(I just posted an earlier version of this in a very interesting thread active atm on Gransnet - worth checking out as its about relationships between men and women and both general issues of whether men can speak out and be more emotional than previously but also domestic abuse)
I'll come back later as its been a day of very rich contrasts (as earlier I saw my current CPN for the last time)
Anyway
I was posting on my mobile in a Costa. (and doing bits and bobs to get a break before going home to a rather chaotic house
A man working on his computer next to me - an expensive Apple - was wandering about talking to others, particularly the (Bame) business partner. I thought he was a well to do businessman, except....
I had been there for some time, and was ready to go, and was aware of this computer there unattended: and not even being kept an eye on.
So I went over and told him, and he was very friendly and said the Costa was like his 'home office".
Inevitably after popping to the loo I was curious, so I went over to ask what their business was
Well...!
He and the bloke with him were working together to help men who had gone through a breakdown trying to Be a Man and failing
Because he had, and ended up desperate at the GP at last, driven to tell all ,
He's on meds but stuck further as the NHS dont realistically I in his age range (1on Sertraline and trying without a lot of success to get further help. that my area of expertise you might say so I was able to explain probably the option was private counselling if he wanted. ( I must recommend the one I know)
Their plans are techie based, all good stuff for its reach, by using Algorithms to offer help where its needed.
I said that was great but of course he knew 1 2 1 was important as an end result.
He pointed out two men sitting outside the Costa...this is the absolute truth
See those two
"The man on the right" (quite "male" - big build etc)
is going through a very bad time and is being helped by the other one
He agreed that Covid had a lot to do with it
I said that it was harder for men in some ways, because women tend to more naturally reach out for "natters".
I was interested enough so offered to help, if they wanted?.
We've swapped contacts, so that I can carry on being involved in this spread of "men being there for men" with that brief. Again, me bearing in mind, its not just my experience, but my experience as a woman.
I also raised Domestic Violence and men and again, as in my post above, it is part of the mix
After all, that is part of my lived expereince
And its part of my healing not to be intimidated by interaction with men anymore (I said that) and to check out that they were men not intimidated by intelligence and being articulate (who was a reason I was gaslighted by my ex).
Watch this space - I just see, all around me, that men can change, that there are current forces speeding the process, and its better and happier for men and women from all cultures to change the boundaries and learn from each other not set each other up to lay blame.
Not that blame should not be laid, my goodness, it has to be big time, as without doing this there will be change"
Back later: today I also snaffled next doors bloke trimming trees etc to come and work for me soon, as he is not only very nice but very competent. that was lovely, sunny, positive.
Before I saw the CPN (I felt awful, fear of abandonment wanting to know who next... to know who.....
I also felt yet again so alone and wanting a partner, and thought I have to resolve it with Ex, just see him in some way, but the encounter in the cafe made me feel valued and by men too.
There are some times Quaker wise where a "sense of the spirit within" means this "Wanting" fades entirely for a very short time. ie the positioning of God as "the Other", The partner"
Nuff said, I will come down to earth later, but its been an intense day but with enough pacing around to keep grounded xx
