Worrying

I would say, share with your daughter, imagining what might happen is worse than what is actually happening. When my husband was in a London hospital I went to visit him each day by train. It was a two hour journey each way but I couldn’t bear not to see him so I think the idea of staying nearby is good.

I was only mid-thirties when I had my partial thyroidectomy. It was not thought to be cancerous but the gland had decided it was lonely and had grown some "friends"!. Although there was the possibility of complications, it all went according to plan. I was warned that I would only be able to eat liquid food for a few days but I was eating more or less normally within a couple of days. I was also told I would need painkillers and went home with a bag full, but never needed them. The stitches came out soon after with no trouble. I was warned that I might have damage to my voicebox but that never happened either.

In short, I was frightened to death about it and all for no reason in the end.

Although I was only young compared to your DH I know several people who've had the same op and am yet to find anyone who had any trouble or after-effects.

I think I was only in hospital for two nights.

I hope it all goes well for you both, and your daughter.

I had a partial thyroidectomy about 10 years ago. I came home the next day and was caring for my paralysed husband then at the ate of 70. I just had to get on with it and was absolutely fine. My scar is minute, and nobody has ever mentioned it. It really is a normal routine operations. I now take Thyroxine daily and my other half thyroid does not produce enough on its own. I have annual blood tests to make sure I am on the right keel, but know instantly if my THS is too low or too high. as I feel quite unwell. Try not to worry as you will make your husband anxious too. Your daughter will want to know her dad is having an op, only fair to keep her in the picture. Tell your husband please to tell her, then you can discuss it with her. I am sure she will put your mind at rest.

I had a hemithyroidectomy in January of this year at the age of eighty. I was in hospital for two days but could have gone home the next day if my blood pressure had been lower! I healed very quickly and it is now impossible to see any scar. I will have yearly blood tests to check my thyroid levels. Please try not to worry.

Yorkshirepudding4ever

Is he going to be in hospital for an extended period? Would you be more comfortable staying at home? You could phone to check progress. I had a mastectomy yesterday, at 3.30, and was sent home this morning, so I don' t think hospitals have you hanging around much! Our hospital is an hour away and my husband doesn't drive as he has bad eyesight, so I went on my own using community transport ( though a friend picked me up as I couldn't arrange anything in advance as I didn't know my discharge time. Some hospitals have a patient transport service ( GPs can advise)- in my case, despite being 75, with cancer surgery lasting 3 hours, I didn't qualify as it wasn't deemed serious enough, so don't hold your breath! We don't have any public transport links that could get us in the direction of the hospital. If it's the journey that is causing you stress, there's always Uber?

I wish you well, I hope you recover quickly and have some good love and care 💐.

I had a subtotal parathyroidectomy four weeks ago in Banbury, a 90 min drive from where I live. I have to balance my calcium levels every day but I've soon got used to it. My recovery was rapid once the anesthesia was out of my system. Don't use Dr google or watch operations on line like I did. Trust in the experts. I'm nearly 70 and back to hill walking. Four weeks ago I could barely get out of bed. Things are not usually as bad as they seem. Be strong. You've got this

I cannot speak for your huband’s health but I doubt whether the surgeon would do the operation if he didn’t think it would be a success. I had it done a few years ago, I stayed at my DD’s for five days then drove home. Although I was in my late 60s I went into work a few days later out of boredom.

As for transport maybe there is a charity attached to the hospital that helps people in your position for the return trip, as has already been mentioned.

Wishing your husband a speedy recovery.

Daisyrose, In your situation I would definitely stay in a Travel Lodge . I understand you have no desire to worry your DD , but please involve her. There has been some sound advise on GN so hope that has brought you some comfort and helped to allay your anxiety. I wish you and your DH well.

Is he going to be in hospital for an extended period? Would you be more comfortable staying at home? You could phone to check progress. I had a mastectomy yesterday, at 3.30, and was sent home this morning, so I don' t think hospitals have you hanging around much! Our hospital is an hour away and my husband doesn't drive as he has bad eyesight, so I went on my own using community transport ( though a friend picked me up as I couldn't arrange anything in advance as I didn't know my discharge time. Some hospitals have a patient transport service ( GPs can advise)- in my case, despite being 75, with cancer surgery lasting 3 hours, I didn't qualify as it wasn't deemed serious enough, so don't hold your breath! We don't have any public transport links that could get us in the direction of the hospital. If it's the journey that is causing you stress, there's always Uber?

I’ve been there and I would recommend having your daughter involved at least via WhatsApp etc if possible. It’s hard enough being alone and you will panic otherwise. If you were near me I’d gladly be around to support you so I’m sure your daughter will want to be involved if not then a trusted friend. I’m saying all of this I don’t have children but I was one once and have lost both parents 💐

Hugs. Think it has all been said, but I would add, talk to the hospital PALS service, and even their social services team. They may be able to help you with accommodation, or even point you at transport.
Go onto your local facebook group and ask about help with visiting. Here we have a group of lovely volunteers who help folks with that.

aonk

Please don’t exclude your daughter from this. My DF didn’t tell me the seriousness of his final illness even though I was his next of kin. It was such a shock when I found out what was really going on. You will benefit so much from the support of your daughter even if it can only be from a distance.

This is what happened when my ex had very serious surgery. He didn't really tell anyone how bad it could have been.
When I visited the hospital with my daughter after his surgery the consultant spoke to both of us- it had been very touch and go on the table. He could have died. The consultant was also surprised that he seemed to have people who were close, and cared about him. He wasn't aware of this from seeing my ex in clinic pre-op.
My ex lived another year or so, having been bought time by the surgery.
I would urge people with families not to exclude them from vital info, even if you don't speak much.
My children were devastated to think their dad hadn't been honest with them...

I have had a thyroidectomy, it was not particularly painful and recovery time was quick.
He will easily be able to travel at Christmas.

At a time when I was very anxious,a wise person told me 'Don't think by the breakfast dishes'. It was so simple but it worked. I would say to myself "right, what's next", thoughout each day. Hope you feel better soon.

Please don’t exclude your daughter from this. My DF didn’t tell me the seriousness of his final illness even though I was his next of kin. It was such a shock when I found out what was really going on. You will benefit so much from the support of your daughter even if it can only be from a distance.

Thank you so much for your wise words. Common sense tells me to stop with the ‘what if’ and just concentrate on what is happening now. I will have a word with my daughter at some point after my husband has told her he has an appointment. Thank you once again

Are you a confident driver? Would you not feel happier being in your own home and visiting each day? At least at home you have things to do to distract you and you sleep in your own bed. Thyroidectomies are common operations and I'm sure your DH will be fine. Side effects are rare. Try to relax about it and realise your DH is in good hands. Let us know how it all goes x

Everything crossed for you and your dh, Daisyrose5 🤞.

Wise words from keepingquiet and I can add no more except to say worrying is so unprofitable please try to get some help with your anxiety. I'm sorry you and your DH have to go through this. This phase of our lives is tricky. We have spent a lot of time in hospitals in the last three years and it is NOT fun!! My best wishes to you and you husband for his rapid recovery after the op.

It is perfectly normal to be anxious in this situation.
One hour away doesn't seem too far- do you drive? The hotel idea seems sensible, but being in unfamilar surroundings doesn't. You will need to get your sleep for when your DH comes home. This is something only you can decide.
Stay off-line and focus on why the op is being done and what the staff have told you. They are the ones you need to listen to. They wouldn't be doing it if there wasn't some chance of success. Think about the benefits it may bring DH and therefore yourself.
Bother your daughter!! This is her dad as well as your DH- so please find some common ground and don't exclude her. Yes, she may be busy but she may also be worried too, and that is something you can share. She may also be worried about you, too!
I know it isn't easy, but try to shut out the intrusive thoughts about the future. Set yourself goals for one day at a time. Think of your own health.
You are not selfish. You come across as quite normal in your concern for DH but if anything you are neglecting your own needs.
What it says about you is that you are just like the rest of us in dealing with a difficult situation.
Therefore you need help and support from as many people as possible- friends, family, medical staff and your own doctor too. This isn't being selfish- it will enable you to care for others if you put your own oxygen mask on first.
I hope that the op is a success and that your lives will improve soon.