BLACK DOG 26

Sweet pea sue like you I’ve never asked anything from my family. I really don’t know how they would react if I did. When I fell and broke my hip it was my d in L who brought me in the sensible things I needed. Dh hadn’t a clue.
I don’t share much with them. They can see how things are and don’t want to face it so I keep quiet.
I’ve got a bit of a dilemma.
A church friend of many years phoned me yesterday. I thought it strange as we catch up at church and make arrangements by text.
There was a hesitancy in her voice and I thought what is it but She explained that they wanted to take some friends out for afternoon tea (golden wedding) and want me to come. She knew about our anniversary carry on so that explained the hesitancy.
I don’t know if I can face it. The other problem is that I don’t know who is going but have a feeling there will be people there who have hurt me badly in the past. I thought we were good friends but when one lady died our group just stopped and I didn’t exist anymore though I had asked if we could still meet sometime.
Anyway I’ve occasionally seen them since and they seem to have no idea I’m hurt so I put on the smiley face.
So do I go to please my friend or politely decline and send a card and maybe flowers.
I need to decide soon.
Sorry for the long post.

Thankyou HVDY Wyllow and
Candy
I'm going to try phone son1 tomorrow. He has a job travelling around pubs and sorting refurbishments. He used to be manager but changed job a couple of yrs ago. He's always so busy. Son 2 is away in Shetlands in oil industry.
So relieved I have you all here,
DH has been saying how I need to learn stuff about car maintenance- eg where to put water in radiator and keep oil topped up and lots of other things that I've no clue about. I know he's feeling the same as myself -- there's not going to be a good outcome.
I just don't understand why Dr's don't admit him to hospital.
Private Vascular surgeon saw in Harrogate said should be about 3 weeks for up to date scan.
On his website private Cardiologist said could be seen within a couple of weeks from referral- GP said she'd do referral today, after seeing her last Friday.

Thanks all of you here - as always. Xx

Try your son, dear Sweetpeasue
Yes, I had to cross that bridge. I was reluctant… very, very reluctant to tell him how depressed I was. I probably said a bit too much actually cos he pushed me.
But now I know how much he loves me as long as I tell him things… but keep it just a bit lighter as I tend to suddenly be intense. But then, I suspect you would would not tell all, but enough x

Very tired, will see you all, and other BD’s when you want to come in .

Evening all
Scaredycat glad you had a nice walk yesterday. You are so right about exercise being good for our MH. I definitely get a high afterwards however difficult it is at the time. I was only thinking today after I’d finished a class - how did I not go when I was struggling and at my lowest? I suppose I just didn’t have the motivation but it would have definitely helped my recovery I’m sure. My son has gone back now. A short but sweet visit. Hope your day has gone well.
Doodle I too like my main meal in the evening. It suits me better. I get too much of a “lull” if I eat too much at lunchtime. Sounds like you had a nice day with your friend on her balcony. Must be nice sitting there watching the world go by. A sad day for you tomorrow but I hope your time out with your BIL eases your pain a little. I’ll be thinking about you.
Wyllow yes I think I am vulnerable to insect bites. Even had a wasp sting a few weeks ago to add into the mix! All ok at the minute though🤞. I like the Charlie Dimmock programme too. They have such good design ideas. Hope you get things sorted with your roofers. Ah feeling loved and part of your family at last - so precious. I’m so glad for you.
HVDY yes, a Portuguese tart is very much like a custard tart but with light, flaky pastry. They had flavoured ones too. I had a cherry one but I fancied the blueberry one too. I cooked for six of us in total. Not too bad. I cheated for pudding and bought a box of Krispy Kremes! Sounds like you had a lovely day with your GD’s. I expect LG was shattered afterwards.
Ellie Anne your garden looks lovely. Very neat and tidy. Your grass looks lush - ours is so scorched at the moment. The summer plants are starting to die off now and I find that sad.
Sweetpeasue actually the roast didn’t go entirely to plan! I was carrying the roast potatoes over to dish them out and I dropped them all over the floor! I was so angry at the time but we had a laugh about it afterwards. I’m not a brilliant cook but they had come out so well too! I’m sorry you feel so sad. Like others have said, don’t talk about if you don’t want to. I know why you mean though as I get like that too. The time will come when you will feel like it and want to release your fears. You have us on here too. Hope you feeling better this evening.

Tired now. Night all xx

Wyllow Yes , Wyllow, maybe my sons do care. I've never actually asked anything from them.
I'm so scared. I see my DH deteriorate every day. I can never forgive the NHS for failing him. And they certainly have- from the GP , who could have done much more earlier, to the Vascular consultant, who ,twice , discharged him, and said he'd not got Subclavian Steal, even when the scan certainly proved it.
I fear it's too late now.

its here
www.gransnet.com/forums/tv_radio_film_arts/1350808-How-Do-you-get-through-the-day

Good advice to Sweetpeasue, HVDY.

I do urge you to share your burdens however - I too feared it would scare them away or make them feel bad or something similar. It has turned out to be the opposite, love has been sent back instead, big time. Try to break through that fear by trying it out on the person you feel can handle it most x

Oh Doodle - yes, everything conspires it seem to trigger memory and as we get about more, of course, more triggers come - a paradox, but do you too feel that despite the pain, often love comes back to you are you share more? No easy answer xx

What a simply marvellous place, HVDY. And you are being brilliant, spot on, with GD1.

well practical things ARE conspiring against me! today the roofers were due just to put new covering in the Bay window flat roof. Nice and simple, just supplying tea, coffee, appreciation, join in a bit to show willing and make the job done well and in a friendly fashion

Except..when they peeled off the flat roof the most appalling situation with wet or damp timbers, literally sort of dissolving under ones very eyes. as it was a big firm, they immediately changed the agenda. I have had to do up houses on my own and know, if I cant di it myself, what needs to be done (just like the garden path with resin men - weird or what?) so they went ahead with new job, top class timbers and other materials sent within 30 mins (was keeping an eye and had photos provided by them to show before and after),

I joined n the clean up which spurred them on (so one of the blokes was indoors cleaning windows and borrowing the hoover) snd they even cleaned my car as a thank you for the help in providing materials and support -

but believe me my fitness and confidence has suddenly increased so I could at the end lift heavy discarded lead with one arm/hand, and stand tup on the windowsill to put heavy curtains back up.

I havent had time to think or feel much, except frustration at the end because there was a wrong message about the finish sent down to the workers from HQ, a mail already on their way to them,

tomorrow is a nice coffee in the morning with a quaker, and an outing on Wednesday with a carer, so am hoping fate throws nothing more my way..

but able all, the family is now part of me, I am not outside it, and all the time I thought no one cared, they did. (so it maybe for you, Sweetpeasue.

Your currently very tire but super fit and rather "high" Wyllow, I think I will sleep well as ws awoken early by roofer men who arrived earlier than my alarm.

there is a nice thread about getting through the day on gransnet - may I recommend it, so many in it talking about similar things to us.

EllieAnne I bought a lot of plants from Morrisons, to put in planters. They're good quality and cheaper than garden centres. DH and I aren't keen gardeners. I wish I could afford to pay someone to landscape it (like the woman next door did).
Doodle 15 months, it probably seems longer to you. Hope you have a better day tomorrow, our for lunch with your BIL.
SweetpeaSue If you don't feel you can talk about it to your son and sisters, don't yet. Keep telling us, on here. We all care and want your husband to be treated properly and soon

LG was here, and we picked up GD1. We went to a very nice park on the other side of town. It's got a large sandpit with buckets, spades, and digger vehicles (all provided). We had a picnic and a stroll, then ice cream. LG fell asleep in the car going home, and both girls went at 5. DH and I had dinner in our favourite pub. x

Candy Nice to see you in and I hope you had a lovely time with your son. Thankyou for your kind words . Hope the dinner went well - a roast is my favourite.

Sorry for my short post. Difficult to explain how I feel. Like I've swallowed a lump of fear and I'm afraid. Not told sisters about upcoming op for DH. Or son 1 . I just don't seem to be able to talk about it. I wish I could cry but I feel locked in.
Sorry for short post.

EllieAnne Your garden is so well cared for and so neat and tidy. You do so well to do all that yourself. You really are indispensable and your family are so lucky to have you.
Wyllow So pleased everything is going so well. Glad you had that good talk with your DIL too.
HVDY That was a very early message from DGD. Hope your day has been OK.
Scaredycat I'm so sorry for all the bad news you've had lately about your friends.
Doodle It really doesn't seem like 15mths since you lost your dear man, the other half of you. I'm so sorry for your sad day today. This life is so very hard.I hope your day tomorrow is much better when you see your BIL.

Back in a bit.

Wyllow all good news from you. So pleased everything went well and you and your DIL had a long chat. It is tiring to keep going all the time so not surprised you were tired when they left. The boats look fun. What a nice place
HVDY it’s lovely your DGD wants to be with you and LG. Shows how close you all are. Sorry the text woke you up but you did ask her to let you know 🤣🤣
Ellie Anne I think your garden is lovely. Such pretty flowers. It looks really nice. Quite a big lawn to keep tidy though.
Scaredycat I’m sure all your friends value your support. You’re always so kind to us here. Hope you are ok coping with all your recent news.
Sweetpeasue how are things with you and your Dh. Hope the cooler weather has helped his breathlessness a bit.
I’ve hand an at home day today, Got the cleaner coming and I have pulled out all the furniture for them to vacuum behind. With my broken wrist I’m still not able to do that myself.
Bit of a sad day today. 15 months tomorrow since my darling man died and I still think of him every second of the day.
My BIL is coming tomorrow to take me to lunch for my birthday. Be nice to see them

I lost a lot of plants when the wall came down so was just randomly buying new ones from the supermarket and garden centre. It’s mostly worked out ok. I’d love a quirky garden with hidden corners but the shape doesn’t really fit with that.

EllieAnne Your garden looks very smart and tidy. Some attractive plants there, too.
Wyllow3 Glad things have been settled between you and your DIL. It makes for much better relationships when a mum of a son gets on with his wife.

I asked GD1 to let me know IF she'd be seeing us today - I was thinking a text at 9ish or so. She messaged me at 3.30!! Just one beep from my mobile woke me, and I was awake then until 5am, then up at 6. Back later x

Good news - later, me and DiL had a long WhatsApp chat, and it has dispelled my doubts about being accepted by her, and healed a distance, (tho it was probably me worrying more than need be, tho she has said some spiky things in the past, but I doubt it will be repeated).🙂

Also clearly well tended, too: the path edgings, the acers amongst the detailed planting, nice.

Yes, its a simple design, but the bushes are well chosen and its a beautiful "sculptured" look. You've chosen the colour balance carefully too, in the detail.

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Hvdy I definitely comfort eat and drink. I like sweet things but crusty bread and cheese are my downfall.
Wyllow those boats look fun. I’m glad you’ve had such a good time.
Here are photos. It’s not very inspiring but looks nice when the grass is cut.

I missed your post Doodle. Yes, sitting with a friend on a balcony is a great choice. Was the sun out for you? It's been a very moderate temperature, just right really. All the best with losing a bit of weight.

I am, slowly - those years of depression I piled it on, tho I am very active now, it will take some time. The large range - smaller now, but still substantial - are all "weight gain" ones so it's uphill.

Candy6 I hadn't heard of Portuguese Tart but Googled it - a bit like a custard tart? Lovely. Nice that you were seeing your son. How many did you have to cook for?

ScaredyCat Yes, I remember being 15, too - I was smoking and drinking at that age! The GC are so much better behaved than I was! We gave SGD a voucher so she could get some clothes from a shop she likes. How was your day?

Doodle Lunch and then drinks with a friend is a good way to spend some time on a Sunday. Housework can wait.

Wyllow3 We had Butter Chicken tonight (a mild curry but decent). What a great day you had. Your son must be relieved and very pleased to see how well you are now. What a lovely boating lake - I love those boats. Your hair looks so nice, by the way.

GD1 messaged me earlier - they'll get home at 4am tomorrow, and she knows we'll have LG so she wants to join us (she's more than welcome), but I think she'll be tired. She insists she'll be ok, so we'll see in the morning.......... Hope ALL BDers have a peaceful night x

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I’ve only heard of Portuguese tart, , sounds sublime. Candy What a great day. (I love Thai food). Are you very vulnerable to insect bites? If you lived nearer I’d love to help design a garden, such fun dong someone else’s …costs me nothing , all the fun. On TV I like Charlie Dimmock, just watch loads of her “garden Rescue” back series. Enjoy seeing your son.

I’m sure any relation of yours is very curry loving, HVDY, after all tho we joke about it - there are so many different Indian cuisines.

I hope your friend is able to take some comfort from those who love her dearly, Scardeycat. And she’s not the only one. (Remember to have your own lifebelt on xx)
Only you and those close may know what might bring some comfort - or acceptance, even harder.
Hooray for that “proper” walk.

Some people do over use sugary things as comfort food, and it can do harm eating too much, but nothing wrong at all with great enjoyment of cakes of all kinds and shapes and sizes.

As I’m not that bothered by cakes, and they don’t bring me comfort, its best for me to not eat a lot of sugar as it “hypes you up” and I don’t need that atm. I did enjoy a vanilla ice cream today.

(I adore all those savoury deli treats though)

Yes, I can be extremely diplomatic, when I was able to work in the communication/people organising skills were at the heart of it, but I can also balls up if a bit over high and unintended consequences.

Another simply wonderful day. I thought I’d feel a wave of loss when they went, but it was relief. But - I think now they have all re-lodged themselves in my heart.
I know they all love me and just as important, the parents are happy at how I am with them, and son was relaxed and warm in parting - he’d had a good time and knows his mum is in a good space atm.

I’ll come in later to catch up, two photos from today - the wonderful boating lake, and proof we were on.

Ellie Anne I too am fighting weight gain, my exercise levels are low and I’ve gained a lot of weight. I’m going to try and cut down on how much k eat and try and exercise more.
Hy don’t you give slimming world a try you might find it suits you. I know several people who go. A bit of company and some encouragement might help you.
HVDY I always have the same thing at the hospice. A toasted tea cake. I’d rather eat my meal in the evening than lunchtime
It gives me something to do. I have friends at slimming world too. They all rave about it.
It’s good your Dh is good at decorating, it’s very expensive to have someone in, my dad was a superb decorator,
Wyllow how wonderful your day was spending time with the children. So pleased for you. Your garden is beautiful I can see why you love it.
Sweetpeasue I’m so sorry your Dh wouldn’t go to A&E . Many men are like that. They don’t want the wait or the fuss.
If you can try talking to him quietly and tell him you’re worried about him and don’t want to lose him. Ask him what he’d do if the situation was reversed and you were ill. Would he want you to get treated?
Scaredycat have you been relaxing today? I had great plans for housework and tidy up. Firstly I was invited to lunch after church so that took up a couple of hours then I came home and friend had me in to sit on her balcony and have a drink. So I have done nothing much all day but it’s been nice.

Hi all
Candy6- thank you for the kind thoughts for my friend. She’s a lovely person and I can’t bear the thought of the hard road she has ahead,
A food festival sounds good- I,ve not had one of those Portuguese tarts but they always look lovely.
You do so well with the gym and the swimming. Exercise is so good for physical and mental health. I did my first “ proper” walk this morning and although my back hurt I still felt better for doing it. Family roast- you,ll be glad to see your Son- enjoy your time together.
SweetPeaSue- hope the cooler weather is more comfortable for your DH.
It seems like the GP you saw understands your thinking and has set the ball rolling for you at last. You did what you thought was the best with that young GP- try not to imagine the worst.
A good idea to sit together by the sea. It is so calming and relaxing just watching the waves and the lovely colours.
Doodle- yes all my best friends are going through so much at the moment and all I can do is be here for them. My head is very busy to say the least.
I hope Church was nice and sociable today - the weather is certainly more comfortable isn’t it.
You’re wise to rest your wrist as much as possible- do you have strengthening exercises to do for it?
HVDY- You and your DH make a great team. He’s certainly a top handyman and can knock up a good curry.😀 Sorry DH and I are in Team Korma too- proper lightweights. Even LG can cope with more than us!!!
Happy Birthday to SGD- I can remember being 15 and I felt so grown up. Why can I remember that and can’t remember what day it is sometimes😀
All the girls in our family love Cake- it’s our go to comfort food. We don’t need to be bored ,lonely or unhappy 😀
EllieAnne- I think,if you can, avoid the weight loss injections. No one really knows the long term effects of taking them and it is sooo expensive.
Better to start your walking again and maybe swimming. Could you join a U3A walking group?
Wyllow- well done with sorting out the gardeners. Add diplomacy to your list of talents.
Your garden is beautiful- it’s like a magical mystery garden.
So glad I played a small part in waking up your taste buds. Ugh Salmon it’s all pink and slithery 🤮
So wonderful to hear about your day yesterday. To be with your gorgeous Grandchildren . Each with their own different personalities . And your dear Son too. It must have touched his heart to see you all together. Just the Best of days.
Hope today is another Magical one.
Nadateturbe- hope you are not having too tough a day.
SallyWally- are you OK?

Love to all not mentioned and to anyone who posts or reads x

Hi all,

HVDY you and your DH definitely deserved the meal out after all your hard work. I love eating out. You’ll be excited to see your family again I’m sure. Hope your SGD has a lovely birthday. A buffet sounds lovely and a nice get together too. The food festival was great with lots of food stalls. I like the Thai food - noodles etc. but ended up having pizza and a lovely Portuguese tart after. There was lots to choose from.
Sweetpeasue you seem to being listened to at last but it’s not right it’s taken this long. Hope the appointments come through soon. You’re right about our blood and midges! They love me. I had some “proper” bites a few weeks ago - think they were mosquitoes as they swelled up. Trouble is it’s cooler for the dog in the woods, I just need to cover up more. I hope your DH’s symptoms have eased and he is feeling better today.
Wyllow you are a strong lady for confronting your gardeners like that and absolutely right to do so. Glad it all worked out in the end. Your garden does look very big and nice it’s been individually designed by yourself. I often think I would like a makeover “Alan Titchmarsh” style as I have no clue about garden design. You obviously have a good eye for it. Sounds like you had a good time with your family too. Special times and lovely memories made I’m sure.
Doodle glad you had a nice day at the hospice. I know it’s a special place for you. Hope you enjoy your day today too.
Ellie Anne Losing weight is difficult, especially as you get older. I’m enjoying going to my gym at the moment, more than I used to. More importantly, it makes me feel better mentally which spurs me on. I’m not sure about the jabs as I worry about the side effects of pumping chemicals into your body and then once the weight is lost, pumping more in to maintain it. World whisper I think if you can do it naturally then that’s the way forward. Swimming is a good exercise and so invigorating too. I’m not a strong swimmer by any means but do enjoy it. Good luck.

We’re on our way back from the caravan now. We don’t normally come back this soon but my son is home so want to see him. Cooking a roast for everyone later. Hope all have a good day and love to all those not personally mentioned.

EllieAnne It's so hard to lose weight - I need to lose a lot but find it hard to stick to a diet of any kind for more than a couple of weeks - I'm an emotional eater (like you?), rarely drink but eat sweet things, and too much, when I'm bored/lonely/unhappy. I couldn't get on with S.World - all that counting 'syns" and group clapping when someone loses 1/2lb. Cutting down on carbohydrates seems to be effective.

Wyllow3 .Even Little Girl likes curry (Tikka Masala anyway). Enjoy your day.

DH is vacuuming the car - he took a load of fir tree branches to the tip yesterday - so I'll so and wash the outside soon x

Do post a pic, Ellie Anne its so nice to have a wee peep into each others worlds!

Busy tidying, back later, but I do have time for Quakers before the masses turn up.

Korma rules, HVDY 😊