BLACK DOG 25

Sorry Wyllow I have a gardener to cut the grass I do everything else. Will try to post my walk pic.

Ellie Anne oh my, you did that edging beautifully, fancy coming round for mine?
It looks under control now, nothing like a neat garden. I recall the fence business damaged or fallen down? How is that going?

Doodle I know how hard it is for you to write. You must long to join in, but in the meantime you are never forgotten. Yes, constantly drinking water is getting unde control = always keep a full glass by the computer at safe distance (goes to get one thank you)

Beautiful Ellie Anne
Good news Wyllow hope the enema works. Drink more water.
Glad you enjoyed hols Sacredycat
Good your Dh was seen *HVDY
Well done in book club Sweetpeasue.
I feel awful not writing much but I am reading. Sorry writing caress so much pain. I really hope it improves

Hope this works

Thank you wyllow. Still worrying about same problems.
But here are some photos from walk this morning and garden this afternoon. Gardenia still recovering from the wall damage so a bit messy but the grass was cut today so looks a bit better.

Today in just two and a half hours it all - some coincidence, some planning - it all happened at bewildering speed:

Enema delivered through the door:

Electrician arrives soon after, having respected the times I asked for (great young woman) to fix the 3 kitchen lights that I put off all winter: chat about not checking electrics now but before I move for certificate was cut short by

A knock at the door and two young District nurses appeared to give enema, so I welcome them but have to write a note on the door for the gardener to get rid go the ivy up the house - side gate open, on the note "busy, district nurse here, please just get on please".

And they did arrive halfway through as well, while I was having the enema but all went well - by the time they left (as soon as we knew it was working OK), so I took my time then went down to chat with the gardeners, they did a superb job as ever, nice gardeny chats, such nice blokes (the young labourer is a bit shy but comes out of his shell with a joke or too)

So all in a short time and my head has only just recovered via much diary writing and bits and bobs and of course music.

I'm forgetting to eat - its not unusual in a high, so I'd better remedy it, thank goodness for ready meals.

Laters

I really loved the photo Scaredycat. I wish I were there but will get "there" one day: as regards your whole holiday, How well you did despite your anxiety: tho you knew, it was still hard to bear that last week. The sun, the sea, the break from routine, I hope its rewards last a long time (and sadness after replaced by finding your best cat for you - but you said all this yourself ....

"Well be sad to leave here but there has been many a holiday when I,ve counted the days to going home in my head. I needed the “safety “ of home. It’s helped me learn that I need to rest - it’s not a sin but a necessity. It will be full on when we get home- wouldn’t change it for the world though".

You said something very interesting to me, Sweetpeasue:
"The times I've sorted out everything and made plans in my head ,that in the light of morning ,rethought and have come to nothing. It seems as if I see both sides of a situation and am always on the fence!"

I think I had something equivalent from depression. Lateish at night, a day got through, I'd get some little insights about wee things I could do after all the next day. As simple as having a shower, or especially "get out for a walk Wyllow!!!!" By the morning, little positive thoughts disappeared and then wrestled with "I know I should, but, x,y,z" , not ending productively.

My best thoughts on this are what you did/do by going to the book club or growing sweetpeas or a beach walk, the two of you, unless you are ill, then don't beat yourself up....

But pain has made you wise, did you work it out or have counselling help as I did?

I hope the day has worked out well for you, HVDY

Doodle always here for you, I realise what I said in my post just above this one relates a lot to you at the moment, I hope its OK: I hope for just something to go right for you, starting with your arms/wrist wise and that family and church friends lighten your days.

I do think of all the BD's I can recall, but atm Ellie Ann "holding you in the Light" as Quakers say.

It still feels quite...I'm trying not to go OTT as I know I'm in this tendency to "wow how amazing" on matters, but it truly is a gift to be treasured, isnt it. My sister has made it come about, she is by nature a healer and connecting people is part of it.

My immediate younger sis died in 2019 of cancer, and my DocSis nursed her at home for her last month a "home hospice". It was an act of love not heroism or sacrifice, for of course, knowing someone you love has the best care has its rewards.

The remaining 3 sibs, me and "the twins" who are 6 years younger, DocSis being one, all carry the same burden of a major loss. I know of course what I describe is the same for many...

... but when my Dad died suddenly, I was 20, the twins 14ys old, he just disappeared, there was a funeral but my Nana (this, not yet forgiven, tho understood), stood when I arrived back from uni guarding the bedroom door where my mum lay, hardly letting us in, and said re going to the funeral to me as the eldest "well, there's going to be a little ceremony, but really your mum isnt well enough" (and she was poorly MH wise, but not tbh made better by this over protection)

I was so little acquainted with these matters or self aware to insist we went.

So the abiding effect has been loss, abandonment, fear of loss, no closure, has haunted all 4 of us all our lives.

For the oh so strong Doc Sis, she once shared an absolutely revelatory constant feeling with me: when those she loves come to stay and then leave, she fears they will never return.

So her way is to deal with loss head on: her decision to become a Doctor was strengthened, she had to make life and death decisions, she knew death, but also saved and healed. It has given her confidence and of course self respect and. a great deal of experience with the human condition.

Now finally I understand why she wants to help me:

Why she was such a wonderful mother, trying to equip her 4 boys to cope with death and its off spring, grief, anger, loneliness, strength in kindness and its sometimes other face, bitterness, why me, envy of those who still have a partner...but not judging these emotions they are natural.

Wanting to make others better as a way of healing oneself, I see it now I am Weller, but understand from my depressive period how hard that can be.

You BD's let me come on day after day saying whats the point without rejecting or running away. Priceless.

So back to nephew: being brought up like this, he is able to understand more than most, especially as a man have an emotional side he's not afraid of, so all (?) I have to do is keep it light, be naturally interested in them, and be careful what I ask of them (he has a long term partner) in the light of their "strengths and what to avoids", but know I am not just "taking", for my taking is also a gift if done well.

Forgive this wordy tangent, hit me in a deep mood: if it upsets I am sorry, but after all, it is my world view and I dont expect all to feel like me or understand things as I do.

Back later with catch ups.

Sorry, Wyllow3. Spelled your name wrong earlier!
So glad you’ve ‘found’ a nephew!

Wyllow Am just so glad at your recent news of you being in touch with your nephew and that he and family are local. Wonderful news indeed.
I hope the movicol soon does it's job , you must feel queezy. I need a daily dose because of painkillers but sometimes more. Think you'll soon get to know what's right for you daily when you get back to 'your' normal.
You did well getting your Dr sis on board with GP .
I haven't heard the music before at all.
Scaredycat The sea photo is gorgeous thankyou. We need to resume our beach walks soon ,they really do help.
I'm so sorry to hear of your friend going into the nursing home , its all so very sad. Good that she's in same one as her DH and hope she still recognises him. I fully understand what you say about living for the day, though hard if anxieties creep in and spoil it ,as you say.
There's always someone worse off isn't there. Yes, count blessings.
So pleased you've had a great holiday , you'll need to pace yourself when you return.
HVDY You have so many full days -I think mine are quite boring really. Hope you enjoyed the day- centre and especially the lovely family get together and buffet. Yes, racing thoughts at night ,they're a nuisance aren't they. The times I've sorted out everything and made plans in my head ,that in the light of morning ,rethought and have come to nothing. It seems as if I see both sides of a situation and am always on the fence!
I procrastinate too much.
DoodleThink of you every day and just hoping your wrists are better soon. Hope you've had company today.
EllieAnne You are in my thoughts.
Crossstitchfan Nice to see you in and support for Wyllow.

Today’s beachxxx

Hi all
Wyllow- what wonderful news to hear of your newly acquired family and so close too. I,m sure having a lovely eccentric Auntie like you will be a mutually beneficial situation.
So good that you had a good sleep before the workmen arrive.
Hope the nurse can come tomorrow but until then load up with Movicol and drink plenty.
We,ll be sad to leave here but there has been many a holiday when I,ve counted the days to going home in my head. I needed the “safety “ of home. It’s helped me learn that I need to rest - it’s not a sin but a necessity. It,ll be full on whe; we get home- wouldn’t change it for the world though.
SweetPeaSue- hope you and DH are having a good day today and it’s not too hot for you.Is it a Fluffball day?
Hope you had a calmer night and free of those awful racing thoughts- it’s such a horrible feeling isn’t it.
HVDY- oh another lovely family gathering- wow 14 your DGD is growing up fast.
Hope it was a nice meal at day centre- still I,m sure if it wasn’t that the buffet later will make up for it.
It’s been lovely and warm here but not too hot and usually a light breeze. If Beaches are your thing it’s marvellous and so uncommercialised.
Doodle- Hope your Wednesday has been one of companionship at Church.
You must be getting very weary trying to manage everything with such a painful wrists. When is your next appointment?
Thinking of you.
EllieAnne- hope the sun is brightening your days

Yesterday we had a phone call to say my dearest friend of 50 years with Alzheimer’s has had to leave her flat and is now in the same home as her lovely husband.He is very poorly and she has deteriorated and now doesn’t know properly where she lives. It is so very sad. They were a Golden Couple and so dear to us- they still are.
Really does make you appreciate each day and try to live them as best you can. Be grateful for every moment. That’s not so easy when illness and worry are dominating your life as so many of us experience but it’s true.
Love to all present and all absent friends

That sounds like a full - but satisfying day there HVDY.

I slept very soundly 7.5 hours - of course, yesterday was utterly exhausting if good. Thats a sign I didn't do anything troubling deep down yesterday. Fortunately I have the gardener (just to chop down ivy) coming at lunch time, and the electrician fitted me in a the same time to refit with new my little lights in half the kitchen - I went through last winter with an unlit bit over sink and food prep!

Priority however is to pile on the movicol and move about more gently - waiting to hear still on district `nurse, the GP requested her tomorrow but they must be so busy - I'm not counting on it.

BD's - if you have difficult days ahead - all the best x

SweetpeaSue I know the feeling of waking and having racing thoughts. Horrible when it's like that. Glad you went to the book club and enjoyed it. It's good that you feel more comfortable being there. Your kitchen must smell lovely with your beautiful flowers.

ScaredyCat Your holiday sounds marvellous. Has it been hot there?

Doodle Hope you're managing in this heat. How long until you see someone again about your arm?

Wyllow3 Great that you're now back in touch with your nephew. He'll be handy to have around, should you need help.

Day centre today, then a family & friends buffet at Son1's, for his eldest's birthday (she'll be 14 tomorrow but seeing her mum then). Hope everyone manages to have a decent day. x

(music is on classic FM right now)

Night night BD's. present or reading.

Oh.. very much thinking of EllieAnne...

Thank you *Crossstitchfan -nice to see you in - well, you know the ropes! the outcome of a super visit to the doctor with my carer as I was ditsy with much information to deliver knowing time was short - I got the doctor to ring my DocSis, previously arranged -that really helped. Outcome is as much movicol as I can cram in (not forgetting to walk, to get things moving, and avoided hospital for an enema by getting a district nurse round (you can DIY, and normally I'd go for it, but there is a lot of pain in relevant areas so someone who has done hundreds).....

Well me and the carer were going to go for a country walk but next week will do.....we ended up in my local park assessing it if I'm ready for family to come down, comes out tops for all the children's ages and has disability friendly play areas.

But todays big news is wonderful and serendipitous.

Since I live alone and have no family nearby (3 hours) its a stretch when something crops up or even an emergency.

Now my DocSis has a son who by sheer chance ended up working in my town recently - and it’s 9 minutes drive away - but I haven’t seen him for years.

So docsis was talking to her son and mentioned I lived nearby. I don’t know what transpired in the conversation but my nephew offered not asked to help out in emergency or with bits and bobs.
I took the bill by the horns and rung him tho I haven’t seen him for 6 years and properly for 20. We got on really well. We joked about my sisters loving interventions of helping when she can in tactful ways.

So I have acquired a family …who happens to be a techie wizard and good at DIY…and a partner whom I thinks an OT.

I think he likes the idea of acquiring an eccentric aunt too, to my surprise. They are settling down here - I used to see them a lot when they were little so know the family background well enough.

I hope today was another nice day in France, Scaredycat ....are you still enjoying it or like me on holidays hit the "bit homesick" point?

Oh *Sweetpeasue - so many worries, and your own poorliness - you poor thing. It was truly nice, tho, to hear you are a little more comfy with the book group.

Goodness me, HVDY, your DH is becoming quite a star at home! Poor bloke being examined tho - I think us women are more used to intimate examinations.. but it needs keeping an eye on. Oh not -a cat at work again on small creatures. some say they are doing it as a gift for ou, but not convinced about this, in Jaffas case.

Doodle a lot of love back at you - hug too.

tonights music ... do you recall it -

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFdas-kMF74

Willow, so sorry to hear about your bowel problems. My husband had the same (including massive doses of Movicol plus other stuff).
I have no advice unfortunately, but I do wish you well and you are in my thoughts.🌺

Hi all

Wyllow- hope you get some help today - that was a pretty strong concoction - hope you don’t need an enema but at least they do the trick. The countryside will be something to look forward to next week.
HVDY- yucky old Jaffa - when we lived in a very rural area my cats used to catch and eat rabbits. But it’s their natural way.
Poor DH that wasn’t any fun!! He’s been very busy since though hasn’t he. Hope you’re OK today.
SweetPeaSue- I think statins affect people in many different ways - my Son in Law was put on them last year and they didn’t agree with him.
Glad you were able to get to Book Club and not only that but enjoyed it too. Great to hear you felt more confident sometimes it takes a long time to feel part of a group- you,ve made a positive step. Your kitchen must smell wonderful.
Doodle- yes thank you- this has been a lovely time. Such a beautiful area. Coastal walking is stunning and the weather has been kind. Hope you were able to get to Church today .
EllieAnne- thinking of you.

Love to all and peaceful sleeps

Doodle Hope you're in less pain with your wrists.
The statin question seems quite complex. Perhaps DH might tolerate a different type better. He's been OK with being at 20mg with this one. We'll take it up with GP next time we're there or at Rapid Access Clinic. Hope you sleep well.
HVDY Glad you got the appt and DH has been seen. He certainly seems quite well today then, all that DIY. My DH loves stuff like that though he's been just too tired to do anything lately.
Oh no - the mouse- poor thing . It's cat's instinct though isn't it. Bet Jaffa thought he was bringing you a gift. Horrid.
Wyllow I do hope you've been sorted out ,you must feel quite yucky. Good thing your carer was coming today.
The music was a piece from Shumann's Scenes of Childhood I believe. Simple little pieces but lovely. It was nice to be reminded of it thanks.

Quite tired today as still not sleeping - or being able to stay asleep. Bladder wakes me up then aches and I end up with thoughts racing around my head . Listening to DHs breathing and so.etimes he stops for what seems a long time then suddenly takes a breath. I know I need to keep a level head.
Went to book group today ( though felt on edge leaving DH alone) and I actually found I contributed more and felt more at ease . My confidence has grown a little I think. I felt more a part of everything.

Hope everyone is coping with the warmth. All my Sweetpeas are coming out and I've three vases of them perfuming the kitchen.🙂

Wishing all a peaceful night and hoping all have had a reasonable day. X
*

Wyllow3 I hope you got on ok. Hopefully, you won't need to have an enema.

Doodle Hope you've been able to go out today.

DH saw a GP and she examined him (much to his dismay) and prescribed a higher dose of the tablet he's on for his prostate. If he gets any more problems, he's got to go back. Since then, he's dragged a single bed down the stairs, sawed it into quarters, taken it and the mattress to the tip. He's now fixing the winder of the patio umbrella . x

Sorry first message was for HVDY

Glad you’ve got your Dh an appointment . Definitely needs to be checked
Sweetpeasue statins can cause muscle cramps and other problems. Might be worth checking with GP what benefit with your husbands problems would an increase in statins be.
Wyllo hope you get seen and treated soon
Scaredycat hope you’re having a lovely time.
Love to all xx

Well done HVDY you got him along. Oh, that is rather gruesome.

Mine is at 11.15 ideal, becuase remember I was off with my carer into the countryside today.....but she can take me to docs, which is great, just in case a follow up after somewhere else, countryside another week. (TMI alert - next option could be enema, yuk, but they don't do them at GP if it's the relevant sort).

Wyllow3 What a charming little piece of music. Good luck with the bowels (all that stuff you took and it still didn't work .

Did the online triage thing - DH has got a GP appt at 11. He didn't get Jaffa in when he went to bed last night, so he'd been in the garden all night - when I opened the door at 6.30, he was eating a sparrow. Nothing left except the head . x

Oh, how very nice to find someone up.

I'm awake - not in pain, but anxious of course. The advantage in ringing 111 is that they are "instructing" the GP to see me. so I'll get dressed before GP start time at 8am.

(Just to give you an idea, I'd had 4 movicol, 8 dulcolax, and one big dose of milk of magnesia so sis said no more)

That is such a good description of that little piece of music

It's just like you said, the music. Such a sweet little piece.