BLACK DOG 25

SweetpeaSue Hope your husband will get a diagnosis very soon. Shame about your aunt, it does sound like dementia.

Wyllow3 When is your gardener coming back? It would be nice if he could tidy your garden enough for you to sit outside.

DH has mowed the lawn, I've swept the patio and filled the birdbaths. Just ordered a new bird table from Amazon. Jaffa's eating his tuna on the patio. It's lovely weather. Hope everyone has a pleasant Easter Sunday x

Wishing you all the kindest Easter Sunday possible.
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Lucky Lazy boy, HVDY good home domestics there.

Nice to get a list form them Scardeycat as they live so far away. I hopethat your ginormous roast feast goes well tomorrow.

It will be a hard time, Doodle. Just sending lots of warm support. I hope chirch on Easter sunday is evrything it can be for you all.

Well done for taking your aunt out this morning, Sweetpeasue.
No, its isnt fair,for DH. Just hope there can be an effective diagnosis and treatment as soon as possible

I'm afriad I got badly stuck today. Depsite good resolutions the night before I jsut couldnt force myself to dress and go out. Just couldnt. Self punishing I couldnt face having to face the world. I didnt want to look after myself. Tomorrow is hower day and washing clothes. some nice WhatSapps today on choc egg fun planned tomorrow.

Night night BD's and may they be the best its possible.

Doodle Enjoy your day with your son tomorrow.
It just doesn't seem a year since your DH passed. I think it will have been the worst year of your life. Just so sorry and fan only send live and hugs.
HVDY Your Jaffa is a very handsome boy.

Sorry short post. Took aunt out.this morning. Her memory is so bad.
I am so sad about DH. Its not right he's had to suffer so much.
Night all.x

ScaredyCat How nice that you saw your SDD and her partner. Were they around just for the day? Best of luck with your dinner tomorrow. Sure it will be delicious. DH will cook a roast for the 2 of us tomorrow.

Doodle The past year has been so sad for you. I'm glad you've got a loving family and caring friends to support you. Jaffa is lovely. As you can see, he's black/brown/ginger-ish. He's scratched both leather settees a lot (they're 3 years old), but we still love him.

How has everyone else been? I've been sorting out clothes and shoes I don't wear (some never worn) and faffing about. Nothing exciting. x

Scaredycat it’s nice to have such encouragement from you. I must admit the last few days I have struggled a lot. Been in tears a lot of today too. Going over this time last year, I’m finding it hard.
Your DD certainly has a lot to do. Hopefully now she’s retired it will be a bit easier.
Sweetpeasue yes we were seated for a lot of the service, this has been the longest 11 months of my life and certainly the most painful. I have never shed so many tears, day after day.
I’ve been really sad today but feeling better this evening. I spent a nice afternoon with friends. Going to sons tomorrow for a meal.
Wyllow I hope you will be able to have less dressing gown days over the summer months and get out more. Glad your tum is a little better.
HVDY no one would think Jaffa was a feral cat. He looks so contented. He’s a lucky boy.
You’ve been busy with the bed changing. Good you got it all washed and dried.
Scaredycat yes it does seem a long time to me. I’m not so good at the moment. I’m looking forward to seeing the church tomorrow.
Hope your meal with your family goes well.
Happy Easter all x

Hi all
Doodle- today is yet another poignant one for you - 11 months already. It only seems a moment since you shared your sad news with us but must seem an eternity to you.
Tomorrow your church will be full of flowers and golden light .Sending love for Easter Sunday and hope your day is with friends and those you love.
Wyllow- good news re the tum. Such a better feeling for you to be more physically comfortable.
I know it’s hard to motivate yourself in the morning but would it be possible to try and shower and get into some comfortable clothes before you begin your day. Then you are ready to go out if you feel like it. You deserve to feel fresh and wear nice things.
But it’s good if your mind can quieten as you describe - it will give you peace and strength to break that pattern eventually.
Lovely childhood memories Wyllow- seaside is special.
HVDY- the cabin park sounds good and I hope they all have a great time. It was the 60s when we went to Butlins so it was all traditional entertainment- I have photos of my 3 in fancy dress contests!!
Hope you are out today and the sun is out as it is here. We,ve had a visit from my Stepdaughter and partner this morning. So nice to see them as they live a long way away.
Lazy afternoon as tomorrow I,m cooking a roast for DD SiL GD3 and boyfriend and us!! I have no confidence now though so let’s hope it’s OK.

Hope everyone is having as good a day as possiblexx

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Lazy boy

SweetpeaSue Your husband must want to do jobs whilst he's feeling able to. All that work will make him ache. I changed the beds (mine double, his single) and got it all washed and dried. What type of pillows did you get? Ours are memory foam and ergonomic, very comfortable.

ScaredyCat Filey is lovely. The GDs are staying on a log cabin-type park. They've been to Butlin's before (those places have changed so much over the years, they're really great now. Your DD had a very busy life. Hope she can relax more now.

Doodle The church service sounds so moving. Almost a year since your DH went. . You've been coping so well.

Wyllow3 Glad your tum is easier. I hope today might be better for you and that you might get outside.

Yesterday was quite boring - I didn't go out or do anything, but perhaps will today. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Well done for the washing and bedding Sweetpeasue I hope the extra pillows help your sleep. I just think Dh has to be productive for his emotional well being but I know it worries you and nights are troubling.

It has been another dressing gown day no dressing gown dumping of it, tomorrow hopefully, but it was a better tum day with visits loo-wise. My mind was a bit more quiet but of course it’s not good not washing/getting out in the boarder scheme. I just dont want to do anything for myself so hide. Last thing at night I think, I’ll do such and such tomorrow but wake in the mornings very different, which is a typical pattern.

HVDY good winner on the Easter Egg. I spent all childhood holidays in Filey so it’s special for me. Walking the length of the Brig when the tide is out…the fish and chips at cobble Landing. Hope your day was OK.

I can imagine the service, Doodle..the candles, flowers, the peace. And how appropriate, the way Good Friday was marked. And you went alone in your tears. All us BD’s remember last years events x

Scaredycat your DD has a very busy life! I’m glad DH can go golfing and great its so local. Sorry you had to give up golf.

Thinking of our absent BD’s just now..

Night night all.

Oh Doodle You described the service so well and it must have been so powerful .The silence for 2 hours- did you remain seated?
It doesn't seem very long since your DH passed away - 11 mths is such a long time yet it seems weeks away. Hoping you sleep tonight and with a peaceful soul/heart. X
Scaredycat Thankyou, you are so kind and thoughtful to all. X

Hi all
Doodle- you need to do this period of reflection and the next month will be hard for you but you will come through stronger and have survived the hardest year of your life - our brave friend.
My DD lives in the same village which is lovely but has had a very stressful job and was juggling 3DD,GC, DH, elderly in laws ,pets and us so had little time for herself.
Your church service sounds lovely and your description was beautiful
HVDY- what a nice day you had yesterday- cherries and cheesecake what a lovely combo.
DH has golfed for a long time now and the Club is in our village. I played too for a long while but I gave up as have cervical spondylosis and it became uncomfortable.
Hope the girls enjoy Filey- I went to Butlins there when the children were young - it’s a lovely beach.
Wyllow- hope today was a better one for you and you dumped the dressing gown!!
SweetPeaSue- your DH must find DIY absorbing and therapeutic.
It’s so hard when you wake in the night and your mind gets into gear and goes into overdrive. I hope the new pillows helped you sleep better.

Love to allxxx

HVDY be nice if you get to see little girl and her sister over Easter. I can remember Easter egg hunts with our granddaughters.
Sounds like a good day at the centre. Lovely meal. Well done for wining and Easter egg.
Sweetpeasue the Watch was a lovely service. Prayers first and then silence for the last two hours. The alter was decorated with flowers and we were all invited to go up and sit and just look at the flowers in silence, it was beautiful.
Today’s Good Friday service was lovely too. The church is bare and stark. All flowers removed from the altar and the crucifixes covered in black. In the middle at the front was a cross made from two big plants of wood covered with some netting. We went through the service and then we all went up and took turns to place wild flowers in the netting and to pray. All done in silence. When we had finished. That cross was one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen. We left and the church was locked and left.
The services have been so nice but very emotional. Lots of people shed tears, Mine were a mixture of sorrow over thé crucifixion and sorrow over my darling Dh. It will be 11 months tomorrow.
You won’t stop worrying till you find a solution and treatment for your DH’s problems. It’s awful it’s dragged on so long.
Wyllow hope you feel better tomorrow and can go for a little walk.
Scaredycat does your DD whose retired live near you. It would be nice for you to meet up more often. I’m lucky our sons are close by.

Wyllow Hope today wasn't another dressing gown day for you. How is your tum?
Doodle Hope the Watch service was nice.

Hope everyone has had a decent day .
I did a wash and got bedding dried on the line ,ironed and back on bed. Don't iron sheets but must pillowcases and duvet cover. My mum always thought I was funny as I hate sheet wrinkles and would get up in the night to smooth them out! Bought some more pillows so hoping it'll help sleep.
DH been stapling down underlay on stairs. He seems to need distraction. Wish I could stop waking and worrying..

Hope everyone is ok . Love to all.

I've read your days and sending warmest thoughts out. Stuck dressing gown day. Scardeycat many good words there.

xx Night night all, see you tomorrow.

Scaredycat It must be so good to have a daughter. I love my sons to bits- often wondered if my miscarriage after son 1 was a daughter- I'd chosen the name Helen. Yes, my sons do get on well, though totally different in nature.
HVDYWhat a great time at the day-centre. Congrats for winning Easter Egg.
Cheesecake and cherries sound amazing. I did plant sweet-peas out though I think you're being far more sensible . I'm crossing fingers there won't be another frost.
Doodle You understand well the feelings about holidays when you're waiting for results and on Dr's. Hope your service was nice tonight. I looked it up the Watch Service. Was it a kind of Vigil ? It sounds beautiful.

Wyllow3 I'm glad you managed to get out yesterday. It was really cold here. I put the heating on in the evening. How's your day been today? I think most of us have sometimes felt "what's the point". Koko, there's been a glimpse of our old Wyllow3 lately.

SweetpeaSue It's nice that your sons get on well and bother with each other. Did you plant your sweetpeas? I've put off planting anything until we stop having overnight frosts. It's a bit of a wait for the blood test results, but you might get a clearer idea of what's wrong.

ScaredyCat Thank goodness you and your sister had each other for support when your mum died in such an awful way. My husband occasionally watches the motorbike racing. I hate the noise of things like that. It's lovely that you can now spend more time with your daughter. Has your husband got all the golfing gear - trolley, clubs, umbrella, etc? My DH used to go and had all the stuff, including the shoes.

Doodle A busy day and evening for you. Hope you enjoy the church service. The 2 GDs are going to Filey with their mum and her bloke for a few days, so we won't see them but we gave them some pocket money. Perhaps we'll see LG and her sister. I

How is everyone else?

Nice day at the day centre - home-made beef pie with potatoes and veg, then home-made cheesecake and cherries. I won an Easter egg in the raffle, and we had samples of 5 different flavours of hot cross buns. A young woman sang for us, which was good. Love to ALL x

Scaredycat losing your mum like that must have been so hard to come to terms with. Thank goodness you and your sister had each other.
HVDY are you seeing your children grandchildren over Easter. I bet little girl is old enough to enjoy and Easter egg hunt now. Well done in the housework. I hoovered all the carpets today and got exhausted doing it. Cleaned the bathrooms and the kitchen so I’m pleased with what I’ve done.
Ellie Anne hope you’re ok. Are you seeing your grandchildren this weekend.?

Thanks all for your kindness and understanding. I’m afraid tonight will be short and sweet too. I’ve been at church this afternoon. Just got back and having a quick bite to eat then back again for the Watch service 8 till 11.
Sweetpeasue glad the call from the psychologist helped.
It’s awful waiting for results or things over Easter. Nothing is available for four days. Awful time to be in hospital.
Wyllow glad you got out even for a bit it helps. Hope your garden man is free to do some more work.
Scaredycat how nice you and your daughter can spend more time together now she’s retired and your husband has a golfing partner. I’m sure over time the memories will get better you’re right. This period of going over all that happened in DH’s last few weeks is painful and sad. Can’t stop thinking about it but it’s got to be got through. Thanks for your kindness.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- housework is the most boring thing in the world! I realised that very early on in life- would rather do almost anything else. But like all of us I do it as I don’t like mess either!!
Yes it’s a lovely Castle- there’s lots for the kiddies too .
So pleased you got that phone call it must have felt like an answer to your prayers. A confidence boost is just what you needed.
It is lovely that your Sons see each other - I bet they are great friends.
HVDY- for my Sister and I the day we lost our Mum was the day we couldn’t have recovered from without each other.
Does your DH like watching motorbike racing on the tv- I love it so much more exciting than cars.
Yes it was a bit nippy out yesterday and today but the sun has shone all day. Had a walk with my DD as she has just retired and our DH were out golfing. Lovely to be able to spend more time with her.
Doodle- my heart goes out to you. Yesterday was a time for reflection and remembrance of what a lovely man your DH was. In time you,ll be able to enjoy the lovely memories you made together. It’s like a lovely book you can open whenever you want and read again and again.
As SweetPeaSue says there are no words - just know we are all thinking of you - please take care of yourself.
Wyllow- yes that’s how I felt. It’s people’s time we need isn’t it and the ability to ask questions and voice your fears without having to rush. Your Sis will be very glad to help I,m sure- she must be very knowledgeable.
Glad you braved that chilly day. As long as you’re dressed warmly it’s such a tonic to feel the air and sun on your face .
It makes you feel alive.
You are trying so hard to not just” get through the day” the what’s the point thoughts get in the way don’t they.
I,m sorry I,ve said it before but I don’t think there always has to be a point- just life itself with all its ups and downs.
Think about you so often and willing you to have better times soon

Love to all and hope this coming Easter weekend brings you all moments of contentment.

Doodle Sending love. Must be so hard to cope with all these anniversary memories and going over that painful time. Hope you're feeling a little better today.
HVDY Thanks. I'm not sure how I feel about blood test results. Just want answers.
Wyllow It's good you managed walk with carer yesterday and felt better for getting out. Been chilly here too. Do give sis a ring about your tum. Take care.

Up in the night listening to DH and worry.
Taking eggs to son 2 today. They're going to son 1's for a few dys on Friday.
Sunny here. Might put Sweetpea plants in.
Hoping everyone is ok .

Well done on that boring chore day, HVDY. Nice break for DH.

I’m really glad you decided to go private Scardeycat you must have felt you needed a real proper chat and a consultant and the time to talk properly. Hugs about your Mum, I didn’t know. I’m glad you got your walk and cuppa.

Sweetpeasue I was glad to hear you’ve had a call from the psychologist and that it did help! Please do reach out when your worry levels get so high.

Bless you Doodle for this special day.

I haven’t rung my sis yet it’s on my list. The CPN can only give limited meds advice Scardeycat. I’m contacting Garden Man next week re a return. I saw carer today, a chilly walk, coat and scarf, but better than staying in alone.
So hard just to get though each day - but I know I’m not the only one battling whats the point-ness.

Always difficult signing off!

Thoughts for BD’s not in today.

Doodle
SweetpeaSue Fingers crossed about the blood test

HVDY Re-blood test- told to call Tuesday to see if results back.
Although DH likes the same we never buy it but a treat occasionally if out.
Doodle Thinking of you tonight. No words but x

Evening all. Please forgive me I’m not posting tonight. Today was the last full day that I had my beloved man home with me, it’s been playing in my mind a lot and tonight I’m just going to concentrate on my memories. Take care all xx