Husband suddenly drinking milk

Could you speak to his doctor? This would be on your own behalf to share your worries and as key meal provider you should be advised on what to feed him?

I'm sorry he, DH, won't share his condition with you.

Mmm... you say you are being very careful with his diet but he won't discuss his medical problems with you?

Does that mean he depends on you for all his nutritional needs?

Yet he's been and bought a load of milk.

I suspect that it may be a little late to do anything, although I might be tempted to have a word with the GP anyway.

I'm not sure drinking all that milk will hurt apart from making him constipated if he's not eating.

You don't say how long you have been married to this 'idiot man' as you call him, but maybe it's too late to do anything very much except allow him to choose his own food?

I really don’t think you can!
Am sure you do your best but if he won’t listen then he won’t.
IBS is quite complex in that a food which triggers one person is ok with another.
Dairy is often a problem as is wheat and gluten.
Buy Imodium tablets to stop the diarrhoea in the first instance.
He needs to keep a food diary to see what upsets him.
Buscopan will deal with painful cramps.

Milk (and most dairy) isn’t good for IBS - difficult to know why he’s latched on to drinking it and so much too.
Loperamide (under any
Brand name) is my go-to remedy, until the episode passes.

Sadly, I don’t see what you can do, given his demeanor and GP’s patient confidentiality.

I was refused Buscopan a few years ago, as I was over 40!!

Buscopan should not be taken if he has Glaucoma. I wonder if he has it in his mind he has an ulcer and milk was often suggested as a good thing for an ulcer.

Have a word if you can with the GP. Are you his "carer" and can speak on his behalf. I am DH carer as far as speaking on his behalf mainly because he actually finds speaking physically very difficul and needs me to takeover.
I cant think 4 pints of milk will hurt him at 87. Loss of weight without trying is a bit of a red flag.

Adding to my post above, that amount of milk could cause diaarrhoea. Did he have any instructions re the IBS that you have been following to know how to be "careful" with his diet?
It does make life difficult for you if he is keeping his health so secret if you are the one doing the shopping cooking etc. I think the "head in sand" or secrecy is very much a male flaw and difficult to just leave it up to him as it has an impact on you. There are some things I just step back from and think not my concern or responsibility and some things I cannot.

Lactose is a fermentable sugar and I have yet to come across a fellow IBS sufferer who can tolerate it. That being said, it is of course possible that some can and some choose to carry on having it and getting IBS.

I would have a word with your doctor. You could explain to them that your husband has been diagnosed with IBS and that you need some guidance as you are the cook in the family.

You could also look up Low FODMAP diet which would explain about fermentable sugars and how to eliminate them. I would say though that this would best be done with your husbands doctors knowledge and your husbands agreement.

Good luck.

Grammaretto

Could you speak to his doctor? This would be on your own behalf to share your worries and as key meal provider you should be advised on what to feed him?

I'm sorry he, DH, won't share his condition with you.

I agree with this post.

Milk can make diarrhoea worse. I use skimmed milk for tea but oat milk for my porridge and hot chocolate. I like the taste of oat milk and it makes brilliant porridge and rice pudding you don't need any sugar with it. But don't like in my tea..

After a virus my son became lactose intolerant. He has coconut milk . He tired goats but it upset his tummy as well. He does eat chocolate but only little bit even though it upsets his tummy .

I tried soya milk the smell put me off more than the taste . I like coconut milk but my Dr told me not to have it as it was to sweet. Tried almond milk but found I like oat milk the best. I even like to drink it cold. Never liked cows milk on its own .

Lactose is a fermentable sugar and I have yet to come across a fellow IBS sufferer who can tolerate it. That being said, it is of course possible that some can and some choose to carry on having it and getting IBS.

Puts hand up 🙋🏼‍♀️

I've drunk full fat milk - drank practically nothing else until I was seventeen - and eaten other dairy products all my life. Didn't get IBS symptoms till I upped my fruit and veg intake. Having now reduced that again, and carried on using full fat milk, the IBS symptoms have gone.

That said, regular yogurt intake never agreed with me but butter, milk, cream and various cheeses cause no problems. A nutritionist friend thought it might be the yogurt culture that was the problem rather than the milk used.

Unless he has impaired mental capacity there is nothing you can do, just distance yourself from him and his problems and leave him to treat himself they way he chooses.

I know. I have been there.

By the way 4 pints of whole milk is 1500 calories, if he consumes any extra calories, eating even small meals, at his age, he should not be losing weight.

Oat milk, even only in tea, gives me diarrhoea.

I strongly recommend you make your own appt with your GP and explain you're in the dark about DH's diagnosis and worried about what might be going on. GP needs to know that DH is hiding his diagnosis /treatment.

GP will not be able to break patient confidentiality with any details of diagnosis or medication prescribed of course. But if he has any sense he may offer some advice in the most general terms.

Meanwhile I'd do some snooping to find out what prescribed medications DH is taking, write them down so you can google them.

I disagree with some of these suggestions.
He is a private man. That's how he is.
This is not a new trait.
He chooses not to share his health status even with his wife.
The known details do sound concerning but he wants to keep any further information to himself.
I think that must be respected. And at 87 and obviously not well if he wants to drink milk . . . well at least it's not alcohol.
If it were me as the OP I would try to love him as he is or at least respect him and his decisions.
Including choice of diet and guarding privacy re health.
I wish you all the best.

Welbeck I agree totally with your post and I that’s how I d handle it it’s his decision and if he wants to be private about his health so be it
I d ask him if he wants any help with his health and if he says no that’s how it would be I m not at all sure going behind his back to your GP is how you should go Would you like it if the tables were turned

I do agree about the privacy but I wonder if ExDancer couldn’t have a chat with the GP on her own behalf. Watching someone with constant diarrhoea and cramps must be very stressful in itself. I can’t think so much milk is a good thing.

I lost weight and had urgent diarrhea every day for 7 months. CT scan showed it was my pancreas. It's serious if left untreated has you can't digest the nutrients in your food .
I would try and get him to see his doctor again.
Does he eat much fatty foods ? That will give you diarrhea. I eat very little fat now . Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

Being a private man is all very well until the diarrhoea and vomiting get out of hand, and someone else has to deal with all the undignified, un-private shit end of the wiping and laundry and floor mopping .

OP's DH is lucky he's got a partner looking out for him; but it doesn't mean his needs trump hers. She deserves respect and consideration too.

Right now she needs to know exactly what physical conditions she 's shopping and cooking for.

She shouldn't be left in the dark worrying. She needs time to prepare herself; and get her head round whatever's coming down the line for a frail old man.

Urgent diarrhoea may well have quite an impact on the OP if it increases the amount of washing...especially if she does the washing.
Could be pancreatitis. Could be anything. Unfair to keep OP in the dark completely if he knows what it is and it isn't IBS.

If it is IBS I doubt the GP would have recommended milk and at that quantity and would surely have given him some sort of guidance of what to avoid. I would have thought at the very least a faecal test would have been ordered.

2.5 stone is a lot to lose in 3 months . Unless he’s eating a lot less than usual. He really needs full blood tests , urine and faecal tests to check for other conditions. For his low red blood cell count , did his doctor give him a diet sheet? . It’s difficult it he won’t walk about it to you . Do you have AC he would talk to? Regarding his GP if he has full mental capacity, the GP may not talk to you .

My daughter was told she had IBS. She lost a lot of weight rapidly and was seriously anaemic. Turned out she had coeliac disease. It can occur at any age.

I feel the ibs diagnosis is a lazy cop out, but I don't know of course its just a way of getting rid of a bumbling old man who isn't used to discussing bodily functions with a female doctor younger than his grand-daughter.
He doesn't have dementia or anything and goes to great lengths to keep his occasional accidents hidden from me.
I've given him a packet of imodium so let's see what occurs.
Oh by the way, we're of the age where I do the food prep and shopping, and so far I've reached the point of trying to reduce fats and increase fibre. That's not going to change.
Maybe be thats all I can do for now.

I have IBS and can eat and drink all dairy products without them causing me any problems whatsoever. It's a condition which affects people in very different ways, so what works for one person may not for another. Too much fibre - and too much fruit and veg - sets mine off, so it's a bit of a balancing act to see how much I can tolerate.