bit more sleep- it’s so horrible when your head just won’t shut up.
Wyllow- you,ve had a couple of difficult days. So wish I could help you feel more hopeful. I know I,ve said it before - there is always a point to life even if you can’t always see it. You have people who care for you very much - don’t let the actions of one person take everything from you. But you do persevere
- you have a lot of courage.
Hope you got yourself something nice today- any luck with the loungewear?
I just remembered your little Grandaughter - how is she getting on now?
NannyG4- oh I bet it was cold by the sea but so lovely to be with your daughter. Do you see her a lot?
Glad you are giving the hospice walk and talk a go. As you say there is nothing to lose and you may meet some nice new people who will all have experienced loss of some kind.
No need to say sorry- it’s good to have you here . Hope it helps you.

Feeling sad this afternoon - the time with my DS went so quickly and he’s on his way home now. But it was so good to have him here and see my 2 children together laughing and chatting. They went through such trauma all those years ago and I feel so proud of them. I can deal with his going so much better thanks to the ADs- should have done it long ago.

Hope all those we haven’t seen so much of lately are managing ok. Love to all

Doodle 8 months Despite your grief, you're always so caring to us all and others. Hope this week goes well for you.

SweetpeaSue Glad the lady replied. You've made a new friend. It will be good for you to meet up and have coffee with her. I remember my young days and how I used to chat up boys (I chased DH down the street to catch up with him, I was very forward ).

Wyllow3 Thanks. I need to lose a lot of weight but it's a start. Hope today is better for you. We're all right behind you, willing you to get better.

LittleGirl came at 7.45, very snotty and not her usual self (they want/need their mum when they aren't well, don't they). She's just fallen asleep on the settee and is snoring . Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

Warm wave NannyG4, I’m glad you’ve been to your daughter.
I hope the hospice group might help.

Well done on that diet, HVDY.

Yes, shopping tomorrow, Sweetpeasue. Well done on getting out in the chilly wind and the charity browse. And your brave move to meet up.

You are right about the uninviting weather Elvera1 Yes there comes a time when they get older and want to do their own thing.

Doodle - 8 months - just big hugs - and describing the reality of “getting through”. I feel you write lots, please dont feel otherwise.

Aw, Scaredycat, the time has flown for you.

Tough day to get through here, so much “whats the point”. Had a shower, did a wash.

Sleep as well as you can, BD’s xx

Doodle You help so many on various threads- it must be very tiring, especially at the end of a day. I understand. So sorry for this meaningful day of 8mths since your DHs demise. It really doesn't seem anywhere near as long as 8mths to me. Sending you love and hugs.
By the way - the lady replied to me today and we're meeting up for a coffee, week after next. I have to let her know when. Very first time I've ever made a move to meet up with anyone.
Sleep well all.

Hi all

Just to say I,m thinking of you all and have kept up with all the news. Tomorrow my DS goes home- it’s been lovely but it’s flown by. Will write properly tomorrow. Sleep gently dear friends.xx

Sweetoeasue that’s a nice post. It’s 8 months today since DH died and it was a Sunday so it’s been a bit of an emotional day today, Went to church which was nice then Waitrose shop. Went to friends for a drink to celebrate her birthday.
You were brave giving someone your number. I hope she replies. It’s good to have people to talk to, Glad you managed a little walk but I agree with you it’s freezing.
HVDy it’s good to have a clear out of things. Nice of your son to come and help his dad . I expect you and your DGDwere supervising. Hope you enjoyed your lunch. Wow you are doing well on the diet.
Wyllow I would have thought that the Quakers would be accepting of any change. I have always thought they were a gentle group and no prone to cliques or gossip..I could be wrong but I’m sure people would just be happy to see you back.
NannyG4 having friends to be with is good. You need distraction. Glad you had a nice time with your daughter and your beach walks must help.
Hope the group at the hospice helps. I am starting one to one counselling at the hospice this week. I’m hoping that helps too.
Elveral as you say, we’ve got through another weekend. Next up will be miserable Monday and terrible Tuesday. Now I have started my sit fit class on a Tuesday I’m hoping that gives me a bit of a lift. By the time I get to Wednesday I’m ready for church and meeting up with friends. Hope work goes well and the girls are ok.
Scaredycat hope you’re doing ok and you too Ellie Anne and Candy
Sorry I’m not writing long posts. I have the two threads here and an online friend I write to every day plus texts from family to reply to. I’m so tired that I run out of steam quickly. Forgive me for not being more chatty but sometimes I can hardly keep my eyes open 🤣

SweetpeaSue Thanks. It's the start of a very long slog. DH is pleased, he's eating more than I am, though. We're both having 2 SlimFast shakes daily, then I'll have a salad with tuna or chicken, he had pie, mash and peas at the pub yesterday. . There are some good bargains in charity shops. I only buy toys and books, mainly for LittleGirl. Glad you got out for some fresh air.

Elvera1 Clearing out clutter is so therapeutic, isn't it? I love getting rid of things every so often. You're right about things being better when the weather is warmer. How about Aqua Aerobics, Zumba or Yoga, something like that? You needn't go every week if you didn't want to.

Rang Son2, chatted for an hour, so that was good. He said LittleGirl has got a cold and has been grizzly, so we'll see how things go when she comes here tomorrow. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Good evening
Thanks for your kind words, it really helps. Thanks so much for thinking of me.
I managed to keep myself busy, yesterday sorting out the spare bedroom of clutter and cleaning, and today some family came round to see me unexpectedly which was nice. I got through another weekend.
I know just how you feel Doodle feeling lost with out your DH, I feel just the same. Other people are busy living their lives and I just think, is this it. Then I force myself to get up and do something. Anyway I’ve had a nice day today. I’m trying to think of things to do that the girls would enjoy with me, but as they’re getting older they just want to see their friends or chill out in their bedrooms, they pop down for chats but mainly they’re doing their own thing.
It will be good when the weather gets better won’t it, then it’ll be nicer to get out and about. It’s good that some of you managed to go for a walk, fresh air is always good isn’t it. I was thinking about joining a walking club, not sure how often I’d be able to attend as it’s probably on in the week.
Anyway something to think about. Thanks for listening.

HVDY That's fantastic work losing 6lds - you've done so well. It's the getting started that's the worst I think .I keep telling myself each day that I won't eat as much. Your DH has done brilliant too- is he pleased?
Wyllow Oh I'm sorry about your bad day yesterday. I think I understand a little of what you mean about seeing others after a noticeable change. I actually keep my coat on now if I go to book group as I've put on so much weight and feel so self conscious.
I see what you mean about Quakers and not joining in as much. I always feel on the sidelines at book group and I know the others meet up other times. Is it your shopping day tomorrow? Hope you can get something nice .
NannyG4 Thankyou for the love and prayers. No need to worry about not mentioning us all. There's no pressure here - just write whenever and whatever you want.Its really cold here ( I'm on NE coast) today and I too had a walk on the sea front. Even my eyebrows felt frozen over. Ot does help mentally though somehow.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day . We went out again for a coffee and browsed in a charity shop where I found a Dream Catcher kit for an 8yr old. Thought it'd be great for step granddaughter but it'll be too hard. It's really pretty though so DH is making it up. Also Domino Rally for DGS. Everything looks new. Music book for self. We came home and forced ourselves out for a tiny walk on sea- front. Freezing. Came over terribly achy now but glad we did it.

Scardycat Hope you're enjoying time with your son.

Take care everyone and hope you're all OK.

NannyG4 Nice to walk along the seafront. I bet it was quite bracing! Meeting up with other bereaved people sounds a good idea. You'll understand each other. Hope it goes well.

How has everyone been today? I didn't go out but managed to find things to do at home. The diet is going well - 6lbs off, husband has lost 3lbs. Hope ALL BDers have a pleasant evening x

Good Afternoon ALL.

I’ve got myself into a bit of a pickle. I havent posted for a couple of days and feel behind with everyone’s news, so I am apologising for missing some of you in this thread…sorry….

Doodle …I hope you are feeling a bit brighter today. Have you been out for lunch. I know exactly how you feel about being out with friends for lunch etc, it’s okay at the time but as soon as you put the key in that front door…yes the tears come, so empty. But I tell myself I’m lucky to have good friends that invite me out. Do take care.
HVDY, Sweetpeasue, Wyllow3 💐💐💐
Elveral ….so pleased to see you posting, life must be very busy for you with work and ferrying the girls here, there and everywhere, I remember those days. How’s your weekend been, I really hope you found some nice things to do. This time is horrid, the days are so dark and it’s so cold at the moment.

I’ve been to my daughter’s this weekend, so have had a couple of brisk walks along the sea front…freezing….but nice to be with company. I’ve just come home from the village panto, I’ve been to better!!

This week I’m going along to the hospice for a walk and talk with other bereaved people. I’ve not been before but think it may help to chat to people in the same position, anyway I’ll give it a go, nothing lost.

Once again sorry for not mentioning you all, but thinking of you ALL. Love, strength and prayers ❤️💐🙏

I hope you got your hours sleep, Allsorts

Warmest thoughts, Everal, never any need to say sorry.

I think my dry skin is vaping and the tablets HVDY but I do actually have some cod liver oil tablets and will try them again. Well done with your charity shop sort outs, always a good achievement.

Its confidence, Doodle, walking into Quakers again, looking so different, (and bad) having just disappeared before, we’ll see.
You are right tho about DH - nothing can “replace” having that other half there in your life, inseparable from it, giving it meanings x

There are some zooms, Sweetpeasue, I’d forgotten them. The trouble is I never knew anyone really well, to do that you have to join in quite a lot and I never did. I’m glad you listened to your body and slept and rested and feel a bit better so yes…do listen to your body. I’m glad you were able to go out for coffee (and needing to prove you can do it) and thats a really well done giving your number.

Bad day. Overcast and gloomy, never got dressed, just crawled through.

I hope all BD’s have as good a night as possible xx

Doodle It's only natural you miss your husband and feel lost without him. You're doing your best to make a new life for yourself (and of course, you must), but it must seem odd to be doing that. No, didn't get to the park. (we've got lots of lovely parks, this one is about 3 miles away). DH was knocking out some horrible built-in cupboards from the front bedroom, then Son1 and GD1 turned up so Son1 helped DH then we all went for lunch at our favourite place. I filled 3 charity bags full of clothes (most of which I've never worn)

SweetpeaSue Glad you've had a better day. Well done on reaching out to that lady. I hope she gets in touch and that it turns out to be the start of a nice friendship.

It's been a productive day. Lots of clothes to go to the charity shops. Tomorrow, DH will hopefully get the carpet up in the front bedroom and we can work out what to do in there. Hope ALL BDers have been ok x

Wyllow It could be the meds that are causing the ulcers and itchy dry skin. Hope you can come to an arrangement of maybe tweaking them next week if thats the case. I think Quakers would be a good first step and if you can't get out is it possible to have a zoom Quaker meeting as you did during Covid? You might then be able to just 'leave' quietly if it becomes upsetting or overwhelming in any way - I mean if you find 'feeling' emotional and can't handle it.
You were so right about the sleep. I felt as if it wasn't helping as the fatigue was so much more than being tired but it must have done some good as I've felt a lot better today.
Whiff Onwards and Upwards and wishing you a full recovery and back to your old self.
Scaredycat I'm hoping so much that you're having the very best of time with your son and the family all together.I know you will cherish these moments. Much love.

I've had a better day today and just as well as I felt very scared about the complete exhaustion. We didn't take aunt out today but just went out for a coffee and a look in B&M.
There was a lady in the MH group ,when they were running, that I quite liked. I sort of prayed I'd bump into her again. No sight of her at all until today when she walked into Costa with friend. I've hardly spoken to this lady that much at the sessions but somehow... Sat with DH ruminating what to do ,if anything. So scared. Took bull by the horns and wrote my mob number on a napkin and just as we left went over to their table and said how nice it was to see her again and here's my number if you ever want to contact or just text me. She seemed pleased so well have to wait and see. Never approached anyone before so quite scared about it.

Hoping everyone has a peaceful night and thinking of those not personally mentioned too. Night everyone.

Allsorts I know you will be able to empathise with Doodle and others here that are going through the loss of their DHs. Kind of you to drop in and I hope you managed to get so.e sleep last night.
HVDY You have some great parks where you are. It was really sunny here today so hope it was the same where you are. It does feel a strange time of year- not a fan of January myself. Had a mooch around B&M myself today and found some nice little wooden chests to put bits n pieces in.
Elveral I see what you mean about weekends and having to fill in the time though yes, some comfort in not having to get everyone out early. I'm so sorry - wish I had the words to help. Weekends must be very tricky , remembering how they were with your DH. I hope you manage to get through this one as well as you can. Although very cold tomorrow it's also meant to be sunny here , so hope it's the same where you are. Take care.
EllieAnne Do hope you've managed to sort the dog situation and your DH will go and look after it. It would indeed be a shame for you to miss your church and friends and you certainly shouldn't have to sacrifice everything you enjoy. X
Doodle You certainly aren't a right moaner - as you say yourself we can say how it is here. Of course you appreciate the company and kindness of friends but nothing can replace your life with your DH. You are trying and succeeding to make a life for yourself and I think that must be very frightening to suddenly stand back and see yourself doing that but at the same time wanting things to be as they were so much. Sorry if I'm talking rubbish. I do feel for you and excuse my clumsiness . Sending another hug.
Wyllow

HVdY did you get out for your walk.? The park sounds nice is it far away? I hope little girl gets on with the therapist and it helps.

Allsorts how are you coping? I am up and down all over the place. Went out for lunch with friends today and it was really nice but I keep thinking to myself, what am I doing here. I used to be doing things at home or out walking or doing things with DH. Now I am just a lady who lunches. Don’t get me wrong I’m very grateful to all the lovely people I meet up with but nothing makes up for DH not being here,
Sorry I’m a right moaner.
Elveral could you find some fun things to do with the girls at the weekend that you would all like. Life can be boring when it’s the same routine all the time. Sounds like you need a break or a fun day out. Yes I’m another who finds these dark days depressing,
Sweetpeasue Scaredycat hope you are having a good weekend.

Wyllow are you at all keen to get back to Quakers? Are they a supportive group? That would indeed be a start. You must get so bored being at home all the time. I do hope come spring time you are feeling able to go out more.
Ellie Anne everything about you matters to us. If you have something on your mind then sharing it with us isn’t a problem. All of us have different issues but we can share them here. I just wish you could have a happier home life.
Sorry Crocus I can’t help I have never been on that drug.

Thankyou Willow 3 for your comments.

Allsorts You were up early. Hope you manage to get a bit more sleep.

Elveral It is a "nothing" time of year, isn't it. At least the weather is ok though. I haven't got any plans either, but am going to sort through a lot of clothes, bags, books, etc., to take to the charity shops. I might also have a walk around the park and feed the ducks. Hope you find something pleasurable to do.

Crocus Mirtazapine usually causes drowsiness, not insomnia.

ElleAnne It does matter. Your husband is being unreasonable. Not sure what you can do about it, but I hope he changes his mind and goes to look after the dog.

Wyllow3 Hope your meds review goes well and perhaps something can be swapped or stopped, to help with your tum troubles. Could your dry skin be because of your diet? (not enough fats) Tuna, mackerel, oily fish, even cod liver oil capsules might help.

Hi ladies. Thanks for mentioning me, you are so kind. I’ve had a tiring week, working and running the kids around. I’m glad it’s the weekend in one way, not having to turn out early to take them to school, but in another not as I haven’t got any plans. Myself and DH used to look forward to the weekends so much. The girls however have plans, and looks like I’ll be running them around again. I find it so wearing. I’m feeling rather low today and last night, and trying to think about things I could do when the better weather comes. I hate this time of year don’t you. Sorry for the depressing post.

So sorry a lot of you are having such a hard time at present. I think seeing family gives you such a lift of spirit.
Whiff so glad you're in the mend and that your daughter and her family love and care for you so much. It must make a world
of difference.
Doodle your thoughts and comments about your husband bring a tear to my eye and I know just how it feels, coping with the loss.
Going to try and get an hours sleep now as my head been racing all night.