Black Dog 24

Thank you for the kind thoughts.
I’ve got through it all but feeling very low. I’m better when I have a routine.
Wish I could take tree etc down but dgc coming at the end of the week so will have to wait. Broke down on Christmas Day after a phone call with dd. She looked ill and is so alone.
Hope you are all ok.

Ellie Anne I’m so sorry about your daughter. Does she have friends to be with? Would she come and stay with you for a few days. Christmas is an emotional time of year for many, I got through Christmas and Boxing Day really well but the sadness hit me like a brick today. Like you I think I’m better when I have a routine and am busy.

Scaredycat I was like you. I loved the Christmas tree and decorations. Thought it was so lovely and the lights. I normally left it up as long as possible. This year the space decorations up will be packed away soon.
How lovely your son will be here soon. I bet you can’t wait to see him. Must be really hard with him so far away.
Had a nice day yesterday in Henley and enjoyed church today. People there are lovely. Went to hospice for lunch then back home and into a real flat place. I think it’s just so quiet after being with family for Christmas,
HVDY like you I keep all my family Christmas and birthday cards. I did have them back to before I got married but had a bit of a cull about 10 years ago. Wish now I hadn’t but you can’t keep everything. Yes the wool will be of use to someone I’m sure. There are four huge balls of wool that are unopened and several other large balls too.
Wyllow isn’t it awful when your mind keeps pulling you down. For me it’s like a constant nagging at the back of my mind that’s a bit like tinnitus of the mind always there in the background. Actually making yourself do something is hard.
I made myself do the ironing today and then started a jigsaw. All the time doing both I’m thinking of other things and not what I’m doing. Let’s hope the new year brings some lightness of spirit for you.
Candy I think I must do a morning walk on the days I’m not doing something. Staying in all day is not good for me. It was bitterly cold here today though so didn’t feel like going out, Will go out tomorrow. Going to walk down to DH’s tree planted in the local park. Our son is coming over to go with me,
NannyG4 yes going home after being with company is quite hard. Everywhere is so quiet. I miss my beloved too. Over 7 months for me now. Some days are easier then I get hit by another wave and go back down again.
Glad you’ve been with family at Christmas . Keep posting on here. It’s like a little family and you will soon get to know who everyone is. It’s nice to come in and feel like you are sharing in others lives.
Elveral you are brave to do that trip yourself, well done. So pleased your husbands children are being supportive. You need all the help you can get. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to grieve but have to look after the children too. Hope you have a nice time with family.
Sweetpeasue hope you’ve had a better day. Have you been for a walk again? I feel so sorry for your DH and the pain he’s in. Bet you can’t wait for that appointment time to come,
Sleep restfully all xx

Evening everyone. Popped into work today to say bye to a colleague who is moving on to another job - we will all really miss him as he is a truly lovely young chap. A wee group of us had a coffee and a good chat and by the time Igot back to the caravan it was almost dark. Snow and very cold weather forecast for later in the week and am feeling very stressed about burst pipes. My son was going to come up to finish do some work which should provide some more protection for the underside of the caravan but he is laid up with flu! Will just have to keep the heating up and try NOT to stress!
NannyG - like you it is the silence of an empty house (caravan) that I find hard when I arrive home which is strange as late husband worked away from home 5 nights a week so I was used to an empty house. Find myself talking to my old teddy bear and even my Henry vacuum cleaner!
Doodle- 7 months is still very early days. Seven months after I was widowed I remember physically exhausting myself moving granite boulders, cutting beech hedges, walking miles, etc - anything to tire me out because I just longed for sleep.
Whiff - your wise words are always a comfort - thank you.
I hope everyone has a peaceful night.

Good morning everyone, Have read your Christmas posts. It was nice to hear of happy family celebrations, but sending hugs to those who had, or are still having, a difficult time and worrying about OH or family. Christmas can be a very sad time too.

Spent Christmas day and most of Boxing day lying down as I was exhausted from delivering presents on Christmas eve and the day before. But that's OK, it was lovely to see my sister, OHs sister and my best friend. So it was worth it.

I started a reply to everyone but I'm afraid I didn't get finishing it and my DD and GSs are here tomorrow for 2 nights. I haven't seen them for a year. So I'm afraid it will have to wait until after that.
Thinking of you all and hoping your day has been good or at least ok.xx

HVDY Oh dear about Jaffa and your sofa! Well done on half packed up decorations.

It was good you managed to get out Scaredycat despite the cold grey. I hope when your son comes you get sun as well as your hug. Thank you for mine.

Been thinking of you EllieAnne I did think it would be a difficult time. I’m so sorry DD suffers but cant reach out.

Doodle I’m glad to hear you went out to church and the hospice but a big hug for when you came home and it all hit you. Yes, you describe how it is for me as well as you in the mind and that some lightness ends you too.

Nice to see you in Lucyd and hope son can come to give a hand soon.

I’m glad you managed to come in nadateturbe and hear that you saw family and friends. So hard for you …dont worry about reply to everyone, get the most you can from DD and GSs.

Today struggled through washing clothes and having a shower.

Its getting meds week and shop tomorrow,complicated by new Year break, hoping its OK. Not much to share as I dont do much and mood same old.

Night night BD’s in and reading
xx

Hi all
EllieAnne- I,m so sorry your DD is causing you such concern.
When the DGC have gone could you go and visit her or as Doodle suggested see if she would come to you for a break.
When your children are ill or unhappy ,however old they are, it breaks your heart doesn’t it.
Doodle- One day you will enjoy the-lights again but all the Christmas memories are too raw at the moment and you have done so brilliantly and bravely this first time.
Yes it is very sad that my DS is so far away but that is how he deals with his past trauma. He has a lovely wife and his dogs and a great job and is happy. That first hug is so special.
Your Sunday sounded nice but the contrast between being with friends and family and then back to the quiet takes some getting used to.
Tinnitus of the mind describes so well when the gremlins start prodding your head.
Hope you had a nice walk to your Tree- it’s a lovely day today isn’t it.
Lucyd- oh dear- I hope your Son starts to feel better soon. Flu is so debilitating . Let’s hope the weather won’t be as bad as they have forecast. I do think they try to frighten us too much sometimes. Good idea to up the heat a bit.
I had a picture of you,Ted and Henry sitting together and nattering!! Sorry sometimes my imagination runs riot.
I understand that need you had to exhaust yourself in order to sleep- been there too. Hope you,be had a good day.
Nadateturbe- so glad you were able to visit your Sister and friends . Certainly worth the tiredness afterwards. I hope you managed to have some nice food and enjoy yourselves together.
Enjoy every moment with DD and GS . They must be looking forward to seeing you as much as you are to seeing them- special family times.
Wyllow- you keep soldiering on. You make such an effort - that is no mean feat.
Hope shopping went OK today and some nice goodies found their way to your trolley.
Do you have any carer coming this week? At least your routine will get back a bit of order after NY.
Did you watch any TV or read anything over Christmas? I,m interested in what you like and how you feel - as I know we all are. Take care Wyllow we’re right behind you.
Thinking of everyone - BDs readers and occasional postersxx

So sorry, just can't bring myself to post to everyone as feeling so.low and tired. Thankyou so much for your kind words and encouragement.
Thinking of all of you and those with so much sadness in your lives right now. It's so hard to get through when life keeps chucking stuff at you. Take care all and tomorrow is another day. X

EllieAnne As mums, we never stop worrying about our children when they're ill or unhappy, do we? I hope your daughter will tell you what's wrong. Could you visit her?

Doodle Thinking of you and hope your son and you went to the park ok today. You've coped marvellously so far, and it is still early days.

SweetpeaSue Sorry you're having a bad day. Rest up, do whatever you need to do to feel more comfortable. Have a drink, if it helps at all.

Hope ALL BDers have been ok today. Have a restful evening x

LucyD Hope your soon soon feels better and will be able to help you. All you can do is keep the place warm at the moment.

nadateturbe Enjoy your visit from your daughter and her sons. Make the most of what you can.

Wyllow3 Koko, we all want you to get better. Hope the shopping went well. Did you treat yourself to anything nice? Things will soon be back into a usual routine and you'll get your regular carer back.

Lucyd thank you that’s a nice post. I hope your son is over his flu soon and can come and help you. Does he live far away.
Nadateturbe lovely to hear from you. It will be nice to have your DD and grandson with you for a while. Nice time to catch up and be with each other. Must be hard not seeing them for such a long time. Do they live far away?
Wyllow hope you get your shopping and meds tomorrow. Our son came over today and we went to see his dad’s tree and then to the hospice for lunch so a nice time.
Scaredycat I’m glad your son is happy. That’s what we all want for our children isn’t it? I saw younger son today and we had a nice time together. He misses his dad too and often goes to the hospice to spend some time there thinking about him.
It’s been bitterly cold here today so not much of a walk except to the tree and back to the car, Have you been out?
Sweetpeasue sending a big hug to you. When you’re tired it’s hard to concentrate. Hope you have a good sleep and feel better tomorrow.
HVDY have you been having a rest today you seem to have been full on recently. I didn’t get up till 9.30 I was so tired I just kept falling asleep. Going to hairdresser tomorrow for last haircut of the year, I need it I can hardly see out from under my fringe,
Hope all have a good week . Xx

Hi just popping in. Well we went to the family get together, it wasn’t as bad as I thought, I had been worrying about it. turns out chatting and seeing everyone was really nice. Didn’t have time to get upset with children running around and making us laugh. It was so nice to get out of the house and talk to other adults.
When I came home, I started to feel sad again but tried to think how DH would have been proud.
I’ve been feeling low today, thinking about New Year’s Eve, but just trying to keep busy with household jobs. Ended up ordering some new books online.
I have realised I need to get out of the house every day, not easy with young teenagers who like to lie in. I don't like leaving them at home by themselves for very long. I haven’t really done it very much before, and now I’m doing this all alone, it’s so hard not having DH around to discuss things with. They would happily stay in their rooms all day. It’s hard to find that balance isn’t it. I like walking so need to find some places that would interest them. Or drag them along and put up with their moaning! The other family are kind but I don’t want to be a burden on them when they’re going through it too.
Anyway sorry to ramble on, Thank you all so much, you are so kind when you all have struggles and challenges every day too. You are such a comfort.
Best wishes to everyone

Evening everyone. A very windy day here in Scotland! Bought a portable oil filled heater as my (very) old one finally stopped working and decided it made sense to get a new one as back up. Also got some big fleecy throws to hang up as an additional layer of curtain on the caravan windows ( my great intentions of sewing thermal linings for the exiting curtains have never materialised!) Looking forward to working tomorrow then only two days off before I am back at work again til next Monday. Used to look forward to my days off now it is the opposite.
Doodle - I haven't heard from my son today but I don't have a phone signal at the caravan. He lives about 35 mins away but works very long hours and has very small children so I hate asking him to help me with things. He knows how much I hate living here and I know he feels bad about it even though it was my idea to let them move into my house while I moved here while my new house is built.
Scared cat- you are not far wrong when you wrote that you pictured me sitting chatting to teddy and Henry! Teddy and my son's beloved cuddly toy are on the sofa ( Henry is is in the spare room!)
Elderly- I am so glad you are getting such great support from your husband's children. People can be very kind.
Hope everyone has had a peaceful day and that the night ahead is restful.

Daughter has mental health problems and doesn’t talk about it.
I wanted to go down a few weeks ago but she said she was busy with work. Sne won’t come here. She gets very tired and needs her days off to rest.
Lucyd nice to have another Scot.

Doodle Glad you had a nice time with your son, saw the tree, and had a good lunch. The hospice sounds like a lovely place. DH and I went out, did some shopping, had a pub lunch and walked along by the river - all on the other side of town from home. It was cold but good to get out.

Elvera1 I'm glad the family gathering all went well. It must have been good to be able to have a bit of normality for a while. Teenagers like their sleep, don't they! We've got 3 in the family and they all stay up late at night (not on school days) and get up late. Would yours enjoy swimming, cycling or going to crazy golf?

EllieAnne Perhaps she doesn't want you to worry. Is she getting treatment?

LucyD I expect you get the worst of the weather, in Scotland. When will your new house be ready?

Hope ALL BDers have a peaceful night x

Very good to hear about seeing DS, Scaredycat, and understand why he lives where he does x

Yes I have carer Weds or Thurs. What I do in the day is post on GN and read bits of David Baldacci a thriller writer and have an afternoon nap. Fed up of same old but my MH gremlins get in the way. Tum bad tonight.

Sweetpeasue I was concerned you weren’t in yesterday so I’m just glad you managed to come in today, hugs for the low and tiredness.

Nice day there, HVDY, with the shop, walk and the pub lunch. Yes I bought a couple of ready meals Taste the difference.

Cold but sunny here Doodle. Aw, that son feels as he does, some sharing there. Hope your haircut goes well.

I’m so glad it was better than you’d worried about, Elveral Difficult to find walks for young teenagers!

Thats a real challenge where you live Lucyd Hope it’s not for too long.

EllieAnne I never shared my MH stuff with my mum. I’m sure it’s not “comparable” as everyone is different but in my case it was as HVDY said not wanting to burden her, main thing is to keep up in ways that are possible.

I hope everyone has as peaceful a night as possible and see those in tomorrow.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- you seem as if you are really worn out with all your problems. Please don’t worry about posting just see after yourself and your DH. You need a rest. As long as we know you,re OK.x
HVDY- your Monday sounded nice. Was it a pub by the river?
How did Little Girl do over Christmas - next year will be when she understands Father Christmas I guess.
So how was Jaffas first Xmas with you apart from blotting his copy book with a bit of scratching?
Doodle- yesterday was cold wasn’t it. We went to a shoppping centre to have a walk in the warm- it seemed like the world was there!!
You must get great solace from the company of your Sons and the fact that you can chat about your DH together. My Son can’t remember much from before - the shock blocked so much out.
Hope you can see better now the fringe has had a trim- it always seems like the fringe hair grows quicker than all the other hair. I have a fringe too.
Elveral- so glad the family get together turned out so enjoyable. We do waste a lot of time worrying unnecessarily don’t we!!
How about getting National Trust membership? There are some lovely places to visit where you can walk and sightsee. There’s always a cafe which is handy with the bottomless pits that are teenagers tums!!
Never feel a burden- you are right the other family are going through it too so understand your feelings.
Lucyd- take care in that nasty weather. Do hope it’s not too bad. What a lovely Mum you are to help your Son and his little family. They will remember that forever. Is it their house that is being built or yours?
EllieAnne- would it be possible when your DD is not so busy to go away together for a couple of days and just be peaceful together?
Wyllow- Thanks Wyllow- it hurt me at first but I understand now . As long as he is happy.
I just Googled David Baldicci- the books look quite interesting and he’s prolific and successful isn’t he.
Hope the ready meals were tasty . It’s got to be good for you having different flavours and dishes. So pleased you are giving it a try.
The New Year starts tomorrow - may it be kinder to you than this one and we,ll see our old Wyllow back.

Thinking of you all today , occasional posters ,old friends and those who just read. Hoping this evening is kind to you all and the start of better times for those sad,troubled, poorly or lonely.

Elveral i like to be out every day too. I really feel for you. It must be so difficult to grieve but at the same time to have to keep going for the girls. I’m so glad you enjoyed Christmas and it went better than you’d hoped, I felt the same. I’m also not looking forward to tonight.
Maybe the other family members would like to help out a bit but don’t want to upset you. Perhaps ask them if oued have the girls for a day now and then when you could go and do your own thing,
Lucyd your son must be so grateful that you have moved out of your home for him. How long do you think it will be before your new home is ready? Hope you get to meet up with your son and family soon.
Ellie Anne does your daughter have any mental health input from anywhere. It’s a difficult path to tread without any support. I imagine she does get tired. Perhaps it’s not a matter of not wanting to see you but more a matter of being too tired to respond or chat,
HVdY yes it is cold out. No walk for me today. Been to the hairdresser this afternoon then off for meal with friend later. I am dreading tonight. Moving into a new year even though this one has been awful I’m still not sure I want to leave it.
Wyllow I’ve read one or two David Baldacci. I can’t read at all at the moment which I find is very frustrating. Hope you have a good rest tonight.
Scaredycat yes thanks eyesight restored and fringe now above eyes. I made a quick stop in John Lewis to see if a couple of things I liked before Christmas were in the sale and they were. I bought a little wooden holder for my wool and a knitting bag for when I go to our knitting group.
Do you mind me asking how old your son was at the time of the accident? Must have been such an awful time for you both.
Sweetpeasue hope you are feeling a bit better and not so tired.
I’ll pop in tomorrow to wish everyone HNY. For now I’ll say I hope you have a peaceful night.

Wyllow3 I Googled David Baldacci. Some of his books look interesting, particularly the most recent one. I might have a look at that. Not everyone wants to, or is able to, talk about their MH to others - I first had clinical depression when I was 30, and my lovely mum asked what I'd got to be depressed about. There are loads of nice ready meals now, and food to order online. Hope you enjoy the ones you bought.

ScaredyCat It was a pub not far from the river, and the house next door was one DH was born in, and where he lived until he was 6. (a posh part of town). LittleGirl had lots of lovely presents, one being a kitchen (pink of course) with pots and pans, etc. We'll see that when we go round tomorrow. Jaffa is so very settled and happy, and has enjoyed tuna, chicken and tuna over Christmas. Were the shops busy today? People seem to buy a lot of stuff when the shops are only closing for 1 day!

Doodle Having a haircut is nice (I need to go). Hope your meal is tasty and that you have a pudding! Could you perhaps have a couple of drinks and put a film on this evening? Go to bed earlier, if it helps.

SweetpeaSue I hope you and your husband have been ok today.

Back later x

Not sure whether or not I'll stay up until midnight, so I'll say Happy New Year to everyone on BD - hope those who are either ill, bereaved, alone, or have worries have a better year. Love to all x

Scaredy-cat just has to say what a lovely post yours was as ever. Hope your day was OK.

Today was always going to be difficult for you Doodle and thoughts for you tomorrow too. It was poignant to read about not wanting to leave 2024 so understandable, so hugs.

Thoughts for those not in today, quiet in here xxxx

The ready meal didn't agree with me and painful uncomfortable tum which didnt resolve itself today so its a Movicol day tomorrow. (Meds order came todays) Dressing gown whats the point.

I have loads of Baldacci books HVDY some are better than others - but he does thriller without psychological horror or gory.
Well, once your mum had said that, there wasn't much sharing about how you really feel. Many people, perhaps less now, think there is a direct cause/effect for Mental Health and our minds dont necessarily work that way.

Night night to all BD's whether in or not. xx

Happy new year all, thank you for all your caring and support. Xx

Just wanted to wish you all a happy new year. I know you all still face lifes challenges with you physical and mental health. Plus all the ones here who have grief for loved ones to cope with as well. Just hope you get through the coming year without your health getting worse and that some of you will finally get the answers and the healthcare you badly need .

This thread is a lifeline for many and hopefully those that need your wisdom and help with find there way here . Have the best 2025 you can .

My life is getting back to normal and have already got plans into May . Waiting for 3 hospital appointments but they aren't urgent and I know I will get seen eventually. In the meantime time podiatrist on Friday ,sit fit Monday and Craft group starts again on 15th . Got my tickets to see my first live classic concert ironically on the 50th anniversary of my first date with my husband when I was 16. Small venue but have my hi fidelity ear plugs to help me hear clearly but cut out any extra noise that will set of my startle reflex. Plan is if I can cope with that going to see full orchestra later in the year 🤞. Already got a holiday booked for May.

Had a lovely Christmas with my daughter and family.

Take care of yourselves and eachother. 💐

Hvdy people have said that to my dd too.
I don’t know if she is seeing anyone about her mh but I think not. She must have contact with gp because of medication.
I think you are right and she doesn’t have the energy for a visitor and because we are very different I annoy her.
It’s raining here but I am going for a walk on the beach. Won’t see much today but that doesn’t matter.
Hope everyone is ok

Good morning Everyone
Thanks for your replies and suggestions about activities I can do with the girls, I was thinking about a NT membership so shall look into that. My mum would enjoy that too.
Last night wasn’t too bad, I watched a series on tv that I’d recorded. It was just my youngest as the eldest was at a sleepover. We watched tv together and had some food.
Stayed up to see the New Year in, usually DH and I would have a drink and watch the fireworks together and raise a glass to my dad and other departed friends, but not this year.
I didn’t watch the fireworks on tv at all, just treated it as a normal night.
The past few nights I’ve hardly slept due the wind and worrying about my mum who’s not well.
Today I’ll take the Christmas decs down and tidy up.
I feel ok today, trying to stay strong, I’ll need it for the girls, family, mum, and I own and run two businesses, people who work for me need me to stay strong and focused.
Best wishes to you all

Popping in to wish it all a peaceful 2025, who knows what it will bring, I never ever thought I would be on my own now…..
Lovely to keep in touch with you all…I do apologise for not mentioning you all by name but my brain doesn’t seem to retain information at the moment.
Love❤️❤️to you all, some of you sound so so brave…..
Elveral you sound amazing……Ellie Anne, Whiff, Doodle, Wyllow, HVDY2, Scardecat, Lucyd, Sweetpeasue to mention just a few of….and of course never forgetting our lovely, caring Soop…….
I will now retreat back to the quiet corner, I feel so safe there.

I spent last night with good friends, stayed til about 10ish and then came home 😢😢….This morning I’ve been to Church to help take the Christmas Trees down. On Sunday we have a service to bless all our messages left on our Memory Tree…
Hairdresser’s tomorrow. On Monday I’m travelling up North to have a break with my mum and sister in a cottage in Cumbria.
Thank you to you all for just being there…I’m blessed….

🙏🙏