BLACK DOG 25

Oh Doodle What can I say. So good of you to come in. Its so not fair for you to have this extra suffering on top of your heartbreak. Please don't worry about posting. We all understand your predicament. Just take care of yourself. X

SweetpeaSue Aw, Fluffball probably misses you when she goes home, and I bet she's excited when she sees you each time. Dogs make great companions (cats, too, but on their terms), don't they? The baby blankets are so pretty. It's kind of you to do something like that. Those poor people. .

Doodle Oh, you poor lady. Please take care.

How's everyone else been? LittleGirl came at 8, and we went to the playgroup for 2 hours. After lunch, we drove to a country park, but typically, she fell asleep in the car. We didn't want to wake her (and didn't have a pushchair), so she slept whilst we ate a "99" in the car (strangely, she doesn't like ice cream). DIL collected her at 4. Hope everyone is ok x

💕💕to all. Reading all. Sorry can’t write too painful xx

Oh sorry forgot pics. One in Ukrainian colours blue n yellow.

Wyllow I think it's good that you are trying to open up a little with the Watsapps to your son and I'm sure he'll be pleased, though I can understand the worry of trying to keep up. Hope today has been OK for you. Oh I do understand the losing fitness - I never used to find raising myself from the bath a struggle at all! It's so true - the use it or lose it- and you were so very fit with your regular yoga. Small steps again.
HVDY You made me laugh at the people banging on your wall on holiday- it really must be loud. My son used to have to share a room on the rigs and he hated it when paired with a snorer.
Oh yes, those awful calendars, it was so intimidating and I remember being so embarrassed as a very young girl.
I hated leaving Fluffball the other day- getting quite attached.
Doodle Been thinking of your awful predicament with poorly wrists and just hoping you are getting support and help. Sending you a hug and love.

Hoping everyone is ok and coping.

Had reasonable day .Changed ISA. Had a lovely walk along beach ( 35 mins - the last 5 were important and I'm not saying half n hr - well out of comfort zone) but we did it. Then home and finished 3rd baby/cot blanket. Finally managed to get in touch with Ukraine supporter to takes lorries of stuff to the most needy in Ukraine.
DH still keeps getting headache but comes and goes through the day. See what it's like tomorrow.

Wishing all a peaceful night.

Wyllow3 I can somehow imagine you being part of the women's movement (did you carry a placard and burn your bra . The film sounds interesting. It was a different time then - Page 3, and "sexy" calendars in men's workplaces were around a lot. How times change (thankfully).

correction upthread.. not a glance between doing it, a balance doing it!

I’m glad you came in, EllieAnne Please dont feel you shouldn’t have come in. It’s good that you explained how DD functions and why its difficult ie his solution doesnt work for you. As we are all different I feel there isnt’ a hierarchy of need or pain here but like responding to you in crisis - its the intentions that matter.

HVDY I found a film about the 1970 demonstration by women at the Miss World contest. As I was part of the women’s movement in the 70’s (I was the right age at the right time) it was interesting.

Well done on watering the plants, I’ve lost a few by not doing it. But I dont think anyone could sleep with that level of snoring! Enjoy Littlegirl.

I did a little bit for the starving heart Scardeycat, just a bit more contact on WhatsApp with DS. Hope I’m getting it right. Ah, yes opening ones heart - a glance between doing it, and what might come up if you do.Must be a common dilemma.
Your walk tot he paper shop sounded a nice little outing, like you say small things count.

Now dont feel embarrassed Elveral. Good to hear of a better night.

xx back Doodle thinking of you too.

I realise you are afraid of loss, Sweetpeasue. Anything small like appreciating flowers grow each day that works is good as Scardeycat says. Thank you so much for the kind words to me. I so wish we could heal your DH’s headache as you must.

Today was doing a wash and having a shower, exhausted after, but as I said above the little thing was trying to open ups bit more with DS on WhatsApp I hope I can keep it up.

The other thing was a realisation that if I dont move about more I’ll lose the strength I used to have in very basic ways, knees, back and so on. Walking isn’t enough..try to do little stretches in the day. I am trained in Yoga, I know what I should do, it's doing it.

Night night BDs, reading or in

xx

Doodle Thinking of you, too. I hope you've seen family or friends today and that your "good" wrist is less painful.

SweetpeaSue His snoring is so loud that once, we were in a hotel on holiday, the people in the next room banged on the wall! He had a job working away from home at one time, and his workmates used to refuse to share a room with him . I do hope your husband's bad headache eases off soon. He must be so sick of not feeling well. Aww, Fluffball wanted to be with you both in bed . Jaffa always comes to bed with me, but dogs take up much more room.

Little Girl will be here tomorrow, so I'm off to bed soon. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Sorry, in my first paragraph the word I meant was familiar not family.

Oh Doodle Thankyou you are in all our thoughts and prayers too.xxx

I feel so lucky to have my DH and yet the more love I have for him the more the fear strangles me.
I'm so terribly sorry for those bereaved here yet I know there's no words . In fact I've just read a poem on Bereavement forum about walking with your other half on a family walk and the feelings it brings after losing them - I'm in floods of tears but I'm sorry as I know words can't help much.

Doodle What on earth has happened( don't answer that) I'm so sorry you must be beside yourself with frustration and sadness. Balance can be more difficult as we get older but with one hand out of action it must have been easier to fall. Thinking of you , sending love and hope you're not in too much pain.x
Scaredycat As usual ,there is so much genuine caring in your words. You are so right about the small thinks of light and the tiny things in a day that can feel like a breakthrough when we're feeling ' closed off'. Watching my flowers grow each day is special to me. First a tiny stem then leaves, a bud, flower. I'm always amazed at what I suddenly see one morning. I have seen the first stem and bud on my Sweetpeas today.
Elveral Good to see you in again and I'm sorry about things at home getting on top of you. You are trying so hard to be all things for everyone and it must be really dawned hard without your DH and taking care of everyone around you. You must feel like screaming. Please don't feel embarrassed about your post - you need to know that someone cares. I remember what it's like to have teenagers( mine were boys but getting them to do chores, bringing cups and goodness knows what down from bedrooms....) You are grieving - perhaps let your girls know you are struggling too, although I'm sure it must be so difficult as a mum your wanting to protect them.
I was glad to see your second post too about your hanging baskets. It will be good to watch them fill out and develop. My heart goes out to you- you have so many responsibilities and a broken heart too. Sending a 🫂.
EllieAnne Please don't worry about your first post- you know we all have different types of worries and problems and yours are just as valid. It's your choice completely about ADs and it's difficult if you've had an unsatisfactory result with them. We all just want to help. Please don't 'stay quiet' for a while because you think others have worse sufferings. I can't imagine the stress and pain daily of living your life the way you have to. You are hurting so much -I wonder if your DH sees or knows that but doesn't know how to approach it. Anyway , we will worry if you don't come back. I hope you get a call or text from your DD soon. I know how you need that. X
HVDYOh no - your DH has ditched the mask. His snoring does sound terribly loud ( from what you've said- can't hear him from here yet) I love Dunhelm Mill . Your bedroom will be looking lovely. Fluffball at DILs mum now. She was whining a little from downstairs so I brought her bed up to our bedroom where she slept for a few hrs then paddled around and jumped onto our bed! Haha. I took her bed back down again and she got in and slept fine until 6am when next door neighbour came in and their dogs started howling.
DH still has headache - it's on one side of temple and has been there 3dys now.
You were up early again and watered all your pets and plants.
Wyllow ' A busy head can have a starving heart' so very sad Wyllow. I'm sorry about your dressing gown day and hope it's better tomorrow. You do so well on the P thread and I'm sure you give a lot of food for thought. You have so much to give and I wish you realised what a valuable person you are. I wish I knew what to say too. Hope you find another worthwhile film to watch tonight. Take care of yourself - we all want you better. Sendin̈g love.x

Xx thinking of all

ScaredyCat My husband snores like a constipated warthog! (as if I know what that sounds like). He's not allowed in the new bedroom with me unless he wears the mask. I can't have that row all night (it's very loud indeed). He says the mask makes his throat dry (having a drink at the bedside is logical, but no) Hope you've been having a good
day.

Elvera1 No need to be embarrassed (why would you?). It's good that your girls do some chores. My GC and SGC all have to help around the house. Your girls are still grieving, too. I bet your garden is looking nice. Some pretty plants do brighten things up.

Hope everyone has been ok. DH and I went to Dunelm (The Nottingham one is huge), bought a bedside table and roller blind for my bedroom, and he's put it all up. x

Hello everyone,
Oh dear I’m feeling embarrassed now about my post.
So sorry.
Ellie Anne please keep posting and don’t feel bad, you are valid and valued, I’m really sorry if I made you feel bad, I didn’t mean to.
Yes the girls do have chores and they do them - eventually, the eldest helps out much more that the younger. 😬
Thanks you for your kind words, you know exactly how I’m feeling so that helps so much.
I slept well last night for a change, must of been the gardening.
Today I’ve been the garden centre and got some hanging baskets and plants to cheer the place up. Work tomorrow and a busy month ahead, eldest DD is finishing her GCSEs and will be leaving school this month.
Hope you are all as ok as you can be.
I’m thinking of you all and thanks for your support it means so much. Xx

Hi all
Elveral- So good to hear from you. It’s hard when you are trying to please all generations and look after your own welfare too. Of course sometimes you have to put your foot down and set boundaries. I remember when I was in your position my DD ran rings around me for a while- her brother was very different. You are all hurting in your own way.
You will feel better and one day you,ll realise that life is worth living again. See after yourself as you say your outside doesn’t reflect the turmoil inside. The girls need to know that you too need some time for relaxation . You are not moaning- it’s a hard road to travel.
Wyllow- Ah your last paragraph is so revealing and describes very well how you often feel.
Life can seem that we are just going through the motions sometimes but there doesn’t always have to be a point .
Sun on your face,a piece of music,a good film,a beautiful view,a chance encounter,family,kind chat with carer,delicious food and so much more can lighten your day if you let it.
You have a big heart - I so hope you can learn to open it up again. We are all behind youxx
EllieAnne- maybe giving is the only way your DH can show his feelings. As HVDY says many men are not good at emotions
And are unable to express them.
Perhaps you could try another Doctor - that one doesn’t sound as though he understands MH at all.
Don’t stay quiet this is our place to say how we feel . Remember all our worries are different but no less important and they affect us differently.
HVDY- I,m with you on the ADs. It’s like getting your life back and I can’t imagine being without them now.
Yes it was warm early today wasn’t it. You,ve been busy already , all outside fed and watered. I walked to the paper shop at 8 in a T shirt and it was lovely then.
How is your DH managing without his CPAP?
Hope your SGD is feeling better.
Doodle- Oh you poor soul- you really didn’t need that. I hope you’re getting some help it must have made things even more difficult.. Did you trip over something or is your balance not so good now? I wobble a bit sometimes and hate it.
Hope you,ve still been able to get to Church and manage coffee and cake.
Take care please dear Doodlex

Love to all and for those with worries and difficulties be kind to yourselves and try to enjoy this lovely day.

SweetpeaSue Fluffball looks so cosy in her bed. She must love seeing you and going to the beach. Hope the overnight stay went well, and no noise from next door. How's your husband's headache?

ScaredyCat I should think you needed a more relaxing day after your day out. I like to have at least one day a week when I stay at home, without having to wear make-up.

Doodle Oh, you poor thing. It must feel as though you've got one thing after another to cope with.

* Elveral* It must be very tiring having to do everything. Teenagers don't always see eye to eye with each other or with their mum (all the female hormones raging too). Do your girls have chores to do at home to help you?

Wyllow3 What film did you watch? DH watched some crummy old western for hours. I prefer to listen to music (YouTube) through my headphones.

EllieAnne ADs make me feel flat, a lot of the time, but I'd still rather have that than the deep despair and sadness I had. We've all got worries, and yours are just as valid as anyone else's. There's no competition. Men don't always know how to deal with emotions (my husband doesn't). They sometimes want to fix a problem without discussing or understanding it. It doesn't make them horrible or anything.

It's warm out already - fed Jaffa, the birds and squirrels. Filled the bird baths, watered all the plants. DH is still in bed (spare room, he's refusing to wear his sleep apnoea mask).m Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

I wish I hadn’t posted what I did but no point in removing it now. . Just a couple of things.
Dd thinks giving something is an answer to a problem. Eg when dd was diagnosed with clinical depression and was suicidal he said could we buy her something to cheer her up.
Anti depressants ( tried different ones) made me flat and lazy. Dr wasn’t helpful about staying on or coming off said it was up to me and didn’t offer any alternative advice.
People here are grieving loss or worrying about ill health so I shouldn’t go on as I do.
I’ll stay quiet for a while. Thinking of you all xx

That was a really good lie in there, HVDY, it would be great if the anti b's worked for SGD.

Yes it would be good not to face the constant motivation problem Sweetpeasue, wouldnt it.
I hope having an overnight with Fluffball goes OK. But it was nice to read of your beach fun with her.

I’m glad the weather allowed a garden doze, Scaredycat> I hope its a quiet garden just with birds noises and buzzing bees.

No, today I woke up knowing it would be a dressing gown day just to get through somehow. I found a decent feel good film tonight.

Aw, Doodle oh my, you poor poor love - how awful for you. Biggest hugs.

Hello Elveral - it must be very wearing running them around and the tensions of conflict that come up in families at times. A real strain when you need to be able to try and self care.
No wonder you get cross and fed up and probably having had to “be there” for mum. Oh yes, the times one its on a good face and look well and rubbish inside
Please do and try to set some boundaries ….so you can sit in the garden - less running the girls around or having to provide for them if friends come!

Things seem never endingly the same and purposeless a lot of the time - I can distract but a busy head can have a starving heart.

Night night all - on my mind Ellie Anne as you came in feeling bad, and all other BD’s reading or posting.

Hi ladies, just popping in.
I’ve been busy with half term, took the girls and my mum away for a few days, it was nice to have a change of scenery. Tiring as I had to do all the driving, we couldn’t walk anywhere as it was in the country and too far.
Since we got home I’ve been feeling really low, I keep crying, (girls didn’t see). I’ve had to be firm with them as they are wearing me out running them around to friends etc or the friends want to come here and then they never want to go home.
There’s been differences of opinion and they can never see my point.
Earlier on I did some tidying up in the garden to try and clear my mind.
Just wonder when I’ll feel any better, feel so rubbish. Just cos I look ok doesn’t mean I feel it. Feel so ragingly mad or totally fed up most of the time.
Sorry to moan on.
Thinking of you all xx

Another fall sprained other wrist in pain can’t write back as soon as I can xx

Hi all
Doodle- that was such a kind and insightful message to EllieAnne. You said very eloquently what we all tried to say.
What a good job you went to the H- that must have been really painful. I hope it is now easier for you to move your hand.
I,m sorry it’s been one of those difficult days- so many sad memories must surface when you are in the H. I must admit I,m still not comfortable with being on H even after all these years.
Hope you get to Church tomorrow and are able to see your friends for a chat.
HVDY- thank you we had a lovely day and visited 2 places as they were so close together. DH & SiL enjoyed it and are looking forward to more adventures .
Your SGD has had such a lot to deal with - I hope she doesn’t have to have the draining done and they go down naturally.
Lazy day for us too- I was beyond tired after yesterday so sat outside and dozed in the garden. You had a busy day yesterday too- Little Girl has a wonderful time with you.
SweetPeaSue- Fluffball must look so cute doing her zoomed- she looks so cosy in her little bed. It did you such good to have her with you and have a laugh. It’s been a beautiful day today and glad you enjoyed it too.
EllieAnne- do hope you,ve had a rethink re the ADs
Wyllow- glad you got out for a walk and there was plenty going on.You are doing as much as you can and I do hope the effort to get out feels worthwhile to you.
Hope you have a bit more energy today and have done what you can to get out.
Sunday is one of your busy days isn’t it so hope you do something to lift your spirits.xx

I hope all those absent at the moment have managed to enjoy the day as much as they are able. Thinking of you all and sending love.

Think she's flagging.

Wyllow Well done on that walk yesterday- I'm sure it's much better to even watch others from afar than stay in alone all day. Oh yes- that 'oomph' It's hard to self motivate if you're very depressed. If we were cars we could just fill up when empty.
Doodle Good thing you got that hand dressing sorted ,that must have been really uncomfortable. Hope it's not hurting now. Hope you can get to church tomorrow. It s no wonder you've felt so down when it's so difficult to do things . Lovely post to EllieAnne.
HVDY 6 -30 is so early - Jaffa is 'having a laugh!' He does look funny in that photo.
Paracetamol doesn't seem to make a difference to this particular headache. Rheumatologist said he was to drop 1mg steroids every couple of weeks which is quite fast for reducing them ( it's usually 1mg every 4-8 weeks with GCA towards the end). Well see how it goes.
Scaredycat* EllieAnne* and all others , hope you're all OK and the warm weather has helped.

We have Fluffball overnight tonight so not sure how it will go. Next door neighbour has 3 dogs and they can howl like wolves at times. 🫤
Had a really nice day and laughed at fluffball doing zoomies on the beach ( racing around ) . She's in her bed at present with chin on the side.

Wishing all a peaceful night and mind.xx

SweetpeaSue You and your husband don't have much luck. He must be so fed-up with feeling unwell. Do the headaches go with Paracetamol or similar? I hope you manage to have a nice time with Fluffball.

Doodle It's a good job you had the dressing checked. Hope you're more comfortable now and that you have some company today. SGD is going on ok, thanks. The pain has subsided, but the lumps are not shrinking. She's been told that if not smaller by next week, she'll need it/them draining.
Your words to EllieAnne were what I meant, too.

Wyllow3 Glad you managed to get out for a walk. A bit of fresh air is always good.

Lazy day today - Got up at 6.30 to feed Jaffa but went back to bed and didn't wake until 9! Love to all x