BLACK DOG 26

Back up carer, not area....duh.

Yes, it was a very busy day, HVDY, but satisfying, I coulnt collect my bike today as I wasn't aware I needed to get a number plate for my car with the bike fixture, as a previous bike holder was high up and didnt cover the number plate.

After Halfords I needed to just get out, and drove off into the countryside to "the" favourite spot. which of course, is full of Ex memories as well, but now produces a sense of "how can I make his life better, get recognition that we had both a very close and passionate relationship, but also mutually dysfunctional due to out respective difficulties. It was a lovely evening.

I couldn't help reflecting both at Halfords and out in the countryside how I was the only woman alone doing all the bike stuff and being out and about. there were couples, and single men. some borderline hostility at Halfords - me usually do this sort of stuff, even now: Men go out alone for walks mostly, even now. I'm of course aware of safety issues but it's clear that us women havent yet "got there". At home I usual employ a woman to do house hold alterations and electrics and decorating when I can. I like being out now and having my thoughts for myself. that doesnt mean that I am not looking for a new partner, I cautiously am. As the song I was playing on Radio Two on the way home, "everybody needs a loving heart".

This might not be a partner of course, it can be family and loving friends, but in my situation it's a partner. I am not rushing in, done that before with Ex.

Hey HVDY I also want to do the Zumba Gold class.
I loved to dance, always have. I like it when they do a slow salsa rhythm. I'm just relieved I dont have a Jaffa to wake me up however.

Ellie Anne, it's great that you are going to undertake that drive, and I don't have a satnav either. I use the old fashioned method, of asking for help if I take the wrong road. Let us know you have arrived OK.

I'm so glad you are getting help with your sleep apnea, Candy: it must be so debilitating.

Doodle, mint sauce with everything? its ginger for me. goes in most of what I cook one way or another. I don't really like mint - except when I used to eat lamb. Now that was a nice day with friends. Nothing can "make it all alright" but loving friendship is a big help.

Nadateturbe its such a battle for you to "accept". It's a battle for all really, but you have a very very hard task especially, all that you can't do. I think the only way I could cope was to be in bed with my laptop, with music and chat when I can, if there is something worth while watching, or just stuff like wave sounds (which I use when I cant sleep), treat food and hugs.

Sweetpeasue did you get your F2F? I so hope so...and if it was not today, as soon as possible.

Fortunately for the first time this week, I do not have to get up early for something - my back up area is coming to help me get the house in order, especially hoovering the bits that feel just too much atm and general getting the house ready for my "new" nephew and his wife on Saturday, which is also fortunately in the afternoon. The busy week will be at an end - fingers crossed the bike and all the bits and pieces will be sorted tomorrow: and nephew can show me how on earth to work the new style complex bike gear system.

I will be cautionary cycling up and down my road for quite some time I suspect getting used to it.

HVDY Love quiche and salad.
Aww Jaffa is so cute isn't he.
Yes, it's the moving furniture that is a huge thing these days . Something we'd have thought of as a necessary chore when younger but now is just impossible.
Our GP surgery didn't do F2F appt , unless there was something they'd need to actually 'see' long before covid. They also won't do pre- bookable appts either
which is why we stuck with this young GP who is the only one who does F2F appts only. I'll have to wait till GP rings us and then plead for a F2F.

Candy6 It's lovely to have the GC but tiring, isn't it? My brother is on 45mg Mirtazapine, same as me, but he's always been a miserable and anti-social person (by his admission). As he refuses to join anything to meet people, his life won't change. We might have 1 wall papered. Not sure yet. Hope you get an appointment about the sleep apnoea. It's apparently a 7 month waiting list here in Nottingham, now.

nadateturbe Thinking of you and hoping you have some better days soon.

ScaredyCat My family are all ok, thanks. They're all coming here on Sunday for a BBQ/buffet, depending on the weather. Hope you've had a good day today. Son2 has got NT membership, and they go to some very interesting places.

EllieAnne As ScaredyCat says, often the anxiety of doing something is worse than the actual thing. You've been there before, and I bet you'll be fine.

Doodle The bedroom will be started next week - plastering on Tuesday (then a couple of weeks for it to dry before it can be painted). Yes, new bedding and carpet (the laminate flooring will need to be taken up), new bed, possibly 2 singles in case the GDs want to stay any time. Blue or green colour theme. Your day with friends sounds nice - lunch, then chatting is always good.

SweetpeaSue I sometimes pretend to be asleep, but Jaffa gently pats me on the arm or face when he wants me to get up . I couldn't ever be angry. Our stairs (after the 2nd bedroom) will be next to do, then the living room last (it's a lounge/diner so will be a bigger job, moving furniture etc). It made me smile to think of your husband having a little dance in the knicker aisle. Why do you think the GP might say no to F2F? I hope you manage to get an appointment.

Wyllow3 How's your day been? I'm another one who has to have my "face on" when anyone is coming. Hope you've had a good day.

It was quiche, salad and new potatoes at the day centre, then sponge & custard. Nice day x

HVDY I too think of Scaredycat as being so much younger. Wow, any Zumba I thought was very energetic- do be careful but have a great time. Hope you enjoyed the day centre today. Naughty Jaffa getting you up at 6 - what would he do if you pretended to be asleep? Our living room hasnt been done for ages and bafly needs a make- over.
EllieAnne It is a heck of a long drive and I'm glad your DH is sharing the week with you. Just take plenty of breaks . I think it's one of those things that might be easier doing than thinking about as once you're on the road you might feel more confident. As Scaredy says , afterwards you should feel a deserved glow of pride in your achievement.
Doodle Hope you enjoyed art class today and lunch afterwards. Don't think I've ever had a lamb-burger - didn't know there was such a thing. I've not had lamb though since I saw so much of them running around!
Candy Everything you say about the poor communication between trusts is so true. So frustrating that GPs have to wait ages for information about appts from consultants. Oh and the lack of sharing info between trusts. Thankyou for belated anniv wishes. Where do the years go? Hope you get the appt soon for the sleep clinic. Crossed fingers for you.
Nadateturbe Sending love right back to you. So sorry you're having to rest up again. Just take it easy.
Wyllow No rubbing in face cream the day before would be enough for me , I'm afraid- I need the ' full Monty".
You must be excited about your new bike - hope it's arrived by now. Will you test it out straightaway?
I do like that vaseline pink lip tint - they do them with SPF I think. Oh, so nervous about tomorrow and hoping she'll see us F2F if we get appt.
Scardycat You really do sound very young at heart. Glad you're enjoying your holiday and the looking at places from your childhood. There's always something to see in those big old NT houses . I admit to finding it a little intimidating sometimes - try to listen to others and realise I know nothing about what they're saying and just hope none of the volunteers engages with me and finds me out!

Had a little look around a shopping centre today. Got a nice bracelet from M&S and DH picked up 'his' aftershave from there. Funny moment when DH started dancing to the music playing- caught him on phone video dancing in the knickers aisle!
Scared about tomorrow and think GP will say no to F2F-- tum is knotted. I really have so little confidence in myself but will fake it of course.

Hope everyone has had a decent day with not too many worries or concerns.

Ellie Anne have a safe journey, I know what you mean about using the phone and it being sound only. It’s better if you can see the route. Hope you get there ok.
Scaredycat you made me laugh about portraits being their photos of the time. How right you are. Nothing quick about it though. Glad you had a nice time.
I’ve been out to lunch with friends today. We were there from 11 till 4 just chatting. Nice to catch up with them all.
I have mint sauce with everything if I can 🤣
Nadateturbe sorry you’re having one of those days. ME is so debilitating. You just have to rest when you need to.
Candy glad you’re having help with your sleep apnea. Hard work but looking after your grandson and spending time with him must be lovely.
HVDY DH and I stopped doing our own decorating years ago but I do remember how much hard work it was and how tiring. Hope yours is going well. Are you planning a new colour scheme with new bedding?
Wyllow glad you’re going out and interested in new clothes etc. Your new bike and carrier sounds good. I never really learnt to ride a bike, far too wobbly.
Sweetpeasue thinking of you and your DH’s appointment tomorrow. I hope you have a list of things you want to discuss as a prompt. Hope all goes well .

Candy we have a plug in sat nav but I have to leave it for him as he is doing part of the week so I can get back to help with the food organising for the funeral. I can use my phone but only for sound. I do know the way but it’s useful for telling me what lane to go in or if a road is closed.
I will leave early but by the time I get near Leeds it will be busy.
Anyway just need to get on with it.
We got rid of the wallpaper downstairs and now it’s just paint.
The bedrooms are still papered but I can’t face doing anything about it.too much furniture to move.

Hi all
Doodle- yesterday sounded like a good day for you. A lamb burger must be delicious - did you put mi nt sauce on it?
Hope you had a nice lunch with your Art friends- so nice when a class is companiable like that.
Went to a NT house this afternoon- the portraits were wonderful. The photos of their day weren’t they.
HVDY- I Googled Zumba Gold and it looked like fun but still quite strenuous. You should be all right though as you did the big stuff!!
The thing about being older is more about what’s in your head. OK all the aches and pains and health probs are a nuisance but as long as you stay interested and curious about life age doesn’t matter. The anxiety was awful but like you I will take the ADs for ever rather than feel like that again.
Hope LG and all the family are OK.
EllieAnne- try not to worry too much about the driving. Often the build up to something we’re nervous of is worse than the actual doing. An early start is a good idea and have a coffee break too. You,ll feel proud of yourself when you get there.
Candy- glad you,ve got your Sleep Clinic referral- hope they can help you.
You are right to do nice things for yourself- as you say the chores can wait.
We are enjoying it here so much- nothing exciting but so nostalgically familiar.
Nadateturbe- I,m so sorry you’re having such a tough time again. Sending a caring hug.
SweetPeaSue- hope you and DH are coping OK today. Fingers crossed for tomorrows appt. Will be thinking of you.
Wyllow- you must have your new bike now. I hope you have many happy hours whizzing round your favourite routes.
Making it up as you go along is probably less stressful than too many plans all at once. So glad your carer is such a good companion for you. Lovely to have fun in your life agin.

Love to all - those mentioned and those we don’t see so often.

Stuck in bed, frustrating.

I'll try to read the posts, but I can't really take part at the minute. M.E. very bad and affecting sleep which isn't helping. Can manage very short spells, but that's all.
Sending love, thinking of you all. ❤️

Morning all. Not been in for a few days. We’re having our DGS more now the school holidays are here. We love him dearly but there’s a lot of toing and froing.
Scaredycat your holiday place sounds so lovely. You are so right saying that it’s nice seeing families do the more traditional things. I see it too when we’re at our caravan. It’s so weather dependent though and I think we’ve been lucky so far with the weather this year.
Doodle it’s lovely that you find the hospice comforting. A place for you to go for reflection and comfort. I like my main meal in the evening too. Haven’t had a toasted teacake in ages but I do like them. I’m fancying one now.
EllieAnne please try not to worry too much about the driving. Do you have sat nav or do you know the route well? Sat nav has been a godsend for me as I don’t mind driving too much but I like to know exactly where I’m going and I’ve never been much good at maps. Perhaps you can start off very early so that the roads are quieter? Good luck I’m sure you will be fine.
HVDY it’s a difficult situation with your brother. You can only do so much and at the end of the day, he needs to help himself. Does he take AD’s? Sounds like you had a nice day with LG. Play centres are a godsend. My DGS is too old for them now but does other things (mainly football). It’ll be nice to get your bedroom done. When we did ours in our old house and took the wallpaper off, my DH refused to put paper up ever again. It’s so much easier with paint but sometimes it’s a warmer feel with wallpaper but he won’t even do a “feature wall”. When we moved we had a new house so it was all paint but we’ve updated it from the standard “magnolia” to coloured feature walls. Good that you are going to aqua again. I remember you going previously.
Wyllow that locksmith did get you up early! I would have hated that. I like to be prepared.Bit unreasonable of him expecting you to be up and waiting at that time. Hope you get your bike/cartier sorted for tomorrow and you can have a lovely day cycling. They do yoga sessions at my gym but they are so popular it’s hard to get in. I tend to do more physical classes but feel I need to try yoga. I used to do Pilates and would like to get back into that too. Your DGD will love that cuddly croc I’m sure.
Sweetpeasue a worrying time for you again. Honestly, I get so frustrated with our NHS. I never understand why they still do everything by letter. Surely in this day and age they should be using technology. Their tech systems are so antiquated and I know it would cost so much to update but they waste money on so many things that I’m sure they could find a way. Medical staff should be able to access a patient’s record at the touch of a button regardless of which NHS trust they’re in and wherever they are in the country (my DS used to be treated in different trusts in different counties but this was never the case. It would have helped so much and saved so much time). I do hope you get it all sorted soon. Thank goodness that the Nurse got the GP involved. Belated anniversary wishes - we will be celebrating our 42nd soon. It’s a long time!
Nadaterturbe thinking of you. Hope you are ok.

Been to GP this morning regarding my sleep apnea and she’s referring me to the sleep clinic which I’m pleased about. Off to a gym class shortly - I could easily give it a miss as a lot to do at home but I’m trying to prioritise my needs more! The other things will have to wait!wishing everyone the best day possible xx

Very little sleep last night.
I’m so worried about driving tomorrow.

Wyllow3 5 hours' sleep! Hope you had a doze in the afternoon. At least the lock is ok now. Sainsbury's sells some lovely clothes. Glad you had such a productive day. Another busy day today, by the sound of it.

ScaredyCat I used to do "proper" Zumba before the stroke, but it's too fast for me now. I did Zumba Gold (slower) a couple of years ago and will try that again. Your children aren't much younger than me , which seems mad, as I think of you as being my kind of age. You're enjoying your time away, which sounds delightful.

SweetpeaSue Hope you and your husband are ok today and that tomorrow will give you some answers.

Doodle You had a good day. Nice that you saw a friend. It's the 2nd bedroom we're doing - plastering, then decorating, new skirtings, carpet and bed.

Up at 6 (thanks, Jaffa). Day centre later. Hope everyone has a decent day

Fortunately my face was in good nick Sweetpeasueas I'd done the pampering works the night before and my face ready to go. The curly hair usually is OK too, I don't wear make up except for a bit of that nice vaseline pink or red lip stuff. Will be pleased when you start reporting getting some help.

I didnt mind Doodle I really needed to get it sorted but not to happen more than rarely, normally I'd agree with you. Hooray for church friends, I've just arranged a meet up with a Quaker too, one finds like minded people at church and similar.

Good for you for the treat, I bet its gorgeous nice herbs in. It seems to me she is an excellent physio, btw - everything just right and calming not winding up exercise too.

Busy day, such a great time with Carer, we did a couple of jobs enroute, then I want out to Sainsbugs as the rest of the week so much on. I just took it nice and easy (yes doing my yoga breathing instead of getting frazzled) and got 3 fab tops in their reduced bit ..popped into Specsavers..I'm trying out some stuff as have gone meat/lactose free, it just sort of slid to that point, but eat seafood. Tomorrow its the sky engineer in the morning, new bike and carrier in afternoon..

The funny thing is it only works if I "make it up as I go along", if you understand my meaning. I spent next to nothing but food and heat when I was ill, I have accidentally saved up for treats like a decent bike and new clothes.

Oh my, Scareycat.. beeches and Lavender farms in the sun, the scent wafting - glorious.

I look forward to any BD's popping in later to say hello, definitely not forgotton.

Evening all. Had a nice day. Church this morning and friend this afternoon.
Treated myself to a lamb burger tonight. It was delicious
Going for lunch with art class tomorrow.
Sweetpeasue I’m pleased all is well between you and your Dh. Hope Friday brings some help for the ongoing health problems. Sit fit is good and we do have a laugh. Lots of creaking joints.
HVDY your son is a lot younger than mine. Hope he has a nice birthday. Good you’ve got the wallpaper off. Sorry I’ve missed it but what room are you doing.
Wyllow sit fit is run by a physiotherapist who gets us oldies doing mainly seated but also standing exercises. Yes breathing is included as is general movement of all body parts.
I hate it when people turn up early. Hope you sleep better tonight.
Hope you’re ok nadateturbe nice to hear from you.
Scaredycat hope you’re having an enjoyable time
Take care all

Hi all
Really tired tonight so sorry it’s a short post. Another day of squeezing the most out of it.!! The weather has been really nice so visited another beach and walked. Also went to a Lavender Farm - but most of the lavender had been harvested. Everywhere smelt lovely though.
Doodle- I wish that you could be on the beach with us too and have a paddle. Glad you ,ve been out with your friend and hope today you,ve been with your lovely Church friends.
HVDY- yes I feel proud of my home county - life is so much slower here.
I think you’re brilliant doing 2 Aqua Aerobics and then maybe Zumba. You did that before didn’t you.
Your DS1 is 44- where does the time go? Hope he enjoys his Birthday. My DS &DD are 60 and 62- it seems ridiculous. My SC are in their 50,s. 🫢
SweetPeaSue- Belated Happy Anniversary. 43 years with your DH is something to be proud of. Sending Anniversary hugs.
Hoping yet again that the Friday appt will help you both. You have fought so hard for answers.
Wyllow- Loved the reflection picture.
Losing a post is more than annoying- where do they go.
Oh dear 5 hrs sleep is not enough- hope you had a rest sometime today and the lock is working properly now.

Love to all - those mentioned and those not. May tomorrow be kind to you.xx


.

Nadateturbe My heart always gets a lift when there's a few words of hope and kindness ,so I'm sure does everyone else's here. Thankyou for your hugs too, and a hug returning 🤗. I'm not sure if it's Cardiologist of Vascular consultant DH needs ,though the GP that came into nurse yesterday thought Cardiology related. Should find out more Friday.
Wyllow Oh no, 7-30!! I'd not be in the least prepared for that and like to have face on before seeing someone . 😱 Hope it's now fixed.

Sweetpeasue I hope GP hears back soon. I have twice emailed the cardiologist whom I attend myself when I was worried. She replied. It's such an awful time for you both. Sending love and hugs.Friday is not far away. The yoga/meditation is a good idea.
Thanks Wyllow3 will have a look. And thanks for hint about slowing it down.
Can't post much. Hope everyone is OK. xx

Pah, the locksmith woke me up at 7.30 instead of as agreed 9am so got 5 hours sleep! Pah!

Laters all, may the day be as kind to you as possible

all BD's

posting and reading.

I've just lost a whole post.....so sorry but I'm too tired to repeat it... but I slept till 8pm after a rest post a very busy day grrr.

I was impressed by HVDY,s DH steaming and aqua.

I wondered what "sit fit" is, Doodle, whether it has all the calming breathing stuff in it.

I thought it bitter sweet it was your anniversary , Sweetpeasue and wondered if somehow matters could be improved by getting some emotional support and doing all these calming ideas that others have alluded to as well.

I said I had to be up early ie 9am arrival because the locksmith has had to return grrr because of not checking it works (and they are the top firm in town, recommended by police!)

and that tonight I'm not going to go to sleep early, so would attempt a relaxing shower (as cross)

Here's tonights U tube.

"ra ma da sa" is a Hindu mantra we learnt in yoga training, and means Sun, Moon, Earth, and infinity.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwCqbN5OJD8

SweetpeaSue I hope "your" GP on Friday will help. It's not right that nothing is being done for your husband.

Doodle DH fixed the wallpaper steamer thing and got the wallpaper off (and left it - lots of bits of wet wallpaper). It's all being prepared for the plasterer next Tues. It sounds as though you had a busy day. I'm trying to do aqua aerobics at least twice a week at the moment. I might try to do Zumba Gold next week, too.

DH has gone out with Son1 - it's his birthday (how can I have a kid of 44??) and taken his birthday card and voucher to get some clothes, as we won't see him on the actual day (This Thurs, he's going out with his GF for the day). Hope ALL BDers are having a relaxing evening x

Wyllow3 Funny how we picture people in our minds - you look younger and more vibrant than I'd imagined. I envy your slim (and tall) frame. You're "retired under the duvet" early. You've had a busy time recently.

ScaredyCat That looks so beautiful. Have a lovely time.

SweetpeaSue Happy anniversary (although you haven't had a happy day).

Sorry-- it was cardiac nurse that said his slow heartbeat probs normal ,not the GP. My post wasn't clear.

Doodle Thankyou, yes, 'words' forgotten, though because of them think DH knows he has to speak out more for help( hence the visit to nurse today) I'm glad you had coffee with a friend. The sit- fit must be a bit of fun too with others . Hope you sleep well tonight. Much love x

Scaredycat what a lovely photo. Wish I could be there with you. I’d love a beach walk. Hope you’re enjoying yourselves.
Wyllow hope you get your lock sorted soon.
Nice reflection of you in the window.
HVdY glad you’re still doing aqua aerobics. Those steamer things are good for stripping wallpaper. Hope your Dh gets it fixed soon.
Sweetpeasue happy anniversary. Hope you had a nice lunch and ‘words’ were forgotten. I do hope the GP on Friday will help you. The situation is unbelievable
I’ve been to sit fit today then coffee with friend, blood test and Waitrose shop. I’m tired now.