Black Dog 24

Great there is somewhere to post. I’m dreading this blooming Christmas. My mental state has been so bad lately. I’m with someone who I can’t actually stand but I’m too old to move on. He puts me down at every opportunity. I’m fedup. Sorry but I’m so down.

Candy nice to hear from you. I understand life is busy round this time of year isn’t it. Hope all is going well for you.

sweetpeaue. 95 is fine. Anything over 94 is ok I think but it shouldn’t be below 94. Oh not more NHS problems for your DH. Joined up thinking doesn’t seem to happen anywhere. I often wonder if those in charge at hospital ever realise how much time is wasted by lack of communication and coordination among medical staff.
I’ve had a good ish day thanks. Very cold out thought so didn’t stay out long.
Scaredycat my friend is wonderful. I don’t know what I would have done without her to be honest, and yes we sometimes share tears but often lots of laughter too. The best sort of friend.
The hospice is such a peaceful calm and soothing place. Set by a lake. I love being there.
NannyG4 so glad you’ve joined us on this thread. You know my story so know that I understand what you’re going through.
Guilt is natural. I think we all feel the same. If only I’d don’t this, if only that hadn’t happened but the reality is we do what we can at the time. Like you I don’t want to burden our children with how bad I feel sometimes but I can assure you you can come on this thread and tell it trike it is and all you will receive is support and kindness,
Wyllow sorry you lost your post. So annoying. Hope you’re ok today.
HVdY glad your husband is getting such positive help from the CPAP machine. That must be a relief for you both. Hope Little Girl is in the mend and you have a peaceful night with her.
Take care all.

Wyllow Sorry you lost your post. It's so annoying, but glad see you in today. Hope today hasn't been too bad for you and you're getting some relief with that tummy.
Whiff I didn't realise too much calcium could have such a bad affect. So sorry -you have more than your fair share of pain. Well done you for getting out via taxi.
HVDY Hope Littlegirl sleeps well for you tonight and you enjoy her stay. You'll be worn out after all that housework!
Scaredycat I was pleased my grandson shared that with me when it happened. We never want our little ones to hurt at all do we. Took Fluffball to see my aunt today. She was absolutely smitten as Fluffball played up to her and kept going up to her for biscuits and cuddles. We couldn't get anything from my aunt but Aww! she stole the show.
Doodle Hope you've not had too bad a day. You are trying so hard with distracting yourself during the day with hobbies and friends.

Good thing my DH rang hospital for hand surgeon's secretary number. Was told she wasn't there today but that results of his test hadn't been sent from the other main hospital where it was done. Results sent to Rheumatologist instead and he has to give permission to share results with hand surgeon 🙄
Rheumatologist asked for the tests initially then Hand surgeon wanted the tests so requested them to be done urgently. He needs them before we get an appt with him. No one 'joins the dots' as Doodle says. Rang Rheumatology and requested the results to be sent to other hospital. Secretary said she would see him and tell him.
Cold and windy here. Hope everyone is OK and coping with all their worries. Take care all and wishing a peaceful night.x

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- Ah so sorry about the little cat- such a hard life lesson for your DGS. How lovely that he knew he could share it with you.
How wonderful to go to the beach with Fluffball - pangs of envy!!
Hope you got somewhere with the Hand Surgeons Sec today.
You fight so lovingly and bravely for your DH.
HVDY- great news about the CPAP - your DH must feel much more alert during the day now.
Poor little girl . Hope you have a peaceful night with her. It sounds like she is improving slightly.
NannyG4- of course you can join us. So sorry you re suffering as you are. You are guilty of nothing. It is a normal reaction to keep revisiting those last weeks in your head and trying to find a reason why. Many of us here have experienced bereavement in many shapes and forms and we all deal with it in our own
way. It is early days for you- be kind to yourself there is always someone here to listen.
Whiff- as usual you find a way through your difficulties. Good to see you back.
Wyllow- so pleased to see your post- I felt so worried about you. Where do those lost posts go?
Doodle- The hospice sounds the most wonderful place.
You have so many loving memories of your DH- so many people do not experience such love. He is always with you at home and the hospice.
I love that you have a friend you can cry with- such a close friendship. I bet you can have a laugh with her too.
How’s the Xmas shopping going? I wish the wrapping fairies could come round don’t you- I have so much to wrap.
Candy- you,ve gone into Duracell Bunny mode !! You are so like my DD in wanting to get stuff perfect and not able to relax til it’s done. Do try and recharge those batteries and have a rest when you can.
Sending love to all .

NannyG4 I can't claim to know the grief that comes with losing a DH but as HVDY says, there are others here that have and can understand fully your pain.
I can only imagine how terribly lonely you must feel and it's so recent a loss for you. Please don't apologise for your deep sorrow , this is a place where no one needs to put on a face and pretend . I can understand that you don't want to upset family members but I'm sure they will want you to help and support you.
It's the worst time of year to be struggling with a huge loss . I think we play over and over the times leading up to a loved one's death '- it's perhaps a way of trying to come to terms with a reality we can't cope with.
I'm so very sorry and please come here whenever you want to. Sending you love and thinking of you .x

NannyG4. You're most welcome here. Some ladies here will understand what you're going through as they also miss their beloved husbands. (Sorry, I haven't any experience of that). There's also a thread under the heading of "bereavement".

July isn't a long time, and you're grieving. This time of year must make that even harder. Post again on here, if you want to.

I did post last night and lost it, will see you all later xxx

Doodle and gang glad you are all here . Been AWOL but had some problems caused by high dose calcium and vitamin D tablets of all things . Set me right back pain wise and my mobility . But getting back to my usual self .
But not stopped me going out just via taxi.

Take care all . 🎄🥂

Good Morning…….
Can I join you?
Unfortunately I’m at rock bottom, not sure where to turn…I lost my DH in July and every day seems to get harder and harder…I just keep reliving my DH’s last few months and until he went into the hospice I didn’t realise how poorly he was, it’s breaking me….I feel so guilty…..
I’m sorry to be so miserable but sometimes just writing things does help…..
I know I’m not the only one going through this but I just feel so alone…I don’t want to bear my sole to my family or friends…

With love……❤️

Morning everyone.
Wyllow Thinking of you and hope you're OK.
HVDYThat CPap machine has been marvellous hasn't it. Glad that's helped so much.Pleased Littlegirl is a bit better too. Exciting day for you today!
Candy Your feet don't touch the ground do they? I know you're having a lot for Christmas dinner so hope you can allocate some little jobs to take the strain off.

DH just gone to pick up Fluffball then going to aunt's. Not sure if to take the dog with us at moment.
Hoping everyone's day goes as well as possible.

ScaredyCat Sorry, I forgot to answer - my husband is doing extremely well with the CPAP machine, thank you. He used to have "episodes" - that's what they're known as - of stopping breathing, snoring, waking briefly, etc., 61 times an hour. Now, it's about 5 or 6, so a huge improvement.

SweetpeaSue Ah, the poor little thing was only young. You're right, it doesn't sound as though your husband has got Asthma or COPD, as there's usually a cough with both. An Oxygen level of 95% on an oximeter is good, though (normal levels are 95 - 100). I think his breathlessness needs to be looked into, though.

Doodle . You have such good memories of your husband to treasure, with lovely holidays etc. You can at least remember those times. Hope you have a good day today.

LittleGirl is apparently still full of cold but a bit better than yesterday, so her parents are going out this evening. We'll have baby here at 5ish, overnight, until late tomorrow morning. Housework to do today. Back later x

Evening all, as you know I’ve not been in for a while. Ive been so busy preparing for Christmas. I put a lot of pressure on myself as I like everything just right. My own fault. Another busy day for me tomorrow but then it should ease up a little. I’ve had a quick catch up with your days and am thinking of you all. Will respond properly when I can. Sending lots of love and am thinking of you all ❤️ xx

Aw Doodle So many memories that we keep alive in our heads because we want to remember . To keep them alive so we can't forget and can't lose our loved ones. The hospice didn't hold good memories of my mum , but I'm so very glad you had such good ones of your beloved DH. I'm so very sorry for your grief- I can't say how much.x
I will keep pushing for my DH. I sometimes feel - they must know best- but I really know they don't. DH had a test- think it was on finger, at GP appt , when he issued inhalers. He said his oxygen level at the time was 95%.
Sleep sound Doodle. Xxx

Sorry HvDY I had to laugh at you being caught out without your make up. It happens to me sometimes. Never go out without my pollyfilla.
Scaredycat I used to like dressing up when I was slim. Short skirts high heels and long hair. Now I’m short and dumpy and I I wore even the smallest heels I would fall off them and my bunions would hurt, 🤣. No glamour any more,
I’ve had a sad/happy day today. Went to hospice and had lunch with my friend. Was ok, then I started thinking about the day we arrived there by ambulance and my DH reached out to hold my hand as we were travelling and he was smiling at me. I always feel a bit sad when I leave the hospice. In some strange way I feel I’m leaving him behind me.
Then we went to church bereavement group which was lovely but then made me cry because they played silent night. My friend was crying at the hospice and service too. What a pair.
Sweetpeasue it’s awful when we lose pets and just as hard when you’re young. It’s really upsetting. I hate seeing children sad.
Please make sure you get your Oromorph. The surgeries usually want prescriptions early around Christmas.
Have you spoken to the GP again about your husbands breathlessness? I do think if it’s continuing you should contact them. If the inhalers aren’t working you should tell them that too. Yes you’re right to check on the nerve tests too. I do hope you get some answers soon. I know it’s hard but keep pushing even if it means making a nuisance of yourself. Keep going.
Something isn’t right and they should do more about it.
Just as a matter of interest do you have an oxymeter? I wondered what your DH’s oxygen levels are.
Thinking of you all.

HVDY Yes, my sons have seen me without makeup, looking really awful when I was very ill.
No the cat was only about 3 I think.
DH has had the breathlessness around 3 mths. Strangely, he has just come off the phone as he had a call from GP pharmacist asking if inhalers had been helping. DH told him no , only for a few mins then no difference. We don't believe for 1 minute it's COPD or Asthma. He's no cough at all .
Hope you have a nice quiet night.

SweetpeaSue Both sons and the GDs have seen me bare-faced, but not the DILs or stepGC. I haven't got any eyebrows (I draw them on) and I have Rosacea so always look very flushed. And no bra! (dressing gown on though). How sad about the cat. Was he old? For children, the death of a pet is usually the first bereavement for them. At least the cat is buried in the garden now. I hope you get your Oramorph ok (you should do but perhaps on Xmas eve). Good idea to ring the hand surgeon, but I can understand you being worried about your husband. How long has he had the breathlessness and tight chest? Has Asthma been ruled out?

Doodle Thankyou for the new thread.
I hate buying new clothes and often end up returning them as I can't seem to find anything I really like so buy something out of necessity to change from my usual 2 changes of dress. I feel embarrassed that I often wear the same thing and others ( eg book group )will notice. Anything new feels wrong until Ive worn it a couple of times.
Hope you've had a nice day with some friends. Hugs if it's been a bad one.x
Scaredycat I don't think we'll be the only ones to not like New Year. Oh well done for finding the footie choc orange cover. I'd have loved to have knit my son a Liverpool one but I'm no good without a pattern. Bet your GDs boyfriend will love it. I'm afraid it was a real cat and my GS was so upset that he'd texted me when it happened. I felt very honoured at the time that he did that as I just get the very occasional message and he doesn't have his phone often. My son had a photo of him asleep with really red eyes. Heartbreaking. Hard isn't it for children too.
HVDY I like The Range and B&M .We have aB&M on the outskirts of our village now. It's so tempting- you go in for 1 or 2 things and end up coming out with a basket full. Aw sorry Littlegirl is still poorly that's so sad -nice to have her mum to take care of her . Oh I would have been mortified if anyone saw me without my make-up on! It's my mask and behind it is me! They'd have just laughed and we know they don't care, but.....
His cat died at the weekend when he was with his mum. It hadn't been that well and someone in the next street had found him on their lawn. They tried to keep it warm by covering it with a blanket then asked around , when they got back 20 mins later he'd died. I told my grandson he'd gone to cats heaven. He told me they'd buried him in their garden. He was brokenhearted.
Wyllow Glad you didn't feel badgered by the carer this time and managed the walk. It's understandable that you feel afraid of the long holiday without anyone though. Do please come in here at any time if you feel like it- I'm sure there will be someone who will 'see' you. I'll keep a look out . DH and I will be on our own and might take a walk if we're OK. Thank goodness you managed to get the parcel for your son and DIL sent off. That will be one worry less.
EllieAnne* Hope you've been OK today and a little less sad. Love and hugs.

Had Fluffball today and took her for a run on the beach. She enjoyed it so much though we couldn't persuade her to dip her feet into a bowl of water when we got back. Just towelled her down.
Hoping to get prescription in tomorrow . Been holding back as my Oramorph is due on the 25th and they often won't let me have it early but hoping the GP surgery will see sense with it being the holiday.
Still worried about DH. It's not right this tight chest and breathlessness. Going to call Hand surgeon's secretary tomorrow to see if he has nerve results back. He's putting up with a lot of pain in his hand and arm.

Hoping everyone has a peaceful night and thinking of you all whether in or reading.x

Wyllow glad you had your carer that you like today and managed a walk. It must be hard for you not seeing anyone for so long could you try some phone calls with your son or DIL to break up the day. I know you find it very hard but being on your own so much is hard too.
HVDY oh poor little girl. Good her mum is taking care of her. Nice you got some shopping time and a lunch out with your DH. Hope you enjoyed it.
I was amazed when the last thread got to 1000 too.
Dinner is buzzing in the microwave. Be back later.

ScaredyCat I usually buy things just for the sake of it . Your little crocheted hat sounds cute.

Candy , Nanny, Nadateturbe, *Whiff and others who haven't been here recently - how are you?

I'd just washed my makeup off, put on face cream, put on pyjamas, and Sudocrem on my eyelids (Blepharitis), and Son1 and his family all turned up unannounced! (Nobody ever sees me without my face on). They collected some parcels Son1 had delivered here and have just gone. Nice to see them all, though.

Hi all.
What a lovely visit you made for your DGS - he must look forward so much to his after school times with you.
Did he lose a real cat ? I hope not as it would have been so upsetting for him.
New Years Eve just feels so sad - I really don’t like it.
I have just got off the Internet a little Chelsea FC crocheted hat for a chocolate orange for GD boyfriend for a little extra pressie. Like your little people - don’t they look cute when on the orange!
Doodle- Thank you so much for starting the new thread.
I expect like me you used to enjoy dressing up. Now I still like colours and textures but comfort comes first. As Wyllow said you can keep your purchases and have another try on then bin them if you still aren’t keen. The days of stilettos are long gone- I remember running for the bus in those and really tight skirts!!
Hope today has some light moments and is kind to you.
Wyllow- pleased you had time with your nice carer. She seems to know you well and when you don’t want too much prodding. Well done with getting the pressies off- a grand achievement.
It is a long time til 27th - is there any chance you could talk with your Sis during that time. Maybe shopping day you could buy a couple of books or mags . Do you like Chocs or do they upset your tum? Maybe there’s a couple of good films on TV too. This of course is not like having human contact but I think I know I speak for all of us when I say we will all be around then and you will not be forgotten.
HVDY- Poor LittleGirl. Her throat must be sore . You’re right Mummy Cuddles is what she needs .
Those shops you,ve been to today are full of things you didn’t know you needed til you see them aren’t they. Love them both.
Pub lunch must have gone down well afterwards.
How is your DH getting on with his CPAP machine?

EllieAnne,Candy , Nanny, Nadateturbe, and all who visit or read hope today is a kind one for you.

Doodle Thanks for starting this new thread. I hadn't realised we'd got to the end of the last one. Hope you're having a good day today.

SweetpeaSue I remember those calendars. What a lovely time you had with your grandson. I hope he enjoys his party today. We used to have to take a dish, cutlery and a cup, with our name sellotaped on the bottom, do you remember? Before the days of plastic/recyclable things. When you say your GS lost his cat recently, was it a real cat (sorry if I missed that)?

ScaredyCat I like comfortable clothes, too - I can't wear high heels like I did when I was in my 40s. I also love the feeling of washing all my make-up off and getting my bra off, at the end of the day .

EllieAnne I'm sorry you're so unhappy at home. I hope you'll see family or friends over Christmas.

Wyllow3 Glad you saw the carer you get on well with. Will you FaceTime family at all? Well done in getting something sent off for the family.

LittleGirl hasn't been today - DIL texted me at 7.30 to let me know (I'd been up 90mins, showered, done my make-up etc). Apparently, baby has lost her voice and "sounds like a little mouse squeaking". When they aren't well, they need their mum. DH and I went to B&M andThe Range, bought a few stocking fillers, then had lunch at the pub. Hope everyone is ok x

Phew, found you all! Thank you, Doodle.

The old thread is
www.gransnet.com/forums/health/1339791-Black-Dog-23?pg=40

for catch ups.

so it feels a bit funny for a full post till we've all caught up...

That was a nice time with friends, HVDY

And a nice but busy day there there Scaredycat with both sets of friends.

You did well with DGS Sweetpeasue, what a great time he had!

I agree about comfort coming first Doodle perhaps keeping th clothes a couple of days, you can decide it they are right for you.

Today I saw the carer I like and we went for a walk and she didnt try to say do this do that. It’s still hard to do but it does help a bit. But now I’m not due to see anyone until the 27th December when it’s the new young carer and it feels like a very very long time away indeed to cope not talking to anyone except the Monday shop.. Just wish I could jump that time.
But I have just got off an online present to DiL for the whole family hope its Ok.

Hope to see BD's in tomorrow xx

Well I hope everyone can find this thread. The old one came to an abrupt stop. I didn’t realised we were near 1000 posts.
Be back to catch up later.