I think my adult daughter has BorderlinePersonalit y Disorder and

Luminance

Are you aware of the common causes of this disorder? Do you agree that those common causes are in existence? Most therapy deals with cause to eleviate symptoms.

Yes, thank you.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

You must feel at the end of your tether tonight keepingquiet. 💐

Thankyou but that tether was ended a long time ago. Now I just take things one day at a time.

He has already gone out to work on his other job...it is relentless.

Cossy, your experience is mirrored for so many, that is a series of mental health, asd, adhd, BPD etc in one family. Of course we acknowledge childhood experiences play a part in personality and mh development. It’s important not to forget the influence of genetics

I wouldn't wish it on anyone especially if they refuse medication. If your daughter is going willingly to the appointment and you sure too, just make sure, write it down, as a prompt, of all the instances that will help them make the diagnosis. You have get your concerns over.

Luminance, can you clarify your understanding of the origins of BPD or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.

I’m sorry to hear that keepingquiet.

You’re right Luminance, it can be an extremely heavy burden for the family to carry. Sometimes it seems like a nightmare.

You must feel at the end of your tether tonight keepingquiet. 💐

Cossy

keepingquiet

He won't be able to claim PIP. He's physically fit and works hard, he just can't keep a job. In his present work he has been there a year which is very good going for him.

As for UC- he hits a brick wall everytime so although I tell him to try he has no trust in the system, so I think he's given up.

Sorry to disagree, but you can be physically fit, in work and still qualify for PIP if your mental health has an impact on your daily life.

You may disagree all you like but if someone doesn't believe there is anything wrong with them, then how are they going to convince an assessor for PIP?

My son has just informed me he has been sacked from his latest job of exactly three weeks. It just goes on and on...

For the family it can be a rather heavy burden but one that must be addressed

Luminance

Are you aware of the common causes of this disorder? Do you agree that those common causes are in existence? Most therapy deals with cause to eleviate symptoms.

Yes I expect posters are aware

Are you aware of the common causes of this disorder? Do you agree that those common causes are in existence? Most therapy deals with cause to eleviate symptoms.

maddyone

Message deleted by GNHQ.

Thank you x

You have all my empathy, some days can be like a Groundhog Day nightmare haha

icanhandthemback

*Cossy*, I feel your pain. I have a similar sort of family and just to compound issues they have married people with similar issues. There are times I absolutely despair but mostly it has taught me to grab on to the better moments and celebrate them. I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and really struggled when I was younger but began medication for something else in my 30's which has left me scatty but happy. I recently tried ADHD meds but they were a disaster. Was there any empathy from those who I have supported throughout? Not a bit of it! That was a bit of a kick in the teeth but I have recovered my equilibrium so it is onwards and upwards.

Thank you and yes, onwards and upwards!

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Cossy, I feel your pain. I have a similar sort of family and just to compound issues they have married people with similar issues. There are times I absolutely despair but mostly it has taught me to grab on to the better moments and celebrate them. I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and really struggled when I was younger but began medication for something else in my 30's which has left me scatty but happy. I recently tried ADHD meds but they were a disaster. Was there any empathy from those who I have supported throughout? Not a bit of it! That was a bit of a kick in the teeth but I have recovered my equilibrium so it is onwards and upwards.

Iam64

We are another family with an adult who has BPD. I share the feelings and experiences discussed here. It’s treading egg shells to avoid volcanic explosions, it’s the way nothing is ever their responsibility, it’s exhausting, undermining and desperately sad

I feel your pain, as I’m sure others do.

We have a long history within our family of mental health conditions and other additional needs.

A few suicides and MiL with paranoid schizophrenia.

3 adult children (out of 5) all their 20’s, still living at home,

Daughter with BPD (diagnosed), daughter with ASD (diagnosed) son with all manner of issues he doesn’t recognised or admit too, only diagnosed with anxiety and given anti-depressants.

Our household is not a peaceful, calm place and hence DH and I purchased a static caravan a year ago and escape together to it most weekends to “recharge”

keepingquiet

He won't be able to claim PIP. He's physically fit and works hard, he just can't keep a job. In his present work he has been there a year which is very good going for him.

As for UC- he hits a brick wall everytime so although I tell him to try he has no trust in the system, so I think he's given up.

Sorry to disagree, but you can be physically fit, in work and still qualify for PIP if your mental health has an impact on your daily life.

We are another family with an adult who has BPD. I share the feelings and experiences discussed here. It’s treading egg shells to avoid volcanic explosions, it’s the way nothing is ever their responsibility, it’s exhausting, undermining and desperately sad

Thank you Wyllow3.

Thank you all again. The ever changing jobs is definitely an issue with my daughter. She takes against a person or organisation or feels overwhelmed when asked to take a further step within her role, e g training, take on more responsibility. She has only ever had minimum wage caring/retail jobs .
Three days ago I happened to sit next to a retired psychiatrist and she said she would always welcome input from family members as it helped her build a picture . She suggested a one page brief bullet point summary, making clear these are observations of ours (me and husband) This seems like advice I can follow.
I have no idea what the future holds. I do wonder if my daughter will accept such a diagnosis if if does come.
I just feel I want to try everything. I am encouraged to read here that medication and therapy has worked in some cases. The therapy that might be discussed is dialectical therapy. This is very hard work I understand and daughter’s track record when it comes to this type of thing is not great.
I will try to stay positive.

My son has always worked. Some his jobs have been quite good ones but he can never stay in them- citing all sorts of reasons for leaving. He has never stayed in one for longer than about two years, but some have lasted a few days.

He also didn't make it through Uni- so at least your daughter has qualifications.

My son is approaching 40- so his track record isn't good and he finds it harder and harder to find work that pays more than minimum wage. It is an ever decreasing circle. I worry a lot about his future employment chances. but now he works partly for himself which is better for him.

Sometimes it is beyond sad that it serms such a waste.

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He won't be able to claim PIP. He's physically fit and works hard, he just can't keep a job. In his present work he has been there a year which is very good going for him.

As for UC- he hits a brick wall everytime so although I tell him to try he has no trust in the system, so I think he's given up.

Depression is a mental illness not a personality disorder.

Indeed but a lot of people with BPD suffer with depression brought on by the problems associated with their condition and this often muddies the waters. We have an absolutely crazy system and once the diagnosis has been made, the sufferer of BPD is seen as being manipulative so help is slow to come.

keepingquiet

He has had more jobs than hot dinners. He has never claimed benefits and neither have I- maybe we're lucky.

He presently works for himself doing gardening work and makes up his wage delivering for Amazon.

Today I had to sub him money because he needs food and petrol- he hasn't had much gardening work during the winter due to the weather but has not been accepted for universal credit- I think due to his living with me.

He smashed up the car I paid for and now needs a van that I will have to pay for again otherwise he won't earn anything. Just now he is using my car so I am restricted where I can go.

Welcome to my world; constant chaos and just above the poverty line...

Living with you will not stop him getting
UC or PIP. I urge him to reapply with some assistance. It may with with UC, his meagre income exceeds the allowance but PIP is not means tested