BLACK DOG 25

There was more than a hint there Scaredycat that you are onto the cat seeking trail as you alluded to DD's cat.
What's your time scale? Any family matters first? Do send photos when you go a-choosing.

I put the electric blanket on the sheet (safe to do it) and had some rest, bit of a meditation, and general pleasure of stretching out cosy with Taize music.

I looked up and found the best specialist ear surgeon locally and hospital, I need to check out the particular procedure and of course cost, but is looks doable under local anesthetic. NHS waiting list is too long (usual 18 weeks in theory but...)

Scaredycat , and indeed others with concerns about me getting pulled into “rescue" re Ex, which is my natural inclination, both my marriages involved strong "mutual rescue" situations. Touch of drama? (Both situations in the complex, "is it need or want")

Yes, I am getting thoughts about how Ex might be healed in terms of reminding his friend to make sure he sees Ex for example.

That’s a no,

I have to trust friend... he's loved Ex as a friend through thick and thin, (and Ex back, he thinks the world of friend as he stood by Ex)

There is much I know would help him:

but if friend contacts MH crisis line alerting them to Ex at serious risk, (ie politely express profound worries etc (but I've already told him this)

then help will follow if possible resources wise

If I falter, I expect to assume that I will email my good psychologist as long as I use this access only when really necessary

Forgot - love to allxx

Hi all
I wrote a long post yesterday when I got home ,thought I,d sent it but today it appears to have disappeared into the post Black Hole!! So sorry.
Elvarel- so nice to see you in again. The time goes so quickly doesn’t it. Your girls are growing up fast and now young women with minds of their own. They will always need you though and will remember how hard you worked and all you had to deal with the year they lost their Dad.
Hope your sleep improves - it’s not easy to sleep when so many thoughts are crowding into your mind.
Be proud of yourself you are doing a great job.
Wyllow- what a busy day that was.
So glad your visit to the Gym went well and you felt right back at home.The trousers sound lovely are they loose and floppy.
Good you have also found a GP you can talk to and who sounds right on the ball.
You must treasure your relationship with your Sis - you seem to understand each other very well. Try not to get too involved with thoughts of your Ex- I understand your Sis worrying. You must do what makes you feel at peace though but just take care. As you say gently does it.
SweetPeaSue- your Son seems to have a very demanding job but it must be very interesting.
Hope you found something nice to do today- at least it wasn’t so hot. Some dreams follow us into the daytime don’t they - but that’s all they are - dreams. Must be lovely to,have 2 sisters - are they much younger than you. Mine is 8 years younger than me.
HVDY- glad your voice is on its way back. Must be so frustrating.
Saw DD cats last night and got their routine sussed. Good job we live so close as we can nip between homes- but will spend evenings and nights there so they have company.Hope you,ve not done too much housework- you’re so right it is the most boring pastime😩
Doodle- thinking of you and hoping you,ve had something nice to do today. We bought a couple of Hydrangeas today as they were abundant where we were in France and thought they’d be nice to remind us of that lovely area. Hope we don’t kill them as our fingers are far from green!!
Hope you get to Church tomorrow - will think of you.
EllieAnne- Are you OK today?

Wyllow Just listened to the Mozart piece - thanks I've not heard it for a while. It's very soothing . 🙂

Wyllow I never minded ironing when I first married. Lots of yrs later and no, no!
Your parting phrases to CPN are certainly wise- and caring.
My son first worked as mechanical fitter at blast furnace locally( British Steel - now sadly raised to ground) then on rigs. I always felt afraid of the long helicopter flights over the sea . Only in the last year has he worked on Shetland ( still oil plant) though 12 hr workdays don't leave much time for leisure.
Yes, hear what you say about a bit of self- care.
So glad about your amazing trousers.
HVDY I hadn't thought of the embarrassing scene with the wind blowing skirt up! Yes that was soul-destroying . Probs has something to do with my dream .
You often rise early , and I expect Jaffa tries to wake you early too. I hate waking with all the stiffness in body and try to put off the painful moving but it's best to get going really.
Perhaps it is the pollen that's caused your hoarseness, hope it clears up.
Bit of boring day for me too though got some crotcheting done and sewing.
I'm much better for a walk and we really need to do more of it.

Hope all BDs are OK.

I can see that, hope you can find summat on TV or maybe play some fave rock sounds and shimmy around ..... losing masses of weight...

(I truly think these trousers are the best I can ever recall of course, I 've forgotten many maybe))

Wyllow3 Your trousers sound very nice. Glad you enjoyed being back at the gym. I ought to get back to Zumba Gold (a much less energetic version of Zumba) some time - need to lose weight first.

SweetpeaSue I've got a load of ironing to do (such a boring chore). Your son has to go in a helicopter - wow. Your dream was just that - a dream. Probably because you'd recently seen your sister, and perhaps you feel uncomfortable with yourself? You mentioned chub-rub shorts when your dress blew up.

I've been tired all day - too late going to bed, but still got up at 7. Throat is till a bit hoarse (wonder if it's the pollen?). Washing on the line, bought 7 dresses from Vinted (waiting for them to arrive), sold 3 today. Bit of a boring day

Well done on the shirts front, Sweetpeasue. I hate ironing but it's a marmite thing - some people love the smell and the crisp ironing results - no not for me.

Yes: I am pottering, sorting yesterday's odds and ends. It was very intense with my CPN, she shared your concern re ex, as Sis did, but in summary, I believe she may have accepted my two parting phrases on it - the Quaker "What does Love/love require of us" balanced with "Before you help another passenger, put your own oxygen mask on first".

I was fascinated by what your son does - oh my, life in the Shetlands.

The sisters in your dream head were all critical of you. How can you learn? It's about self worth, isnt it? Taking small steps like haircuts, maybe some clothes that feel comfy but pretty, skin care. those are important in my recovery, is all I know.

FWIW, cos I'm doing it, I recommend a pottering day with some self care?

Elveral may I echo what Sweetpeasue said to you, it felt to me spot on. How did you sleep?

Currently in the middle of pottering and trying to only jot down "to do's" which really are benign and productive, wash on, remembering to eat.

BD's is special. See you all later.

Elveral Nice to see you in again.
You've been v busy indeed and it must be satisfying to see the results of all your efforts made in house and garden. This first anniversary of your DHs passing must be so very hard and combined with your DDleaving school too. I'm glad being busy works for you and helps .Life seems so short and I can see that this will be an emotional time for you all. I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight ,you must be exhausted physically and mentally.
zWyllow As HVDY says you've had a v productive day and I'm glad you're getting the ear prob sorted. So good that you can now go to the Gym which is your special place and having the long talk must have brought things to the fore about ex and then the talk with his best friend. Natural that you needed to know how he is. I hope you can keep feelings balanced and on a neutral tone when finding out that he's in a bad way ( not meaning to sound 'preachy' in any way , just concerned) You are in a good place atm though so it's all looking forward for you .
Enjoy your day of relaxing after all your activity and thankyou for music link will listen later.
HVDY Wonder why you're still 'throaty' ,hope that goes soon. Glad you had a nice day with Littlegirl yesterday.
Housework is boring isn't it. I ironed a load of DHs shirts yesterday ( but so glad I have them to iron too iyswim)
Yes, son 2 who's gon back to work used to be on rig though now works onshore for same firm on Shetlands. Still needs helicopter over there.

Not sure what we're doing today. We got up v late and we are both v short of any enthusiasm for the day. We'll find something . Had such a bad dream last night and can't remember all but I know part of it was feeling so much older than sisters and trying to find clothes to fit my larger body as we were meant to be a group on stage! But I know I felt so distanced and divide from them.
Must let it go. New day and all that.
Hope everyone has a reasonable day.

I'm glad your voice is back a bit, HVDY. After yesterdays' good day with Littlegirl definitely rest up today and potter.

The trousers. -two are in a soft navy, one in a soft attractive mid brown. Match will all my tops by getting two colours, I think the brown ones for the gym and will also need a larger top to go with than the ones I had 2 years ago so on the hunt for one that looks good with soft brown.

I didnt go to bed until 2.45 lat night, but slept well and soundly until 9,45. One wake up, and did think of Ex - but was at peace with what I'd done. As I keep trying to tell my sis last night who rung both horrified and angry, there is a time when forgiveness seeps in, and compassion is accessible, and as Quakers say "Do what Love Requires".

Of with my CPN, we only have an hour of course, so using it to return some books back to the really good library I used to go to, and I have a box of once read full set thrillers that are just too "noir" to keep. Our library does take such books, I checked it out.

Laters, dear BD's, when I can do a proper catch up. However, headline news this morning is that I am taking it more gently

SweetpeaSue How nice that you and your husband met up with your sister and her DH. Good that you all get on so well. I think it's a good idea to keep a note of your husband's BPM. Is your son off to work on the rigs now?

Elvera1 I wondered how you were getting on. Not quite a year since your husband died. He couldn't have been very old - so sad. Keeping busy is probably the best thing to do, and with 2 children and a home to run, you're always busy. They must miss their dad. Will your daughter wear a fancy dress to the prom? Not long until your other girl is off school for 5 or 6 weeks, too (in Nottingham, some schools have 5 weeks off, others 6).

Wyllow3 What a very busy and productive day you had! Glad you got your trousers, and that you saw a GP about your ear. Hope you won't have to wait long for an appointment to have it looked at. Being hard of hearing must be frustrating. A good bargain on the chair. Hope it's comfortable, too. I could do with some new trousers but find it hard to get the right length, with being so damned short at 5ft 1. Yours sound good, though. What colour did you get?

My throat is still hoarse but my voice is back a bit. Long but good day with Little Girl yesterday. Lazy day today, just a bit of boring housework. Love to ALL x

Correction -better:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqCaQgtc1oY&list=RDuqCaQgtc1oY&start_radio=1

Tonights music is well known from the films "Out of Africa". "American Gigolo", "Breathless", "Green Card", and "Stealing Beauty". and The King's Speech"

It's the Mozart - Clarinet Concerto, the Adagio, and is haunting - but all about "acceptance".

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpDq4Wu2f0A&list=RDVpDq4Wu2f0A&start_radio=1

Nice to see you in, Elvera1, always a pleasure.

I've had such a busy day that I've only just managed to make it in.

It started when I rung the dentist for a tooth clean, silly me thinking that Monday morning was a good idea, but got a lot of bits of admin done whilst I waited.

Then I set out for Sainsburys to get some more trousers of the one I like so much...enroute to my "return to the gym visit"..... I got a phone wallet at last.

It was like coming home at the gym, dear BD's

Long story, (good look round at changes etc, they have opened a well being studio which I think is fab in a gym) ...I had my treat facial and a long natter with my known for 12 years lady. I discussed my Ex with her a lot, as I have been increasingly concerned being "in the dark" as he was really unwell when I last saw him. This led to some actions which I've posted on below.

On the way home I called at the second hand office shop and bought a good new chair for sitting at the computer - vv good quality, but cheap as the seat had some removable little stains.

Then to Sainsburys, ... I bought 2 more pairs of these fab trousers. Yes really, they are best ever and at TU prices.

After a pit stop for food, meds, and unloading, I went to the Doc, re my ear and recurring near deafness.

It's not an infection, its wax, good, but there is something wrong with the bone at the end of the ear canal - after a childhood operation, but will see an audiologist. Absolutely top doctor - I've found my "Best" GP.

Then the difficult but ultimately valuable bit - My ex..as in Bi polar and in denial - and wanting to find out - as he was abusive its tread carefully.

I rung his only real friend and we had a very very long natter: he has seen him a few times so knows better than me and is better placed to intervene so hopefully something can be done - but not by me. I gave the friend full details of exactly who to contact and best approach to get "heard", but he is clear my involvement is to get news and ask only if there is something he cannot sort.

Basically, BD's, as I know a lot, its come to the point where he is likely to crash and get picked up by the police, who know him for various reasons all too well so its on record fortunately. However, the friend said something that gave me cause for concern, which was that despite his handling his problems and dodgy activities with coping mechanism - but

"the light had gone out of his eyes".

Then my sis rung me about my new nephew as I'd asked him for help with a computer problem that has defeated me and was worried I'd asked too much too soon, but this was ironed out by said nephews text to me and mutual agreement it was "OK to say no". Of course , we then nattered on for over an hour as per.

So I have followed today's posts fully - but its late and I'm too tired to comment xxxx

Tomorrow I don't have anything I have to do until 1pm, so it's up to me to take it easy.

time to unwind a bit online and with music.

Best wishes to all BD's, reading or posting - may our tomorrow's be better.

Good evening, hope you’re all ok as you can be.
I’ve been busy, usual work busyness, I’ve been gardening, then I’ve been painting and decorating, more to do but it’s looking good, tiring but it’s keeping me busy.
It’s been that day of the month again, another month since I lost my lovely hubby 🥲. It soon will be a year. Feel so sad but I’m doing ok, as long as I keep busy.
Had to pull myself together as a very busy time with the girls,
Eldest DD has now finished GCSES, and left school. School prom this weekend. They are growing up so quickly.
Been feeling quite emotional about it all.
Not been sleeping well, hopefully will do tonight.
Love to all xx

Doodle DH has been using the oxymeter daily and thankyou for reminding me to keep a paper record .
I'll do this now. I appreciate your concern.

Sweetpeasue when your Dh has breathing probs get him to use the oxymeter and take a record of his heart rate and breathing rate so you can tell the doctor or cardio team.
Wyllow lovely to hear you sounding brighter.
HVDY you made me laugh about Jaffa and his Dreamies. Sounds just like me and chocolate
Scaredycat how lovely not to have to do the washing.
Take care all. Xx

Just lost post!😐
Hope I remember your posts
Scaredycat Nice to come home from holiday without washing to do ,what a nice DH. Hope those swollen ankles have gone down by now. Yes, aunt has a daughter who lives 35 min drive away and comes twice a week. Aunt also has a DGD who sees her most Sundays.
HVDY Wonder why you've been losing your voice. Hope you've not developed a sore throat today. Your Jaffa is like Fluffball , who comes to investigate at any sound of a pkt rattling. She prefers human food to her own! So hot on Saturday but much cooler now thank goodness. However the wind is so strong- my tent dress did a 'Marilyn Monroe ' yesterday ( mortified as I'd my chub rub sloggis on!😱).
Wyllow Your hearing problem must be so distinguished and very annoying. I hope you can find out what's wrong at the Dr's. Looking forward to hearing how you got on at the gym when having your facial. What a warm and small cheerful Quaker gathering in Kenya , thanks.
Doodle I liked Wyllow's idea of the question and answer post . Hope you've had company today. Nice to hear you're able to get out to church. I hope it won't be long before you have full use of your wrists. Keep heart and thinking of you and sending a special hug.

Had little sleep so yesterday was v tiring ,then my sis rang and said could we meet her halfway between our homes - ( the pub on moors) she had more wool for me. I'm giving best part to Ukraine Knitters ( there's sack loads!!) so DH and self met sis and partner and had a nice meal together and chat.
Had walk today on path by beach , just 20 mins but the wind was dreadful. We stepped it out on way back and DHs chest was bad. He took his spray soon as we returned. It helped for a little while then he needed it again. Went to son's for 5mins ( he leaves for work today).

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day and thinking of others not in. Nadateturbe Hope you're feeling a little better.x

a little quaker snapshot -there are loads of quakers in Kenya, instead of the quiet circle of thequajers in the UK, just speaking up when moved, its dancing and singing..but very quakerly all the same, much more modest dress (quakers were big in the past on 'plain dress') and restrained singing than the general African worship traditions

Here's a wee video of a women and children's gathering
www.youtube.com/shorts/xda6SxhyX6Q

I've seen those dreamies advertised, they seem really top treat.

Aw, sorry about your voice, its a good job we have internet for chats.

Sweetpeasue I've been wondering how things were with DH, will see you tomorrow.

am pretty confident about the doc, but Monday is always the busiest of course.

Fed the cat across the road. Jaffa is being cheeky - he loves Dreamies, but now every time he hears a packet of anything being opened, he thinks it's something for him - it was a dishwasher tablet just now, and some cleaning wipes earlier. Little beggar . I can't even talk to him - my voice has gone completely. Hope ALL BDers have a comfortable night x

ScaredyCat What a good husband you've got, to have done all the washing! I'll be looking after the 2 cats at Son2's from next Friday, for a week. One likes a bit of a fuss, the other one doesn't. It's rained on and off throughout the day today (I like it). Hope you have a restful night. Do you raise your legs when you're sitting down? The higher the better.

Doodle Glad you're managing to get to the hospice and also see your friends. Hugs for you.

EllieAnne Don't worry about anything you may or may not have said. People don't remember everything.

Wyllow3 Hope you manage to get through to a GP tomorrow.

SweetpeaSue Have you had cooler weather/rain today? Hope it means that your husband has been more comfortable.

Have read all your lovely news. Will have to come in tomorrow as so extremely tired .
Great idea for Doodle Wyllow. Gives a great picture and just so glad you can sleep Doodle.Night all.

(My sis is 6 years younger and very healthy, so it's likely she will be in a position to be around - one has to be practical.