BLACK DOG 26

nadateturbe I'm nowhere near as active as I should be. I only take multivitamins during the winter months. I'm trying to eat healthier, though. I had my last drink at 9pm, went to bed at 11, didn't get up for a wee until 4, then slept until 8. Hope you had a decent night.

ScaredyCat It's lovely that your GD1 lives nearby. All those little children under her care at school must love her. They're at a nice age - much more pleasant to teach than awkward teenagers.

Wyllow3 Yes, Jaffa goes to bed with me. After lots of fuss and attention, he either settles down on the landing or goes downstairs, but then comes back if he hears me getting up for the loo. You helped the gardeners for 5 hours?! Where do you get your energy?? Your garden is now your own space. Please be very careful about thinking of contacting your ex - you're recovering well, but he might not be, and I'd hate for you to get dragged down and be so low again.

SweetpeaSue When I was a child, we used to go to London quite often, to see Mum's family (Granny lived in Barnes) and in those days were able to hand feed the deer in Richmond Park. I hope you and your husband enjoyed your holiday.

I'm going to see my brother this afternoon - I'll go with him (he'll drive, I haven't got the confidence to) to see his wife. The home has got a summer fete & gala thing. Hope it doesn't rain. Back later x

Curses for a bad night, nadateturbe - of course, tho I'm cutting back on meds so sleep yes, I can be active. Erm - if cuppa didnt work, deep breathing exercises (like alternate nostril breathing) - non energetic? 🙂

Great lyrics Wyllow3.
2 45am No, evening cuppa didn't work.
Back later.

this is tonights "says it all U tube, tho I've posted it before, and it even beats Leonard Cohens "healing" for me - just...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLlOeGeVih4&list=RDNLlOeGeVih4&start_radio=1

Doodle, my apologies, not when "DH did" but when DH died - sorry, am tired now.

I’ve not seen a deer closer than about 200 yards, iirc. I’d love to see one up close, Sweetpeasue. I’ve been to Tarn Hows, a long time ago. Walking up to it is a bit of a trek - but so rewarding. Have DH’s problems settled at all?

Ah, I am glad too, that you will be refunded, Ellie Anne. Do you feel a bit better after it?

Do you actually go to sleep with Jaffa on your bed, HVDY?

Ah, Candy, wherever I go, anywhere, ever……home is best, and I dont tolerate long stays. I like 6 days, not a week. When I actually got abroad - Ex was very good on that one - I wanted to go home for 9 days. And so it goes!

Home is where all our bits and bobs are, the things we could list quickly - you can never make away everything you want for this or that hobby, the right food that you can make “yours” at home.

As regards, diazepam, I see matters as you do. It’s having the supply to hand that reassures, one doesn’t necessarily need to take 2 or 4mg. But for that - emergency ,it is superb. Although I am addicted to a steadily reducing number of mg, I still have an allowed “emergency”stash.
No need to suffer when thats what they are for?

Another “Separate roomer”…

Scaredycat I didnt say at the time, but I had Ian online friend whose similar eye problem was cancer. -I was holding my breath. (She’s OK, btw, and excellent surgery means you’d never have known). What a lovely job DD did. Challenging, but so rewarding too. I have one “Get up and wee, take tablets, break around 6 ish, sometimes hot milk, so get another sleep after that.

Ah, Doodle - you are always spot on as regards emotional insights - well, OK, I admit, it’s because I see things the same way.
Thinking about buying things is the first step. I imagine you didnt think of it when DH did. The actual buying or taking that holiday comes next, but it’s not predictable! X

nadateturbe- could you cope with a cat? Housebound a lot, would it be something you would consider? I find the ideas a bit too much responsibility, but we are all different. I hope the cuppa idea works…erm…chamomile?

swampy. That was the approach my first DH took with me: it was also what my sisters husband tired to do with her:: its what my CPN tried at first to two with me. And unless it works for you, it is the worst thing.

Hers is my story to help: Long ago, when I was first very ill, suicidal (I did have one comptely serious attempt) my wonderful GP said to me

“I cannot take away your pain, but I can walk with you”

I recommend, it this seems right to you, asking the same of those around you.

Yes I have been very, very busy. Getting wound up for the psychiatrist took a lot of “coming down” and there was - long story short - some stone walling - no, it was shunning - of me by the lead trainer at the gym, although we know each other well and liked each other.

The fact she helped Ex so much before I met him, and I suspect, has been in touch with her subsequently,

meant I went to the manager and got total backing, as she knows all, basically (we met at the gym).

Ex tried re joining and did so in such a manner that the manager refused and turned him away, and this clearly got back to the trainer. Ex manipulating again as p’eed off. = but too bad, I had most people there on my side indeed most sympathetic.

So the manager had a word with the trainer, and I got a slightly pissed off WhatsApp, but relied in such as way as she was left in no doubt as to what Ex actually got up to, so we are meeting for what is billed a workout session (so its free as I rejoined) - I know it will be OK.

But today the gardeners came for 4 hours, repaired the garage, hedge, cleared brambles, tactical weeding to sculpture the whole garden - we all worked on it together.

I did 5 hours gardening, then had a sleep, and after that got to feeling more settled in my mind, not that it stopped, but a sense of of”things falling into place - both grieving a great deal, but viewing my reactions with compassion - time to contact Ex to see if he takes the offer of a coffee up providing it is a no blame” meeting.

And been playful with the croc I found, by making her seem scary...featured 🤣

I think the only time I really really relax is a quiet afternoon at the gym, the sun coming in through the big windows, working on my yoga using calming techniques .

So tomorrow I have promised myslef to get down to all the sewing I’ve accumulated, a ten minute swim and long pamper at the gym.

Just have to try and ward off any more “doing” except I shall have to water the garden everyday to keep up......

HVDY you are so active, those multivitamins must be good.
No evening cuppa. Although just like you I run to the loo a lot. I sometimes think, but I haven't drunk that much. Here's hoping!
Doodle glad you had a nice time. sometimes a browse is all we need

Goodnight everyone, sleep well.x

Candy That's ok . Sometimes it's good to get back into a familiar routine at home. Nice to have a break, though. My husband never wants to go anywhere or do anything - he's always been the same. He likes being at home.

nadateturbe I only drink decaffeinated tea and coffee, and water. I still wee more than average (GP said 8 times during the day is "normal" but I go twice as many times as that).

Swampy1961 Thanks. I take a multivitamin during the winter months. My BP is normally 140-ish/75-ish but at the moment I'm only on the lowest dose of Ramipril (2.5mg). I'm not concerned at present. The dizziness has all but gone. I had a severe stroke 4 years ago and still get dizziness when I look down or bend over. It's not a major worry. I've been on antidepressants for many years and wouldn't want to stop taking them. My moods are stable and ok. I agree that getting out and seeing GC or friends helps.

Doodle I'm glad you had a nice time and enjoyed browsing. I don't like looking around shops (on the odd occasion, I like B&M), I much prefer online shopping. Have you been out today?

How's everyone been? I had some blood tests, met my friend in the surgery (she was having blood tests at the same time), so we went for a cup of tea at a nearby garden centre. Did aqua aerobics with a different friend this afternoon, then did some housework. x

Sweetpeasue no, no troublesome memories . It’s fine. You must always say how your Dh is doing.
Ellie Anne I know some people who’ve had the same happen recently. They are so convincing these scammers. Hope you’re ok. Good the bank have sorted it out.
Swampy nice of you to post. Sorry you have some depressive times. We all do that. Good you and your friend help each other.
Scaredycat you’ve come such a long way since the early days on this group. You were so scared of going out on any trips. So good to see you enjoying visiting places and family. You’ve made such progress.
Candy everyone’s problems are important on this group. So pleased you’re happy at home now. I still struggle sometimes but I’m getting on better.
HVDY Reading has a very big M&S and John Lewis and many other shops. I did look at a few things but didn’t buy anything. I’m not really in the mood for buying things these days. I keep seeing something which I think would be nice to have on a cruise but I’m not going anywhere to need it. I had a good day though and enjoyed just pottering round browsing.
Wyllow hope you’ve had a good day and aren’t so tired.
nadateturbe thank you for thinking of me. Hope you’re doing ok

Scaredycat it's lovely being there with all those memories. So glad you're enjoying it.
And yes, I remember sleeping so well that we had to set the alarm in case we slept in!

Sweetpeasue I meant to say your description of the hot plum bread with marmalade and butter really made my mouth water. I've told my son about it, he lives close to there.

@HDVY have you tried taking a Vitamin B complex supplement? My BP which was gradually increasing (not surprising as Mum and her sisters all had high BP) ended up with me being sent to hospital when I attended the GP for being lightheaded and dizzy. He decided to check and I was way up in the 200s over whatever. I spent the evening at A&E 15 miles away while they tested me for all kinds and gave me drugs to stop the dizziness, tested me for possibly having a stroke and put me on Amlodipine. Three months later on a night out with my DD I blacked out, threw up while unconscious, had an unfortunate urinary issue, while my DD had panicked over my eyes disappearing into my head. I was carted off to hospital by ambulance and after another raft of tests was diagnosed as having vasovaga syncope (put simply - a faint!!) It turned out the Amlodopine was giving me side effects so was put on Ramipril 2.5mg. The issue now seems to be that my BP now goes too low but I'm due this weekend to be fitted with a 24hr monitor because of the second visit to A&E who wanted to check there were no unknown heart issues. I'm wondering what that will show as when I check my BP before going to bed it is rather low. I go from one extreme to the other!!
To get back to Vitamin B - it is meant to help reduce blood pressure.
But these health issues coupled with other stuff going on in my life keep my moods very low. I've been for counselling which did help but find it very difficult not to be down about life in general. DH is very stoic about it all and encourages me to go out and I have a little job but some days I find myself telling myself to buck up and brighten up the mood. It's a strange feeling going from being antsy to want to have to find someone to go out and a have a coffee. My neighbour and I have groundhog days where we might go for a walk, or have a coffee anything to stop us sinking into the mire!! I have taken anti depressants in the past but wasn't keen on them and eventually weaned myself off after a year to 18 months. I find that Kalms help a little but am awaiting a delivery from Amazon as I ran out so today have been to a friend who wasn't in! been to the shop to buy bread, had my other neighbour in for a chat and a brew and have been pruning wayward plants in the garden. Anything to stop the dark moods - and they are just that - dark moods!! But they do lift when kept busy with GCs and whatever I can find to do.

Hi all
HVDY- thank you yes I was relieved all was OK- I was a bit scared.
My GD1 lives very close so it is nice for my DD too now she is retired. She is a reception class teacher and is always pleased with the kindness of the parents.
I expect places on holiday will look smaller than when I was little.
That was a nice meal at the centre. Jaffa sounds perfect there is nothing better than a snuggly cat.
Nadateturbe-thank you yes I am looking forward to the break. This has not always been the case with going away but the ADs have helped the anxiety a great deal.
I can imagine us all padding about to the loo at night😀 wouldn’t it be lovely to go to sleep and just wake up in the morning.
SweetPeaSue- thank you for all the lovely photos. You have had some great days and must feel so pleased you went.
Ooh the plum bread pic made my mouth water.😋
Must have been fun driving no the boat- well done you. The sky photo is lovely it would make a nice canvas.. I do hope your DH has been able to enjoy the week and put his troubles to one side for a while.
EllieAnne- what a horrible thing to happen.please don’t feel stupid those scammers are evil people who have no care or conscience about the distress they cause . You have so much on your mind at the moment that must have been the tin lid.
So glad you haven’t lost any money but it knocks your confidence doesn’t it.
Wyllow- glad your tiredness is a result of you doing lots of good things. That’s what we like to hear.
Hope the Gardner is doing a good job and your ‘own space’ is reappearing well.
Doodle- so glad you enjoyed a good day out- nice tired again.
Yes I think my GD is a good teacher. She is very tiny so suits a reception class!!
The fact that you type at all is pretty good with such a painful injury . Thank you for always being here.
Candy- you’re right sometimes just knowing a medication is there is enough. Yes I was a bit scared of the appt cos it was so quick.Such a nice man though so won’t be nervous when I see him next.
So many memories of Sunday trips to the sea in my Grandads car. My Nan was not a beach person so would sit on a deck chair a bit under sufferance and never paddled or anything. But she was great at shopping and the cinema and anything towny!!

Love to all - present or our absent friends. Xxx

Wyllow3 no wonder you're tired. You've been so busy. Take it easy. .

Candy someone elses health problems don't mean yours aren't important to you. I often feel guilty when I hear of someone suffering much more than me, bit it doesn't take away my problems. If that makes sense.
I'm so glad you're feeling happier at home now. I too prefer short breaks in the caravan but I don't like to tell my husband that. I like going, but I like coming home. And you miss seeing friends which is really important when we feel able.
Like you, I think knowing you have a pill just in case, is reassuring.
So many of us now are being sensible about sleeping arrangements, including younger people.
I'm going to try a few nights without an evening cuppa and see if it makes any difference.

Oh HVDY your little cat sounds so sweet, makes me want one. That was a good sleep. I was only up once too at 3.30 and went straight back to sleep. Best night in ages! I do the alphabet thing too sometimes .

Hi all
Nadaterturbe I’m so sorry for your health issues. It makes mine look so trivial. Are there any support groups/forums for ME? You may be able to pick up some tips from there. It must be awful for you when you have so many limitations but you still manage to come on here and be kind to everyone. I hope today will be a good one for you. I’m home now from my caravan and to be honest, I’m glad. I’ve realised that although it’s beautiful, it’s a place where it’s better for a long weekend and not a long stay like I had. There’s not a lot to do there and I like routine. You also miss out on stuff at home when there and lots of that I enjoy. So it’s a balance.
Scaredycat Ditto above re my caravan. I am happy to be home. When I was really depressed I had no pleasure in my home, in fact I used to avoid being there, so I appreciate being happy there now. I’m so glad your appointment went well. Urgent referrals are good in the fact that you get seen sooner but oh so worrying. You must be so relieved. The info re. the NeilMed sinus rinse might be helpful to me so I’ll give that a try. I thought a CPAP was the only answer and I’m a bit claustrophobic too (although I haven’t been diagnosed with anything yet). Lovely time with your family. So precious. Hope you have a lovely time away. I’m sure you will whilst reliving lots of precious memories.
Doodle you describe things so well. I understand totally what you mean. Glad you had a nice day yesterday.
Sweetpeasue I’ve not heard of Tarn How’s but it looks idyllic. You are right about visiting places in the summer months, everywhere is so busy. Early or late season so much quieter. I hope DH is ok now. Must have been very frightening for you both. Hopefully you can enjoy the rest of your holiday and get it sorted when you get back. Sounds like a nice boat trip you had too but the highlight for me would be seeing the deer. I love them. So majestic. So special.
Wyllow Lovely photos from the High Peak. A place to pause and reflect I’m sure. Glad your appointment went well. Your hard work in detailing everything was obviously worth it. I await the answer to lethargy with much anticipation! Won’t hold my breath though 🤣. Diazepam is ok to use on a temporary basis. I’ve used them in the past but only when I really needed to. Sometimes just knowing they’re there if needed helps I think.
HVDY sorry I didn’t respond to your post the other day. I too sleep in a separate room. I was bothered about it at first but I’m ok with it now. DH needs his sleep and so do I. Sounds like you had a nice time at the day centre. Another one here who gets up to go to the loo- a lot. At least twice a night. Usually manage to get back to sleep but not always. Doesn’t seem to matter if I drink or not.
Ellie-Anne so sorry you’ve been scammed. Don’t feel stupid it’s so easy to get caught out and you have been so stressed. These awful scammers have got so clever these days it’s frightening. I’m glad you will get your money back.

Love to all xx

EllieAnne I'm glad you got sorted by the bank. It's a shock when that happens, it happened to me. I don't consider myself stupid at all. These scammers are so clever. No need to feel guilty or stupid. Very well known people have been scammed. All we can do is try our best to protect ourselves. But as you say, it was all you needed in a bad week. I hope you're feeling a bit calmer now. xx

Sweetpeasue I'm impressed too. I used to help when we went sailing, but a fast boat is a different matter!
And the evening scene you described sounds lovely and peaceful. Hope you slept well.x

SweetpeaSue I'm impressed! How lovely to have seen a deer. They are such graceful creatures.

EllieAnne The bank thing wasn't your fault. Glad you'll be refunded, though.

Up at 6 for a wee, then Jaffa followed me back to bed, and sprawled out so much that his back legs were on my outstretched hand . He's such a nice boy. Back later x

Thats understandable, Ellie Anne. "the last straw"

Its a hello, read all, but I'm tired out having had a series of many things all good but I have to get up vv early for the gardener.

Just loving the photos

The "own bedroom" thing. As I've always done it - its interesting to share what more than one friend said to me, "I wish I could, but my husband wouldn't like it" Of course its not always possible, we had 3 bedrooms but only one child.

I'll catch up properly tomorrow

Yes bank was helpful and will be refunded and get a new card. But it was scary how much info the scammer had . I know I was stupid but it’s been such a horrible week with my friend dying and all the car problems plus not knowing what to do about dd I cat. I’m not as on the ball as usual.

Oh EllieAnne That's so unfair. I really hope you haven't lost a lot of money. Even so ,it's quite a scare knowing you've been scammed in such a way. Hope you've managed to get in touch with your bank and they've been helpful. X
HVDY Yes , I really did steer the boat.
Thanks. We sat outside at dusk and saw a deer . So special. Night night.x

Need to contact your bank asap EllieAnne.

SweetpeaSue What marvellous scenery, really beautiful. Did you really steer the boat? The cafe looks lovely, and I bet the plum bread was delicious. You must have needed that sleep. I'm so pleased you're both having a nice time and that the weather's been fine.

nadateturbe I wouldn't be able to not have a drink after 6pm. My last drink is usually a cup of tea at about 9. When I wake and can't get back to sleep, I think of things - sometimes it's words, or names beginning with a certain letter, or animals belonging to a certain group - mammals, for example.

Doodle Glad you had a busy but good day. Did you buy anything? Jaffa is a lovely cat, and loves being stroked and tickled under his chin. He's been with us for almost 11 months now.

Hope everyone has a good sleep x