BLACK DOG 25

Evening all. I went to the hospice today to see DH’s name in the book of remembrance. I looked on the date and his name wasn’t there. I just started crying. Fortunately my friend was with me and she spoke to someone who came over and turned over another page in the book and there was his name. I was so pleased he hadn’t been forgotten. I’m all over the place at the moment and still finding it hard to write. I am reading though and sending love and hugs to you all

SweetpeaSue Yes, the backache is where my kidneys are. Should start to clear up in another day or so. Your GS be going to senior school next year, then Our 10 year old GD will be 11 this Oct, so won't move up until next Sept. Nice that you spent some time with him. Have you been out with Fluffball today?

ScaredyCat I keep feeling shivery, but that's the infection. Fortunately, I haven't lost my appetite . The afternoon tea was gorgeous. Jaffa was a good boy, I just woke early. The new bed is higher than the old one (which is in 2nd bedroom). Lovely and comfortable, though. Your day sounds very pleasant. A cat show tomorrow - try not to steal any .

Hope everyone is ok x

Hi all.
Had a nice walk with DD this morning as DH and SiL playing Golf. It’s so nice now they are retired and able to relax after years of stress. Tomorrow we are going to a Cat Show and so looking forward to it.
Doodle- I,m so glad you have the support of your lovely friend so close at hand.
These next few days will be full of memories and emotions. Will be thinking of you. It’s amazing how quickly this year has gone- so vivid in all our minds.
That smile will remain in your mind forever - a kind ,brave and loving man.
Lucyd- it must be good to feel the warmth of the sun again after that cold winter in your caravan. It’s great that you have a quiet spot despite it being very busy at holiday times.
Your “ baby” day must be full on but full of joy too. It will be easier for you once in your new home. Hope the building work is progressing well - at least the weather is on your side at last.
Whywhywhy- hope you,ve managed to get away and you feel better than you thought you would. Wishing you kinder times.
Wyllow- the garden man has nice weather today. I hope you’re pleased with what he’s done and maybe you might feel like sitting outside with a cuppa tomorrow.
Maybe there is something lurking in your fridge as HVDY suggested. It’s so easy to forget an old vegetable in the salad drawer.
Sky had a big outage yesterday so hopefully you are in business again today.
Hope your eye isn’t too bad now.
HVDY- kidney pain is awful - glad that you don’t feel poorly as well.
That was an early morning . Was Jaffa involved or has he been banished? Hope the new bed was comfortable and lovely new sheets too.
Enjoy your afternoon tea - what a lovely thoughtful gift. My favourite meal out.
SweetPeaSue- thank you . You all feel like old friends to me and I have mental pictures in my mind of you all.
You sound more positive today- just take each day as it comes and don’t overtire yourself.
Fluffball day today - she’ll be ready for a run in the sun.
Our DGC are so precious aren’t they. Your DGS is 10 now! That’s a lovely age before they begin the transition to the teen years.

Love to all

Doodle I too remember this time last year when you DH went to the hospice- it doesn't seem that long ago. Thinking of you - I'm so sorry and sending a hug.x
HVDY Your kidney pain sounds nasty. Do you have the back ache too. Just hoping the antibiotics work on it soon.
LucyD Thank goodness it's warm for you now. Nothing more miserable than feeling cold all the time. Aw your baby granddaughter sounds adorable.Oh yes, remember what a feat it was changing a nappy on wriggling little babies- they always want to turn over. Hope she likes her naps too!
Whywhywhy Wondering how you are getting on facing each day- so hard when you feel alone ,which is how depression makes you feel- even if there is family around. Do come here whenever you want to share. Sending love.
Wyllow Ooh that eye is going to be a shiner isn't it. Thank goodness your actual eye wasn't damaged. You must feel a bit self- conscious with it now. Glad it's not painful. Could you wear sunglasses going out for a walk. They always seem to make me feel more invisible somehow . Hope your gardener makes your garden look nice and gives you something pleasing to look at. Yes, will koko. You too.
Scaredycat Such kind and caring words for everyone. You always post to us like a good friend . Thankyou, yes it's tiring but well get there. Take care of yourself and hoping your neice gets her op soon. That will help your sister's worries too.

Still in dressing gown but will go up and get ready now as DH has just brought in Fluffball. Had DGS yesterday from school and he's growing so fast - he was 10 a few dys ago .We with throwing rings around a scoring thing on grass taking turns. He enjoyed writing the scores and adding up. Love him so much.
Shall go now and try and get my body working.
Love to all and thankyou for your kind words.x

ScaredyCat I've got a lot of bad kidney pain but feel ok in myself. Your niece's health conditions aren't so straightforward, but I hope she won't be waiting much longer. It seems so many things take so long nowadays.

Doodle I remember you telling us last year. . Thinking of you.

LucyD A busy time for you. How old is the baby? It's lovely to have grandchildren around but they do make you tired.

Wyllow3 Could there be something in the back of the fridge that's making it smell? I found some Southern fried chicken in ours (DH's stuff) that must have been in there about 3 weeks!

It's a bright morning. Been awake since 5.30. Afternoon tea with DH at a hotel this afternoon (a gift from Son1). Apart from that, a lazy day. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

What a treat, a new bed HVDY I’m glad that the anti-b’s are beginning to work. Thats a really nice meal there. Thanks for sharing a bit of your history.

Sweetpeasue thinking of you and your kind words today for others, koko now x

It is really disgraceful the length of time, Scaredycat, although I understand a bit better why now. It’s the garden man tomorrow, yes. Now you take care too.

Oh….Doodle…I can even remember you posting this a year ago…thank you for sharing the memory…of course, you miss him..thinking of you over the next couple of days.

I’m so glad it’s warmed up for you in the caravan, and Lucyd - a world of difference, thank goodness it’s still quiet. Roll on August - it is a busy time for you. Ice and arnica helped my knee thank you.

Best wishes whywhywhy, let us know if you do go away and how it goes.

(I’ve been with MH services since 2002….I think maybe the only thing important to share with a new face is that I was in an abusive relationship that ended badly 3 years ago but there was a lot of love there too, and he was MH ill in a very difficult way)

Its been a dressing gown day, but the fridge has been smelling and I will try to see if defrosting it helps …my eye looks bad but doesn’t hurt - I’ll have to explain as it looks like someone hit me.

My eye looks like I’ve been punched, but doesnt hurt, I think the icing helped a lot, it will probably have interesting colours round it soon. Now my fridge is playing up, will see if defrosting helps… and the Sky wasn’t working on the TV tonight (its happened before, a break in transmission)

……up early for the gardener tomorrow.

Sending love for those not in today, and best nights all possible xx

Thank you. X

Evening everyone. Been a while since I posted. Have been very busy with work as still shirt staffed plus now have both grandchildren once a week instead of just my wee grand daughter. Luckily the baby does have an afternoon nap but he is an extremely wriggly baby and nappy changing is an trial!
Am still at the caravan but it is lovely here in the sun and even when the site was busy at Easter it was so peaceful where I am. Also no longer cold which is super. I am hoping to be moved in August.
It will take me a while to get caught up with all your news.
Doodle- your poor hand. Even simple tasks are mighty tricky to manage with just one hand. I do hope you are getting plenty help.
Ellie Anne - you are not a bad person. You feel sad for lady's husband but the lady who died was unkind towards you so you are justified in your feelings towards her. That doesn't make you a bad person.
Wyllow3- sorry to read about your knee. You said ice helped? I have osteoarthritis and I find using a tens machine gives me relief for a wee while ( have to turn it up to the highest setting though!) Also Biofreeze which numbs the area when you rub it on.
Will try to read back through more posts tomorrow night but working right through till Tuesday.
Hope all BDers have a peaceful night xx

Yes my friend does live in the same block as me she is amazing and has-been so kind
An emotional day for me. This is the day last year DH went to the hospice. It’s been on my mind all day how he held my hand in the ambulance and smiled at me. I miss him so much
Love and hugs to all

Hi all
Home again!
HVDY- so sorry to read you have a kidney infection - that must make you feel very uncomfortable. Your surgery is certainly on the ball though.
My niece told me she can’t have a cancellation Appointment because there has to be a Cardiac team in Theatre too as she has an ICD. But hopefully it won’t be too long now- it’s disgraceful she is so uncomfortable.
Congratulations on your Wedding Anniversary- the meal sounded delicious.
Doodle- you poor thing it all sounds so uncomfortable. Glad you were able to see your friends .
You must feel very frustrated but at least you have been able to take it a bit easier for a while and I,m sure you have no shortage of visitors.
Does your nice friend live in your same Block? Are you able to go to the Hospice with her?
Nadateturbe- so good to see you here. You are inspiring how you cope with your problems.
It’s so hard isn’t it when we can no longer do the things we used to take for granted. Like you I too have done many sports - but at least we did them. Now it is someone else’s turn. I hope you can soon get back to your Art and other things you enjoy.
Hope this awful period of fatigue lessens soon.
EllieAnne- don’t waste any more energy worrying about somebody who was so unkind to you. I remember how distressed you were when she was making your life so miserable.
You are a nice person to feel as you do when in fact that’s life and sad for her family but put it out of your mind - you have enough to deal with.
SweetPeaSue- you sound exhausted. Yes 2 weeks is a long time but I think your DH is right about any other appointments.
The weeks will pass but in the mean time I hope you can both get out together and relax a bit. Sit by the Sea and try and let the tensions wash away. I wish I could help with more constructive advice.
whywhywhy- fighting depression is so wearying and that feeling of dread at going away is very familiar to me. But often once you are in a new place it can really help. New sights and sounds and change of routine. I hope you both have some special moments and here’s a hug from me too.
Wyllow- you,ve had an eventful couple of days. Glad you knee didn’t curtail your shopping day. Yes exercise always helps but certainly growing older does make it a challenge. But one worth taking up as each little achievement is a victory.
I wondered if there is a Volunteer Bureau where you live. If so maybe somebody could drive you to that Hospital. Years ago after what happened the local one was marvellous .
Then to be attacked by your laptop- that must have startled you. Hope it’s not too bruised or painful.
Is it garden man tomorrow?
Hope today you,ve come out from your hiding place and it’s been a bit better mood wise.

Take care all - you,re all such special peoplexx

whywhywhy I've had depression for about 16 years (I'm 66). It's managed by antidepressants. I hope you get away and enjoy the break when you get there. I find that I don't want to go anywhere, but if I force myself to, I'm fine when I'm there and am glad I made the effort.

SweetpeaSue Thank you. The antibiotics are beginning to work and I feel a bit better today. How are you and your husband today?

Wyllow3 Oh no, poor you. I hope your eye isn't too painful. Arnica is good for bruises. Take care,

Doodle and everyone else - hope your day has been ok.

Day centre meal was nice - chicken breast, roasted new potatoes, salad, then chocolate and pear pudding. New bed is here, I'm looking forward to being in it tonight x

Hello all. Wyllow sorry about your poor nose. Hope it’s not too painful.
Sending love and hugs to all. X

Its not too sore but its going to be an eye surround of many colours, it looks like a punch. Now my fridge is smelling …and I just want to hide from it all including bad feelings.

Scaredycat I hope you have arrived home safe and sound. It’s not easy for your sis with all the family health concerns, yes it would be good if they lived nearer.

Sorry to hear about yet another infection, HVDY. I’m glad your doctors is responsive.

Its so hard for you nadateturbe to keep up a social life x

I hope you have been able to resolve your dilemma about going away, whywhywhy

I’ll be in later… and I just want to hide from it all today including bad feelings so too tired to follow up on what I should meds/healthwise, thank you all yesterday for the support xx

Oh Wyllow I hope it’s not too sore😢😢😢

No problem posting late it seems!

Thank you. Your kind words mean a lot. Once again, I just can’t get to sleep.

Glad someone's up, it came down quite hard and there is a small cut but there will be bruising.

bless!

Oh dear Wyllow. Hope the icepack helps. ❤️

I just set out to write tonight lying with my quite large lap top and managed to tip it over right into my face quite hard so I'm sitting holding an ice pack over my eye area.

I will come in tomorrow as today has been full of love and concern for each other and kind to me.

whywhywhy welcome.

Sorry, so many typing errors- just so extremely tired- taken meds but not working.

Wyllow I hope you can manage to move the place closer to discuss your meds. I can see why it's such a bug ask for you to travel do far, especially as you find it so difficult yo get out at all. Just another thing uou could fo with not having to worry about.
Its good you hot out to the park with carer- just wish , as you do too , you could feel the motivation coming from inside. I really don't know the answer - please koko. We all want you to hang on in there so much. A big hug and love.xx

whywhywhy Your username is amazingly apt for this life.
I really hope the few days away with your DH is helpful. I've said it before here, that the thought of something you dread is often worse than the reality. I hope those proves true for you about this break away. Your battle with depression is very sad and I know it interferes a lot with everyday life.
I know it might not mean a lot from a stranger, but a hug is definitely coming your way tonight from myself. X🫂

HVDY Thank goodness you got more antibiotics for your kidney pain. They are such a 'miracle' drug and it's good that your surgery acted promptly. Sorry you've had so much pain.
Nadateturbe I'm so very sorry for what you're going through. I get that rest or sleep doesn't leave you feeling refreshed. Feeling antisocial is something I understand and I think there are others here that feel the same. I know I do. I feel bad that all I want to do is sleep. I've no energy but at same time I need to keep going for DH.
It takes a lot of your energy to come. in here. Sending love and prayers for you to be able to come through this time.

Thank you for this site.
I’ve battled depression on and off all of my life. It’s a daily basis thing. My crafts keep me sane but lately it’s been really hard. Going away tomorrow for a few days with DH and I really don’t want to spoil it but I don’t want to go. Thanks for reading.
I need a hug tonight xx