Black Dog 24

Hi all
HVDY- glad the new home for SiL looks nice- hope it is in reality too. The good thing is she probably,doesn’t have as much awareness of time or distance now so will just accept it.
Little girl is like a little sunbeam she lightens up everyone’s lives.
Please look after yoirself - Asthma is no small problem. Glad you got out today.
NannyG4- hope that old lurgy soon leaves you alone and you are able to go to the panto . You,ll feel a bit wobbly when you do emerge after the bed rest so take it easy for a few days.
Although I expect you’re longing to get out again.
Doodle -;you have many craft talents - a table mat sounds lovely. Kind and helpful words for Wyllow- you are very selfless.
I,m glad my words were of some help. When you lose your partner it’s not just them that you miss but everything about life changes. It’s as if you have lost your identity and role in life.
No longer a wife, a holiday companion, a sharer of decisions etc and it knocks you for six. But I remember one day ,after a while , feeling the sun on my back while hanging out washing
and realised I could live my life again .
Do the things you enjoy and don’t sweat the small stuff. Take pleasure in your dear family and maybe even have a little break away. You have done so well so far.
SweetPeaSue- what a lovely person your old counsellor was- no,wonder you felt so emotional speaking with her. Yes you have come a long way since then but the scars are there still.
You have both been very affected by each others distress. I so hope that this year will bring relief for both of you.
Wyllow- I had a mental picture of an Ostrich in a dressing gown ! Sorry I wasnt being unkind - my imagination gets the better of me sometimes.
Hope you,ve seen your carer today and been able to get out..
EllieAnne- bit of a catch 22 there . Maybe DH can just conveniently forget what he’s done.
Your poor friend- she has so much to contend with . I hope the news won’t be bad for her.
Allsorts- thank you for letting us know about Whiff. Hoping today has been kind to you.
Whiff- I do hope that whatever is causing you distress will soon be resolved.Wishing you a swift recovery and sending love.

I,ve had a bit of a wobble today - feeling a bit old and tired.
But my DD just texted and asked if we,d like to go to the pub for tea so must give myself a kick up the———.
Much love to allxxx

Whiff I hope things improve for you soon.
Hvdy he has one friend he sees fora cup of tea for an hour occasionally.
No hobbies or interests that’s why the problem with Tv was such a big thing .
I’ve always had a fear of confrontation it goes back to childhood. So am still shaking inside if that makes sense and on the edge of tears.
I was over at son 1 today and when I came back the house was freezing. Temp in the living room
14. I said it’s freezing in here and got ignored so I put the heating on. He’s never bothered to find out ,how to work the heating.
Going out now to meet up with some friends in one of their houses. I don’t know if I will share any of this.
Temp up t 15 now.
It’s a cold house.

SweetpeaSue I hope the extra Amitriptyline helps you. Your DH's BP has been high then - mine was 230/79, apparently, last Friday. I'm now having to keep records for a week. It's never been that high (apart from when the hospital messed up). I hope your husband's BP settles, but it's bound to be higher when he's in pain or not feeling good.

ScaredyCat LittleGirl starts nursery (only on Thursdays and only about 8 kids go) tomorrow, a long day, 7.30 - 4ish. I hope she gets on ok. I'm worried about how she'll let anyone know what she wants, as she can't say a single word yet! Hope you had a good meal at the pub. Nice to not have to cook.

8EllieAnne* Why is your house so cold? Can you set the heating to come on and off at set times? 14 or 15 degrees isn't even worth turning on. Ours is 19 degrees from 8ish to about 9pm. Sod the expense. We pay about £130 a month for gas and electricity.

Hope ALL Ders have a comfortable night. I'm supposed to be going to the day centre tomorrow (1st Thursday since early Sept) but I'll see how I feel x

It’s a detached house and north facing. The heating is set to come on morning and evening but you can boost it other times.
I’m sure little one will be fine at nursery. She is very sociable.
Didn’t share anything at the group.

Evening all. I’ve not been in because I’ve had the dreaded lurgy. I don’t know if it’s the aftermath from the Covid I had before Christmas or something new. Either way it’s knocked me for six. I haven’t been this poorly in ages. Only today I’ve felt anything like human again. I’ve managed to read and catch up but sorry I can’t respond individually. Thinking of you all though and sending all my love. Need sleep (again) now. Night night xx

My Ex’s voice used to change like that EllieAnne. I think some people are unaware of their own tone of voice. I’m sorry things are so heard. I remember you writing about your friend before. I hope for the best for her, you’ve ben a good friend to her. You must keep warm.

Allsorts its thoughtful of you to mention Whiff - Whiff in my thoughts if you are reading.

Sweetpeasue I’m glad you saw the counsellor and crying very natural with all the stress you are under. Glad she was a lovely lady. The noise next door, I’d find that very difficult too. No - you didn’t go on, letting off steam is fine…hope the extra meds help.

Doodle picturing you in the church, lighting he candle, and glad you were able to help your friend and visit the new shop.

HVDY you really are going through the mill with your chest. Could it be a virus? It’s going on for a long time. Glad you got in a good natter with your friend.. Hope you enjoy LittleGirl* tomorrow.

Scaredycat such wise words and thoughtfulness time to say its a big thank you for all of that. And site feeling old and tired so hugs being sent for that. Hope seeing Dd helped.

I’m sorry to hear about the Dreaded Lurgy, Candy Not fair! Missed you on hereon glad you made it in.

Today was a bit better because I saw the good carer today and we went for a walk in the Bot Gardens desire the snow/ice on the ground as the paths are gravelled there. I hate it when I get home after she goes tho. Since I haven’t spoken to anyone since her for a week except for the supermarket - its why I’m online a lot.Like others here, the loneliness feels unbearable at times, but..we do. Koko, BD’s

Best nights possible all xx

Hi all
EllieAnne- you need your house warmer than that - it’s not good for either of you to be so cold.
Confrontation is horrible it makes me shake too . You certainly make sense but you shouldn’t have to live like that.
I,m glad you have friends you can visit but sorry you didn’t feel able to share with them how you feel. Some of them probably have their own burdens.
HVDY- can’t believe Little Girl is flying solo already- she,ll be fine she’s so gregarious and will find her own way to get what she wants. Being with other little ones on their own will spur her on to start talking.
Yes thank you we enjoyed our meal especially as we all had 50% off mains. I so love being with my family like you do - walking in the sleety snow to the pub I thought to myself I,ll do this til I drop if I can!!
Wyllow- thank you for the hugs - I love a hug. Yes seeing DD and Fam always cheers us up - they make us laugh. Love DGD3 and her boyfriend so full of fun and living life to the full.
Must have been so good to see your nice carer again and have a wintery walk. So good for you to have somebody you can really open up to.
Your loneliness is palpable but perhaps when you are up to it you could do FT with your family - it has helped me so much.
I,m happy to ‘talk’ anytime with you as I know we all are.
Candy- sorry about the lurgy - you didn’t need that on top of Covid. Keep warm and look after yourself.
SweetPeaSue- glad you got to see the GP- do you have those fibro tender spots too?
Perhaps if you really need her the lovely counsellor would be able to see you. You know she is there though so that’s reassuring.
You don’t go on - you share your troubles with us. Never feel like that we are friends.
Allsorts- hope today is a better one for you.

Love to all- Nadateturbe ,Whiff and our new friends and those who just read.

Hi all. Very cold here. Heating on and plug in oil heater on but caravan struggling to get above 14 degrees and dropping to around 11 or 12 overnight. Problem is the radiator in the main living area should really be twice the size it is. The shower room and bedroom are snug and warm because they have suitable sized radiators. Doing everything I can to keep the heat in including extra rugs and carpet tiles and only a couple more cold nights forecast. Fingers crossed the pipes are okay. Was up several times last night although there was nothing I could have done if they had burst!
Had a lovely day with little grand daughter yesterday. Went to indoor play place which we have a membership off and it was practically deserted. Took a big bag of jigsaws, playboy, books, etc with us and had a lovely time. She makes me laugh 2years old and a born comedian!
Allsorts- could you stay where you are and use a gardener to make your garden more manageable eg pave part of it maybe? Or a retirement apartment may be an option as some have lovely communal gardens and even little private patios. Your worries aren't trivial - honestly.
Doodle - I am glad your counsellor helped. I wish I had been offered counselling as I feel I definitely need it. I think sledgehammer days describes exactly what you are experiencing. I recall having a panic attack in Tesco one day, another day my son found me in the kitchen in a total panic as I couldn't remember how to make a cup of tea, the list goes on. The sight of a Tunnocks wafer (my husband loved them) was enough to reduce me to jelly. It will be 6 years this Sunday (and his 60th birthday will be on Saturday) and I still have sledgehammer moments but the good days do outweigh the awful - I promise you.
EllieAnne - if a wee tipple helps - why not? January is hard enough without beating yourself up. My vice is clothes - how many dresses does one woman need???
NannyG4 - I hope you are on the mend. Take care of yourself.
Whiff- miss you and your wise words.
To everyone - I hope you are getting through the days as best you can. Sending you a big hug.

EllieAnne You need the heating to be at least 18 degrees. Anything less is too cold. Look after yourself. I understand you not sharing with the group. Not everyone would understand. You can be yourself here, we're all friends with each other.

Candy6 I hope you feel better soon. Keep warm, drink lots, and rest.

Wyllow3 The Nurse Practitioner last week said I'd got a chest infection (I think she's wrong) but the antibiotics she prescribed have now finished and I'm still coughing and wheezing all night (fine during the day), so I'll do an online consultation thing tomorrow. Glad you had some fresh air with the carer, but sorry you're so alone. Keep talking to us on here, at least.

ScaredyCat Glad you had a nice meal out with the family. Half price is even better!

LittleGirl seemed to have had a good 1st day at nursery. DIL sent me some photos that the nursery had sent her - playing with sand with 3 other kids, eating her lunch, then having a sleep (dummy in ). I went to the day centre, saw some people I hadn't seen since September. Hope ALL BDers - regular, new, or just reading - have a cosy evening x

Allsorts is a much cherished friend of mine . It kind of her to let you know. Long story short had heart attack on Monday morning . But being me can't do it the normal way . Only had a headache and I don't get headaches and pain in the left side of my neck .

My daughter got me to A&E by 5am. Within hour had ECG,bloods and CT scan on my brain. Plus I had an UTI.
Later had another ECG and there was anomaly. So had cardiac enzyme blood test. Which showed heart muscle damage .

Tuesday there was a bed in acute cardiac ward. Had echocardiogram and x ray . Yep heart attack in lower chambers of my heart. On new heart medication and going to go too another hospital for angiogram and stent or stents fitted. May be tomorrow our next week but staying on ward until I go.

But I am feeling ok and being well looked after.

Apparently woman show signs of heart attacks different to men . But then again my dad had 2 heart attacks and only felt breathless no pain .

You are all going through so much but you keep eachother going . 💞

Whiff- sending you a big hug. X

Scaredycat Long may you be able to walk through sleety snow with family . Does one good to see young fam members happy. Not sure about 'tender points' - everything aches. Sure Rheumatologist will do that test in June . That counsellor only rang me on phone to ask me if I needed a document she'd found from my , then, GP to a consultant. No chance of more talk with her - I had my quota . Tbh ,don't want any more counselling .Hearing her voice just reminded me of the times with her when I was so bad.
LucyD Your caravan sounds so cold. Hope you won't have to stay in it too much longer.
HVDY Glad you're going to try and have consultation tomorrow. You don't sound well at all and if antibiotics haven't helped it doesn't sound like an infection. So pleased Littlegirl was alright at nursery.oh your BP is extremely high- glad that's being looked into.
Candy So many bugs around and you've had an awful time of it. Sending good vibes for you to feel better.
Whiff Oh I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this .So glad you're being looked after we'll and they're doing all the scans and tests and being thorough.
Crossed fingers you'll soon be back home again. Big hug for you too.
EllieAnne Sorry for all you're going through right now. Please don't freeze in your own home- that must be so uncomfortable. We have no central hearing on the landing/stairs so that's like an ice - box but at least we're warm in our rooms. Take care of yourself.
Doodle Hope you've been OK today. Or at least had some good time with friends. Thankyou for all your caring. You are such a thoughtful person to keep posting to us all.
Wyllow I'm so glad you have that nice carer and you got out for a walk with her. Hopefully you might get on with your new one once you get to know her better. I often think of you and pray you will get better . I've put weight on too and I'm not used to it- it's not me and I feel horrible. I think it's whatever we've been used to. You need to have nutritious food to be well. Don't deny yourself .

Not good again today. Its like all joints siezed up and skin too tight for me to move. Scalp tender and so very tired . Sorry if .y posts are a bit short . My brain not working very well.
Thinking of all and new friends too.
AllsortsNadateturbe and any not mentioned.x

Sweetpeasue you don’t sound well at all. Did you talk to the GP about all these problems you’re having? All very well saying it’s textbook is he going to help you?
Thank you. I’ve had a better day today. Met up with friends for coffee and was busy this morning. I just get so sad at times.

Scaredycat it’s unlike you to have a wobble. You always seem so upbeat and positive and also young at heart. Hope the meal out helped restore your equilibrium. Nice to have an off the cuff invite.
You are such a good friend to us all.
Oh Whiff I’m so sorry to hear your news. Glad you are feeling more comfortable . Sounds as though things are well in hand for your treatment so hope all works out well for you. I know it will have been a shock but hopefully the doctors will be able to stop it happening again. Wishing you a good recovery and we’ll all be thinking of you.
HvDY I don’t like the sound of you coughing and wheezing all night. That’s not good. I’m glad you’re going to do a consult. Coughing is one thing and I know coughs can go on for a while but wheezing is something else. You need a proper checkup and x Ray. (So says Dr Doodle 🤣)
So pleased Little girl settled in nursery. She sounds happy.
Lucys it sounds very cold where you are. I’ve stayed in a caravan before and I know that overnight the temperature can drop a lot. Have you thought of oil fired radiators? We used to have them. You can leave them on all the time for background heat.
Thank you too for your encouraging message. When your so early in this journey it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still cry every day and often wonder how I can keep going like this year on year. I’m hoping it gets easier.
Wyllow glad you got out today and had your good carer with you. I don’t like the thought of you not having anyone to talk to all week. Is there no where you could go locally for a coffee or meet up. Have you looked online to see if there are any resources available for you. As Scaredycat says we are all here for you. Just a thought what about something like Silverline or one of those groups where someone will phone you every week. You need more company to help you through this.
Ellie Anne that’s far too cold. I leave my heating in all day. Just set the thermostat to 20 and turn it up if I need too. I don’t like confrontation either. No wonder it upset you. How is your friend I wonder? Does your son know how bad things are between you and your DH? Hope you find some way through this.

Whiff What a fright for you, but you cope with things so well and have done so with this latest thing, too. I'm glad you're being looked after and I hope you get the treatment you need (stent perhaps) soon. Rest and take care.

SweetpeaSue Have you tried anything like Voltarol gel to rub onto your joints? Or taking cod liver oils capsules? I hope, after a decent night's rest, you'll feel a bit better tomorrow.

Doodle I haven't had the symptoms of a chest infection (haven't had a temperature, fever, or phlegm), I know what this feels like. It feels like Asthma. I used to have all this with Son2 when he was growing up. I was diagnosed at 36.
I've used the peak flow meter today—210 was the highest. For my age and height, it should be 360. It's usually 340ish when I'm okay. I'll sort it tomorrow (I wouldn't dream of going to hospital, they've apparently got a 50-hour wait!) I'm glad you saw a friend today. Too cold to go far or be outside for long, but I hope you have company again tomorrow.

LucyD Have you got warm bedding, perhaps a heated throw or hot water bottles?

I'm going to bed earlier tonight, so "see" everyone tomorrow x

HVDY I so understand you not wanting to go to hospital - such waiting.
Hope tomorrow brings answers.
Doodle Did indeed talk to GP about my symptoms. Went in alone so could also talk about DH. He said sounds like Fibromyalgia and that I could take extra Amitriptyline, which I did and gave me better sleep. Nothing else he can do but wait for June appt with Rheumatologist.
I'm glad I got chance to talk to him about DHs breathlessness. He acknowledged that heart problems were also something he had in mind and said there was a blood test DH could have. Expect when DH puts in BP readings ,GP will have better idea of putting up BP meds. Thing is he has such high BP inright arm but 60 mm less in left arm where he has all the pain.
Hope you rest peaceful tonight , and all BDs.
Sleep peacefully all and come here whenever.x

My friend is looking a bit better after blood and fluids but still waiting for results.
I don’t know how much my sons are aware of and my dd doesn’t want to know and I would not put anything on her.
One d in law knows because she comes from a troubled background.
And from first meeting him she has thought he was on the autism spectrum. She has a family member on it so recognises signs.
Sorry whiff that you are going through all this.
And others suffering mentally and physically.

Whiff I’m so glad you are being treated well and I wish you the very best for treatments.

I feel very under the weather tonight but of course have read all your days xxx

Thank you as ever for kind thoughts and offers and ideas (flied away)

Real love hugs sent to all as its so needed all round, isnt it? xx

EllieAnne Hope your friend improves.

Wyllow3 Hope you had a comfortable night.

I've been up since 5. A terrible night with wheezing and coughing. Did e-consult thing, GP rang 5 minutes later. She said she thinks I need steroids (at last, someone who listens and unserstands. Appointment with a different GP at 11.30. Back later. Keep warm, everyone x

Saw the very nice GP, was examined and listened to. Steroid tablets for 1 week, so I think I'll be ok in a couple of days now. Why, though, is everything such a palaver? Pub lunch afterwards. Hope ALL BDers are ok x

HVDY At last a GP that has fully listened. Wish you'd got the right medication earlier but hopefully the steroids will kick in soon . They don't usually take long to work. So sorry you have had to suffer so long with it though.
Just realised I'd not answered you about the Voltarol gel. Trouble is that the pain is throughout all body and I'd be covered from head to toe. Hope you enjoyed your pub lunch.
Doodle Hope today hasn't been too bad. It must be so hard for you to be overwhelmed with these terribly sad episodes but only natural. You are trying so hard to keep going. Sending a hug ( wouldn't it be good if you could store them in a jar and take one out when needed?)
EllieAnne It's hard for you when you can't communicate easily with your DH. If he's on the autistic spectrum he would probably find it hard to be close and outwardly affectionate. I wish K knew what to say to help.
Wyllow Hope today has been better for you. I realise how important it is yo be able to come here. As I've said before, it was a lifeline for me when I first joined GN and found BD. Take care and hope tum is behaving.
* Scaredycat* Hope you're feeling much better today too.
Whiff Thinking of you and hoping everything is going well in hospital and you're managing to get sleep at nights.

Thinking of all BDs not personally mentioned and hoping everyone is OK.

Hi all
Lucyd- Oh it’s so cold in your caravan - hope you,ve got cosy jammies .
Glad you enjoyed a lovely time with your little GD. Those days are to be treasured aren’t they. Is she the DD of your Son who is living in your house? If so it,ll be lovely to have her close when you are in your new house.
HVDY- I didn’t realise it was so long since you,vbeen to the day centre- must have been nice to catch up with old friends.
What a good job you got into the Docs today and hopefully you,ll start to feel better soon. I agree everything seems such a performance now doesn’t it.
Pub lunch was a good idea- hope it was good.
Whiff - oh what a frightening thing to go through. So glad you got prompt attention . You are safe now and sounds like you are getting very thorough treatment. Hope you have been able to get some decent sleep.
What a brave,positive person you are . Sending you love and a wish for a good and speedy recovery.
SweetPeaSue- I hope you feel a bit better today- you sound so uncomfortable. It’s a long wait for you til June- but at least the increased meds gave you a better sleep.
It was good that you were able to voice your worries about DH with the Dr. When he has sent all his readings in the Dr should have a better idea of how to proceed. Hope he does the blood test too.
Doodle- thank you the meal out did cheer me up- lovely surprise. I just sometimes get scared of the AF and to think
Better not to think about too far ahead - no one knows what the future holds. One day you will realise that you haven’t cried that day- it wont mean you,ve forgotten just that the little light at the end of the tunnel has got a bit closer.
EllieAnne- Glad your friend looks a bit improved . I expect it’s more peaceful for her in Hospital.
Maybe your DiL is right about your DH . Has his uncaring behaviour been going on a long time. Maybe he needs some help- easier said than done.
Wyllow- hope you are feeling better today. As Doodle says you need more human contact or at least voice contact. The more you don’t talk the more daunting it must seem. Maybe your nice carer could help you with it.
Is there any of your Quaker friends who keep in touch?
Thank you for the hugs- there’s some headed your way too.
Candy- hope you are feeling stronger today.
Love to all - old friends and new and hope you have a gentle weekend. X

Good Afternoon Everyone……

At long last feeling a bit better and have been for a short walk to post office…nice fresh air!! This virus has left me very tearful and quite depressed…….
I’m venturing out to the supermarket tomorrow for provisions…I know how to live😊…..I am blessed have had lots of flowers put on my doorstep, along with soup and chocolates….

How is everyone, I do read all the posts but feel awful if I forget someone, so apologies….

HVDY….hope you feel better soon💐
Willow 3…glad you’ve had a better day💐
Sweetpeasue 💐
Lucyd…I hope you can keep warm, I always find if my feet are cold, I feel cold, so I always wear thermal socks
Scardeycat glad you enjoyed meal with your family, treasured times
Whiff I much hope you are feeling a little better, take it slowly and be kind to yourself.
Doodle…pm you 💐

Fondest love and hugs to each and everyone of you😘😘

Doodle- I meant to say I get scared of the AF and getting old- don’t know what I typed😩

SweetpeaSue Thank you. I had a terrible night last night, up for most of it. I feel knackered. Pub lunch was nice (another day we haven't started the diet). I see what you mean about the Volterol. I hope the extra Amitriptyline will help. You need something that will ease the pains before you're seen in June.

ScaredyCat I've been going to the centre on a Monday, and know some of them there as they go on Thursdays too, but the ones I get on especially well with only go on Thursdays (one man I give a lift to is one). You're right about us not knowing what's in store. If at all possible, it's a good idea to see friends/family and do things with them.

NannyG4 Thank you. It was lovely and fresh out, albeit very cold, here. These viruses linger sometimes, don't they. I hope you feel better soon. Nice to have chocolates and flowers left on your doorstep!

Doodle How have you been today? Been anywhere?
Wyllow Do you still do your Quakers meetings? It might be an idea to start it again. It would be a bit of company, even though it wouldn't be in person.

I texted my brother (why on Earth do I bother when he makes it clear he's not interested??). Asked how he is, how his wife is. Got one-word replies. All my family tell me not to bother with him. Decided to delete his number. He'll contact me when he's got a worry or problem (the only time he texts or rings). Hope ALL BDers have a cosy evening - EllieAnne - Especially you. Turn the heating up. x