Should we all have the right to a same sex carer?

I remember after a surgical operation waking up and needing the loo when I was still pretty groggy. I had a male nurse who took me and heped me, though left me once I was safely in place. He was so kind I didn't really feel embarassed despite being young and single at the time. I realise not all women would feel the same, but I felt he had obviously chosen the right career as he was so kind and made me feel completely at ease.
I later saw him in the hospital canteen at another hospital where I worked. I was tempted to thank him but assumed he wouldn't remember me so I didn't but I still remember him after all these years.

cornergran

In hospital I shared a bay with an elderly lady admitted after falling in her garden, she had dementia. I can still hear her screams when a young male nurse in training was told by the staff nurse to to take her for a shower. Two of us complained and were told that’s just how it has to be. Appalling.

I would want a female for personal care and have made a note to that effect in my health LPA in case I’m not able to speak for myself.

Absolutely, I don’t bath in front of husband, so wouldn’t want a bloke to bath me 😩

To put a slightly different slant on this as a nurse, I was helping an elderly gentleman washing, he put his hand up my dress and squeezed my bottom. I backed off and said “what do you think you are doing?”
His reply “Are we not allowed to do this?”
My reply is unrepeatable.
Needless to say his requirements were only met by male nurses from that day on.

I had an elderly female friend some years ago who was horrified when a young man arrived to give her a bath. Eventually a woman was sent to help her but she was always anxious about having a man turn up from then onwards. In the end she was placed in a local geriatric hospital where she was put on a mixed ward. At nearly 80 and having always been single she was very upset.

Would an agender patient, for example, be legally entitled to intimate care from agender carers only or not?
Agender is not a sex, so wouldn't come under the remit. There are only two sexes, male and female determined at the point of conception. I'm primarily bothered about females being able to request female carers. If the men are fussed, as I said up thread let them mount their own campaign. Why should women always have to do the heavy lifting?

On my team, we have 6 females and 1 male, we all have regular DBS checks, unfortunately due to lack of staff the male is sometimes the only one working on a shift, if a client does not want a male, of course they can refuse but there is no one else to do the visit.

Given the difficulty of getting any carer it's not something that bothers me I've never objected to male doctors or nurses either

oodles

I guess the reason we don't have more male carers for males is the rates of pay etc, my parents carers were lovely, many of them were doing the job part time either finishing in time for school pick ups or working at weekends
It is very different for people who might need care for several years , being bathed several times a week to a hospital stay. Doctors have chaperones for intimate examinations, or suchlike. Thank heavens, having read about that Breton doctor who managed to sexually abused 299 children in under anaesthetic for years before he was caught
As for men who ask specifically for a woman carer, that to me smacks of just wanting to have a woman touching him.intimately, not an aversion to a man doing it. Perhaps they have been watching tooamy carry on films with nurses

As for men who ask specifically for a woman carer, that to me smacks of just wanting to have a woman touching him.intimately, not an aversion to a man doing it. Perhaps they have been watching tooamy carry on films with nurses

Well I suppose that's always a possibility.

On the other hand, women have been doing the 'caring' officially, institutionally, and at home, for centuries, and men have generally been quite happy for them to take on this role - and sometimes demanded it. So it could be that men associate women carers with nurturing - the very reason they took on this mantle, or had it placed on them, in the first place.

win

Doodledog

I think the point is that nobody should reach being 'past caring'. We should all be able to care about things like this - getting older should never remove the right to care about our dignity.

Who says male carers do not show dignity?We have used many in our home during the last 20 years and I can assure you they have all shown dignity and compassion.

Nobody. Did you see anyone say that?

Lathyrus3

win

Doodledog

I think the point is that nobody should reach being 'past caring'. We should all be able to care about things like this - getting older should never remove the right to care about our dignity.

Who says male carers do not show dignity?We have used many in our home during the last 20 years and I can assure you they have all shown dignity and compassion.

Well this sent me scurrying off to the dictionary.

Is dignity a subjective state or an objective one. If your carer behaved in a dignified way does that then preserve your dignity}

If, no matter how well you behave, the position you place me in causes me to feel frightened, embarrassed or humiliated then I have lost my dignity.

So actually it doesn’t matter how compassionate and gentle and professional an opposite sex carer might be. It’s irrelevant. The dignity of the person being cared for must be dependent on how they feel about their personal circumstances.

So actually it doesn’t matter how compassionate and gentle and professional an opposite sex carer might be. It’s irrelevant. The dignity of the person being cared for must be dependent on how they feel about their personal circumstances.

Couldn't have said it better.

It seems that the argument is somewhat misunderstood. I don't think anyone is suggesting that male carers can't be respectful, compassionate and professional. Some of us have first-hand experience of this (I have too). It's not an attack on their integrity as males.

I know I'm going back a few years but an old family friend (male) insisted on a male carer and that is what he got .

I guess the reason we don't have more male carers for males is the rates of pay etc, my parents carers were lovely, many of them were doing the job part time either finishing in time for school pick ups or working at weekends
It is very different for people who might need care for several years , being bathed several times a week to a hospital stay. Doctors have chaperones for intimate examinations, or suchlike. Thank heavens, having read about that Breton doctor who managed to sexually abused 299 children in under anaesthetic for years before he was caught
As for men who ask specifically for a woman carer, that to me smacks of just wanting to have a woman touching him.intimately, not an aversion to a man doing it. Perhaps they have been watching tooamy carry on films with nurses

Lucky to get any sort of Carer the way things are going. In an ideal world we would have the choice, but the right to single sex wards, separate toilets seem to disappearing along with trans people taking part in womens sports and being put in womens prisons, yet certain religions do not share swimming pools with the men! ............. I'm confused by the world and the way its gone.

Mynamestaken

Male carers will look after the men.

That's not always the case.

Male carers will look after the men.

I was inclined to say Yes immediately then thought how often have I felt I should insist on a female Dr examining me. Can't recall any occasion. We have male nurses in GP practices, in hospitals. Carers, nurses and Drs. will be subjected to the same checks but then we all know it's not the ones we know about, it's the ones who haven't been caught yet we should worry about. Males would be left high and dry if they insisted on same sex medics and carers. Still pondering, yes, or no.

Absolutely if that's requested. Seniors in care definitely have this right.

I’ve worked as a career and yes, I believe we should all be able to have a say.
I recognise there’s a distinct lack of male carers, but my old boss who had worked in care all his working life always said that most men prefer female carers.

win

Doodledog

I think the point is that nobody should reach being 'past caring'. We should all be able to care about things like this - getting older should never remove the right to care about our dignity.

Who says male carers do not show dignity?We have used many in our home during the last 20 years and I can assure you they have all shown dignity and compassion.

Well this sent me scurrying off to the dictionary.

Is dignity a subjective state or an objective one. If your carer behaved in a dignified way does that then preserve your dignity}

If, no matter how well you behave, the position you place me in causes me to feel frightened, embarrassed or humiliated then I have lost my dignity.

So actually it doesn’t matter how compassionate and gentle and professional an opposite sex carer might be. It’s irrelevant. The dignity of the person being cared for must be dependent on how they feel about their personal circumstances.

Sago

A friend’s mother was recently discharged from hospital with a care package.
On her first day home a male carer arrived to shower her, she turned him away.
It got me thinking how much I would hate it in the same position.
Should we all have the have the right to a same sex carer?

Having 20 year's experience of social care I'd respectfully suggest that even if the right to a same sex carer were enshrined in law it is difficult to see how it could be implemented. I have given personal care (bathing, dressing, assisting in and out of bed &c), to both males and females. Where possible male carers do care for males and females for females, but to have to provide same gender carers for each person all the time would be impossible without employing a great many more part-time people to cope with such a regulation. Outcomes would include higher overheads for private and public institutions. Remember the high level of training each carer has to undergo - courses are more or less constant as many certificates last just 24 months before having renewed again. First Aid, Epilepsy, Dementia, Food Safety, Safeguarding, Equality & Diversity, Sign Language, Administration of Medication, he list goes on, but all of that (mostly) necessary and legally required training has to be paid for by the employer (be they private or NHS). Bankruptcy and closures seem to be one of the possible outcomes of adding to the cost of providing care. Also, just how is one to deal with the alphabet gang and their increasingly long list of types of gender identities? Would an agender patient, for example, be legally entitled to intimate care from agender carers only or not? While I do sympathize with your mother having to deal with the situation she met with on being discharged, the solution to her dilema is not straightforward.

In the care home where I worked yes you could have the same sex carer if that's what you wanted.

I don't think its always possible. Supply and demand.

Dickens

Grannie314

If you are paying for the caregiver, of course. If you're NOT paying for the caregiver, then no.

Funding for care is at local level via budgets set by local authorities based on a combination of central government grants, local council tax, business rates, user charges, and sometimes transfers from the NHS.

Most people pay some - or all of the above - charges.

So we are basically all contributing towards care and carers.

Is there any reason why those who can't afford to hire private care are less deserving of having their dignity respected? Or do you think this should only be the preserve of those who are financially comfortable or wealthy?

100% agree and also know that everyone has a choice as I stated above.

Grannie314

If you are paying for the caregiver, of course. If you're NOT paying for the caregiver, then no.

That is not true, you can stipulate in your care plan that you wish to have same sex carers and they have to oblige. It may change your slot time and other things, but you do have a choice.

Doodledog

I think the point is that nobody should reach being 'past caring'. We should all be able to care about things like this - getting older should never remove the right to care about our dignity.

Who says male carers do not show dignity?We have used many in our home during the last 20 years and I can assure you they have all shown dignity and compassion.