Should we all have the right to a same sex carer?

I agree.

That's why a contingency plan is necessary, even if that means someone missing out on the intimate part of their care for a day, or having it at a totally different time.

MissAdventure

It shouldn't even be subject to debate - people must and should be given the right to decide who performs intimate care on them.

If there are likely to be times when their choice can't be accommodated, then that needs to be made clear in advance, and a contingency plan decided.

I agree in principle. The wishes of patients in hospital are recorded and can be met the vast majority of the time. There are more issues in the community, because of the recruitment and retention problems. Care agencies provide the bulk of the care packages, and often run from day to day on a wing and a prayer. It only takes one person in a small team going sick for example, for them to be scrambling round to cover their calls for the day at all.

Caleo

Patients and clients have a degree of responsibility to tolerate what is available.

It's not possible for care services to always provide same sex carers. It's possible for quick learners of any age to stop
behaving prudishly.

It's possible for quick learners of any age to stop behaving prudishly.

The prudish NHS attempts, as best it can, to respect patients' dignity - which it appears to think is important - by screening them off; asking if they would prefer a female nurse to insert their suppository or give them a bed-bath. When all along, they could've just told them to get over themselves and learn not to be so prudish! Although, that might be a problem with very elderly patients, or those with dementia / mental health problems / learning difficulties - or the very young who have little to no experience of having to be partially or completely undressed in the presence of a man who is a complete stranger to them.

Your contempt for the human need for dignity is noted.

It shouldn't even be subject to debate - people must and should be given the right to decide who performs intimate care on them.

If there are likely to be times when their choice can't be accommodated, then that needs to be made clear in advance, and a contingency plan decided.

maddyone

^why should people get everything they want these days because it’s their right^

What an unbelievably callous comment.
Why on earth shouldn’t people have the right to specify the sex of the people involved in their intimate care?
We’re not talking about being brought a cup of tea, we’re talking about intimate care!

I agree that people, whoever they are, should have the right to express their preferences regarding care, and they do have that right now. What they do need to understand is that when their wishes cannot be met, they will on occasion be given the option of either care which does not meet their preference, or no care. The person receiving the care has the right to an explanation as to why their preference cannot be met on that occasion, and to choose between those options.

Caleo

Patients and clients have a degree of responsibility to tolerate what is available.

It's not possible for care services to always provide same sex carers. It's possible for quick learners of any age to stop
behaving prudishly.

* It's possible for quick learners of any age to stop
behaving prudishly.*

In that case why bother with any sex segregated facilities in any situation. men, women, boys and girls all in together. Get your kit off and stop being so prudish.
Hope you'll be able to answer the outrage from some religious groups who don't allow men and women to mix when fully clothed let alone in a state of undress!

Should my disabled niece not want a man to carry out intimate care she might need, does that mean she is prudish?
I think not.

maddyone

^why should people get everything they want these days because it’s their right^

What an unbelievably callous comment.
Why on earth shouldn’t people have the right to specify the sex of the people involved in their intimate care?
We’re not talking about being brought a cup of tea, we’re talking about intimate care!

Goodness, it certainly is, I agree, maddyone.

Your comment is too, Caleo
Just because vulnerable women of any age do not want intimate care carried out by a man does not mean they are prudish.

There is a safeguarding element to be considered too.

I find that an uncaring comment too Caleo.
People deserve dignity with personal care. They should not be forced to accept intimate care from a person of the opposite sex if that’s not what they feel is acceptable to them.

As I said, we’re not talking about the delivery of food or drink, or making beds, or any of the other things that carers do. We are talking about the most intimate care that is possible, and people should definitely be given the choice.

I’m actually a bit surprised by the comments on here from posters who profess great care towards other people in other areas, but in this most intimate area, are happy to dispense with any element of personal choice.

I don't necessarily think it's about being 'prudish'. I realise that for practical reasons, it's not always possible to provide a carer of the same sex, but it can be extremely distressing for some patients to suddenly find themselves confronted with a carer of the opposite sex An elderly lady, perhaps with dementia, who has been single all her life and now finds herself faced with being provided with intimate care by a male carer could find that very upsetting to say the least.

Womens boundaries are not being prudish. I know women who physically could not have a Male carer. Due to previous trauma their physical reaction would be so great.

Patients and clients have a degree of responsibility to tolerate what is available.

It's not possible for care services to always provide same sex carers. It's possible for quick learners of any age to stop
behaving prudishly.

maddyone

^why should people get everything they want these days because it’s their right^

What an unbelievably callous comment.
Why on earth shouldn’t people have the right to specify the sex of the people involved in their intimate care?
We’re not talking about being brought a cup of tea, we’re talking about intimate care!

why should people get everything they want these days because it’s their right

maddyone

What an unbelievably callous comment.

Isn't it just!

I think we can also question its accuracy - especially when we are talking about vulnerable, possibly elderly, women's choice over who helps with their intimate care.

You might have the right but resources might not permit it.

why should people get everything they want these days because it’s their right

What an unbelievably callous comment.
Why on earth shouldn’t people have the right to specify the sex of the people involved in their intimate care?
We’re not talking about being brought a cup of tea, we’re talking about intimate care!

I think that due to the shortage of carers it is difficult to provide a preference. Slightly different circumstance, but my mother had a care package, briefly, where people of a different culture were sent to care for her, wearing their own style of dress, but regularly sat rocking and praying in her presence. This distressed my mother who was very old school in her outlook, and we had to cancel the arrangements. I think people should be given a choice, but there just aren't enough carers to suffice. Not a discriminatory comment so no backlash please....

No, it should be a preference not a right. Why do people think they can get everything they want these days because it’s their right?
My mum had some lovely male carers and vice versa with my dad.

I wonder what questions might be asked if a man requested only female carers, or a woman asked for only male carers.

Think female carers are more in tune with the ladies especially if they are older and of a different generation. Times are changing and not always for the better. Men possibly not always so uncomfortable with a female nurse as used to mothers and wives involved in personal care. Who knows?

Well said, Rosie.

Claremont

sparkynan

On my team, we have 6 females and 1 male, we all have regular DBS checks, unfortunately due to lack of staff the male is sometimes the only one working on a shift, if a client does not want a male, of course they can refuse but there is no one else to do the visit.

Exactly. In principle, I'd agree people should have the choice, even if it does not matter at all for me. But in RL, with such shortages of staff, it is not always possible. And certainly rarely possible for men to have the choice.

Then men, if it bothers them, need to raise their voices, just as women have had to do. People need to stop treating men like children who need 'looking after'. Every single concession women have had has been hard won by women's efforts, and men are equally capable of fighting their corner.

sparkynan

On my team, we have 6 females and 1 male, we all have regular DBS checks, unfortunately due to lack of staff the male is sometimes the only one working on a shift, if a client does not want a male, of course they can refuse but there is no one else to do the visit.

Exactly. In principle, I'd agree people should have the choice, even if it does not matter at all for me. But in RL, with such shortages of staff, it is not always possible. And certainly rarely possible for men to have the choice.

Mynamestaken

Male carers will look after the men.

That is just NOT the case in RL.

Homosexuals and non-binary people are still either male or female. Sexuality is (or should be) irrelevant when it comes to personal care, and 'non-binary' has nothing to do with sex or sexuality, but is a so-called 'gender', which is about how people feel, not what they are. Someone could be nothing non-binary and homosexual, and equally they could be non-binary and straight.

Most of the doctors I have ever needef to consult have been men, and I have never been embarrassed by that.
I assume male carers and nurses are similarly professional, so I don't imagine it will bother me if I should need there help.
I can accept women having the right to be attended by women, as long as men can have the right to demand male carers and nurses.
As a matter of interest, what are homosexuals or non binary people ro do in this respect?