Black Dog 24

Wyllow3 If you could continue with your walks with a carer, it would do you good, especially now that the weather is so nice. It might be that your ears improve with the drops and that you won't need to have them vacuumed. Perhaps you might think about getting some plants for your garden now that it's looking neater?

EllieAnne Glad your daughter got in touch, and I hope she might chat with you on the 'phone soon. I think you ought to keep the appointment, just in case. See how you are on the day.

ScaredyCat It's been glorious weather here, too, today. Did you go out?

Little Girl caem, 8 until 5. Playgroup this morning—they had a buffet as it's closed now for a month! That was 2 hours. Then we went to a country park this afternoon for 2 hours, so she had a good toddle and play and then fell asleep on the way home. We're knackered . Hope everyone else is ok x

Ellie Anne good to hear you did have contact from your daughter. You had a nice time with your sons too. That’s good.
Would your daughter come and stay with you for a few days and meet up with her brothers or don’t they have any contact?
Sweetpeasue I’m not surprised you haven’t heard of my memory problem. Neither had I for many years until Dh found an article in a magazine and said this sounds just like you. I read the piece then contacted the people who wrote it in America. I had to do an online test and they confirmed I did have Aphantasia. I get regular emails from them as they are doing more research.
Glad you had a nice message from your son and the plant.
Youve had a busy day not surprised you’re tired with all that’s going on. Soon be Wednesday and I hope it brings so,e help to your Dh.
Wyllow I, glad you’re getting some comfort from your garden now. That’s a more positive step. I can understand a bit the sort of loneliness your mean and I know what it’s like to be in the company of lots of other people but to feel out of it because you’re mind is somewhere else. I do think company would help you. I didn’t think that either but gradually over time I realise it does help being with others, we are not meant to be solitary people. Hope you get some more walks soon.
Scaredycat glad you had such a nice day and special afternoon tea. I had a nice time with our sons and as you say, a lot to catch up on.
My eyes were very painful last night but they seem better now so hoping they will stay that way.
I bet your Dh enjoyed his cake.
HVDY nice you saw your son and he fixed your mobile for you. Little girl must have so much fun with you you take her to some fun places.

Doodle she never comes here and doesn’t have much contact with her brothers. I know she is always very tired and work very demanding. I’m tired of it all.
I don’t want to say anything about my home situation because I’ve had it said on other threads that I should just be grateful that I have a husband.
But all that plus worry about ds1 and d in L is getting too much and I’m so tired of it all.
Nothing lifts my mood and I feel like giving up.

I’m glad you heard from DD, EllieAnne she made the effort is important… maybe be wary of not going got the GP, unless you're really sure? As you know, I understand the wanting to give up...we koko... as regards your DH please dont feel you "should be grateful" - its not a happy situation, somtimes it can be worse to be with someone than alone, we are all different.

I expect DH was very glad indeed for the cake delivery Scardeycat . I hope you were able to get out a little bit today.

You are right of course about “the point” but it’s out of reach atm. Mind you I was brought up rather earnestly about life being for a (political) purpose must make better For All not just for its own sake.

I do think when feeling a bit better I’d just like a few bright plants just outside the French windows HVDY
LittleGirl has exercised you well today, hasn’t she. 8 till 5 is quite a long time.

No, humans are not meant to be alone, Doodle.
You are doing so well in arranging company. I hope your eyes continue to be a bit better, the anti histamine (sp) must have helped.

Thoughts for BD’s not in today, not forgotten.

Best nights possible, all. xx

EllieAnne I'm sorry you feel like that. I have no idea apart from what has been said before about antidepressants. We all sometimes worry about our adult children, and they seem to sort themselves out in the end.

Wyllow3 Some pretty Pansies or Marigolds, perhaps? Yes, it was a long day. She's a very well-behaved child, never any trouble with her .

Went to aqua aerobics then pub for brunch, and have got bedding out on the line.........that would have been nice, but Him Next Door has lit a bonfire . How is everyone? x

EllieAnne I'm so glad your DD got in touch with you. We all worry about our AC and it's hard when she lives quite a way from you. Please take no heed of flippant posts from some who try to guilt trip you about your sad situation with your husband. They've never walked in your shoes or they would be more understanding. You keep on going and you're a brave lady.
HVDY I hope your throat is feeling better. You must have been so tired yesterday after the fill day with Littlegirl. She must love coming to you.
Scardycat Bought some more Sweetpeas today ( the others I got weren't the tall ones) I'll give some of each to my aunt. Nice to have a furry friend to look forward to in the Autumn.
Wyllow Have you had your nice carer today. The weather is set to be milder and sunny this week so you might be able to have a walk. I think that's a great idea to have a pot or 2 of bright flowers near your French doors. They will be lovely throughout summer and you can take a small pleasure in their growth. Kind words to EllieAnne and so true.
Doodle I'm hoping your eyes haven't been too bad today and the antihistamines are keeping you comfortable. My sister came yesterday morning and brought huge amounts of wool ,all unbroken bands,never touched. I gave a lot to a neighbour who knits for charity. Sis and her partner were clearing house of his DM ( lady I gave doll to) and there was a room full! Hope you've seen some friends s today.

Shop and coffee with DH this morning. Divided Sweetpeas, re- potted then rest . Full afternoon tomorrow - Urology appt 1-30 and DHs appt 3-30. So anxious about DHs appt - Rheumatologist good though hardly speaks at all so not easy to communicate.

Hope everyone is coping and can enjoy the milder weather. Thinking of those not in too, Nadateturbe*NannyG4 *Nanny2507 Elveral*LucyD**Allsorts ( knew I shouldn't have tried remembering all!) WhiffCandy Wishing all a peaceful night.x

HVDY I feel your frustration over the bonfire. We get it most days lately.Grrr.

Ellie Anne you can say how you feel here, we’re not other threads. You’re not happy and you’re allowed to talk about it, *
You have a lot troubling your mind. I know we’ve mentioned it before but could you try giving ADs a go again. You need something to lift your spirits. Family worries always bring us down
Wyllow some nice bright flowers would be good I think. Taking pleasure in your garden again would be a positive thing.
I keep as busy as I can. I still get lost in the quiet times and the sadness is always there but I try to keep going.
HVDY glad you’re going to aqua aerobics again. I went to my sit fit class this morning. Home for a slim fast though not a pub brunch though I know what I would have preferred 🤣
*Shame about the bonfire. I didn’t think we were allowed to have them anymore,
Sweetpeasue eyes are better today thanks. Goodness that’s a lot of wool to get through. Always useful to someone though.
I will keep everything crossed for tomorrow and hope you can get some answers to your questions. You’ll be there a while with two appointments good they’re on the same day though. Saves you going twice.
Scaredycat it’s been lovely sunshine here today. Have you been out? Someone came and collected my four garden chairs today to take them to the Hospice for sale. They’re good quality so I’m hoping they’ll get a good sum for them.
I ve been waiting two weeks for someone to collect them then I cried when they were taken away. DH and I bought hem together.

Sorry I don’t know why that whole sentence was in bold. I didn’t mean it to be.

Hi all.
HVDY- you did well to go to Aqua Aerobics after your busy day yesterday. Little girl is so good isn’t she- has she been to the pool yet?
Really considerate of your neighbour to have a bonfire - Not.
Why do some people light fires as soon as it’s a nice day?
Doodle- I just Googled Aphantasia - gosh it was a lot to take in.
It’s great that you are helping with the research. Yes DH hoovered up the cake- we had more cake this afternoon as my Stepson and wife called round after her hospital appt.
We,re off to the funeral for GD2 lovely FiL tomorrow. It’s a motorbike one so hope the weather stays nice - he was such a lovely man. It’s quite a long way so we,ll be out all day.
Have a lovely Church day tomorrow.
EllieAnne- I think a chat with your GP might help you in more ways than one.Is it possible for you to open up to him/ or her?
You sound so down and it is certainly true that being with someone who doesn’t give in any way emotionally or physically is worse than being alone. Would you not consider ADs at all?
Wyllow- I think that life is made of: many parts. Of course to want to help people and feel purposeful is admirable and we should all aspire to that but it is not wrong to also enjoy the beauty,fun,laughs and everything that brings joy as well.We can do both.
Lovely you are thinking of flowers for outside your windows- do you have favourite ones?Maybe you could visit a garden centre with your nice carer.
Hope you manage a walk tomorrow.

Thinking of all those we haven’t heard from lately and sending love. Take care allxx

SweetpeaSue Best of luck for tomorrow. Hope both appointments go well and that you both get some answers to your problems. My throat is still sore (DH says because I talk too much and don't rest it. He might have a point). I'll garlge with diluted TCP later - I love the taste.

Doodle The chairs will give someone pleasure. I Googled Aphantasia. What an unusual condition. Does it affect you much? A man across the street from me had a bonfire at 7.30 the other morning.

ScaredyCat LittleGirl has been in the pool, with her mum, but that was last year. I hope the funeral tomorrow goes as well as these things can.

DH is out with Son1, so Jaffa and I are cosy with the heating on. Hope ALL BDers - those not here lately, especially - have a pleasant evening. x

I m seeing dr tomorrow about bladder issue but you are only supposed to discuss one problem. I don’t really know any of our doctors. I just had to take whoever was available.
Not looking forward to it.

Very under the weather psysically and mentally, dont know how much of an outing with carer tomrrow. Still little hearing.

but it has been so good coming in to the familiar "Faces" in here tonight.

Just to say all the very bests for consultant visits, GP's and the funeral dear BD's.

(and TCP reminds me of my mum who swore by it for practically everything )

Night night all

EllieAnne How did you get on at the doctor's?

Wyllow How has your day been? Did you manage to go out at all? I love TCP, and Sudocrem for other things (It's one of my favourite smells)

SweetpeaSue How did the appointments go?

Hope everyone else has been ok x

Oh dear I'm so tired and I've just lost a post trying to explain all. I'm so anxious. I think I'll have to come in tomorrow about DH.
Urologist gave me 2 options of intravesical bladder instillations ( twice weekly for 2mths which nurse would show me how to do myself) and the drug Elmiron ,which has many side effects. I knew they were the only thing left for me now after bladder Distention no good. Risks of bladder infections and tearing with bladder instillations so I've chosen to leave it all for now. She'll see me in another 6mths.
Don't feel any further with DH. We were in his office an hr and he did ultrasound looking at his arteries. He said the Subclavian artery that's partly blocked with plaque is reason for poor blood flow in arm which is causing the pain right down arm and tingling and numbness in hand. ( Vascular has already dismissed it as not serious enough) Because inflammatory markers in blood tests are not high Rheumatologist now wondering if headache is Neurological although he's not sure. The temple he gets pain in is tender to touch which is GCA sign. We believe it's GCA too as his headache is improved with the steroids. Rheumatologist referring him to Neurology, though very long waiting list. He'll see him again in September and advised reducing steroids gradually in increments as suggested. The breathlessness not his domain.

So sorry ,though it only fair to explain but just so tired can't write more.
I'm upset about feeling no further on for DH and were both sure it's not Neurological anyhow.

Hope everyone is ok and has had a reasonable day. Fluffball tomorrow. Take care.xx

*Scaredycat thank you for showing an interest. Aphantasia is very difficult to explain to people.
Hope the funeral goes as well as these things can and it a lovely memorial tribute. The motorbikes sound as though it will be very interesting.
Glad you had more cake today. Cake always brightens up the day.
HVDY thank you for taking an interest too. I don’t suppose it affects my everyday life that much apart from the fact I have a bad memory. Where it hurts is that I can’t remember my children as babies or toddlers or teenagers. I can have my memory jogged by photos but can’t remember things on my own. I also have no concept of passing time. One year, five years, ten years means nothing to me. I can’t remember when our sons were born. I don’t know when my mum and dad died or how old they were. It’s difficult to describe how much it affects me but it certainly does. I was dreading it when Dh died which is why I have always taken so many videos. That part of it hurts more than anything.
Glad you and Jaffa are cosy together. It’s been quite hot here today.
Ellie Anne I do hope the visit to the Gp went ok and you were able to discuss issues. Hope it wasn’t as bad as you thought.
Wyllow you don’t sound well. Did you manage to get out at all today? Hope you’re feeling better soon.
Sweetpeasue I can feel your despair at the way you and your Dh are being treated, poor man being passed from pillar to post with no apparent help. If your husband does have GCA, which medical department would it be under.?
I wish I could say something to cheer you up but this just goes on doesn’t it.
You could try a private neurologist if you can afford it. It would still be a long wait but might be worth it.
Sending hugs xx

Doodle Thankyou for your hugs x.
It must be very unsettling for you not to feel the concept of the passing of time. So glad you have those videos of your DH , so precious ,especially with your condition.
My DH is being treated for the GCA with the steroids. It's related to Polymyalgia and so it's under Rheumatology too. Although he definitely started with Polymyalgia, his inflammatory markers weren't that abnormal for that either.
Once the results for the MRI are back that he had taken of his neck/shoulders GP thinks that will rule out the cause of pain coming from them. It's been 3 weeks but no results as yet. Rheumatologist said Xray of neck showed nothing untoward so it's def Subclavian artery. We will probably have to go private for another Vascular surgeon. Thanks for your concern- hope you sleep well tonight.

Doodle I looked up your condition too but didn’t understand it very well.
Sweet pea sue I m so sorry you didn’t get the help you needed.
I got on ok. Turns out I do have an infection so got antibiotics. But he thinks I may also have a prolapse too. If I still feel the same when infection is gone I will need to go
Back for examination. He was nice enough. Very matter of fact
but not overly friendly.
If I have to go back I will ask for a female dr . Hoping the antibiotics clear everything.

Just a little post to let you lovely people know I still think about you all.
M.E.-fatigue and difficulty with bright screens prevents me posting still.
Sending love, and hugs to those who need them. xx

I'm also a sudocrem fan HVDY for anything skin or light burn. I hope you are OK as you didnt pop in later about your day.

Aw, Sweetpeasue, losing a long post. (I write mine out in "notes" first)
I had wondered what was going on urology wise. Very mcuh a Hobsons choice. Itt sounds like you have done the right thing, for you, for now.

I am sorry that you dont feel further along with DH. You do seem to have some kind of expanation for the poor blood flow but are they saying "no action for now?" I suppose its worth checking out the Neurologist. JUst hugs for these diffuclt puzzles and choices.
I hope you enjoy Fluff ball.

Thank you for expalning more, Doodle about your condition,it is complicated, and so very glad about the videos. My memory is very lacking with gaps and lack of "felt" memories, but not like yours.

- [ ] Well I’m so relieved you did go to the doctor, EllieAnne and of course hope that antibiotics sort it out for the time being. Good he was nice, and I’d ask for a woman doctor too if follow up is needed.

nadateturbe - so nice to see you “in”. Never forgotten in my mind - no need to write more x

I went to the Botanical Gardens with carer but I won’t see her again for 10 days now scare at lack of people contact, yes I know I have to try and go to cafes etc.
I still cant hear much, it’s scary but the doc did say 2 weeks with the drops.

Night night much appreciated BD’s, present or not in today.

SweetpeaSue Oh, I'm so sorry about how your husband's appointment went. I hope a cancellation will come up so he might be seen by the Neurologist quicker. What a long and frustrating wait. You didn't get on much better, by the sound of it. The intravesical bladder instillations sound unpleasant to me. Perhaps the tablets would be a better idea? Something you'll need to think carefully about. Hope you have a nice day with Fluffball.

Doodle Thanks for that explanation. It's a complicated condition. I understand why the photos and videos are so important to you.

EllieAnne I hope the antibiotics help. If you need to go back, some things can be done for a prolapse.

nadateturbe Nice to hear from you. Hope you're managing to look after yourself.

Wyllow3 Thanks. I didn't do much all day. When I injured my hip (torn cartilage) last year from aqua aerobics, I appear to have done the same thing to the other side . It's very painful indeed. Glad you managed to get out - it was lovely weather. Hope you can summon up the courage to go alone.

Day centre today. Hope everyone's day is decent x

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- I don’t blame you for leaving things for the moment re your bladder. The installations look difficult to do and quite risky as well .The drug side effects don’t side very nice either. Hopefully in 6 months time things might have calmed down a bit- you are having such a rough time.
Oh dear after waiting for his appt your DH hasn’t really got anywhere- it’s so worrying for you both. I tend to agree with Doodle that if you can do it a private Neurologist might be able to help him. I,m glad you have Fluffball to cheer you up today.
Doodle- the funeral was a very special occasion and the weather was lovely. So many people came we thought about 200. It was the most joyful and life affirming afternoon despite the sadness at a lovely man leaving us too early. The motorcycle cavalcade was wonderful and there was a motorcycle hearse too. The sound of them as they approached the crematorium was incredible. I,ve never been to a funeral with so many people - it was so special for his family and very uplifting. The children will remember that day forever.
I,m sorry I don’t mean to make you feel sad as you struggle so much with your memory but it was the very best of human nature in a world so full of turmoil.
Do hope you had a good day in this lovely weather and were able to see your Church friends.
EllieAnne- what a good job you kept your Doctors Appt.
If you do still feel the same after you’re free from infection do go back. There are several ways to treat a prolapse and it will be easier for you if you can see a lady Doctor. Hope you’re better soon.
Nadateturbe- lovely to see you. You are going through a difficult time at the moment.sounds like you could do with a hug so I,m sending you a nice gentle one. It’s so good just to hear from you.
Wyllow- are your memory gaps more the sort of blanking out ones as you,d rather not remember some things?
Glad you got out with your carer- 10 days is a long while to wait for you. Would you be able to sit in the park and read for a while. I,ve noticed many people on their own if we have coffee out and they read or do other things. It’s so not easy I know but we all long for you to have more human contact - as I,m sure you do too.
Hope each day you hear a little bit better - early days yet .
Take care xx
HVDY- oh what a nuisance if you,ve injured your other hip. Might it just be that you haven’t done that exercise for a while and your muscles are protesting.
Hope you,ve enjoyed Day centre and had a nice meal.
I keep looking at cat rescue sites on the i pad - so many lovely little souls . But we have to wait til after the holidays.

Thinking of you all. Nanny2507,Elveral, Allsorts,NannyG4, LucyD, Candy,Whiff and anyone I,ve forgotten.
Hoping there’s something to brighten your days - you all deserve so much better times.

Nadateturbe Lovely to see you in though so sorryto hear you're having a tough time of it. I can imagine just a fraction of what the chronic fatigue must be like and I think ME must change your life completely- you must get so low but of course the more you get stressed about it the worse it must be. Don't worry about not being able to write - we understand. I often wonder how you are. Take care.x
HVDY Oh dear ,hope it's not a torn cartilage and more that it's strained muscle that will heal quicker. You have been trying so hard with your diet and going back to aqua-aerobics. I hope you've managed to get to the day- centre and the company helps a bit. Think you deserve extra cuddles from Jaffa. I've had some today from Fluffball.

Back soon

Sorry just been diverted by a phone call from Rheumatologist ( the one DH has been under is actually Director of Rheumatology) He has said inflammatory markers from blood yest yesterday were low. He's to have MRI on his brain. So scared as DH was being scanned for over half an hr in the office on his wrists/arms/head. There was woman in the office too so perhaps she was learning . Trying not to think pessimistic. Guess they're just being thorough. Good news is Rheumatologist told him tonight he'd not have a long wait for Neurologist as he's referring him directly or something. DH has to let him know as soon as results come through from MRI on shoulders he had done 3 weeks ago.

Scaredycat Such nice words to everyone. I think you're going to make one lucky cat a lovely owner. I'm sure your love will be returned in spades. The motorbike cavalcade must have been very moving. I've seen one for a funeral before . Glad your friend had such a tribute at his funeral.
EllieAnne So good you kept that Dr's appt. I hope you're feeling more comfortable by now. I too would prefer a female Dr .
Doodle Thanks again for your hugs. Yes, this does just seem to keep going on forever. Of course you understand the neverending hospital appts. I think many of us start to have them as we get older. It's to be expected I suppose but it's hard to deal with when the NHS is under such strain. I keep thinking that older people might be getting pushed back but tonight's phone call shows someone cares - they still only have so much power under the managers though. I hope your day hasn't been too bad and the warmer weather spell helps. I wonder how your DHs tree is faring right now. My plum tree has white blossom on it.
Wyllow Your garden too will be coming to life soon under the professional hands of your gardener. The walk in the Botanical Gardens must have been very special. Wish you could do that more often. Hope those ear drops start to help soon - it must be quite frightening to lose so much of your hearing like that - even though temporarily. As Scaredycat says - early days yet if it's going to take 2 weeks. If I get up during the early hours I always look to see if you have posted- you are not completely alone whil you are here with friends. X

Had to return to hospital today. After nearly 5hrs there we were told there'd be a wait at hospital pharmacy of 1 and half hrs so got prescription today. Up during night thinking of DH again. I can't help worry when I hear his wheezing. His blood pressure was lower today - maybe Fluffball working her charm. He does love her.
Beginning to panic a bit. We loved seeing the lambs born last Spring at the Lakes cottage we were in and booked one for end of this month last year. I hope we're OK. I didn't think DHs health condition would be unsolved. His breathing was fine last April.
Fluffball again tomorrow.
Hope everyone has a peaceful night and love to all named or not. X

Ellie Anne glad you got the courage up to see the doctor. As you say, if you need to go again you can ask for a woman GP. Hope the antibiotics sort it all out.
Yes Aphantasia is difficult to describe and understand. It’s a bit difficult for me too. Because you don’t know what you’re missing if you’ve never had it. I find it hard to know how others can remember things I can’t.
Sweetpeasue your poor DH it’s so difficult to get a proper diagnosis. I looked up GCA and saw what you say about it being treated with steroids. The problem with his arm though is quite a different matter, so much pain needs to be dealt with. I think you need another vascular opinion too.
Your own problem doesn’t seem to give you much choice over treatment options really. Neither one seems something you’d like to do and I don’t blame you. Difficult decision.
Nadateturbe lovely to hear from you. Can understand your problems posting but so nice of you to think of us and pop in to say hello. Take care and hope the ME gives you some respite soon.
HVDY oh I’m sorry that sounds so painful. Are you managing to get around ok. Is your throat any better?
Will you be able to manage having Little Girl round? Hopefully with the weekend coming up you can rest up a bit.
Scaredycat you didn’t make me feel sad. It’s good to hear of a life well remembered. He was obviously a popular person with an amazing turnout. I hope it helped his family to have so much support.
Must have been very emotional for you too. Hope you managed ok. These things are hard for everyone.
Wyllow glad you managed to get out. 10 days without your carer is not good. I do hope you manage to get out. Are you able to drive? Is there anywhere within walking distance you can go that’s relatively quiet and you can sit and have a coffee or short walk. .
I’ve been to art today then went for a meal this evening with friends (well it was 5 pm which amounts to evening for me these days). It was very nice and we all enjoyed it but ate too much. Tomorrow I’m off to Windsor for lunch with my cousin.