Black Dog 24

That’s a tough day ahead there EllieAnne
I’d feel the same!

That was a really late sleep for you, HVDY - must have been much needed.

I hope that your busy day went OK, Doodle. Aw, sorry to hear of the headache from crying.

Nice to have the SiL visit and chat, Scardeycat I hope you have a simply lovely time away and in the Cathedral.

It’s OK with MH worker for me to cut meds, it’s up to me. They flatten my feelings out, which works against some things - but some feelings are needing guarding against is the problem

But a problem with clothes to fit. Yes I’m trying to get a home visit for wax.

Hope regulars and occasional posters are as well as can be.

Night night. xx

Wyllow3 I was just going to ask what you're having waxed - then I looked back and saw that your ears need doing . Do GPs still do that? I remember my dad having his done. I buy all my clothes online - is that something you could do?

I did aqua aerobics for an hour, then had brunch at a nearby place—small pancakes with blueberries, raspberries, and chopped strawberries & banana. It was gorgeous. I cleaned up a bit at home. the sun has gone in now, but Jaffa's been sitting on the patio all day. Hope everyone has been ok x

Hi all
Just having a sit down after walking by the river for an hour. Such a nice little place and have had tantalising views of the Cathedral towers but will have to wait til tomorrow I,m so tired already. Such a lightweight now.😩 it’s a very small town but I think a Cathedral makes it a city.
Doodle- walking by the river made me think of you and how lovely it must be to have it on your doorstep. Hope your Sons Birthday dinner went well- I expect there was lots of lovely reminiscing.
Wyllow- that’s a bit of a Catch 22 problem - it’s a hard choice between feeling less down and the other feelings that are the scary ones which pop up their ugly heads. I think it’s best to get some new clothes for the moment. As HVDY says online is the way to go if you don’t feel up to shopping. M and S do a pick up from home returns service.
Maybe your MH worker knows somebody who could help you with the ear wax.
HVDY- An hour of Aqua Aerobics would poleaxe me!! Well done you are another determined soul. That brunch sounded wonderful - berries of any kind are lovely and pancakes as well.
The sun has been out today here too- makes everything so much easier doesn’t it.
Sending love to all - back tomorrow hopefullyxxxxx

Scaredycat Hoping you get some lovely weather on your little break by the river. It's lovely to look around cathedrals- we've not done that for a while. York Minster was a must for us if we visited York. Admission charges are quite high now. It's our Fluffball days again tomorrow and Friday. Must remember not to have socks on the radiators- she pulls them off and runs off with them.
AskAlice Welcome. You will always find understanding here. I'm so sorry you're finding things really difficult. It must have been quite a change to go from work to retiring and ot having colleagues to share with. The not wanting to go out is typical of depression. I started on antidepressants a year ago and they have helped me though I know they're not for everyone. Hope you've been OK today. Do drop by whenever. X
HVDY Those pancakes really did sound delicious- love summer berries. Wonder if you've long now before the Spirometry test. Hope the breathlessness and wheezing isn't still as bad. We are doing a few things around the house too ,although our bedroom is OK . Just got got some kitchen lino today. Wish I felt more enthusiastic about it though.

Back later.

Just lost another post! 😮‍💨

Wyllow Swings and roundabouts with so many medications and how they affect your feelings-- win and lose situation. Only you can decide really. Just wish they could sort your meds out so you can feel better. Not recognising your body- I can understand, I'm the same at present. Think it could be the antidepressants but also not feeling able to move about as much. Hope the gardener has been in touch . I'm sure you'll feel that's one thing off your mind when it's done.
EllieAnne Oh I hope you're not moving all the bricks yourself-- do ask your husband to help it's not fair at all.Hope your car passes the MOT ok- always a worry when it comes round but if it gets through another thing out the way.

Just so tired as usual. Not been to book group for a while and think I'll miss rest of this term- just can't sit in hard chair for 2 hrs - everything stiffens and aches.
Fluffball next couple of dys. DH continuing to find things with house that need fixing. It scares me.
Sorry if I'm not in as often. Think it's better if I post earlier- I can't think straight at times.

Hope everyone has been OK and hugs for those who are having a difficult time- not forgetting all those who just read and not up to posting .xx

Ellie Ann, that sentence, all too much, sums depression up.
Hugs to everyone.

Scaredycat thank you. I had a lovely evening with DS1 and his wife. He cooked a nice meal for us and it was nice to have a quiet chat without the hubbub of a restaurant.
Nice to have a visit from your SIL and a chat.
I’ve had a strange day today. 58 years ago i went out with Dh for the first time. We went to a bar/ restaurant that was about an hours drive from where we lived then. Now it is just down the road from where we live and i went there tonight with a friend. We sat and had a glass of wine and reminisced . We also went and had lunch at the hospice and i spent some time on my own down at the lake. Spending some quiet time with DH.
I cried in church this morning and a few tears since but yesterday was worse. Quite often find the build up to things is more upsetting than the actual day.
Hope you have a lovely trip. I always like visiting Cathedrals.
Do you mind me asking which one you’re visiting. Glad you enjoyed your walk by the river, it is nice is t it.
HVDY the balcony is nice. I’ve only got 4 trees on it 2 pink flowers and two just leaves. Don’t want to have too much or i wouldn’t be able to see the river.
Love the sound of your brunch. Very nice.
Wyllow do you think cutting back on your meds might help you to feel a bit better? Do they give you advice on how to cut back? I do hope it helps .
Sweetpeasue you know you can pop in whenever you like. If you don’t feel like posting much or are tired just say hello so we know you’re ok. No need to reply to everyone. You’ve got a lot on your plate at the moment with so much to worry about with your Dh and your own health.
Ellie Anne how has today been did you get any bricks moved?

ScaredyCat It sounds as though you're having a nice time. Good, I think the weather's going to be dry and warm again tomorrow.

SweetpeaSue I'm still wheezing and coughing a lot - the wheezing is so loud, DH can hear it. There were 18 people ahead of me on the list, and apparently, I should be seen by the end of April. I've got an inhaler, which helps a bit for a couple of hours. It might sound daft, but could you take a cushion to sit on for book club? A lady at the day centre takes her own cushion. Your husband is determined to carry on with things - don't let him overdo it, though. What colour lino did you get? Our bathroom lino needs replacing. That'll be after the bedroom is all done.

Chetted on the 'phone to 2 friends, texted my brother (no reply - it took him 24 hours to respond the other day). Just got my dressing gown on, it's cold here now. Hope everyone has a pleasant evening x

Just moved a few bricks today but skip coming tomorrow so neighbour and I will do what we can. Dh may do a bit.
It all sounds trivial compared to what is going on in the world but I’m not coping and don’t know what to do.

I want the new sort of ear wax removal HVDY not the water. Yes, will be looking online clothes wise, cant cope with more than my food shop. Very well done for your aqua aerobics and a delicious well deserved pancake treat. I bet Jaffa loved basking in the sun. Sorry to hear about the wheezing

I won’t guess where you are Scaredycat I can think of two small towns and cathedral.
Glad you had a walk by the river tho I know you wish it had been longer.

Still waiting for the gardener, I’ll text on Friday Sweetpeasue It would be too much for you to go to book group at the moment, its concentration as well as the sitting. I hope DH can find the balance of doing bits but not too much. I hope it’s nice with Fluffball.
Also..its OK to just pop in and say hello, not having to write to everyone…

Hugs back, Allsorts

I’m glad it was a quiet evening Doodle so I hope you can do it again. Your balcony sounds just right.
It was very moving to read about your “day recalling DH” you did just the right things.

EllieAnne not coping alone is scary, I wonder if the GP can help.

Today was the carers supervisor to chat and then a walk with the carer. I was so tired I overdid it and have felt very shivery fluey and bad state of mind. “Hung in there” as they say.

I know I’m not the only one who is frightened about getting ill when alone!

Night night all, best night possible. xx

EllieAnne Well done on moving some bricks. It can all be sorted out. I think you've said before that you don't want to take antidepressants, but perhaps you might consider it - they really can make a lot of difference to the way you think and feel. I wouldn't have been able to cope without them.

Wyllow3 I haven't heard of a different type of ear wax removal, but I hope you manage to get it done. In the meantime, have you tried warm olive oil? I hope you aren't coming down with a cold or flu.

Coughing and wheezing for hours again last night. Day centre today, though, and it's meant to be warm weather. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- it’s been a lovely day today and now it’s feet up and a rest😩How I miss my old self who could walk for hours not that many years ago. The Cathedral was beautiful we were there 2 hours.
Hope you,ve had a happy Fluffball day - maybe a visit to the beach? Right now you don’t need the stress and discomfort of Book Club. But next Term hopefully you can go back with renewed enthusiasm,
Don’t worry about how often you come in as long as we know you’re all right . Try not to be scared of DH doing all these jobs it seems like that’s how he copes bit I understand your concern.
Hide the socks!!
Allsorts- that was one really true sentence for Ellie Anne . Hope you’re OK today.
Doodle- you’re right so many days that we dread seem less awful than all the time we spent worrying over them . But that was very poignant for you to revisit somewhere with such memories. Nice to talk to spend some peaceful time with DH and your thoughts of that momentous first date.
It was Ely Cathedral and it’s so interesting and full of life. Of course a candle was lit for you and all our loved ones.
HVDY- your wheezing and cough sound so debilitating . I do hope you get seen as soon as possible.
Nice to have a chat with your friends and cosy up in your DG afterwards. It must drive you nuts trying to communicate with your brother- he is too inside himself isn’t he.
Yes it was nice and warm today - even in a T shirt for a while.
Dinner at the pub again tonight. My jeans seem to have shrunk already.
EllieAnne- your troubles are not trivial - they are your troubles. I do hope you were careful doing the bricks today and that your husband didn’t sit back and let you and neighbour do it all. I think you need to visit the Dr if you are able. Explain how life is and how helpless you feel.
Wyllow- I had the new ear wax removal it was quick and easy .
I had it done at a little clinic in town .
I,m sure you guessed right Wyllow- it,s Ely . I,m always a bit scared of revealing anything here but don’t think this does.
Good idea to text the gardener - this is perfect gardening weather isn’t it.
Sorry about feeling nasty after your walk but such a brave hang on in there from you. I totally get that you are frightened of getting poorly when alone - I know it’s not the same as I have DH but when I,m alone I am scared too . I have an Apple Watch that gives me some confidence as if I fall it let’s emergency services know if I don’t respond. Would that help you?
Hope you are feeling better today.

Love to all BDs past and present and any one who is just reading

The Candle for all today with St Etheldreda in the backgroundxx

HVDY you don’t sound too good. I wish they could see you sooner. Are you breathless with it? Does your doctor know how bad you are and how much trouble you have at night ?
Scaredycat hope you’re having a lovely time. Thank you for the candle. I’ve not been to Ely. Is it a big cathedral? 2 hours is quite a while on your feet I’m not surprised you’re tired tonight. The picture is lovely.
Ellie Anne hope you managed to get some bricks in the skip today. I think like HVDY that antidepressants could help you. I think they help me.
Wyllow if you were ill would your family come and help. I know what you mean about being alone. I cut my arm quite badly the other morning. I walked into the corner of the chest of drawers. Trying to stop the flow of blood and open a dressing and clean the wound I felt sorry for myself that Dh wasn’t there to help me and give me a hug.
Did you make any changes with the supervisor or are things fine and carrying on the same?
Sweetpeasue whether you post or not we are all thinking of you. Sending love and hugs. X

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EllieAnne Such helpful words from Scaredycat and others too. I hope your DH helped with the bricks today.
Scaredycat Thankyou so much for the
beautiful lit candles ,bless you ,that was a lovely gesture. I've never been to Ely cathedral. I must look up St Etheldreda.
About the jobs DH is seeing to- I'm scared because he himself is thinking of a future when he might not be here .
Wyllow I can see why you must be afraid of getting ill alone. As couple we can take things for granted. That watch that Scaredycat has might be a n answer for you. Do hope you're not sickening for something. Just wish you could feel better mentally too. Yes, you're right about book club .
HVDY Oh dear that wheezing sounds bad . It's so wrong having to wait so long for treatment and tests. Hope you managed the day centre today and enjoyed some company and nice meal.
Doodle The celebration of your first date with DH was so poignant and it must have been really difficult too. Those moments when you sat with your DH by the lake, quietly must have been so precious and needed. Thankyou for your understanding.

Heart dropped this morning when first looked at phone. Letter informing me of cancelled Rheumatology app in June. Referred last Yr, new appt now November. Just cried to think this condition is so underestimated and devalued. Felt like coming straight here as so alone but glad I waited till now. Fluffball forced us out for a walk and it was so peaceful by a river. Didn't walk far but nice.
Not great at present but had text to say son1 and famy coming Sarurday which was cheering.

Hope everyone is ok. Hugs to all finding it hard and to all who feel low.
Hope the photos send.

Three Little maids -' who all unwary....

Doodle Our posts crossed. Thankyou for the hugs and sending you one too. Hope today hasn't been too bad for you and that cut is healing properly.x

ScaredyCat Glad you've been having a good time. The candles look so lovely. What a kind gesture.

Doodle I get breathless just walking from room to room. I don't think it's worth seeing the GP again - I've seen 2, plus the nurse twice, since Jan, and they're unlikely to give me steroids again so soon (had them Dec, Jan, Feb). I've been using the inhaler more (more than I should, I expect) and it's helping a bit. The place where you went and remembered your first date with your husband must have brought back memories. Bittersweet. How's the wound you've got?

SweetpeaSue What a pretty dog . The dolls are beautiful, too. You're very talented (I can hardly even sew a button on). You must have been so downhearted when you got that letter. It's poor, isn't it? There are waiting lists for everything, it seems. Nice that you'll see your son and his family on Saturday. Hope you have a lovely time.

Day centre was good - Hunter's chicken, roast potatoes and veg. I gave my pudding away . Scrabble, draughts, darts, quizzes and painting today. Hope everyone else has been ok x

HVDY Thankyou I'm not at all talented regards knitting.
Glad your meal at daycentre was nice. Good for you giving dessert away. I'm so very sorry your breathing is so bad. It's so wrong that you are having to wait so long. Really feel for you. You have done so much for others as a carer and nurse.
Hope you sleep well tonight.
.

Yes HVDY I must dig out the olive oil. Your coughing and wheezing is really tough for you. Well done on that diet - nice first course, however.

Scardedycat that candle photo was so lovely.
It made me feel a bit part of something. it looked very peaceful there in the cathedral. No, I didnt guess right re which one! Although the one I know best, St Davids in Wales, is lovely.

T shirt weather too! Oh dear re the shrinking jean and pub….good idea with your condition to have your watch. As I had an easier day I didnt get shivery and ill feeling.

Fluffball is very sweet, Sweetpeasue and I’m glad that helped you go out for a walk.
Oh my, your heart must have sunk re the Rheumatology appointment, I’m so sorry. I’m glad you’ll see son1 soon. Lovely dolls pic!

I thought you’d pick up on the being alone thing Doodle. It’s the small things. No, my family couldnt help
I havent made any changes yet re carers but the organising lady is looking for a second one.
I hope your today hasn’t been too bad.

I had the hairdresser today and hair looks a lot better (tho we’ll have to see how it is when not all blow dried properly)

Night night all BD’s,prent today and all others…. I hope your nights are as good as they can be.

Dh did move some bricks but the skip neighbour rdered only L held his bricks so no further forward. Got someone coming on Sunday hopefully to shift them but it’s costing.
Was driving car togarage and 3 lights came on. Apparently it’s to do with a sensor and they’ve ordered one but I can’t get it fixed for a few weeks. They say it’s ok to drive but the lights are very distracting. Passed mot anyway.
Still feel overwhelmed with everything.
Well done getting hair done Wyllow.
And thanks for the candles scaredy cat.

SweetpeaSue Thank you. I slept better last night as I took my inhaler to bed and used it during the night. I also took an antihistamine, which made me drowsy. I hope you and your husband have a better day.

Wyllow3 My diet hasn't been going too well, but I'm back on it today. Glad you managed to get your hair done (what length is it?)

Jaffa's going to the vet later, for claw trimming and a general check-up - he won't mind it. Not a lot on today, but I hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Good Afternoon …….I’m sorry I can’t mention you all but have been reading posts. Unfortunately life is so so difficult at the moment, I can’t sleep, feel so exhausted, tearful and lonely. Everything seems to be going wrong, heating/water not working properly, electric underfloor heating not working, garden overwhelming , paperwork to sort….these things always seem worse when tired…..so sorry to moan but just wanted to get it all off my chest. To top it all our DIL’s father has just been admitted to their local hospice, bringing back memories.

Much love to you all. Will catch up properly when things calm down. Love, strength and prayers to you ALL…❤️🙏💐

Hi all
We got back this afternoon. Just been to feed DD cats- after he d eaten the greedy one made a beeline for the others bowl as he eats so fast . So DH refereed!! Very tired now but did enjoy the break.
Doodle - yes it’s a very big Cathedral and quite unusual but so interesting. Hope your arm is healing well.
SweetPeaSue- for goodness sake what a blow for you. Fluffball is adorable- glad you have him to spend time with.
Those little Dollie’s are so pretty - just like you and your Sisters. I too think you are very talented.Have a lovely day with your Son tomorrow.
HVDY- your breathing sounds such a horrible thing to put up - glad you slept better last night.
I,m glad you enjoyed the day centre and you’re so good how you give your puds away. A lapse now and again is normal for us all I think. Hope Jaffa was ok at the vet’s.
Wyllow- I forgot about St David’s!! Yes it’s beautiful there isn’t it. I,m glad you liked the candles and that you felt how you did.
Being in Cathedrals does make you feel blessed I think.
An extra carer would be good for you as you so need company.
Glad too you’re pleased with your hair- it’s a lovely feeling of lightness when it’s done isn’t it.
EllieAnne- oh what a pain that was!! Hope by Sunday evening you,ll feel a bit less stressed.
Glad the car passed MOT too- that’s another worry sorted.
I do hope this weekend you can do something for yourself and please think about talking to your GP.
NannyG4- so sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed with everything at the moment. You.re right though tiredness magnifies everything and that’s on top of the emotional journey you are making now.
Your poor DiL must be feeling sad too - and you now have reminders of what you have gone through lately. We are all here for you.

Wishing peaceful nights to all- regulars ,those who we are missing at the moment and those who just read.

Sweetpeasue I want to give you a big hug. How upsetting it is for your Dh to feel like that. He’s trying to look after you. None of us knows what the future holds. How long we have. Live the life you’ve got and make sure you share every minute you can with him. Hopefully his problems will be resolved soon and you can both enjoy your life a. It more.
Not sure it would help but you could try phoning the consultants secretary and explaining how much pain you’re in.
Those little dolls are lovely.
HVDY I still think you need to see your GP again. Please give it a try and make sure he understands how bad your breathing is. You shouldn’t need to be using your inhaler so much if you are it’s not good enough. What sort of inhalers have you got?
Love the sound of your lunch. I’m going for fish and chips with DS 2 tomorrow. Wound is quite nasty but healing I think.
Wyllow I would go with getting all the carers you can afford. Being with people is the only way forward, you are spending too much time on your own, I cry a lot when I’m on my own. When I’m with others I feel better. Glad you’ve got your hair done. That always helps.
Ellie Anne good the car passed its MOT. Like what I wrote to Wyllow, being with other people is a good thing. I know you have church but could you try looking for some smaller groups . Maybe an exercise class, painting, knitting group etc.
NannyG4 don’t tackle it all at once. Try one thing at a time in order of how important they are. Can your children help?
I know how you’re feeling and I have no idea how we comes to terms with this. I do think it gets a bit easier with the passing of time but nothing takes away the loneliness, missing and longing. Somehow we have to learn to cope. Just cry when you feel like it. Every day let it out. Thinking of you. Sending hugs.
Have you tried something like the Calm app to help you sleep. It breaks the silence. Maybe some antidepressants if your mood is really low,
Scaredycat glad you’re home safely. Sounds like a lovely trip, we always liked visiting cathedrals too. Arm is healing I think but still not pretty to look at. People keep patting me on the arm not realising.
Hope you have a relaxing weekend