Transitioning loved one

If my husband had told me he was going to become a woman I'd expect her still to make love to me. Why ever not!

I am not sure- as it is impossible to imagine how one would feel, But I think, that perhaps I would have found it easier if a long time partner told me he wanted to transition, than if he'd had affairs with other men.

(I am glad I'll never know as I was very very lucky to find the man of my life 55 years ago.).

What a lovely story Madmeg, a tale of bravery & determination.
It must awful to live in the wrong body. 👩🧑👨‍🦲👨‍🦳👩👩‍🦰🧔🧛🧝‍♀️💗

My DD had a long-term boyfriend (they became engaged) whose father transitioned in his early 60s. He had planned to do this 20 years earlier when his youngest child (he had five) started school but his wife developed a serious debilitating illness and he stayed until she sadly died a horrific death. He had written to all his family telling them of his intention but only the one child (my DD's fiance) supported him, which I suspect was due to the influence of my DD who said she was not at all surprised. He went through all the medical amendments (I don't know the detail) and ten years on is very happy. I believe that he, and two of his children, were/are on the autistic spectrum. My DD is still friends with her ex and his dad, though now happily married to another man.

My husband's nephew is transitioning from a hairy bearded goth into a female with a very pretty name. His father is particularly uptight & judgemental but quite wonderfully he is being very supportive & understanding.
It must be awful to be trapped in the wrong body.
Growing -up there was a boy who used to skip & knit with us who was clearly more a She than a He!
As long as trans- things are not relentlessly forced down our throats via the media we will just evole to accept them, as with the struggle of gay men in day's gone by. 🤔

Tenko, my transitioned relative behaves as trivially as I suppose a transvestite behaves and yet she insists she is a transperson. This puzzles me very much .I try my best to fit in with her own identification as a transwoman but I always have this doubt about her sincerity.
I don't enjoy doubting her motives.

Claremont, thank you for that about the suicide risk when perceived need to transition is belittled by others

I personally know two trans women, who have fully transitioned. Both knew as teenagers that they were in the wrong body , their words , not mine . Both went through hell and hid their pain and unhappiness with drugs and alcohol. One tried to castrate himself when he was a man . Both are now very happy and have male partners . One I work with and the other is a hcp . And Primrose both dress very casually in jeans or leggings . I think you’re confusing trans women with transvestites .

Primrose your comments really are a generalisation, which only actually is part of a small minority.
The very first (to my knowledge) transitioned male to female I met was some 14 years ago, when I went to a retired organisation day out in London. There were about 20 of us there, mainly women, but also two or three men. It was a cold, grey October day, and every one of the women turned up in trousers - except one lady, who wore a mid calf length brown skirt, pretty blouse and brown cardigan, tights and flat brown shoes. This was someone who had fully transitioned from man to woman several years earlier. She was very pleasant and did not mind talking about this, and also about the many pills she had to take daily and how difficult so much of her life still was. She had remained living with her wife and son.

At least the young person is in early 20s, and not a teenager.
When my nephew asked to transition (male to female)- he was 17. Family, doctors, friends, all tried to stop him and tell him to wait. He just said that if he wasn't helped to achieve what he wanted, he would kill himself. After 2 suicide attempts, one that almost succeede- they had to agree.

The good thing is, 12 years hence- that doing it so young means he never had time to develop male features, voice, Adam's Apple, etc. Now married to a lovely many- you could never ever guess, unless you knew, that she was born male. And very happy, in female profession, without any issues.

The only good thing about this is that she is already a fully grown adult and so won't be taking puberty blockers which cause irreversible damage by suppressing growth and development. Her bones should already be strong, although suppressing oestrogen effectively brings on early menopause so there's the risk of osteoporosis.

Luckygirl, I hope that you can overcome your understandable anxieties and come to terms with the new reality.
I have posted before about my late, much missed wonderful former GP, who transitioned from male to female over half a century ago.
She continued to live with her wife and children and was completely accepted as the person she was.
And, Primrose, her clothing of choice was tweed skirts and twinset.

I know of two people who have done this. One was a female young person who was always unhappy for as long as they could remember in school . Myself and my colleague , both adolescent counsellors supported her on transistioning to be male . He now has a male partner ( so is gay) and is super happy. He sent me a photo of them both you can see the relaxed happiness of both of them in the photo.

Another was a colleague I volunteered with who went from male to female as an older adult . She found a lot of support from friends and was also happy. For some people the change is essential for their MH.

I understand your worry about their vulnerability and hope they are getting emotional as well as medical help

I have just finished listening to the entire Tortoise productions podcast about the Tavistock clinic. It made for challenging listening at times but as usual from this team it was excellent, intelligent and rational journalism about a very sensitive subject.

If you are concerned about these issues, as I am, I strongly recommend. I got it on BBC Sounds.

I found it an emotional and enlightening listen which only confirms for me something I say over and over, that no one seems to care about our children anymore...

Galaxy, you may be on to something .

Lad culture and macho culture are potentially dangerous to both men and women. So transitioning may be using sex change to escape from identifying with the sex they were allotted at birth.

Transitioning young persons frequently need extra support from the welfare services. This is because their families throw them out and they become homeless. (Not every family is as kind as the people who write to Gransnet!)
If Gransnet supported some special charity of its own, housing for transitioning young people could be a very appropriate choice.

There actually is such a charity already functioning, and it would be great if Grans took it to their corporate bosom!

I think from some of the stories I have listened to that attractive women are using transition to escape attention, or Male attention, which as a young person and particularly in these days of social media and porn, can be terrifying. Each person is individual obviously so I dont want to make generalisations.

MayBee70. Me too .I had some body dysmorphia . Adolescents need to find their peer group , and my breasts grew when I was ten. I felt abnormal. At boarding school I was teased by other girls , and my mother did not teach me to be proud of my young woman's body.
I fear that some transitioning people do so for reasons of fashionable body dysmorphia, just as you describe it.
I am no psychiatrist , and I don't hope to understand what it feels like for someone else to want to transition. At the very least this includes the expense of new apparel, and at the most an expensive and painful surgical operation.
Luckygirl's young relative can't have had body dysmorphia surely, as she was and still is a very beautiful human being.

Primrose, that is what puzzles me. Of all the sorts of woman, why choose to transition to a posturing bimbo.
One answer may be that the transwoman concerned has missed out on this rather silly stage of adolescence.

What I don’t understand about people who transition is why they dress so inappropriately. Especially in male to female.
I see several regularly and they wear silky shift dresses in the daytime or clothes that just draw attention to them like mini skirts and tight tops.

From what I understand they want to be accepted and fit in but they seem to want to stand out instead.

Luckygirl, I am a similar position. A Grandchild, now aged 21 years old, has been, more or less, living as male since they were 16 years of age. No surgery as yet (thank goodness), they have deliberately put on a lot weight (which worries me as it is obviously unhealthy),, This has been done to help disguise their rather large breasts -which they bind.
They have good family support, we all just want them to be happy - but it is a worry as if they along the surgical route, there is no turning back.

I have no experience of this Luckygirl but just want to send a 🤗 to you and best wishes to your grandchild. I do hope she has had all the appropriate help she needs before making this decision and feels totally comfortable with it.

They will still be the beautiful person you love, however they feel they need to be to make themselves feel at peace with themselves.

seventhfloorregular

Not everyone goes for the full surgery immediately some not at all.
As an HCP you can help by getting them to choose wisely the medical and surgical teams they will go to and also to still have the appropriate screening (cervical smears, breast screening, aortic aneurysm) as they may get removed from lists and may be at higher risks of conditions because of the hormones.

That’s vey good advice.

I know nothing about this really other than what I read in the news. However I feel very sorry for these people who must be in real torment to undergo what they are proposing. Sadness, too, for the affected family members. I hope they get the correct support and advice.

What would I do in similar circumstances I can’t pretend to know. My thoughts are with the OP and her family.

My dear cousin Transition from male to Female around 15 years ago.
I was exceptionally close to him, he was even my Sons Godfather.

I knew his secret, as he told me years before when we were in our early 20's he felt he was in the wrong body.
I didn't know how to feel after he told me , but he was my dear friend and cousin I supported him and kept his secret.

Jump forward many years after, after a lot of counselling, and surgery some of which he paid for, he became She. Luckily his parents and sister's family took time but accepted the change, I was the only other family member to know.
Everything had to change, from passport, NI Birth certificate it was all official.
She was a kind gentle soul, we would do Lunch, people assumed she was my sister.

Unfortunately, 4 years ago she became very ill and passed away at 69 years old but her dream was fulfilled.

She had loads of friends with folk who cared for her, no sigma.
Love and support they are still the same inside, well that was my personal experience, do miss her.