Husband suddenly drinking milk

Perhaps, but in the meantime the tips I gave come from very reliable sources and can do absolutely no harm. anyway, it's all predicated on what DH is prepared to do.

Trying to avoid lactose is key to IBS care - just google.

Madmeg, concentrate on your well being before sorting everything else out. He refuses to move, his choice not yours.I am afraid you cannot and shouldn't be taking control of everything. Have a day off to start with, whether it's bed ot to escape somewhere enjoyable. If you crack up what hapoens, he needs to think ?

My first thought was lactose intolerance but really he needs a proper diagnosis from a medical practitioner. We can theorise all we want but he probably needs a few tests to find out. It could be something quite simple to deal with but they need to rule out other causes.

PS cheeses are high in lactose of course, if you can switch to feta or /goats cheese. its better.

Marks and spencers do a milk as follows in a box format with a date use by, its called

"Made without LACTOSE"

Lactose free whole milk.

It's a good idea to go on a low FODMAP diet. Its very easy to check on the internet as in

"Are grapes/greenbeans/chicken - Low FODMAP -

what ever you want - dont bother him with it, but if you make the meals then you could help it a lot. My GP (I have tum stuff) approves of it, it's not all "fashion at all and has made a huge difference. There I was enjoying asparagus and pears - two favourites - and they were both high FODMAP - switching changed things quickly.

low FODMAP

ExDancer

I feel the ibs diagnosis is a lazy cop out, but I don't know of course its just a way of getting rid of a bumbling old man who isn't used to discussing bodily functions with a female doctor younger than his grand-daughter.
He doesn't have dementia or anything and goes to great lengths to keep his occasional accidents hidden from me.
I've given him a packet of imodium so let's see what occurs.
Oh by the way, we're of the age where I do the food prep and shopping, and so far I've reached the point of trying to reduce fats and increase fibre. That's not going to change.
Maybe be thats all I can do for now.

would you think he may have lied to you to avoid telling you the truth?
I agree with lots of the others make an appointment with your own doctor and tell him what you have told us, are you even registered as your DHs carer at the surgery? If not I would get yourself registered. Have you got POA? All these things will enable you to speak with people despite your husband having full capacity.

The doctor cannot discuss anything with you about your husband's medical conditions. He may well have told them he doesn't want you to know what is wrong with him. TBH with the symptoms you have described ie rapid weight loss, pain and diarrhea I would think it could be something other than IBS. Unless it's a side effect of medication he's taking. I would just carry on as normal, suggesting another doctor appointment if it doesn't improve. Best wishes ❤️

Meant to say that I hope your DH gets to deal with this in his own way. Don’t know what the milk thing is but I have milk every day but only to top up my coffee.

I have had IBS for 40 years but have hopefully got it under control. Episodes are happening more rarely and have various medications to hand just in case. Buscopan for a mild attack. Mebeverine for a full attack which rarely happens lately. Cabbage or sprouts can set it off but eating fibre is also advised. I don’t think about it anymore. Probably stress related.

I imagine that if you felt it was easier just to leave him to his own devices, then you wouldn't be here asking GNs for ideas or advice. But, difficult as he is, it would seem that you have a couple of possibilities for dealing with this, as he refuses to confide in or be straight with you.

If you are registered at the same Surgery, then it should be simple to make an appointment for yourself and explain to the Doctor that you are extremely concerned and that you are there to GIVE confidential information regarding your Husband; that you don't expect any discussion or revelation from the Doctor regarding her patient, but that you feel very strongly that she may not have been given correct information, that your Husband is concealing his worsening health and possibly making whatever condition he has a great deal worse. It's you who are at the sharp end and who will be expected to pick up the pieces as his health worsens and that you have no idea as to what you can do now. That you just feel helpless.

If you don't want to confront the Doctor or explain your concerns in person, then you could write confidentially to the Doctor in question, giving a very clear resume of what little your H may have told you, what his daily life is like since his hospital admission, what sort of things he eats, whether he actually takes any medicines etc., Give clear details as to the worries that you have and state that you understand the Doctor's position and don't expect anything more than confirmation that this information will now be included with your Husband's patient notes.

However, it might be a very good idea to ask if it would be possible to have the surgery contact your Husband with an early appointment for a 'review' or 'tests', so that the Doctor has a better chance of deciding whether your Husband is likely to come to any harm if he continues to keep any health problems to himself. A diet sheet would surely be a very sensible idea from the surgery, so that 'the person in charge of meals' etc., can have the opportunity of providing appropriate foods.

It's possible that your Husband may simply have the idea that full fat milk could replace some of the weight he is losing, with no knowledge that drinking a lot of milk could be aggravating his health problems.

I would think that even though you may be unable to change your Husband's attitude towards your involvement in his declining health, the sort of action outlined here will at least give you the reassurance that you've alerted those better equipped to help him and done the best you can with a pretty impossible situation. Good luck and try not to worry.

Today I reckon I have been on my feet for about 9 hours, have had nothing to eat other than a few biscuits

STOP! Put on your own oxygen mask first before you try to help others.

I find your husband’s symptoms very concerning. Unintentional weight loss is always a big red flag and with diarrhoea as well even more concerning. IBS would not explain weight loss. Unless he lacks capacity your GP won’t be able to speak to you. Is there a relative or friend he respects who could talk to him and take him back to the GP (by the way you can ask to see a male gp) and encourage him to give them the full story? Good luck.

My DD has recently (last couple of years) developed all manner of ailments and like many men simply avoids going to the doctor, and avoids all suggestions from me as to what might improve or worsen his health. He does what he wants and as a result is rapidly getting worse. Exercise is the main issue in his case - he doesn't believe in it. Getting out of breath (he says) is bad for the heart. So his muscles have wasted, he can barely walk even across the room, can't get in and out of the car, etc. etc. He takes not a blind bit of notice of me and tells me it will all get better on its own!

It is me, of course, who suffers as I now have to do everything around our large house and garden (which he refuses to consider moving from) and my own health is suffering. Today I reckon I have been on my feet for about 9 hours, have had nothing to eat other than a few biscuits and still have to deal with the household budget before we go overdrawn at the bank.

People tell me to leave him to it, but it is so frustrating and grossly unfair on me.

ExDancer you have my heartfelt sympathy. It is not reasonable behaviour from your DH and difficult to just ignore when you can see things that could improve his health.

If your husband still has low iron then the calcium in the milk what ever sort it might be will inhibit iron absorption

Thank you, I didn't realise that!

Also some iron supplements will cause very loose stools especially the one with high iron content.
They do seem to have the opposite effect on me.

Leave a note for his doctor to share your concerns, his Gp can't discuss him with you but he might be able to get him to visit on the pretext of an over 75 health check

My late husband had very fixed ideas about what he should and shouldn’t eat. Most related to his health conditions, but some were purely his own preferences, including drinking lots of cold milk. I just went along with him. He did cut out a few-things which sent his blood sugar too high but not all his choices were sensible or scientifically correct in my opinion.

If he won’t communicate I think you just have to provide what you think best or what he requests. Given that he hasn’t gone back to the GP and won’t discuss it with you, I don’t think you will get anywhere trying to discuss it with the GP.

Nannan2 I buy my oat milk off Amazon it's Alpro 100% made from British oats . I buy 4 boxes of 8 x1l at a time and it works out over £1 per 1l cheaper than supermarkets.

I have not read all the post but the low iron seems to have been lost along the way
If your husband still has low iron then the calcium in the milk what ever sort it might be will inhibit iron absorption
Also some iron supplements will cause very loose stools especially the one with high iron content.
I had major heart surgery three months ago which left me very anaemic. The iron supplement I was given made my stools very soft. Made my bottom extremely sore.
It might be worth trying to bring up the subject very cautiously especially as your husband seems a very private gentleman

Why don't you ask him if there anything you need to know about his health conditions so you can be of help.....possibly make adjustments to diet etc. I realise he is a private man but marriage is a partnership and it helps to know what you are dealing with.
You must be very frustrated and concerned. I just hope he is receiving the care he needs.

I do think there are a number of things to consider here. Do you know what tests were carried out whilst your DH was in the hospital? Colonoscopy, endoscopy , stool sample, was he given any blood transfusions etc. His low red cell count, age, ongoing symptoms; weight loss and diarrhoea would be classed as so called red flags. With this in mind may i suggest you explain to your DH what an emotional toll this is having on you, and by not discussing honestly with you, you feel shut out. I would suggest you contact your GP to discuss and explain that your husbands condition is no better. It may be that the GP would contact your husband to come in for an impromptu follow up and review.
Wish you both well

I have IBS. I bit my tongue a few days ago and couldn’t eat so I bought some milkshakes. I got diarrhoea shortly after drinking the first one so I didn’t have the others.

'Patient confidentiality' is a moveable feast, largely at the whim of Drs.
Some won't tell anyone anything useful, others will give details of imminent death to all and sundry before informing and without asking the patient.
I think it's worth contacting the GP, say that you want it put on your husband's record what he is telling you and how his behaviour and diet have changed in case it is relevant to his ongoing treatment. Hopefully this will prompt them to be a bit more forthcoming with you.

Get him some marshmallow supplements from BritishSupplements. Read the reviews.

You cannot force him to go to the doctors and the doctor will not discuss his health with you.

When DH was in hospital a couple of years ago, someone from the Liaison Team rang me every day to report on his progress. Of course, this was during lockdowns when visitors were not allowed and I an down as next-of-kin.

If you're next-of-kin, Ex-Dancer, will the GP give you an indication or call to see him at home? At one time over-80s got home visits and extra check-ups.

The problem is, if you havs an intolerance to something, your body can crave it, it's a contradiction.
There's nowt so stubborn as s stubborn old man.

Just as an aside, Milk hasn’t been recommended for stomach/duodenal ulcers for decades. Although it’s still commonly thought. It’s actually more likely to make them worse as it increases acid.