Daughter so disorganised. How can I help her?

I have a relative that is always late and unorganised when it comes to friends and family, however she has a responsible job which she is never late for and performs responsibly.

It makes me think that if she can perform well in her job she chooses not to in other situations.

Mogsmaw

janeainsworth

She may have a disability, but some people are just disorganised and habitually late.
‘Supporting’ her could easily turn into enabling her and she will never learn.
Do you rely on her a lot? It would really be better not to, and then when she wonders why, tell her.

I agree, I have dyslexia and dyspraxia. Both are associated with poor timekeeping. I have to work very hard but I am very rarely late. I have little grasp on “timeframes”, how long we have lived in this house, when I went to college, for example. But these are my problems. I have an obligation to not let others down.
Being on time does not come naturally but that is not a reason not to make the effort. I am getting a bit tired of the constant having to excuse “bad behaviour” from others because they some diversity.

I could not agree more. I have dyspraxia and ADHD. I wear a watch and keep it 5 minutes fast. I cut it fine, but I do not run late.

For me, putting a name and description to my problem gives me the tools to manage it.

On our last vacation day, DD2's phone was constantly buzzing with reminders, every ten minutes. I was surprised, but she explained that as someone with dyslexia, it's her essential system for staying on schedule. Without those frequent alerts, she tends to lose track of time and appointments.

Thank you for your replies. I might suggest the voice reminder to her. Normally I don't have to rely on her, as apart from this eye operation, I'm usually very independent.
I can't wait to be driving again, hopefully in about a weeks time.

janeainsworth

She may have a disability, but some people are just disorganised and habitually late.
‘Supporting’ her could easily turn into enabling her and she will never learn.
Do you rely on her a lot? It would really be better not to, and then when she wonders why, tell her.

I agree, I have dyslexia and dyspraxia. Both are associated with poor timekeeping. I have to work very hard but I am very rarely late. I have little grasp on “timeframes”, how long we have lived in this house, when I went to college, for example. But these are my problems. I have an obligation to not let others down.
Being on time does not come naturally but that is not a reason not to make the effort. I am getting a bit tired of the constant having to excuse “bad behaviour” from others because they some diversity.

I was amazed when DD2’s phone kept going off every 10 minutes on our final day on holiday. She’s dyslexic and says it’s the only way to organise her time, so that she doesn’t get so engrossed in doing something that she forgets her next meeting or whatever.
We used to tell her that dinner would be ready half an hour before it was to give her a fighting chance to be on time!
She’s far better now she has a responsible job and a 3 year old to manage.

Does she WANT to be helped?
I have a sis in law who was a fantastic and conscientious (and reliable) GP but her personal punctuality was a family joke. The thing was she always put herself last.
So we'd invite her for 12, expect her at 2 and be pleasantly surprised if she was there by 1.30.
Nagging is likely to be counterproductive but for a 2.30 appointment you could try "My appointment is at 2.00 but I have to be there by1.30. Can you do that?"
Some people take it to the wire and often get away with it. As I have got older I am totally OCD about being on time and am usually early and that has become another family joke.

Does she have a very busy life?
I was always late for everything, never allowing enough time to prepare and leaving things to the last moment. Since retirement iIam better organised, mainly because I have more time and less stress. I think, why wasn't I like this when I was working, and the answer is simple; I was doing too much and I was tired most of the time.

She may have a disability, but some people are just disorganised and habitually late.
‘Supporting’ her could easily turn into enabling her and she will never learn.
Do you rely on her a lot? It would really be better not to, and then when she wonders why, tell her.

If she’s picking you up for appointments perhaps it would be best to tell her it is at an earlier time.

My daughter is always late - 9 a.m means 9.30 (with me).
Obviously , she isn’t like that with her job. She’s been with the company since she was 22 years old.

When you make arrangements with her make sure she puts a voice reminder on her phone. I think you can have that on repeat.