Black Dog 24

NannyG4 This is the place to 'get it off you chest'. So sorry things are all going wrong for you right now . Not getting sleep makes it all so much worse. Thankyou for letting us know how you are and thanks again for your love and prayers. I can't think how I could cope with those things on.my own. Take care of yourself and sending you a hug.

Sorry all. Bad day today. Unable to get dressed and face the day- even with Fluffball. DH took her out for walk and gave her cuddles. Feel so awful- difficult to explain- whole body. I know many here are coping with so much . Another day tomorrow. Son not coming because down with virus. Coming next week which I think is best all round.

Wishing all a peaceful night with no bad thoughts or dreams.xx

Doodle Crossed posts again. Your kind words were so needed and thank you so much for understanding. Lovely words for NannyG4 too - so helpful.
Hugs back to you.and love.x

Hello everyone, sorry I have not posted for a while, I’m really touched that you mention me, it’s lovely.
I’ve been really busy, with work and the girls.
I’ve been trying to keep myself busy too, when girls are busy at their friends, and the family are busy, last week I went into town by myself and had a look around and even went for a coffee by myself. Wasn’t too bad. Used some time up. Got chatting to some friendly tourists which was nice.
I’ve been busy at home as well, had to get an electrician round to fix a light etc that had been annoying me, and made me feel better to get it sorted.
Still miss DH so much. Miss another adult to talk to, the hugs and general companship. It was “that day” this week where it’s been another month since he passed away. Still can’t believe it.
Had to give myself a talking to and pull myself together in front of the girls. It’s so strange just knowing I’ll never see him again, although I talk to him all the time. I’m okay though, getting through things. Pushing on. Felt a bit strange last few days, actually thought about some good memories, instead of sad ones when he was ill, I’ve had several dreams about him too. The time of year doesn’t help, other people making plans, doing things, we used to love this time of year. Now I’m here on my own. It’s all wrong. Sorry for the ramble on.
Thanks for all of your support. Xx

I think "it's all wrong" expresses so much what many of us feel on here at different times. ^Why me^". Today's posts have been very poignant and also kind wisdom. I've caught up with everything xxx
Doodle you are right I can't go on like this seeing no one day after day and not getting washed or dressed. It's like others say too, so many things need sorting out (house, clothes, car...) one ends up hiding. Must try to get out tomorrow.

Night night all , and love to all as we share, and struggle. xx

Elveral, I know how hard it is coping without your husband, you have your girls round you most of the time so you must feel you need to be stronger than you feel for them, its all that extra responsibility you shared with him. Your heart has been broken, gradually it will heal but always with him in it. I still talk to mine after twenty years. Getting out and mixing a little and observing I used to call it, as didn't want to explain to strangers. Sending you a hug and people care they don’t always no what to say though.
Wyllow, Doodle is right, take that first step, make it a lovely spring day and walk round the local park, sit and have a drink and let the sun in. I do hope you do.
This year has been my worst yet, I am trying but my problem is I watch the news and I have to stop it, I can’t believe such
awful leaders do such evil, I worry if i hurt someone's feelings.
To all of you whose posts I have read I hope today is a good day.

NannyG4 Sorry all those things are going wrong for you at the moment. Lack of sleep certainly makes it worse to cope with. Your DIL must be feeling so sad, and that must remind you of your own sad memories. Take care.

EllieAnne Glad your car passed the MOT. I had a warning light (orange) come on in my car on Thursday. DH looked in the manual and found it was to do with tyre pressure, so he sorted it out. Hope you get the bricks taken away ok.

ScaredyCat Glad you enjoyed the break away. You had good weather. Jaffa was very well-behaved, the vet loves him.

Doodle I will try to get through to a GP. I've got a Salamol Easi-breathe inhaler. Enjoy the fish and chips with your son. Have you got 2 sons, like me?

SweetpeaSue I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. Could you get to speak with, or see, a GP next week and ask for advice/paikillers?

Elvera1 I can only imagine what a loss you (and others who are bereaved) feel. It must be very difficult. You're doing the right thing by getting out and chatting with people, I think. Your girls are the reason for you to be strong.

Wyllow3 If you could tackle one little think at a time, you'll get through things. We are all willing you on.

Allsorts The news is so awful. Those things all happen but we are powerless to do anything about it all, so I try not to read/listen to most of it, as it's out of my control.

Jaffa was impeccably behaved at the vet's. She remembered him and was pleased to see that he's doing so well. It's my brother's birthday tomorrow. I've twice suggested we meet him and treat him to a pub lunch, but he said no. Ah well, you can't help some people. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Sorry all can’t post tonight. Eyes so bad with hayfever off to bed.xx*

Hi all
SweetPeaSue - Oh dear even Fluffball couldn’t work her magic yesterday. So sorry you feel so,bad. I think if at all possible you need to talk to somebody at your surgery- you can’t go on feeling like this with no help.
Nice to have a visit with your Son to look forward to next week.Sending a soothing hug.
Elveral- you,ve done well since you last posted - it’s hard doing things on your own. Something like your chance chat with the tourists really lifts your spirits doesn’t it.
It’s lovely you are able to take comfort from some of your good memories - I expect the girls like to talk bout their Dad too sometimes. I remember that ‘all wrong’ feeling- it’s not what you thought how your life would be. But you have your girls and life will be good again - just a different good.
Wyllow- I hope you did manage to get out today and feel a bit of how life can be . As Allsorts said - let the sun in. You are worth so much more than the isolation and solitude you have at present.
That To Do List will get smaller as time passes- one step at a time. Small attainable goals are what you need. It’s one of your busy days tomorrow isn’t it. Be proud of any achievement you make - you will get therexxx
Allsorts- a really nice and empathetic post.
Yes it doesn’t do to dwell on the news right now. Man’s inhumanity to man never ceases to amaze and horrify does it.
All we can do is love our families and friends and do the best we can. You’re right - the smallest worry of hurting someone unintentionally is awful.
HVDY- thank you we had a lovely time. So many lovely places in England so full of history and varied lives.No flying either!!
What a good boy Jaffa is no wonder he is a favourite at the Vets.
Such a shame your Brother didn’t take you up on his kind Birthday idea- he is his own worst enemy isn’t he. He’s lucky to have a good Sister like you.
Hope your breathing hasn’t troubled you too much today.

Love to all x

Thankyou so much Doodle,Scaredycat, HVDY, I do need to get appt next week with GP.
I'd also like to thank you for all the support you've given me over the last 2/3 yrs, I don't know where I'd be without that trust from you when I didn't have MH support from NHS.

Not as bad a day today.
Hoping all have a peaceful night and tomorrow is better than today. Hugs to all here in trouble.x

You are right about what I should do Allsorts, ie getting out. I make vows the night before then when it comes to it my heart isnt in it to care..…

Sorry it’s been your worst year. I follow the news too. Something to focus on that not bad inner thoughts.

If your wheezing doesn’t let up I agree about going to the GP, HVDY Good for Jaffa behaving well.

Hugs your way, Doodle. Your hayfever is so bad.

You are doing well to get out and relate to people any way you can, Elveral

I was stuck in *Scaredycat. It was gloomy but really day after day in isnt good. Dressing gown day.
I hope your day has been an OK one - hope you have some more nice mini breaks planned soon.

Sweetpeasue you didnt come in but thinking of you in this very rough time.

Best wishes to all other BD’s too, not in but reading .

Night night all.

Hi all
Doodle- I do hope your hayfever subsided so you could go to Church this morning. Is it better if the weather is cooler?
SweetPeaSue- Glad yesterday was better for you. I,m pleased you feel supported here - it’s so nice to know we are all here for each other. Hope you have been able to do something nice today.
Wyllow-What a pity you weren’t able to get out yesterday. I believe you really want to get out but your spirit has been damaged and the effort seems too much. As you say being in every day isn’t good for you. Perhaps a start for you would be to try and get dressed when you get up so you’re ready to face the day . Have you had any more contact from your Quaker ladies?
Well tomorrow is shopping again - have you had a look in the Tu clothes for leisure wear? Hope some nice goodies find their way into your trolley.
Sending love to all BDs and anyone else that needs some kindness today

Elveral The monthly anniversary of your DH passing away must be very hard to deal with. I think the passing of time can be disturbing too, taking one further away . Youve done so well to go out and be able to speak to someone and to have a coffee. Must be so difficult though remaining strong in front of your children . I'm so sorry for your heartache - wish I had the right words to say. Take care of yourself .x
Wyllow I know it's hard for you but don't forget the hurdles you've overcome- the hairdresser's appt, Dentist, arranging the gardener - all of which you've managed.. I hope you feel better tomorrow for coping with your shopping and getting out of the house. I hate to think of you alone every day.x
Scaredycat Hope your sister is over her cold now. Weather been very dismal here today so not sure if where you are is any better. I do think you a walk does us good though I need to be more active I think , despite my deep fatigue. I would only go walking with my DH though. Need to get him to 'down tools' for a while( he's cleared the table of his painting paraphernalia and took up DIY painting instead).
HVDY I hope you manage to get a GP next week- your wheezing sounds so bad and not going away, it's not right. I do wonder if Drs think we should expect illnesses and conditions as older people so are more complacent.
Allsorts I see what you mean about just getting out and observing if we don't feel like interacting. I'm sorry you've had such a rotten year and I hope things get better for you. Kind words for others who are going through the same as yourself .
Doodle Hope you've managed to see some friends at church this morning. The hay-fever must be such a miserable thing to put up with- your poor eyes. I remember last year you had the same thing. Hope they improve soon. Your words to me and others here are so caring. At present I'm giving tea, praise and encouragement to DH and we give support to each other -I know from reading about others who've lost their other half how precious that is but can't imagine the reality of such loss. Giving you a warm hug.
EllieAnneCandy*Nanny2507* Whiff*LucyD Hoping you're all OK. Apologies if left anyone out.

Went for a coffee this morning and we picked up .more paint. DH painting a bedroom and I washed the curtains- painted the little area DH left above the skirting boards. Bit of knitting. A musicals programme last night was so
touching - .Michael Ball singing Impossible Dream with a choir with Dementia. Music can cross some barriers other things can't. Sometimes can be too sad to listen though.

Wishing all a peaceful night and to those who just read.

Evening all. I had a lovely meal with DS2 and family yesterday evening but developed really bad hayfever so left and came home to my meds and went to bed. I have been nodding off all day. Managed to stay awake for the service and the lent lunch thank goodness
Sweetpeasue good you are feeling a bit better today. You shouldn’t be like this all the time. I’m glad you and Dh are supporting each other. It’s so much better if you do things together. Yes I had a good time at church thank you.
Scaredycat thank you. I managed to go to church ok but I’m so very tired with the antihistamine it was really difficult to stay awake. My hayfever is worse if it’s raining or windy but I guess spending the day in a garden centre was not a good move.
HVDY that inhaler is just for helping you when you have trouble breathing if you need to use it too much you need to see the asthma nurse at the surgery this week. Perhaps you need a steroid inhaler to help. I take asthma tablets and two inhalers, there is a lot they can do for you. Please seek help from the GP and say about using the inhaler too much and not being able to breathe at night.
Yes two sons and both live locally with their families. I, very lucky.
Wyllow I do wish you could go out and meet people. I’m sure it would make things better for you. Is there a local coffee shop you could go to maybe just to get out of the house, I ish we could all meet up with you for coffee.
Elveral well done on going out on your own and having coffee. Meeting people and doing things is the way to cope at the moment. I’m much the same. You’re doing such a grand job with the girls. Must be so hard to keep those feelings in at times. Take care of yourself too.
Allsorts nice to hear from you. I’ve stopped watching the news I find it’s so depressing. Hope you are coping ok.

Wyllow3 Not sure if this would help you, but how about putting out a set of clothes at night, for the next day? (I've done that for many years) Would that give you any incentive to shower and get dressed? As others have said, is there a cafe you could go to? You've done so well recently, having your hair done, and contacting the gardener.

ScaredyCat There are lots of lovely places to go in England - I need to travel - and no flights/currency/insurance etc., to arrange. How's your day been?

SweetpeaSue We all try to support each other on here, don't we? You and your husband have been busy again. Glad you got out for coffee. I'm going to do an e-consult form to the doctor's tomorrow. Can't keep coughing and wheezing like this.

Doodle What tasty thing did you have at your son's? I hope your eyes are less problematic today. Glad you enjoyed church today. I certainly need something. I'll contact the GP tomorrow.

Elveral How's your day been? You're doing such a good job with your girls, keeping things as normal as possible.

How has everyone else been? DH and I met my brother for lunch (he told me he hadn't wanted to bother, he doesn't want to go out, be with anyone or talk to anyone). It was a carvery, and I invited him back to ours (he declined). He's very hard work and I don't know how to help him.

Love to all x

Doodle

No, I’m not in contact with Quakers Scaredycat. I promise to look in TU…I hope your day has been a good one.

Nice to see you in Sweetpeasue and to read you have both been able to get busy on the house. Yes, music can be a mixed blessing.

I’m glad to hear about the meal Doodle….I’m guessing your meds must make you sleepy a lot, so it’s good you managed the lent service. Aw, it’s a shame it stops trips to garden centres and similar.

All the best for your GP contact for your wheezing, HVDY - it definitely needs something.
As for your brother….well you know how hard it is for me to do stuff - you are actually doing everything right, everything you can x

Yes I am terribly isolated and often physically poorly as well (tum, exhaustion). Atm its koko and trying to get a few things done, today was clothes washing and shower/hairwash. Not good.

Night night all and may they be the best ones possible.

(and I would like a BD cafe but live in suburbia without nice cafes - the best bet would be drive to the park which has one)

Wyllow3 Yes, I know how hard you find it to do things. My brother is the same and is very depressed (he's on Mirtazipine AD but not the maximum dose like me). I'll keep trying with him.

Did an online consultation form at 8am. One of the GPs rang at 8.40, suggested I might need a steroid inhaler. Got face-to-face appointment with a GP this afternoon. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

HVDY I had hot dog and chips from the fish and chip shop. Very nice. Eyes are better thank you.
Sorry your brother can’t seem to be bothered with anything. You ask and that’s all you can do.
I’m glad you’re being seen by the GP today, hope it went well.
Wyllow just a thought, could you have a shower during the day and also do what HVDY suggested and lay out some clothes at night then just get up and get dressed. It’s not imperative to shower every day it’s more important that you get out. If you could just get up and dress perhaps you wouldn’t be so tired and may be able to face the day a bit better.
Would you consider going to a local church is they had a coffee morning. I know quite a lot do and it might be a place too meet someone Ho you can talk to.
Scaredycat and Sweetpeasue hope your day has been ok. I’ve been to another garden centre but avoided the plants.

Doodle That made a change. Glad you enjoyed it. I'm glad your eyes feel better, too. I saw a different GP, she was very thorough, prescribed a steroid inhaler (Luforbec), although I haven't got it yet - the Pharmacist at Asda was off sick, so I'll get it tomorrow. She's referring me for a chest CT scan as well.

How has everyone else been? x

Evening all
SweetPeaSue- thank you for asking my Sister is feeling better thank goodness.Her immune system is weak due to,the cancer.
Yes even a small daily walk can help your MH - better to have a walk than do too much housework!! Your DH has swapped painting pictures for painting houses!! He is doing what he needs to do for
his own well being I guess.
That musical prog sounds lovely. I like Michael Ball and Alfie Boe. Music really stirs up emotions doesn’t it- especially Les Mis.
Hope you,ve had a decent day today- did you get in touch with your surgery?
Doodle- glad you got toChurch OK yesterday and managed to stay awake!! Wise to take care in the Garden Centre today. We went to one today that’s quite near it’s very big and full of so many nice things as well as plants. We got a new little water feature as our old fountain broke in the frost. Also got DD a little Mothers Day pressie as she’s a Mum too! Any excuse to buy someone something nice.
I,m glad your Sons live near you- are your GC still at home or at Uni?
HVDY- So pleased your brother had lunch after all. I think you do your best to help him. He knows he’s loved that’s the main thing. Such a shame though because he could have lovely family times with you all if he wasn’t so insular.
Hope this afternoons appointment resulted in something to help ease that awful wheezing and breathlessness.
We have had a beautiful cat coming into our little garden lately.
She can’t be a stray as she has very long fur that’s clean and she’s a good weight. But oh I wish she was ours!! So friendly too and let’s DH pick her up. But obviously we don’t encourage her as she must belong to someone.
Wyllow- maybe when you feel stronger you,ll be able to see your Quaker friends again. You need to feel comfortable with them first though. Isolation is so debilitating and like everyone here wish you had more interaction with people.
But think of your positives. You still do your chores ,do your big shop,have your hair done and keep things ticking over the best you can. Hope,you,ve heard from the Garden man if not give him a reminder - it will be a start if you can get out in the garden again and enjoy its rebirth.
I expect you’re tired after shopping today - was there anything nice in TU?
Shame there’s no cafe close to you but the park one sounds nice.

Tomorrow is my Mums Birthday. How I wish she could have had more - she missed so much.
To all here and those absent friends a peaceful night for you all.

Scaredycat My mum's birthday was 26th March. I so wish your own mum could have celebrated so many more birthdays. Thankyou ,yes I've been in touch with GP surgery and 'my' GP is there on Wednesday. I'll ring on the morning.

Been up ladders painting the gap DH left between wall and ceiling with tiny paintbrush. DH was very appreciative. Didn't want him to do more.
Doodle Took a video of DH in back garden cutting new Lino. He was acting funny! I understand how valuable these videos can be because you've let me know and I'm so glad about that. Couldn't do it before but I'm trying now.
Hope you sleep well tonight.

Maybe your brother needs more, but HVDY, the main thing is to keep contact but not “Expect” a lot back which I’m sure is what you do. I’m glad you got to see a doc on the same day. I hope her solution works, and good to have that scan.

Glad your eyes are better Doodle. I am trying to think of the right kind of group. Psychologist is trying to get me to have someone round to do yoga with me, not at all sure. I hope you liked your trip to the garden centre.

Thank goodness indeed Scaredycat about your sister.
Ooo, a new little water feature, thats good. I always tell DiL what a good mum she is on Mothers Day.

The garden man is coming later this week, not sure when.

Well done on the delicate finishing off bit of painting, Sweetpeasue. I hope you get through to your “best” GP on Wednesday.

Night night to all, and to BD’s who haven’t been in today

Wyllow The person who psychologist is thinking of , to do yoga with you , might just help, so worth a try--plus a bit more interaction with someone. Good- your gardener is coming next week. Will be great to see the differencee he can make. Your DIL has a lot on her hands and sure she appreciates your supportive words on Mother's Day.
HVDY I do hope the steroid inhaler will help you. Your brother sounds quite introverted and it must be difficult but you try so hard. He can't have many people in his life so you are probably more important to him than you think. Reminds me of that song - People, people who need people ... are the luckiest people in the world. Take care of yourself and xx

HVDY, my grandson is like your brother, he desperately needs help but it's not there. Only tablets that dulls it. . His parents think he should snap out of it, they don't see him anymore, but I do.
I know it's hard,when you feel low but going out every day and walk in any green space helps the mind, say hello to everyone you ass, most will reply with a smile. Some days go for a cuppa. Watch the world go by. I am trying to encourage my gs to do this as he has lost his confidence.